CHAPTER THIRTY TWO Nick paced the lobby to their new hotel room. He was so nervous he could cry. AJ had convinced him to talk to Brian. Yet every minute he waited the more anxious he got. “Relax man, before you burn a hole in the rug,” AJ commented from his spot on the couch reading a magazine. Nick ignored him and continued pacing. He didn’t know when he decided to finally admit his feelings…to AJ no less, but he was seriously doubting it now. He looked up as the doors swung open and saw Leighanne and Brian holding each other and laughing. Nick bit back tears. Why was this hurting him so much? He shouldn’t be feeling anything for Brian. “Hey guys,” Brian smiled. But Nick did, and there was nothing he could do about it. “Hey,” AJ called from his seat. Nick didn’t comment. He stood frozen in his place at the sight of how close Brian was with Leighanne. “Nick?” Kevin waved a hand in front of his face making him blush. “Get your keys, we’ve got an hour before we’ve got to be back down here.” Nick stuck out his shaking hand and grabbed the keys before bolting for the elevator. But he wasn’t quick enough, AJ had caught up with him. “What was that?” Nick shut his eyes tightly. He was so mad, so sad and heartbroken…so everything, he just couldn’t handle AJ right then. The elevator dinged and Nick stepped in, AJ right behind him. “I’m talking to you. You can’t just freeze like that. If you want him, you seriously have to fight for him. No joke. There are so many things going against you two, but there’s one thing that’s for it, and that’s the most important. Whether you see it or not, you love each other.” “Stop preaching and give me something useful!” Nick cried out in frustration. “Show him what he’s missing,” AJ said simply. Nick blinked. That could work. “Before it works,” AJ began reading his mind, “you have to get one thing straight. You will not be able to get through this or win him back by bringing him on that emotional roller coaster ride you can’t seem to get off of. You need to set your head straight. You want him back, you go for it. You don’t go crying because you see Leighanne and him together. The excitement they have right now? It’ll wear off in 2 days, so just relax, make a plan and go with it, alright?” Before AJ knew it, Nick wrapped him up in a hug. AJ laughed feeling his air slowly being squeezed out of him. “Thanks man,” was all that was needed to be said. CHAPTER THIRTY THREE The hour seemed to go by so quickly and I found myself waiting downstairs for the rest of the guys to show. I glanced at Leighanne who was sitting beside me reading the new Vogue magazine. Man, I couldn’t be more bored. I looked up in time to see the elevator doors open. My jaw nearly dropped to the ground. I felt my heart speed up to that familiar pulsing beat. That couldn’t be Nick. Holy fuck it couldn’t be Nick. I couldn’t help myself as my eyes trailed down his body. My God. He was gorgeous. I felt myself getting hard and adjusted my pants. I tried to look away, peel my eyes from the sight, but it was no use, I was staring. “Hey guys,” Nick smiled. Oh my God. That smile. He was doing it again. He sat down right next to me I could feel his breath on my neck. His sent was intoxicating. His hair was wet and spiked and you could tell he just got out of the shower. Leighanne glanced up from her magazine. I felt like I’d been caught. “Hey Nick,” “Where’s everyone else?” “Late,” she replied simply, smiling. Why wasn’t her smile affecting me? It was affecting 3 minutes ago! I tried to will my eyes not to look over Nick again, but I couldn’t. I felt my entire body fight against me as I checked him out. What the hell was wrong with me? Why didn’t I see pain when I looked at Nick? Something I couldn’t have? Didn’t want? Why was he affecting me now? “Kevin?” “I know!” She laughed. Nick laughed with her. I was so tense I didn’t think I could move. The doors opened again and AJ sauntered out and made his way towards us. I breathed a sigh of relief, he’d help me forget. “What’s up?” I saw him almost do a double take on Nick too. So it wasn’t just me. But AJ looked like he was about to bust up laughing. Not quite the same reaction…. “We just noticed that we’re here before Kevin!” Nick smiled. At that moment I didn’t even see what attracted me to Leighanne in the first place. I didn’t see what got me so distracted. It was Nick. It was always Nick. But what about a family, a voice in the back of my head kept whispering to me. My stomach clenched. I needed to get out of there. Nick rubbed against me as he got comfortable and I whimpered. My head began to spin, “I-I have to use the washroom,” I mumbled, hopefully it was audible. Leighanne looked up from her magazine, “honey, are you okay?” I cringed at ‘honey’. “I’m fine.” I made my way to the bathroom right before I heard AJ burst out laughing. Nick must have said something funny. I leaned over the counter and fought to regain my composure. I splashed cold water on my face and walked over to the paper towels. I heard the door open and Nick walk in. I wanted to move, but I was frozen in my spot. Just go away, please Nick. After he was done he washed his hands beside me. I watched him dumbly, but he paid no attention. Not until he leaned to get a paper towel. He leaned into me, my head began to spin again, and I felt my knees get weak. Literally. I grabbed the counter for support. My palms began to sweat and just when I thought I couldn’t take it anymore he was at the garbage tossing the paper towel inside. “Come on Rok,” his voice actually sent shivers up my spine. And with that, he left. How was it less than twenty-four hours ago his voice couldn’t do that to me? It was Leighanne’s. Although…before Leighanne came into the picture it was Nick. Everything was so confusing. I couldn’t think straight and I had a ragging hard on I’d have to deal with all during rehearsals. We have a show tonight, and I just have absolutely no idea how I’m going to deal with this. CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR “AJ I can’t deal with this,” I grabbed him before we took our places on stage. I was getting desperate. Nick was doing something to me, and I couldn’t stop it. I even had to fucking watch him change. “With what?” I could see a smirk in AJ’s face. “Nick! I’m with Leighanne now, I want to be with Leighanne,” “Then you have nothing to worry about,” This seemed like complete déjà vu, but the other way around. “You don’t understand…” “Then explain it to me,” AJ peered at me through his sunglasses. “I-” We were interrupted by the rest of the crew who were taking their positions and barking orders around. I was kinda glad that we were interrupted, I didn’t exactly know what I was going to say. He smiled sympathetically and got into his position. Fuck. Here goes nothing. * * * All I have to do is concentrate on my breathing. In. Out. In. Out…fuck. Maybe not the best thing to be thinking about at the moment. Okay, at first I didn’t think anything of it. You know, like I was just noticing him more. But now, it can’t be my overactive imagination. He’s doing it on purpose. He’s trying to affect me. He is. I know it. And part of me is so excited, my stomach’s doing summersaults at the possibility he wants me, but they other part of me is feels like its gonna fucking pound him. He put me through so much. I glanced over at him. He was doing his usual thrusting. I swallowed hard and looked away. But the few days I was with him were bliss. I looked out over the audience, trying to spot Leighanne in the front. She was there, smiling and dancing. I smiled back at her. She was adorable. AJ caught my eye and I watched as Nick whispered something to AJ. My stomach clenched tighter. What the fuck was that? AJ laughed and hit Nick playfully on the shoulder. My blood began to boil. Was I jealous? I blinked. Oh my God, I was jealous. But what the fuck is he doing with him? Is he telling Nick what I said? I forced my eyes to focus on Leighanne, which relaxed me slightly. But I tensed when she blew a kiss to me. Suddenly, everything became so clear. So stupidly clear. I hate life. I hate this. I will always love Nick, but I belong with Leighanne. That’s it. That’s all there is to it. She’s right for me. No matter what anyone says. She’s the one I’m going to marry. You know, with the white picket fence and the two beautiful children, with the family friends and the pool barbecues. Everyone around her is looking at her in awe. It’s true. We are seriously gonna have to be meant to be. Nick had someone else. I closed my eyes, as the lights when out and we ran to change. The thought killed me. Why was it he wasn’t okay with me, but he could be okay with AJ? He had a problem with being gay…bi…having feelings for another guy, not because of me, right? Fuck this shit. I needed to find Leighanne. CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE “It’s not working,” Nick pouted. “Oh stop being a baby. Just because you flaunt your ass in his face for a while does not mean he’s going to come running back to you pleading to let you fuck him.” AJ rolled his eyes. Nick frowned. “What else can I do?” AJ grinned and peered at Nick over his sunglasses, “you want my advice?” Nick sighed, “yes. I do. I want your advice AJ.” AJ laughed at Nick’s distress. “You have to show that you aren’t being affected by him. You have to show him that your life didn’t stop because you guys are apart. But not only that, you have to make him slightly jealous, and still…show him what he’s been missin’.” Nick blinked. Could that work? It was worth a try. But now, he wasn’t so sure if he really cared for the subtle approach. Nick never really was patient, and now he only wanted Brian back. “And what if I wanted to be more obvious?” “Like, blatantly obvious?” “Mmm hmm,” Nick nodded. He was getting nervous though, that gleam in AJ’s eyes was slightly intimidating. “First you find out if he truly still wants you.” “Does he?” “Yes,” “Then that’s done.” “Okay then,” AJ thought for a moment. Then leaned in close, they were in their hotel room, but suddenly AJ felt the need to whisper this… CHAPTER THIRTY SIX “I’m gonna take a bath, okay sweetie?” Leighanne asked as she grabbed the clean towel outside the bathroom door. “Sure,” I smiled. I did want to join her though…maybe later. She smiled back and closed the door behind herself. I lied back on the bed and grabbed the remote. I love this. It should always be like this. It’s so much easier like this. Just Leighanne. Just me. Nothing else getting in the way. We love each other. We have a past. We’ll have a future. I felt so wrong for so long when I loved Nick. I knew it was wrong. Me loving him was wrong. It went against everything I’ve ever believed in. I told myself I was okay with it, that it didn’t matter. But it did. And now it’s okay. Because now I have Leighanne. And now I can have what I’ve always wanted. I’ve always dreamed of having my own children. My own girl. My own boy. It doesn’t matter. I just want a child to spoil and to take care of. I want a normal life. Nothing complicated. I want two dogs, and a beautiful house. I want Leighanne. I was sure of it. Life was supposed to be easy. It wasn’t. It was fucking hard. And who the fuck could I kid? I knew I wanted that, that’s what every normal boy wants, but that’s not what was going to happen. I was in love with Nick. And I wanted to be with Nick. But I couldn’t. And I wouldn’t. See, that’s the hard part. I did this. I didn’t think he’d ever love me back. I didn’t think he’d ever feel anything for me. But he did. I feel like I’ve…corrupted him. Is that even possible? Could I have made him feel things for me? That was just wrong. I planted ideas in his head. He’s always looked up to me, I just…I can’t believe he followed me on this. I couldn’t do this to him. And no matter anyway, he seems pretty occupied with AJ. So he’ll be fine. Now I just have to think about how I’m going to live with the fact that I lost my soul mate and am going to live and marry someone who I don’t even feel a quarter of what I feel for Nick. CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN I was about to drift off into sleep when I heard a knock on the door. I groaned, I so didn’t want to get up, but Leighanne was taking a bath. “Just a minute!” I called out as I made my way over to the door. I began to unlock the locks I had put on when the pounding continued. That was slightly aggravating. I had turned off the lights so there was only a dim one coming from the bathroom so I couldn’t see the locks to open them. Right as the door was freed from its restraints, I was grabbed and thrown against the wall. My hands were immediately pinned above my head and I felt my heart beat fast against my chest. Holy shit. What the hell? Was I being attacked? A body pressed against mine and I recognized the smell instantly. Nick. “Why the fuck do you do this to me?” was the harsh whisper that tickled my ear. “Huh?” I instantly relaxed against the tight grip, but two seconds later I was over come by questions. What the hell was he doing here? What was he doing? What did I do to him? And why is he affecting me so much? I wanted to talk, but no words came out. He continued to breathe against my neck. I shuddered. I felt my head begin to swim again. My breathing was short and labored. Fuck. I couldn’t even think straight. I wanted to stop for a second, just a second, talk to him, see what’s going on. At least get my bearings. But I was so turned on I couldn’t even breathe. I had to remind myself of it. I was overcome suddenly by all the things, all the reasons why I fell in love with this man from the beginning. I felt like I had nearly a month ago, melting whenever he was within ten feet. Although, the thing was, he wasn’t ten feet away, he was pressed up against me. I had to get away. There was a reason, I’m not quite sure what it was, but there was a reason why I felt so guilty. I tried to moved, but he had my arms pinned tight. He had me rendered so helpless in less than two seconds. He captured my earlobe in his mouth and began sucking at it feverishly, making me moan. Teeth lightly grazed it, teasing me. My God. He turned his face to look at me, his lips inches away from mine, his crystal blue eyes staring into mine. My pulse quickened. “Huh? Why?” I began to sweat and nervously licked my lips, accidentally brushing it against his luscious lips. He groaned. He actually groaned. God I love this man. I couldn’t believe I was the subject of that desire. I felt myself get even harder, the things he could do to me without even touching me. He took my bottom lip into his mouth and gently sucked on it. Breathe Littrell, breathe. I reminded myself as I felt as I felt my knees buckle beneath me. I would have slid to the ground, except that my arms were pinned firmly to the wall. I felt so weak, and so vulnerable. What he’d done to me in such a short amount of time scared me. He knew what effected he had on me, and he could simply be trying to prove a point. That I still wanted him. Oh my God. Leighanne. In the next room. I inhaled through my nose to calm my nerves and convinced myself he was only trying to get a rise out of me. I shut my eyes and tried not to respond when his tongue softly traveled across my lips. He pressed his body further into mine. My breath caught in my throat. My head began to throb. I was going absolutely crazy. I inhaled his intoxicating sent and leaned into him. But I opened my eyes when I heard the water start. Oh my God. Leighanne. Leighanne. Leighanne. I had to get him off me. So why couldn’t I push him away from me? “Nick…” I half moaned, half begged. “Do you know what you to do me?” Nick rasped, sending shivers rippling down my back. This is how I pictured it…sort of. Him being in control. Feisty. Hot. I shook my head. “N-Nick, stop…” I croaked. Nick ground his hips into mine, making my whole body shake with desire. My stomach knotted. I felt like I was on fire. “Stop,” I only managed to whisper. “Baby, you don’t want me to,” he hissed in my ear, the hot breath against my neck made my hair stand on end. He continued his torturous movements on my pelvis, making it extremely hard to think straight. “Brian…I can’t stop thinking about you. Night. Day. I can’t get you out of my head.” My eyes fluttered open in surprise. What was he talking about? “Yeah, that’s right. I do. I tried to deny it. But you couldn’t have any of that…so we tried it. But I just…” he paused, stopped grinding his hips with mine, and locked eyes with me, making sure I was listening, “I wasn’t ready. I just needed time. I didn’t need you to go off with someone else.” I opened my mouth, but he shook his head. He wasn’t finished. So I let him continue in a wavering voice. “I know it wasn’t your idea for her to be here, and it wasn’t…you still loved her, I understand. But I need you. I see you with her and…I just…I can’t handle it.” I searched his eyes. He was telling me the truth. The complete truth. His eyes searched mine too, for acceptance. I was speechless. My stomach was in so many knots I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to eat again. I just had to breathe. I closed my eyes and inhaled. But my breath caught in my throat when he continued to grind against me. Fuck. I was so hard, I felt like I was going to explode. Responding was completely out of the question, no words found their way past my throat. I was so confused, I didn’t know what to think anymore. “I tried so hard to stop thinking about you. I really did. And I thought I was going to be okay, until she came…” I heard the bitterness in his voice and I felt my heart soar. But this felt so wrong now. I wasn’t supposed to be with him now. “N-“ My voice cracked and I tried to clear my throat. “Nick…” “Shhh….” He cooed. I looked into his eyes, I’d never seen his eyes that shade of blue before. He spread my legs apart with his foot and dropped my arms to the side. Grabbing my hips, he leaned into my ear again, “can you honestly tell me you feel nothing for me?” He caught me completely off guard. What was I supposed to say? I was still having arguments with myself, how could I tell him anything? “Y-yes…” I tried to lie, but it ended up in a moan when he pressed his entire body against me. He had let go of my arms, I could’ve pushed him away. But I didn’t. “Brian….don’t lie to me now.” “I’m not,” I gasped when his fingers teasingly slid up my shirt and danced along the waistband of my boxers. I could feel him smile, I didn’t need to see it. He knew he had me. But I couldn’t….he couldn’t….this wasn’t supposed to happen. “Nick stop.” My voice was firm. A flash of uncertainty crossed his eyes and he blinked. It disappeared. “Stop it. I can’t…I have…Leighanne and I…we’re right. Like you said, we’re wrong for each other.” “But I was wrong! I’ve been trying to tell you. I was all wrong!” Nick cried out throwing himself off of me. I looked away. “Brian listen to me,” Nick grabbed my shoulders, but I refused to look at him. I knew my resolve would break. “Nick, don’t make this any harder.” I looked away. “Why is this hard?” Nick asked, his voice wasn’t seducing anymore. It was soft and vulnerable. My heart ached for him. “Beca-“ My voice cracked, I was on the verge of tears. I couldn’t tell him. I didn’t know why. But this was just how it had to be. I wanted a family. I want a little girl to spoil. I want the white picket fence. I didn’t want someone who could hurt me so bad like he did, I didn’t want a hard life. I just wanted Leighanne. “Because what Bri?” I knew I shouldn’t look into his eyes, but I did anyway. I melted. My heart soared. He was actually fighting for me. He actually cared. He actually wanted me. What more was there that I needed to see? To hear? To feel? He wanted me! “I can’t do this,” I whispered. “Do what? Brian you aren’t making any sense,” his voice was still soft. It seemed to relax me. “I know. I never did.” I looked into his eyes, “Leighanne is right for me. Man and wife. With children and a house. She’s what’s right Nick. Not us.” He blinked, tears brimming his eyes. “Do you love me?” I choked back a sob. “Ni…stop it.” “Do you love me?” “No,” I whispered. “Look me in the eyes and say that. I’ll believe you then,” Why was this so hard to look in his eyes and lie? “Nick…” “Just answer my question,” “I’ll always love you,” “Isn’t that enough?” “It’s never enough,” BACK NEXT |
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