CHAPTER SEVENTY I don’t know how long I cried for, curled up in the closet, but I just couldn’t take the pain in my chest anymore. The door creaked open. Arms were wrapped around me. I cried harder. “Shhh…” I tried speaking but a sob overtook me. “What did he do?” I pulled back and wiped my tears, hiccupping somewhat. “I hate Kevin,” “What? Why?” “He threatened to tell Nick’s parents,” I heard him sigh, “What would be wrong with that?” I looked up at him incredulously. Did he even have to ask? But the look in his eyes told me he knew. He just didn’t want that to be it. Nick’s parents weren’t so forgiving. Especially in the sexuality category. They were Hollywood parents. And Hollywood parents didn’t have gay children. Nick wasn’t ready for anything yet. He was still figuring it out on his own. “Yeah, I know. I just…can’t believe that’s it,” Stole the words right out of my mouth. “I hate Kevin,” I looked up at him, and smiled through my tears. He laughed and winked. I loved this guy. “Let’s just get through this concert, and then we can cry and eat pints of ice cream and watch movies,” he joked. “Thanks AJ,” I let him pull me up and we walked out of the closet. Obviously, Kevin was walking by at that exact moment. And why couldn’t this situation look any worse? CHAPTER SEVENTY ONE “What the hell were you two doing?” “Fucking,” AJ bit back. I looked at him in shock. Someone's attitude is surfacing. “That’s not something to joke about,” “Neither is someone’s love life. Now fuck off,” He was actually defending me against the beast. I could practically see the steam come out of AJ’s ears. It swelled my heart. He cared. He was so sweet.. I looked back at Kevin, who was also fuming. Doing his usual clench, unclench of the fists. He growled and stormed off. “Wow,” “He’s pissing me off,” AJ replied glancing at me. I smiled, “thanks.” “No prob,” he winked, pulling me with him. “Where are we going?” I asked after a minute. “To find a private place to talk that doesn’t look like we just had a quickie in the closet.” I laughed. True. So true. ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ I took a deep breath after spilling out every detail that happened in the closet before. I looked at AJ expectantly, but he just looked back me. Thinking. “Well?” “He still wants you. He still loves you, it’s obvious.” I shut my eyes as my heart fluttered from his words. “I don’t know what to do,” I whispered. “What do I always say?” “Fight for him,” I answered almost automatically. “I just don’t think it’ll work,” “You won’t know until you try.” “Do I really want to? I mean, I’ll get my heart broken all over again.” AJ glared at me, and rolled his eyes. I knew what he meant. How could Nick hurt me even more? I should at least try. ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ I watched Nick as he sat silently listening to his music. He was so into it, drumming his air drums. I smiled and began to approach him when Mark appeared. I pretended to look for something. This was going to be harder than I’d expected. ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ It’s been two days and I’m still struggling to get Nick alone. This is ridiculous. So I decided to do it after the concert when everyone took their time knowing we wouldn’t leave for another two hours. I smiled when Howie left the room, the last of the bunch. I walked over to the door and turned the lock. Then turned to him, who was still oblivious tying his shoes. When he stood up I approach him. At first he was so surprise, so caught off guard he didn’t know what to do. But when it sank in, he began to back away when I moved closer. He realized we were the only ones in the room. When I had him pressed against the wall his breath was uneven and his eyelids were heavy. I wasn’t even touching him yet. I just had him completely corned, so close I could feel him. “Brian-” he breathed. His hot breath sent shivers down my spine. I put my finger to his lips and silenced him. I brought my lips so close, but still not touching. His breath was ragged. I waited patiently, breathing and lightly brushing my lips against his before he gave in and crashed his lips against mine, grabbing my lower back and pressing me tightly against him. My head was spinning, it felt so good. I could hardly breathe. So good. I felt like I was going to pass out. Just as I was melting into the kiss, he broke away, completely breathless. “We can’t do this,” his voice cracked. I tried to respond, but he cut me off, “We can’t. I can’t.” He was rambling. I took the opportunity to press myself back against him. He struggled for breath. “Stop,” he whispered. I ran my fingers down his bare arms, feeling him shiver. “Please Brian,” he whimpered. “I don’t want them to know. He’ll tell them.” He lifted his hand and gently pressed it against my chest pushing me away. His eyes were shinning with unshed tears as he turned away. Unlocking the door and shutting it closed behind me. CHAPTER SEVENTY TWO AJ closed the hotel door silently behind himself not wanted to wake Brian up. He had finally gotten the kid to sleep after crying all night. Apparently Brian was convinced Nick hated him and didn’t want to be with him and he had no chance. After talking to AJ, Brian then lessened his crazy assumptions, and said that he no matter how Nick felt he wouldn’t be with Brian, which brought a whole new wave of tears. Poor man. He he’d suffered so long, AJ only wanted everything to work out. But it wasn’t and he felt the heat of his anger he’d fought off arise once more. He was so pissed at Kevin words couldn’t explain. Kevin seriously didn’t know what he was messing with. AJ began rolling his shoulders as he walked down the hall to his own room, trying to ease the tension in his back. He just needed to take a shower and relax. But those thoughts were shattered when he approached his door. His eyes glazed over and he found he himself clenching and unclenching his fists to keep from pouncing the idiot in front of him. Ignore him. AJ was just going to ignore him, or else he’d explode. He stuck his hand in his pocket and pulled out his key card. He fumbled with it momentarily before successfully swiping the card. “AJ,” the deep voice from behind him called out his name. AJ’s back tensed even more. He wasn’t going to turn around. He opened his door and stepped into his room. “Alexander,” despite his furry, AJ winced at the name. It only meant trouble. AJ turned slowly around, looking successfully calm. He said nothing. “We need to talk,” “I have absolutely nothing to say to you,” AJ replied, his voice stone. “Alex, I know things are complicated, b-” Forgetting his resolve to keep calm, AJ snapped, “you don’t even know the fucking half of it you fucking asshole!” “Excuse me?” Kevin blinked, shocked and slightly unnerved. “You heard me. You expect to walk into the fucking middle of this, having no idea about anything and start ordering people around? It doesn’t work like that!” He knew he should stop, but once he started, the words just fell from his lips. “In your own twisted world you still think you’re controlling everything. Get over it Kevin! You can’t control everything, and you never have! We’ve only let you think that, and even in that fucking case it was business.” AJ was now up in Kevin’s face, “But you’re messing with people’s fucking lives here! You can’t do that! Grow the fuck up and get a grip on reality! No one cares if you don’t like that one of your best friends and your cousin are gay, and together at that. No one fucking cares! The world doesn’t revolve around you! You don’t know the hell they’d been through and then you fucking end it just because you feel like it? You aren’t God! You don’t control anything!!!” AJ was now shaking with rage, trying to take calming breaths. He knew he should’ve stopped. Kevin was speechless. For once in his fucking life. AJ turned on his heel and walked into his hotel room. “The hell they’d been through?” Kevin’s voice was so small AJ wasn’t sure if he actually heard him. He turned around just the same, and noticed Kevin’s pale face. He’d actually affected Kevin. And now he felt kinda guilty. He opened the door wider and sat down on the bed, allowing Kevin to come in. Kevin walked in attentively. “Yes, the hell they’d been through. Mostly Brian,” AJ tried to explain, trying to suppress his still surfacing anger from the clueless man. He noticed Kevin wince at ‘mostly Brian’, maybe the oaf still had feelings after all. “Do you even really care?” AJ couldn’t help but sneer skeptically. Kevin nodded, swallowing hard and rubbing his sweaty palms against his jean clad thighs making his way slowly to the couch. AJ sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Should he do this? Should he tell Kevin everything? He glanced up at worried and concerned green eyes. Yes. He should. No matter how stubborn, thickheaded, stupid, arrogant, idiotic or selfish he was, he was still Kevin. AJ sat down on the bed, took a deep breath. He ran his hand through his hair again, trying to calm himself down from their earlier exchange of words. “Brian fell in love with Nick.” He searched Kevin’s face for a reaction. Seeing his pupils dilate and hearing the sharp intake of breath, he suppressed a laugh. “He didn’t do it intentionally and at first he was in denial. But it’s hard to ignore feelings like that, especially if you’re together 24/7.” He paused, waiting to see if Kevin acknowledged anything he had said. Usually, Kevin pretends to listen, but is still completely bent on his way, or his opinion or the way things should be how he wants. Kevin nodded stiffly obviously not comfortable with the conversation. “I’m not sure if Brian ever planned on telling Nick. It could have ruined their friendship, something that Brian never wanted to lose. I mean, what could he expect? For Nick to come running into his arms? We all knew Nick’s straight and that tore Brian up inside. Knowing that he never even stood a chance. But one night Nick walked in on Brian having a dream. About him. And all hell broke loose.” Kevin cleared his throat, “what do you mean?” “Nick said horrible disgusted things to Brian breaking his heart and stomping over it repeatedly. That was when something was wrong between the two and we tied Nick up so he could listen to Brian. I found out somewhere in between when they were yelling at each other so loudly and I heard everything so clearly.” He noticed Kevin stiffen at that comment. AJ decided to ignore it, “anyway, that’s when they found out that Nick had feelings for Brian too,” “They? Wouldn’t Nick already know?” “No, he didn’t. And when he found out he began freaking out, but then they were okay.” AJ paused, trying to contemplate how to put it without freaking Kevin out. “They started out slow, which was perfect for both of them. But so much happened.” “So much like what?” Kevin wanted details, AJ smiled, resisting the urge to scare Kevin. “Just…at first Nick was convinced it was so wrong, and that ruined and crushed Brian. He asked for time, which Brian gave him.” His voice hardened and he tried to keep the bitterness out of it, “and then Leighanne entered the picture.” He could see Kevin visibly wince at the statement. “She ruined everything. Brian’s lust for her, which he mistook for love began pushing him to Leighanne, meanwhile Nick was so mad Leighanne was there and Brian was actually paying attention to her, that he hated Brian. Leighanne and Brian ended up together for a while. But when Nick finally realized it wasn’t wrong, he didn’t hate him, but that he truly did love Brian it was too late. “ “Too late?” AJ nodded, “He was convinced Brian was in love with Leighanne and didn’t need him. It took some convincing, but he fought for Brian, only ending up heart broken. Brian was convinced it was wrong and he corrupted Nick and no matter what he had to be with Leighanne and he couldn’t be with Nick.” AJ shook his head at how ridiculous these kids were, “And he wouldn’t take Nick back when he practically came crawling back to him. Then when Brian realized it wasn’t wrong, it was too late, because Nick didn’t want to be hurt anymore and wouldn’t take him back.” AJ hadn’t realized just how much heartache they’d both been put through until now and Kevin was getting interested. He wouldn’t blame him, it’s a soap opera. He shook his head in disbelief and continued, “Nick wouldn’t open the door that night, but it turned out that he was against it all night with Brian on the other side.” “And what happened?” AJ smirked, “they made up?” Kevin glanced away not needing that information. “They were just getting good,” AJ clenched his fists to keep the tone out of his voice, “they were going to get rid of Leighanne and everything was going to be perfect.” AJ watched as Kevin was suddenly hit with the realization. “But I didn’t let them,” he whispered. AJ looked up and actually felt bad for him for a second, he truly looked sorry. “So in order to keep you from prying, Nick made up a lie that Brian and Leighanne were back together.” “To keep me from prying?” His voice almost sounded painful. AJ bit his bottom lip at the look of hurt in the older man’s eyes. So he finally hit the true reason all this was happening. “Yeah, they were bent on the fact that you would never approve.” “How would they know?” “Well, look how well you took it now.” AJ couldn’t help but comment. Kevin glared at him. “I don’t know,” AJ sighed, “they really didn’t want anyone to know.” “But you knew,” Kevin actually sounded like a child. AJ began understanding completely. Kevin was upset that they didn’t want to tell him and that AJ knew. “I found out against their wills. If I hadn’t overheard them they wouldn’t have told me. They haven’t told anyone, not even Howie or their parents or anyone. I found out.” He chose his next words carefully, “They didn’t want anyone to disapprove of them, or be disgusted, because they were just getting through that themselves. Especially you, if you’d have turned them away they would have broke.” “Why would they even think that?” “Well, for one thing, in Brian’s mind Nick’s reaction was the only one that mattered and it was a bad one, he didn’t want his own flesh and blood to react the same.” Kevin nodded slowly. “And then what happened?” “And then they haven’t been able to spend more than two minutes together thanks to you,” AJ felt the heat rise once more in his face, that he tried to push back down. Kevin didn’t respond. After a moment AJ was about to give up and ask him to leave so he could get some rest one Kevin began talking. “Leighanne reacted the way she did because she was in denial Brian actually loved someone else. She was trying to convince him it was wrong so he’d come back.” Kevin began, taking a deep breath. “And I…” he trailed off. “You, what?” AJ knew, he just wanted him to say it. “I…I was jealous…” “Jealous?” AJ fought the smile from his face, he wanted Kevin to spell it out for him. Kevin nodded,” jealous. I was jealous…that you knew…and I had to find out from Leighanne. And Leighanne’s description…it just sounded so wrong. He was on the phone…and…she walked in…I just…I couldn’t handle all of it at once.” AJ didn’t say anything. “I was jealous…hurt….betrayed? Pick one.” “Was?” “Yeah,” Kevin nodded slowly, raising his gaze from the floor to AJ. “I had to…give it time to sink in…for my hysteria to wear off.” AJ tried to hide his smile, he should really consider being a psychologist, or at least make these people pay him. “But you do realize Nick’s parents are just…seriously not understanding, and they seriously aren’t ready for them to find out.” “I know, I was just upset.” Kevin’s voice was small. AJ reached over and brought Kevin into a hug, “but it’s time to let them go. Don’t you think?” Kevin sighed. “Let them live for themselves, make their own mistakes?” “Yeah,” Kevin breathed. AJ felt relief wash throughout his entire body. He thanked the Lord quickly before embracing Kevin tighter. CHAPTER SEVENTY THREE “Nick,” Nick shut his eyes tightly and turned unwillingly toward the voice. “We need to talk,” He nodded softly, almost shyly. Nick was actually afraid of him. “Nick, I’m sorry.” Nick’s eyes shot up to meet Kevin’s sincere green eyes. “Yeah, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I overreacted. I’m sorry I black mailed you into not being with Brian. I’m sorry I threatened to tell your parents. And I’m sorry I didn’t let you be who you are.” Nick blinked feeling fresh tears accumulate. “What?” Nick whispered. “I’m sorry Nick, you both were meant to be.” Nick nodded dumbly, letting his tears fall. He noticed Kevin’s eyes shining as well. “Thanks Kev.” “Don’t thank me Nickolas, just…don’t ever lie to me…don’t keep secrets from me and don’t let anyone not be who you want to be.” Nick laughed lightly at the irony of that line, used so many times, for so many different reasons. Nick smiled, “I promise.” Kevin smiled back. He began walking to the door before a thought occurred to him and he turned around, “Nick, promise me one more thing.” “Hmm?” “You’ll tell your parents,” Nick looked down, suddenly needing to break eye contact. “Tell your parents when you’re ready. Just tell them. It really hurt you didn’t tell me. I don’t want the same thing to happen to them. Don’t let them find out. Tell them yourselves.” Nick nodded, “okay,” he whispered. CHAPTER SEVENTY FOUR Nick flew through the door, bursting into Howie’s room where AJ and Howie were laying comfortably on the couch. AJ glanced at Nick before returning his attention to the TV, “where’s your bodyguard?” He sneered, realizing that he was not only mad at Kevin, but Nick too, for being so fucking stupid and ignorant. “He’s gone,” Nick smiled. AJ looked back at him. “What?” “My bodyguard is gone,” AJ sat up straighter having a feeling he knew what that meant. “What are you going to do about it?” “What should I do about it? I…” Nick struggled to find words that weren’t going to give away to Howie what was going on. From the couch, with the remote in his hand and without glancing away from the TV, Howie intervened. “Don’t doubt his love for you. He’s never stopped loving you. He’s only accepted the fact that you will never love him back, or let yourself love him back. I can’t believe it took you this long, but don’t ever think Brian won’t want you back. He’s gone too long loving you without being loved back. But it never stops him.” Both men glanced at him completely speechless. Howie simply responded, “I’m not stupid.” Nick opened his mouth to apologize but Howie raised his hand, stopping him. “I hold no grudges, nor am I hurt in any way. You’d’ve told me what you were ready to.” AJ smiled at Howie before turning his attention to Nick. “So?” AJ asked, “What are you waiting for?” Nick hesitated. “Go Nick, he’s waiting.” Howie reassured him. Nick gave a half smile, butterflies suddenly appearing in his stomach at the thought of getting back together with Brian…if Brian would let him. He’d made him go through so much. He just hoped he’d forgive him one more time. BACK NEXT |
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