CHAPTER TEN Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. I slammed the door shut behind me so Nick wouldn’t be able to see we were caught. Maybe…maybe he didn’t hear anything. Yeah, that’s it! Maybe he needed to talk about something else. My heart was pounding hard against my chest, but I took a deep breath. He’s so not going to see me freakin’, actually…fucking petrified now that I think he may know. Does he know? Holy fuck…what happens now? He’s going to turn his back on me, just like Nick. The familiar feeling of threatening tears came back as I brushed by him, not saying a word. “Yo…come on man, wait up.” He called after me, jogging to catch up. I walked faster. “You’re gonna talk to me about this whether you like it or not.” I glared at him, slipping my keycard into the slot (Nick had made me get another room) and turned the knob. “No I don’t,” I said before I shut the door in his face. Man, that was harsh…but right now, I couldn’t deal with it. It had only been a couple of days since one person found out, and frankly, I can’t go through that again. The pounding on the door didn’t cease and it was driving me crazy. I couldn’t even concentrate. Fuck him. I threw the door open, “WHAT?!” I barked. He didn’t even look taken aback as he past by me into my room. “It all makes sense now,” “Fuck you,” “No see, I bet you would like to though,” he tried to joke with a smirk on his face. That joke was getting old, I rolled my eyes and closed the door that I was still holding on to. “You need me. See, you need someone to talk to you, that won’t shut you out the way he did. You know I’ll always be here for you man, I’m totally cool with it. Just talk to me.” I looked up, he was sitting calmly on my bed, rubbing the spot beside him so that I would sit down. I hesitated, did he really mean that? I approached him slowly. He was right. I needed to talk to someone. It was killing me. “There you go man, now tell me…when’d this start? Start from the beginning,” he assured me, rubbing my knee. I stared at his hand, so reassuring. He didn’t have to do this. I was an asshole, I didn’t tell him anything, I didn’t tell my brother… one of the most important people in my life the most important thing in my entire life, and he was sitting here, trying to get me to talk to him. I burst into tears and fell into his welcoming arms. “Sh…it’s okay,” he began smoothing out my hair. I think I made sense, through my sobs as I explained to him everything that happened. He rubbed my back reassuringly the entire time. Once I was finished, and my tears stopped, I broke the embrace and looked at him, why wasn’t I in love with him? “If I had found out that you wanted to fuck me the way Nick did, I don’t think I’d be here right now either,” he answered my unanswered question. I blinked. “He just needs time, you know that…it was a lot to take in, and the way he found out? That’s harsh. Especially if his best friend forgot to mention the hugest thing in his life to him. He feels like he’s been betrayed, that you never trusted him…” “But if you feel like that, shouldn’t you be sad? Not angry?” I asked quietly. “You know that’s the way he masks his pain,” I nodded. Completely true. I even thought that before, I guess I just couldn’t admit it to myself. “So what do I do?” I whispered, afraid of his answer. “Move on,” he answered. I stared at him, completely shocked. Move on? “Move on? Are you crazy? I’ve known this kid for a decade, I need him in my life and recently, it’s been more than that…I need him to breathe. And he just ripped away my oxygen just like that and you expect me to keep living without it?” I blinked. Wow. That was deep. Nice analogy. But it was exactly how I felt. He was silent for a moment. Thinking about it, so I had made sense. “I honestly don’t know man, I’ll have to think about it. If it was some girl and me…it’d be different. I mean, it’s happened and I’ve dealt with it, but this is different. He’s important, not just some chick. Let me think about it and take it all in,” he smiled and got up off the bed. He walked to the door and opened it. I jumped off my bed and ran to him before he got a chance to walk out the door. I never got the chance to thank him. “Thank you. Thank you sooo much,” I cried as I grabbed him into a bear hug. He patted my back sweetly and pulled away. “Thank you for letting me be me, for accepting me.” “What? Man…don’t talk like that. I’d never not let you be you, I’d never not accept you. No one should let you be you. You just be you and see what happens then.” I smiled, “like you?” He tipped his tinted lime green sunglasses down his nose and smirked, “exactly.” CHAPTER ELEVEN Nick sat on his bed with his head in his hands. He stared at one of the pieces of broken mirror that landed by his feet. His reflection stared back at him almost menacingly. He went to kick it, but thought better of it when he realized it was glass. A knock at the door startled his thoughts. “Brian…I swear to God, I will hurt you if you come back in here,” he warned. The knock persisted. He was going to fucking kill who ever the fuck that was. He stood up on his bed and avoided the glass. Jumping down he gripped the doorknob, but not before checking to see who it was. “Fuck Aje, I’m really not in the mood,” he turned to go. “Nick, open the door.” “No,” “Nick open the fucking door,” “No,” “I will get a key,” AJ threatened. “And do what with it? Unlock me to death?” “Smart ass, I just want to talk to you,” Nick froze. He wanted to talk? What the hell did that mean? AJ never wanted to talk. He couldn’t have heard, could he have? Nick began to panic, he was so going to murder Brian for everything he put on him. “Why?” His voice cracked and he cursed. AJ smiled from the other side of the door, “no reason…” “J, you never wanna talk…that means you want something, and I’m in no sharing mood.” “I don’t want anything Nicky,” “Don’t call me Nicky,” “I’ll stop if you’ll just open the door,” “Why? Quite frankly, I’m enjoying this conversation…it’s much more pleasant staring at a white door than your nasty face,” “Ooooh, that almost hurt.” “AJ…” “Nicky,” Nick swung the door open catching AJ completely off guard, not to mention, almost hitting him smack in the face with it. “Stop calling me Nicky,” AJ strolled past Nick and into his room. He looked around, who the fuck died in here? “What’s up with the mess?” He asked, avoiding the sharp objects on the ground. “Nothing…now what do you want?” Nick asked, trying to look peeved, but was fucking scared shitless, but threw his hands on his hips for emphasis. “What was all that about?” AJ asked, pretending to not know anything. “What was what?” “All that yelling, I swear to God, you could hear it three stories down!” “You could?” Nick squeaked. AJ nodded his head, laughing hysterically inside…this was sooo mean, he knew, but where was the fun in just straight on telling him he knew? “Oh,” Nick said finally, “it was nothing…just um…I…you know what? I don’t really wanna talk about it,” Nick concluded, his voice a couple of octave levels too high. “Un huh, okay…” AJ tried not to smile. “Hmmm…processing…translation: I don’t wanna tell you.” “Yeah, that too,” “Ever?” “Ever,” AJ nodded again. So Nick wasn’t bent on telling the world. “Okay, well… I thought we could do it the easy way…but I guess not…” “What? What easy way? What are you talking about?” Nick stammered. “I know,” “You know?” “I know,” “I mean, about what? What do you know exactly,” Nick tried to cover up his slip. “Nick, I know. I know everything,” “How? Who?” Nick began panicking again. “I heard and Brian,” AJ answered both questions. Nick glared at AJ, “Brian told you this?” AJ could practically see smoke coming out of his ears. “Yes, Brian…but only after overhearing and drilling it out of him. He didn’t wanna tell me ‘cause he knew you didn’t want anyone to know.” “That asshole….after all he’s done-” “Yeah, I meant to ask you that….what exactly has he done?” AJ cut him off, crossing his arms expectantly. Nick stuttered a couple of times, trying to get the words out…practically spitting them he was so furious. “He fucking-” “Oh that’s right. He fell in love with you, confessed his love to you, had his heart ripped out by not only his best friend but his….everything…and then had you start ranting on him. Oh yeah, I’m sorry, I forgot,” AJ interrupted. “You don’t understand,” Nick spoke through clenched teeth. His jaw set and reset in absolute fury, he knew if AJ so much as moved, his jaw would be knocked right out of its socket. “No? I understand that you feel betrayed, that he didn’t tell you, and damn man… that sucks the way you found out…by what you did was far worse than what he could have done to you. You turned your back on him…when he fucking needed you…” “Yeah, fucking needed me alright,” Nick laughed bitterly, his eyes narrowed into angry slits, “ he needed me to be on top of him….or behind him for that matter.” “That’s all you think it is, don’t you? That he just wants to fuck you,” “That’s all I saw and heard, wasn’t it?” “What about the countless amount of times he tried to explain it to you?” AJ asked, completely disappointed in his younger band mate. “I learnt to block him out,” “Asshole,” “What?” “Nothing,” AJ muttered. “You sound like you want this to happen. That it’s okay that he’s a fudge packer, that he wants me…loves me…same difference….could you even be jealous?” Nick yelled pointing an accusing finger at AJ. AJ shook his head in frustration. He met Nick’s blazing eyes, “that’s what it is isn’t it?” “No you fucking idiot, that’s not what it is. Although I personally don’t fucking care what sex he prefers…all I care is that my brother is okay…that he’s happy. What if it were a woman? What if Brian were a woman…. who’d been your best friend for a while? She finally confessed her love to you. Even if you didn’t love her back, you’d stick with her… you wouldn’t just leave her alone to fucking die inside.” Nick snorted, “Brian would sure make a pretty ugly woman.” “Nick, you aren’t seeing the point,” AJ sighed exasperatedly. “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Nicky, the guy that can’t tell a point from a line, that can’t deal with his own problems by HIMSELF!” Nick shouted so completely flustered he didn’t realize he was crying. The tears simply streaming down his face, unnoticed. AJ stood up and wrapped Nick into a tight hug. Nick struggled against his grip, but gave up exhaustedly. “Nick,” AJ whispered, “ I know how hard it is, how fucking scary it is that Brian loves you. I wouldn’t know what to do. But you…I mean, come on man, you’re so strong. Don’t do this to yourself, don’t do this to Brian.” AJ murmured against his ear. “Talk to him, maybe you’ll understand more, you guys can get through this together…like Frick and Frack.” Nick pulled away from AJ’s comforting embrace, “I think you should leave,” he whispered hoarsely. “What? Nick…come on, you don’t mean that…” “Yes I do,” his voice cracked as a sob escaped his throat. AJ moved in to hug him once more, but Nick took a step back, pointing to the door and not looking at AJ. “Just go.” BACK NEXT |
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