CHAPTER SIXTY FOUR I was so furious I couldn’t speak. After the initial fear and uncertainty, I was left with anger. Pent up anger I’ve had for the past month. I swiped my key card through the slot and opened the door. Another hotel room, another show, another drama waiting to happen. I dropped my stuff in the front but froze when I saw another bag. I turned to see Leighanne lying on the bed. “What the hell are you doing in my room? I thought I told yyou to get another room,” I had to injure the bus ride with her and we agreed we’d get different rooms after that. “There was none left,” “No rooms?” I laughed incredulously. Why not? Why not have no other room in the entire hotel. Everything else was going wrong, why not lie about that? “I’m serious,” she replied. “Sure,” I replied grabbing my keycard from the table where I disregarded it. “I’m going to go talk to Nick,” I hadn’t gotten to speak to him since Leighanne found out, which was about, a day or two ago. I had this ache to see him…and I needed to warn him about what happened. “I wouldn’t do that,” I froze, feeling all my muscles tense so badly I was afraid to move. My head began to spin and my hands began to shake. She couldn’t’ve… “What have you done?” I whispered, not daring to face her. I clenched my hands into fists to stop them from shaking so badly. “I haven’t done anything Brian,” her tone was sickening. My arm shot out so I could lean against the wall for support. I felt sick. “It’s you who’s done something to him.” I shut my eyes, feeling my stomach churn, why was this happening to me? “You’ve corrupted him. My God Brian, don’t you see?” I forced the words out of my constricting throat, “What did you do?” “Kevin’s having a talk with him,” At those words I felt my legs give out, and my body fall to the ground. Kevin knew? He’d hate us. Or kill us. Or worse…turn us against each other. “Why?” I whispered. “You don’t need me to answer that,” I was too shocked to cry, too shocked to run, too shocked to talk back. What I worked so hard for was being ripped apart in front of my eyes, by two complete idiots. I got up slowly, and steadily, opening the door and shutting it in Leighanne’s face. I made my way as quickly as I could to Nick’s room. I closed my eyes and banged on the door. Nothing. I tried again. Nothing. Nick please don’t do this to me again…please… I ran to get the extra key and barged through the door. The sight in front of me shocked me half to death. Kevin had Nick in his arms. Nick who was crying hysterically into Kevin’s embrace. Kevin’s eyes met mine and his steel glare shot into me, “I think you should leave. Now.” “What? I whispered, my desperate gaze falling on Nick. “No. Nick, tell him I don’t have to leave.” My stomach tightened even more when he didn’t answer right away. He pulled away from Kevin, wiped his tears and looked up at me with pain filled eyes. His voice sounded strained, “I think you should go,” CHAPTER SIXTY FIVE I felt my entire world crumble at those words. I think you should go. My head was spinning. He thought I should go. He actually thought I should go. I didn’t know whether to cry or not. I didn’t know what to do. He was my life. No, he is my life. How could he say that? After all we’ve been through? I thought he actually loved me. I backed away slowly afraid I’d crumble to the floor in a matter of seconds. But I never missed the glance he gave me before crying harder into Kevin’s arms. I felt like I was going to hurl. When I backed up out the room, into the hallway and I hit the wall, I ran. I just needed to get away. Kevin knew. Nick didn’t want to see me. Leighanne knew and tried to convince me it wasn’t right. I had to get away. But before I got anywhere I ran smack into something, sending me to the ground hard. I burst into tears. It was all happening so fast. I couldn’t do anything to stop it. We hadn’t even really begun anything to end it. But it’s gone. It’s out of my grasp. I hate Leighanne. I hate Kevin. I hate him so much. I cried harder. “Bri,” I felt a hand brush my face. My eyes fluttered open in hopes that it would be Nick, but it wasn’t. I couldn’t breathe when reality set in. My nightmare truly became reality. Kevin really tore us apart. “Bri talk to me,” the soothing voice stroked my face. I leaned into the touch. “I hate Kevin,” I whispered. “No you don’t,” “I do AJ,” I looked up at him through teary eyes. He crouched down and lifted me up from the floor, and struggled down the hall with my weight. I knew I should’ve helped him, but I was so weak, I couldn’t lift myself if I tried. He struggled to get his door open, and stumbled to the bed. “What’s wrong?” “Kevin,” “It’s always Kevin,” AJ smiled, trying to make light of the situation. But when he realized I didn’t smile back he began to worry. “What, what about Kevin?” “He knows,” I hiccupped, feeling my lips still tremble. AJ’s eyes widened in surprise, “he knows?” I nodded, “he knows. Leighanne knows.” “Is it as bad as you thought it’d be?” “Worse,” “Worse?” AJ asked, frowning. I only nodded. “He didn’t mind did he?” I snorted, “I wouldn’t know, when I saw him he was with Nick and Nick was crying and he told me to leave and Nick agreed.” “M-maybe they just…they were talking, and Nick was upset.” “Leighanne told me we didn’t belong together,” “Fuck Leighanne,” “She told me that after I asked her what she did to Nick,” AJ fell silent, suddenly understanding. “They were trying to convince Nick that the two of you didn’t belong together,” At his blunt statement, I let out a loud sob and fell into his arms. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, stroking my hair. “It’s not your fault,” “How did they find out?” I cried harder. “As bad as Nick did when he found out you loved him?” “Worse,” I whispered. “And do you remember Nick’s reaction?” AJ asked, squeezing me tighter when I tensed in his arms at his words. “So Kevin’s just angry, that’s all.” “And Leighanne?” “She’s angry too, she loved you. She still loves you,” AJ’s soothing voice filled my ears. “So it’ll all be okay?” I felt AJ nod his head, “it’ll all be just fine.” CHAPTER SIXTY SIX “It’s for your own good,” “For the last time, I said I didn’t want to talk about this,” I raised my voice louder. “But-” “I don’t want to talk to you ever again,” I replied. I was stuck with Leighanne. There truly were no more rooms in the hotel, considering the possibility some info leaked out we were here. “You shouldn’t be together,” “We’re not thanks to you,” I felt my heart tighten at those words. “It’s not thanks to me, it’s just the way it has to be,” “You’re leaving tomorrow,” “What?” Her voice got smaller, less confident. I hid my smile. “I said you are leaving tomorrow. I want you gone. I don’t want to have anything to do with you. Ever again,” “Brian, I’m sor-” “It’s too late for apologies. You’ve already done enough damage,” “Maybe we could-“ “No, there’s nothing we can do. I loved you. You cheated. You lied. You ruined everything I ever had that could make me happy. Now you’re gone.” I felt so much stronger, stronger than I had in weeks anyway. I sat up straighter. “Brian, if you just-” “I’m gay Leighanne. Do you not understand that?” I yelled. I may have left out the part of my being bi, but I didn’t want her to get hopeful. I wanted her to get out. “No I don’t. I don’t understand it Brian. And I’m sure if you thought about it, you’d realize-” “Don’t you believe in love?” “Of course,” she replied, lightly touching my hand, trying to remind me that she loved me. I yanked my hand away, “then you should know love knows no gender.” CHAPTER SIXTY SEVEN And so I’m back to where I started. Square one. Whatever you feel like calling it. Nick won’t speak to me, he won’t look at me, he won’t come near me. I’m starting to believe he never loved me. Or maybe it was all just a dream, and I just woke up, and he still hates me for loving him. I don’t know. I don’t know what to think anymore. I haven’t spoken to Kevin either. He used to just glare at me and walk away. But ever since Leighanne left…he’s been…I don’t know. Different. He still won’t talk to me, but he doesn’t look like he hates me anymore. Not that I would talk to him. I still hate him. He has a bodyguard with Nick 24/7 that won’t even let me come near him. It’s ridiculous. The only way we knew each other existed off camera was when we were in meetings, on the roads, in rehearsals…And Nick used to glance at me. That would give me hope, but he’d always look away when Kevin appeared. And Kevin always appeared. And now Nick won’t even look at me. He doesn’t even acknowledge my presence. I bet you think it’s impossible. That we don’t even speak or see each other, I mean, we’re on tour, we’re stuck to each other. But it’s true. And it’s possible. And what hurts so bad is that during the shows, during the interviews, we’re like old times. We touch, we laugh, we joke…we’re ourselves. Even his touch makes me weak, and then I feel my heart tighten when I realize he’s not mine to get weak over. He never was. And I always have to blink rapidly to stop the tears from forming. Even on camera. Because it feels so good to be near him. And that’s the only time I ever am close to him. It’s torture. And Nick is now, just out of reach. Again. I’m not sure which one’s worse. Loving him and knowing he didn’t love me back, but being near him, being his best friend, being there for him, made not being loved by him that more manageable. Or now? I don’t know what I have anymore. I don’t have his love, and I don’t have his friendship, but I did share something with him. Some moments of bliss. I’m not sure if I’d trade them for the world, but if I did, would I still be hurting this badly? I don’t have his nearness, I barely even hear him speak anymore. But that probably because I never see him. God I need him. I need him so much it hurts. It’s an actual ache that spreads throughout my body every morning when I wake up. And I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried everything. Except one. Giving up. CHAPTER SIXTY EIGHT Finally. I let a breath I’d been holding out when I spotted Nick walk out of the changing room. My heart beat madly against my chest as I made my way up to him. I hadn’t been this close to him in days. “Nick,” my voice was softer, shakier than I had expected. Nick’s head snapped up from straightening his shirt and our eyes locked. That hadn’t happened in…too long. I felt my knees get weak and my eyes rim with tears. “I-” I started when Mark, his bodyguard appeared behind him. Nick bowed his head, and continued walking, brushing right past me. I bit my lip to keep from bursting into tears. God this tore me apart. I felt so…weak. I brushed my eyes quickly when Kevin walked out of the room right after and turned away from him, walking in the opposite direction. Kevin didn’t try and talk to me. And I was thankful for that. I just…couldn’t handle him right now. I think I’m at my breaking point. ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ I don’t know how many times I tried to talk to Nick. I tried to get him alone, tried to talk to him, tried to…touch him. Anything. But there was always Mark, Kevin, a crewmember, a fan…I just could never get close. But he was right there. AJ smiled when he saw me and walked up to where I stood, watching Nick. “What’s up?” “You wanna know the last time I was near Nick?” AJ sighed. “Too long Aje, too fucking long. Kevin’s doing a shit load to make sure I don’t see or get the chance to talk to Nick,” I couldn’t stop the bitterness from my voice edged with a few tears accumulating, constricting my throat. “I’m smack in the middle of a soap opera,” AJ muttered, outstretching his arms and pulling me in for a hug. I openly excepted his embrace, wanting to laugh, but being to upset to even attempt a snicker. CHAPTER SIXTY NINE “AJ, hurry up,” I whispered, not sure how this was going to work. “Just a sec,” AJ called back. I stood in the threshold of the changing room. Another night, another concert. And I was watching Nick talk to a couple of fans. No one else was around. AJ appeared in my view and I laughed at his attempt, “what’s that supposed to look like?” “What?! What are you saying? I look like I’ve just been mobbed by fans,” AJ grinned proudly. I moved closer to him and ripped his shirt practically in half, trying not to burst out laughing at his shocked expression. “Now you look like you’ve been mobbed,” “You owe me a shirt bitch,” I brought his head toward me and ruffled his hair, and bent his sunglasses. “Okay, go!” I slapped his ass and he stumbled forward, mouth dropped open. I just laughed and waited patiently for him to proceed. This better work. I watched AJ walk to where our bodyguards were standing. He stopped momentarily, probably mentally preparing himself, before running the rest of the way toward them, getting their attention, creating a diversion. I suppressed a laugh. What an actor. I turned to Nick seeing him suddenly alone. The fans were just leaving, I practically ran to him, seeing him begin to turn the corner, and grabbed his arm opening the nearest door and throwing us both in side. My hand was on his mouth as we stared at each other through the almost pitch black room, so close. You couldn’t slide a paper between our bodies. His breathing was heavy, having being startled, and mine from the rush of having him so close. I almost forgot how gorgeous he was. With his sexy hair, and crystal blue eyes and those lips. I pulled my hand away from him. “Hi,” The only thing I could fucking come up with. “Hi,” he responded, his breath still uneven. “I-” I stopped myself expecting something to interrupt us, but nothing did. So I continued, “What happened?” “What do you mean?” Nick’s voice dropped so low I could barely hear him and stepped away from me. “I…I mean. Nick, what-” I didn’t think it’d be so hard to talk to him. But just being near him made me realize how much I missed him and it was affecting me too much. “What’s wrong?” Nick went to answer, but stopped himself. I narrowed my eyes, what was he hiding? “It’s wrong, Brian. It’s all wrong. I’ve been trying to ignore it, but…” Nick’s voice caught in his throat, was he crying? I couldn’t tell. I moved closer to him on impulse, he pulled away. “It’s just all wrong.” “You’re lying,” I whispered. “I’m not,” he whispered back. I felt my stomach tighten at his tone. He was. “What’s going on?” “Nothing,” Nick whispered, before trying to move to the door. Luckily I was in his way. “I-I have to go,” “Nick,” I grabbed his shoulders and waited for him to make eye contact with me, “what’s wrong?” Nick’s bottom lip began to tremble, “he-he threatened to tell my parents,” I shut my eyes tightly. His tone was more desperate, “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, I just. They can’t know, they just….I…they can’t know. I’m sorry. They won’t-they won’t understand,” I felt his shoulders begin to shake slightly, “I-I have to go, if Mark sees I’m not there he’ll freak and tell Kevin. I’m sorry Brian.” BACK NEXT |
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