CHAPTER THIRTY EIGHT “Brian, please. Don’t do this,” he was begging now. I felt like I was sealing my fate. My horrible, disgusting fate. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. “I think you should leave,” I whispered. I was too weak to say anything else. “Bria-“ “Nick. I think you should leave,” I repeated with a slightly firmer voice. In the dark I could see the light reflect off a single tear that made it’s way down his cheek. I wanted to wipe it away. I wanted to just hold him. I wanted to erase everything that happened. I just wanted to be Frick and Frack again. He turned without another word and walked away. I closed the door silently behind him and stared at it for a second. I just made the biggest mistake in my entire life. Nick actually felt something for me. He had to admit it to himself first…which must have been so hard for him to do alone, and then he came to me, Leighanne and all, and came to get me back. I can’t believe I just did that. I shut my eyes. That was probably my only chance of getting him back. I shook my head. I didn’t want him back. I wanted a family. That didn’t even make sense to me anymore. It was only an excuse. Nick could be family. We could have a family. I leaned against the door and slid down to the ground. I was tired of crying. I was tired of feeling the pain. But Nick would never forgive me. I knew it. I put him through so much. I couldn’t go back to him. I ruined everything. Without any warning, I burst into tears. I felt so weak, I felt like such a baby, but I couldn’t stop. I didn’t care if Leighanne walked in and saw me like this, I just wanted to be alone. I wanted this all to be over. Fuck Leighanne. No. No. No fucking Leighanne. I thought he needed time. I thought he was just confused. What was this morning? What was this? So many questions were swimming around in my head. I felt sick. My head was pounding and my stomach wasn’t letting me stand. “Baby?” I heard a soft voice whisper. I wasn’t in the mood. I wasn’t in the mood at all. She made this all happen. It was all her fault. “Not now,” I answered, just as soft. “Bu-“ “Leighanne, I think you should get another room.” I answered her. She stared blankly at me for a second, confusion written all over her face. Her head nodded slowly, “okay.” I shut my eyes. Fuck her. I was so mad at myself that I actually had to resist the urge to wrap her up in a hug and I tell her everything was going to be all right. I hate what Leighanne does to me. If she could just leave… CHAPTER THIRTY NINE “You want me to what?” “Come on to her,” I answered matter-of-factly. “What? You’ve gotta be going crazy,” “I’m not. I’m perfectly sane.” He shook his head and ran a nervous hand through his hair. “Brian, think about this…” “Don’t you see? She’s the only reason Nick and I aren’t together.” I saw his eyes widen, “you think she’s the reason? Brian, you’re the reason.” “What?” “Don’t you see how much it hurts him to see Leighanne affect you so much?” “Bu-“ “You told him it was over. That him and you were over. That you wanted to be with Leighanne. That you and him were wrong. Do you realize how long it took me to convince him it wasn’t wrong? Then to hear it from you…” “You what?” “Nothing…it’s not important.” “You convinced him it wasn’t wrong?” It was barely above a whisper. “Bria-“ “AJ…” “Yes, okay?” “You…” “Brian, I don’t like Leighanne much okay? And you two belong together.” “Not anymore,” I muttered. I ruined everything. “Both of you are so stupid. Where’s the fight in you? You both are still men, right?” He eyed me warily. I laughed. “You’re such an idiot Bone.” “Thank you,” he paused, contemplating whether he should tell me what he was going to say next. “Nick thinks it’s the end of the world. He won’t come out of his room unless it’s business related and he won’t let anyone in. He’s been crying all day and all night. He’s been like this for at least two days.” “I’ve got to-“ “He doesn’t want to see you at the moment either,” My eyes narrowed, “why?” “He doesn’t want you to see him weak. He doesn’t want you to know how much you’ve affected him. And most of all, he believed you when you said you guys were wrong and over. So now he’s sitting up there, being disgusted in himself and crying.” “Shit. And you didn’t do anything about it?” “I can’t. He won’t let me in,” “But you knew he didn’t want to see me,” “He made that much clear,” “Well that’s too bad. I’m tired of feeling pain. I love Nick. As hard as it is to say it, I love him. And I know he loves me….right?” I realized he never really told me he loved me. “You’ll have to go find out for yourself,” “But you said he didn’t…” “Shh, you never heard that from me.” He winked as he turned and began to walk away. I smiled and turned the other way. I’m going to get Nick back. CHAPTER FORTY The doors opened and I stepped out of the elevator in time to see Nick step out of his ‘hole’ he’d been living in. He looked up, and we locked eyes for a moment before he broke our gaze and turned back to his room. My heart pounded against my chest as I made my way to his door. I watched as he hurried his pace. He was actually running away from me. I glanced at the elevator doors, maybe I should just go. But they closed. Sort of like a sign. So I picked up my pace and ran after Nick. He was already opening his door. “Nick!” I yelled out. He ignored me. Instead, he wiped his keycard quicker and opened the door. Before he closed the door, I managed to stick my foot in it. I’m sorry Nick. I’m sorry for all that I put you through. I don’t mean to be affected by her. I swear. I hate that she was apart of my life. “Nick please, let me talk to you.” “There’s nothing to talk about,” Nick responded weakly, trying once more to push the door closed. “No, Nick, please. There is something to talk about. There’s us,” “You made it clear there was no us,” “No, but there could be,” “There never was an us,” “I need an us,” I whispered. His words cut deep. I felt like I had just been punched. I saw a flicker of hope flash across his eyes, but it was gone in a second. He looked away. “Please….” I tried to look him in the eyes, but he refused to meet my gaze. “Please what?” “Please go,” his gaze fell on my shoe blocking the doorway. I need you Nick. Please. I love you. I don’t mean to like Leighanne. Please don’t go. My eyes filled with tears as much as I tried to hide them. I didn’t want him to see me cry, just as much as he didn’t want me to see him cry, but I didn’t want him to push me away. I’ve hurt him too much. “Nick,” I whimpered. He shook his head, “ I can’t deal with this,” his eyes met mine. They were brimmed with tears. It was then I realized how horrible he really did look. His hair was tousled, his cheeks were flushed, his eyes were red, his nose too…he’d been crying for hours it seemed. “I’m sorry,” I cried helplessly, somehow knowing I couldn’t get through to him, “Nick, please…I-” “I need you to go,” his voice was strangled. “I love you,” I whispered. I heard him suck in a breath, but I didn’t dare look at him. He’d heard me say it before. Hell, he told me he loved me too. He still has too. No answer came. “Nick?” I looked up. Tears streaming down his face. He looked so torn. He shook his head quickly and before I could react he shut the door in my face. I froze for a second. This couldn’t be happening again. It couldn’t. I wouldn’t let it. I knocked on the door. I banged it until my wrist was sore and my knuckles bled. He didn’t answer. I burst into to tears and fell to the ground in front of his door. I thought he wanted me. I thought he loved me. Just two days ago he tried to seduce me. What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I have simply given into him? “Nick please…” I whispered. I couldn’t tell if he could hear me, but by now I couldn’t care less. If I was face to face with him, I don’t think he’d hear me then either. “I love you,” I repeated in a whisper. ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ His legs drawn up to his chest, his head in his hands, he sat leaning against the door crying. When had this gotten so complicated? All he wanted to do was open the door, tell Brian it was all going to be okay, but he couldn’t. Something held him back. He wasn’t ready. He was ready, so that wasn’t it. It wasn’t right. Brian said it wasn’t right. They weren’t right for each other. Nick and Brian. Brian and Nick. Frick and Frack. He said it was wrong. Leighanne. Why were Brian and Leighanne right? Because it was male and female? Because it was husband and wife. Nick placed his hand delicately on the door, practically feeling Brian through the door. He could just open the door. Then he could hold Brian in his arms and stop him from crying. He didn’t understand. Brian told him to go away. Brian told him they weren’t right and now he was outside crying because Nick wouldn’t let him in. Brian only caused him confusion. But now that he thought about it. He did the same to Brian. He sat there for two hours, crying, listening to cries and murmurs of promises and thoughts from the other side of the door. He didn’t know why he didn’t open the door. Could it have been pride? That wasn’t it. He had none anymore. Brian smashed whatever he had left. So what was it? Why couldn’t he just open the door? Was he scared? That could be it. He was scared to love someone as much as he did Brian. It was a scary thing. And he was protecting himself. He didn’t want to get hurt… But he already was hurting. CHAPTER FORTY ONE “Brian?” I shut my eyes tighter. So not in the mood. “Rok?” I looked up, my eyes were teary and my vision was blurry. “What…what happened?” I shut my eyes and bowed my head. Nick hates me. I shivered. That thought scared the shit out of me. He couldn’t hate me. We’ve known each other for too long for him to hate me. Going on a decade. He couldn’t hate me. “Talk to me,” I shook my head. “Brian,” I shook my head once more, tears once again streaming down my face. When did everything get so fucked up? “I swear to God Brian, I find you crying hysterically outside Nick’s door after I told you not to come up here. What the hell happened?” I cried even harder at the sudden analogy. A sob racked my body and my entire body ached. I couldn’t move. Nick didn’t want to see me. “Oh Brian,” I felt like I was going to throw up. My heart was in my stomach. In pieces. “AJ,” I whispered. “What happened?” I shook my head. I was 7 again. Crying like a baby. I just wanted to get back to my room. No. I shook my head. That would only remind me of Nick. And Leighanne. I shivered involuntarily. I hate what Leighanne does to me. “Brian, it’s okay, what happened? Why are you out here?” AJ kneeled in front of me. “Nick doesn’t love me,” it was barely audible. But I knew he heard, his eyebrows rose over his sunglasses. “What are you talking about?” “Nick. He doesn’t love me.” “Of course he does,” he tried to reassure me. “No. No. No.” I shook my head. It suddenly hit me. Nick really didn’t love me. Fresh tears formed in my eyes, blurring my vision. “Come on, get up…we’ll get you back in bed.” I cringed at the word bed, so not where I wanted to be at the moment. I shook my head. “Brian, please. Just do this for me. Let’s get you in your room.” I was still sobbing, my chest still heaving with every breath I took. My body still hurt. I nodded. Fine. I’ll go. I went to move but a sudden pain in my stomach prevented me from moving anywhere else. “Brian? What’s wrong?” I couldn’t move. Everything I did hurt. I was beginning to panic. “AJ, something’s wrong.” My eyes were wild. His own widened in shock, “what? Wrong? What’s wrong?” “It hurts. Everything hurts,” I whispered. “I can’t move.” “How long have you been sitting there, crying?” He asked, rubbing my back soothingly. How long? I didn’t know. It didn’t seem like that long. Did it? I shrugged, but the sudden movement sent a biting pain up my back. Holy hell, what was wrong with me? “Give me your key,” AJ stuck his hand out in front of me. That’s when I realized I left the key in my room. I shook my head. “Just give me the damn key, you’re scaring me.” “I don’t have it,” “You locked yourself out?” I nodded. He sighed. He took off his sunglasses and rubbed his temples, before placing the blueberry-tinted glasses back on his nose. “Just try stretching out. Lie down on the ground.” “I can’t,” “Come on, you have to. You just cramped up. All the stress you’ve been under, plus your crying, and the fact that you were probably here for a while …you need to stretch out.” I nodded. I felt so stupid. Cramped up in front of Nick’s room because I had a little spaz attack while crying. Slowly, I stretched out. Painful, very painful. I let out a few strangled cries before I was lying on the ground. I was humiliated. I was crying. I was helpless. “You okay?” AJ asked. He’d been rubbing my stomach, trying to get the cramp out of it. I nodded. “Good, now try and stand up.” I tried. But didn’t succeed. So he went down and got me another key. He leaned me against Nick’s door. I love Nick. I do. I need him. Why was he like this? I was right outside his door. Why didn’t he hear me? Why didn’t he come out? Just then the door I was leaning on moved and I began to fall with it. I managed to pull myself up and lock eyes with a gorgeous pair of blue eyes that were watching me. “Are you alright?” A soft voice asked me. I nodded through my blurry vision and smiled. I felt my heart beat wildly against my chest. He smiled back. It was weak, but it was a smile. My heart soared. He didn’t leave. He heard me. And he cared. We must have looked ridiculous, both of us on our hands and knees staring up at each other. But I didn’t care. He was here. And he wasn’t turning away. I don’t think we’ve been near each other in a while without the other turning away. “Nick-” “Not now,” “Okay,” I was mesmerized by his eyes. I hadn’t been able to look at them in too long. “I’m sorry,” He looked away. My chest tightened. I shouldn’t have said anything. “Nick?” “Hmm?” “Nick I-” “How’s Leighanne?” His eyes were dark. It’d been so long. He didn’t know she was in a separate room. That I was ready to send her home. “Gone,” I smiled. His eyes narrowed, “gone?” I nodded. “What do you mean?” “She’s not in my room. I got her another room, and I’m sending her home.” “You are?” “I am,” “Why?” “Nick, what kind of a question…” “Brian, why?” He needed me to say it. He needed to hear me say it. “Because I’m in love with someone else,” “You are?” He whispered, I could hear his throat begin to constrict. “Mmm hmm,” I smiled. “I told you…” “I didn’t believe you,” he as quiet for a moment, then he locked eyes with me, “Brian?” “Hmm?” He paused. I could see the conflict in his eyes. “Nick, it’s okay, you can tell me anything,” “I love you too, so much. I’m so sorry,” he cried, finally letting his tears slip down his cheeks. “Oh baby, I’m sorry, not you, you shouldn’t be sorry, I’m sorry. Don’t cry. Please don’t cry,” I burst into tears as well. Blindly I searched for his warm body and pressed him against me. It felt so good it hurt. “I was scared,” “Me too, I thought I lost you,” I murmured against his ear. “You didn’t, you never could.” I smiled. It felt so good to be in his arms. I loved him so much it hurt. I didn’t even remember or know why we were fighting, why we were apart for so long. We belonged together. That’s how it was meant to be. I never felt so right in someone’s arms. “Brian,” he pulled away from me. “I... I just…I’m not…” he hiccupped and giggled. I smiled. Then his face turned serious, “I’ve never really felt…” he sighed, and looked up into my eyes, “this kind of... this way before. That’s why…I’m…I don’t know what to do, how to act…” “Me neither,” I responded smoothing out his crazy spikes. “I feel ridiculous,” “You don’t look it,” He laughed, the first real rich laugh I’d heard in days. “I feel like the girl in this relationship,” he smiled. “Is there a relationship?” I asked. He nodded. “Well good. It’s good I’m wearing the pants in this relationship then.” “You aren’t,” Nick responded. “Oh yeah?” “Yeah,” he grinned briefly before wetting his lips and leaning into me. My heart fluttered and my hands began to shake. I was waiting for this for so long. I... couldn’t even believe it was happening. It was almost surreal. Nick Carter was kissing me. I brought my trembling hands to his neck and brushed his cheek with my thumbs, so soft. When his lips touched mine it sent electric shocks throughout my entire body. My God I loved him. Just one kiss drove me crazy. I’d never felt this way before. I felt his tongue slide across my lips before pressing against them, asking for entry. I opened my mouth and let him in. Completely. It was only seconds after he pulled away from me, I was breathing heavily and it warmed my heart to see his breathing was uneven as well. “Maybe you should come in,” “Are you inviting me?” “What did you think that was?” “Shut up,” I smiled, letting him help me up. We didn’t see AJ who stood at the other side of the hallway shaking his head with laughter. He walked up to Nick’s closed door and slid Brian’s key through the door, knowing full and well Brian wouldn’t be using it anytime soon. He smiled and walked back to the elevator. BACK NEXT |
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