CHAPTER TWELVE Nick was on my back 24/7…and not the way I’d like him to be. Every mistake I made, every note I missed or word I messed up on, every step I missed…he was on my ass. “Brian, holy Christ! What the hell is wrong with you?” Nick yelled. I shut my eyes tightly, my head pounded from the night before, and I just couldn’t take anymore yelling. My eyes began to burn…man, I felt like such a baby. “Aw, did I hurt your feelings? Little Brian Bear doesn’t like-” “ENOUGH,” yelled Kevin. “I don’t know what you have against my cousin, but I will not sit here and listen to you treat him like this. Stop it. Alright? Settle it on your own time.” Thank you Kevin. AJ began to clap, he smirked at me and winked. Kevin glanced at me, I mouthed ‘thank you.’ He smiled and nodded, as if it were no big deal. What I couldn’t believe most about myself was how I didn’t even feel a tad bit out of love with Nick since he first found out and went all ballistic. To me, he was still an angelic creature, who was beautiful in ever way. “Stop staring,” Nick growled at me, just loud enough so that I could hear. I blushed, I was amazed I hadn’t been caught, but its not like they’d be looking for it. After rehearsals, we all left for the showers. We were all in need of one right then, desperately. My eyes grew wide in shock when a hand went around my mouth to stop my screaming. I began to struggle as I was being pulled away from the unsuspecting guys. I was lead to a small janitors closed. My heart was pounding so hard it hurt. I was being fucking kidnapped during a fucking dress rehearsal. “I told you not to watch me,” my captor growled in my ear. I instantly relaxed when I realized it was Nick. But it didn’t last long when I was filled was shock, horror and worry all at once. “Why so tense? Here, let me help you.” He snarled as his hand traveled downward to my crotch. He grabbed it and tugged, hard. “Oh God Nick,” I groaned. A wave of electricity coursed through my entire body. It felt so good, but it was so bad. He didn’t mean this. He was doing it to spite me. My head started to spin from the pleasure and the confusion running throughout my body. Why was he doing this? “That’s how you like it, huh?” Nick sneered. He began stroking me up and down fast through my pants. I tried desperately not to react, but I couldn’t. It felt so incredible, I just couldn’t stop him. This was not how it was supposed to happen. He didn’t want me. He didn’t love me. He was teasing me. Flaunting in front of me what I couldn’t have. Tears began to trickle down my cheeks. My body wouldn’t stop him. I couldn’t. My body wanted it… needed it. He squeezed my cock. I almost couldn’t hold myself up, it felt so good. I had never felt like this, ever. “Nick,” I whimpered. “That’s how you want it,” it was more of a statement than a question. “That’s how you want me? Stop, if I do this…just…stop…stop loving me. I don’t want you. I don’t love you. Just stop doing this to us, to me.” My tears were relentlessly falling from my eyes. I didn’t mean to Nicky. He tugged on me once more for good measure, before walking away. He looked back at me, practically spitting in my direction before shutting the door and leaving me in the closet alone. I sank to the floor, my body shaking, too hard and in utter and complete confusion. He was so cruel. Why was he doing this to me? I didn’t mean to love him, I swear. I never meant for him to find out either. My body racked with sobs once more as I cradled my head in my hands. Stop. That’s all I wanted to do. Stop loving him. CHAPTER THIRTEEN I walked into the shower house on shaking legs, simply praying that no one would notice my pale state. No such luck, “What’s wrong? What’d he do now? I saw him come in just two seconds ago, eyes flaming. What did he do?” AJ tried to whisper. I looked away, close to tears again. I just hoped he understood there was no way I was discussing it with him here…or ever for that matter. “Brian,” he touched my arm softly, I yanked it away like I’d been burned. “Stop,” I whispered before running out. I could get a shower when I got back to the hotel. I didn’t need one now. - - - - - - - Means: Days later… - - - - - - - - “It’s like he’s pulled himself away,” Kevin confessed, “ I hate it. He won’t tell me anything.” “Me either, I don’t know what to do either,” Howie sighed. Nick rolled his eyes and AJ stayed quiet, avoiding everyone’s gaze. “AJ? Do you know anything?” Kevin asked attentively, noticing AJ’s slight twitch. Nick turned his head to him, quite interested in his response. “Um…no. All I know is that something…or someone is hurting him bad.” Nick rolled his eyes once more and stood up, “I’m gonna go play some Nintendo, see y’all.” Kevin nodded solemnly. “What are we going to do?” - - - - - - I’ve given up. I’ve given up all hope on everything. That things would get back together, that Nick would love me back, that he would understand and care for me again, that he would be my friend again, that we would ever talk again… “You missed your cue again,” AJ nudged me. I looked at him, expression completely blank. Nick sighed exaggeratedly, and walked to the other side of the stage. He grabbed his water bottle and began drinking out of his furiously, finishing the entire bottle in one swig. “Bri, try to stay with us,” I nodded. Kevin was right, no matter what my personal problems were, business was business…the show must go on. I swallowed my pride and my heart. - - - - - - - Same ritual as always. Rehearsal. Shower. Nick was off the stage first and practically flew to the lockers. The rest of us followed Nick and walked into the locker room. Kevin was the last and slammed the door shut, startling all of us. “I’ve had enough of this fucking shit. Nick, whatever the fuck you’re mad at him for, fix it. Fucking fix it, before I fix you. You’re talking about Brian being selfish up there on the stage?” I felt myself reddened and bowed my head, “you are fucking selfish! You don’t care what the fuck this is doing to all of us.” Nick mumbled something inaudible and turned around. “NO!” Kevin boomed, he grabbed Nick’s arm tightly, “don’t you dare walk away from me.” Nick ripped his hand away from Kevin’s grasp, wincing slightly at the pain, “there is nothing going on. If you don’t like it, walk the fuck away. I am,” Nick spoke before turning around again. I glanced at Kevin who nodded to AJ. AJ’s hands were behind his back and when he spotted me watching him, he winked. I was completely confused, Howie didn’t seem to notice their little exchange and was just watching Nick walk away. “Now,” Kevin whispered to AJ. Both of them grabbed Nick’s arms and threw him against the wall. Being held firmly in place from either side, Nick began struggling. “Get the FUCK OFF ME!” He yelled. My eyes were wide during the entire scene. Both Kevin and AJ ignored him and continued to pin his wrists down. “Howie, would you kindly bring my bag over?” Howie nodded dumbly and obeyed. He handed Kevin the bag and Kevin unzipped it with one hand. Nick, the whole while, was screaming obscenities, completely confused. Mirroring my face as well. What the hell were they doing? Kevin threw AJ something and they both got to work. I glanced at Howie, who had been watching me too, expecting me to know what the fuck was going on. I shrugged, and so did he. This was fucking weird. Kevin and AJ backed away from a frantic Nick. Once they were out of the way I took another look at Nick. Holy fuck. I about busted up laughing right then. Kevin and AJ tied either wrist to a pipe. AJ smiled satisfactorily at me and nodded, I laughed. “You think this fucking funny, Littrell? You fucking bastard!” He yelled. I laughed again. “Now, you fucking listen to what Brian has to say. From what I know, you won’t give him the light of day. So listen to him for God sakes, save us all.” Kevin announced before pulling with him a confused Howie and a cackling AJ. “You set this up, didn’t you?” He glared at me. “I didn’t know shit,” I responded, still completely amused by the situation. Man this is quite the predicament. “Whatever. Get me the fuck out,” he growled, pulling at his wrists but wincing at the friction. “I’ll have to think…” “NOW BRIAN!” He screamed. “Well now that you put it that way,” I paused for good measure, “no.” “You fucking-” “This is this only way you’ll listen to me, and so…I’m taking advantage of it.” He continued to scream and yell, telling me he wouldn’t listen. The door flew open and I felt like a deer caught in the headlights, but when it was Kevin I relaxed. “He’s not listening is he?” I shook my head. He produced another handkerchief, “I was saving this.” He laughed before wrapping it tightly around Nick’s mouth, shoving it into his mouth so he wouldn’t be able to talk. ‘Thank you’ I mouthed. Then he was out the door. CHAPTER FOURTEEN He glared at me, man this was a fucking funny situation. He had to listen. Haha! “Nick…” I began but he turned away, as much as he could like a child that was upset and wasn’t getting his way. “I don’t know how many times I’ve tried to tell you this, but you either won’t listen or won’t care. Nick, I’m starting from the beginning, maybe you’ll understand that way.” He sighed really loudly to show he wasn’t interested. I hesitated somewhat before continuing, this was my only chance. “Remember when we used to be Frick and Frack?” I asked, forcing my eyes to look up at him. He tried to keep a straight face, but his eyes showed a hint of remembrance…is that possible? Like he was reminiscing. I saw sadness, happiness. He masked it in anger, pretending he didn’t care. But I saw through him, I always see right through him. “I remember when I first met you, you practically laughed in my face when you heard my accent,” I laughed lightly at the memory and saw him smile slightly. “I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but we just clicked. Five years apart, and we just clicked. We fit perfectly together, and we did everything together. I cared for you so much, I loved you so much, you were my younger brother, and I don’t know what I would have done without you. You were my only stability in life, even though I know you looked up to me and watched me, I needed you too. “You saw that too, sometimes…when I broke down. I never wanted you to see me cry, but I always told you it was okay to. I was your big brother, I had to be strong, but sometimes I couldn’t, and only you could have been there for me, gotten through to me.” My eyes began to tear, but it felt so good to get it out, whether he had decided to block me out or what. I continued to talk to the tiles of the floor, there was no way I was going to look up at his mocking face, probably edging me to go on so he could laugh. “I didn’t think I could have ever been that close, that in need of a person in my entire life, I didn’t think it was possible.” I saw his foot move and I looked up at him, he was tearing somewhat too, not noticeably, you’d have to strain to see the tears, but they were there. “Do you remember ’98?” I asked timidly. He blinked his eyes rapidly and turned away, nodding his head just so that I could see he was listening. That was all the encouragement I needed. “I was so scared,” I whispered, I didn’t trust my voice at that point. “I felt so weak, so dead already, I lost hope, even though I always told you to have faith. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be here right now. I mean, everyone helped, the other guys, Leighanne, my family, the fans…but it was you that got through to me. You always did. And I…” I choked on my last words, “I just wanted to say thank you.” Two tears slowly made their way down either side of his cheeks. I brushed them away, and to my surprise, he didn’t flinch or turn away. “All this only started…like…6months ago. And you know what? As much as I know you hate me, I’m not sorry it did. You are a part of me, and I’m sorry I didn’t see it any earlier that I knew I wouldn’t be able to live without you. I can’t. I just…I need you to be around me just to breathe properly. I don’t know why this happened, I didn’t mean for it to, I swear.” At least I hadn’t lost him, he was still looking at me, more like looking through me, but I was getting a reaction. “Nick, I’m not sorry I’m in love with you, but I am sorry that you found out and just, can’t deal with it. I was a fucking nervous wreck when I realized it, I could only imagine what you must have gone through, what you are going through.” He frowned, asking an unspoken question, but I heard him, I always do. “I don’t know…I think…well, I had been feeling weird around you lately, and I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. But it felt like the entire world was against me until you walked into the room. I thought it was only my relationship with you growing stronger, my respect, my love…I didn’t think anything of it.” I glanced at him, making sure he wasn’t grossed out. He wasn’t. At least I hoped not. “Sometimes I am sorry that I fell in love with you, because I don’t think you know what it’s like to have something you so desperately need flaunted in front of you, just out reach. It hurt me so bad that I couldn’t ever have you. And I knew it. So I tried to keep it under wraps. But then…fuck, the past 3 months…its like it’s gotten stronger, and it turned into physical pain…and…um…physical need.” I blushed, I felt so horrible, I couldn’t imagine the thoughts brewing in his crazy imagination. “I was at my breaking point, it was getting scary. I was scaring myself how out of control I felt around you. And the dreams…and the…well I just, I needed to tell you. I had never kept anything from you, longer than a day and I just…I needed you there, like you always were, to support me. And for some reason, I knew that wouldn’t happen. So I held off a bit.” “And then you…you found out.” I lowered my eyes in shame. “Nick, I need you, if not like that, then as a friend. But please, don’t push me away. I just…I can’t live without you,” my tears were flowing freely as well. “I know what you must be thinking. ‘He was going to take advantage of me. He was going to do something to me.’ I wasn’t. I swear. I would never do anything to make you feel uncomfortable, I would never force you. I would never hurt you. Okay?” He nodded. “You don’t have to say anything, just think about it…take as long as you want. But I just…I need to know…why do you hate me so much?” I asked, sniffling as I wiped my shirt against my nose. BACK NEXT |
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