CHAPTER FIFTEEN

"It's kinda getting boring talking to myself, so I'm gonna take the gag off you. And plus, it must hurt like a bitch, knowing Kevin..." I warned him before approaching him, he suddenly backed up against the wall as much as he could, like he was scared of me. I swallowed back the lump in my throat, he was only confused.

"Don't scream, I have a headache, it'll be back on in a second if you do," I began to untie the knot, "and Nick, I'm not helping you with your wrists, they're fine where they are. Good safe punching distance." Once I finished, it fell to his neck. He opened and closed his mouth, trying to get rid of the soreness.

I sat down, waiting for him to start but he never did. He only looked back at me, watching me, examining me. "Nick...I haven't changed, I'm still me. Just...had a slight change in the preferred sex, that's all."

He nodded, still looking like he wanted to see through me. But then he still said nothing. I stood up. He seemed startled. I titled my head to the side to get a better look at him when the realization suddenly hit me full force. He was tied up. Which meant he was helpless, defenseless, vulnerable...I tried to keep those thoughts out of my head, but I just couldn't. I felt my pants begin to constrict. I know he'd go ballistic if he knew he was turning me on. Oh my GOD! That's why he's been so nervous and fidgety...he probably realized it way before I did.

I took another step forward, to watch his reaction. Same thing. He tried to back away. He was scared I was going to pull something, and frankly, so was I. The thoughts began to cloud my brain when my arousal took over.

"Nick," my voice dropped three levels. He noticed it too, fear obscured his eyes.

"Can I show you?"

"Show me?" He squeaked. The first thing he said since the gag had been removed.

I took another step forward, "yeah," my eyes flashed in desire. I was beginning to lose my control again. I had to breathe a couple of times in order to stop myself from pouncing him. Just think about it. Nick, tied up. Helpless. Defenseless. Fucking hot.

He slowly understood what I was getting at. His eyes widened with fear. "NO!" He shouted. "OH HELL NO!" His head began thrashing from side to side so I couldn't get to it. "NO WAY! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!"

What the hell was I doing? I tried to stop myself, but I could only watch as my body approached him again, one step at a time. My mind yelled at me to back the hell off, he was so scared, he was upset...and he didn't want this. He didn't want this at all, but my body wouldn't listen. So I went with my body's desire, my cock so hard, I felt like I was going to explode just looking at him.

I waited for him. It was a good 3 minutes before he stopped screaming his head off. His throat went sore, exhausting himself as he slumped against the wall. I took another step towards him and was now completely in front of him, he tried to shrink away. I saw it, but I couldn't stop.

I placed both my hands on either side of his face before leaning in. I closed my eyes. My lips brushed against his as my heart pounded hard. A bolt of electricity shot through my entire body, shocking me. It felt so fucking good I began to fight with myself not to cum. I pressed harder against his lips, loving the feel, relishing in it. I felt his lips purse into a thin line.

What was I doing? My body began to shake in desire, and my breath came in short gasps. It was so wrong, but that made it feel all the more right. I felt his arms thrashing against his restraints as I held his face straight.

What was only three seconds, felt like an eternity to me. So good. When I broke away, I was already panting hard. So was he. "You told me you wouldn't force me, you wouldn't do this... You lied." He whispered, his throat too sore to speak anything above that decibel, tears brimming his eyes.

My heart broke at his words, the look on his face. It hit me then what I had really done. I felt like...a rapist. I did. I told him I wouldn't. "Nick...I'm sorry...I just...I couldn't help it..." I tried desperately to get him to understand. "Please...will you let me feel your lips on mine, just once more? I'm dying inside. I need you so badly it hurts. It won't go any further," I practically begged him.

He didn't say anything, I think he understood, but I couldn't be sure. I leaned in, he backed away, hitting his head on the concrete wall. I pressed my lips once more against his and felt my whole world spin, too many sensations at one. My tongue snaked out and trailed across his lips. He pursed his lips once again so I couldn't get through. But I needed to. It was scaring me how much I needed to. But I did.

So my hand traveled to his crotch inconspicuously. I grabbed him through his pants and he opened his mouth in shock and pain. I took the opportunity, slipping my tongue into his mouth.

His eyes opened wider in surprise, but couldn't do anything to stop it. I know he debated at one point to bite my tongue, but I also knew he wouldn't. Gently, my tongue began to explore his mouth. Every crevice, ever curve, absolutely everything I could. Trying to memorize it knowing I would never be able to do this again.

He tasted so good, just like I had imagined. My cock strained so hard against my pants it hurt. I was still fighting off my orgasm, as embarrassing at that was.

I tilted my head for better access. My tongue massaged his still one softly, I ran mine along the sensitive vein underneath his and I heard a moan. It was soft, quiet, almost inaudible, but I heard it. I wasn't sure whether it was him, or me but I heard it.

I opened my eyes to observe him and noticed his eyes were closed. He refused to close his eyes before. I did it again. I massaged mine with his and heard an unmistakable whimper. It wasn't me. Him. It was him. It was fucking him! I couldn't believe he responded. Holy shit. I froze and pulled away. He opened his eyes in alarm and began in vain to shy away from me. He seemed utterly shocked too.

None of us said anything for a moment. Just watching each other. My entire body was shaking with anticipation. Was this really happening?

"Stop," he whispered.

"You don't want me to," I whispered back before I leaned in. I placed my lips on his swollen ones. As I predicted, he pursed his lips together again, not allowing me access. I hesitated for a moment. Maybe he really didn't want it. Maybe I just imagine everything. Maybe I was just making it up in my head that he might. But I couldn't seem to stop myself, which above all, scared me most.

So instead, I took his lower lip in my mouth and sucked slowly, softly.

A loud groan elicited from his throat as his mouth opened. Instantly, my tongue snaked inside for a quick taste before I lightly sucked on his tongue. God this was sooo hot. My fingers found their way into his soft locks, laced through the silk I pulled him closer to me, needing to feel more. A light sweat broke out on my brow. I'm not thinking I'll be able to hold out much longer.

My hips unconsciously began to rotate against his pelvis, needing my release desperately. His hips bucked from the friction, which sent my body into overdrive. I began to shiver, his hips moved against mine, creating unbearable heat. Oh fuck, this was incredible. But then he suddenly pulled away completely from me. The heat left my body almost instantly.

My forehead rested against his, I needed some sort of contact. I was breathing so hard, my lips swollen and red, my hair a mess, my cheeks flushed...I'm sure I was quite the site. Nick mirrored my disheveled look, but he on the other hand, was hot. Fucking hot.

I wasn't sure what to do next. I don't think I ever even thought of what would happen if he did want me back. And now...it was actually a possibility.

He shook his head against mine. "No....no...." he repeated over and over.

"No what?" I asked, knowing exactly what the 'no' was for, noticing he wasn't looking at me.

"I'm not gay," he whispered, a tear slipping down his cheek. "I'm not." He sounded as if he was reassuring himself. He looked up at me, "and...and I don't want you. I don't love you. So just...stop."

My heart was stabbed, relentlessly with every word. How could he do that to me? Lead me on again? I broke away from his embrace. Tears prickled my eyes, but I stopped them from falling. Did he take pleasure in making me hurt?

"Stop?" I whispered. How could he give himself to me and rip it away so easily?

Nick looked into my eyes and a pained expression crossed his face, but he looked away and repeated the words I dreaded, "stop."

"Why'd you let me start?" I whispered, my voice was thick and full of emotion.

He avoided my gaze, "I..."

"Look at me when you say it,"

His eyes reluctantly found mine, "Brian..."

"Can you honestly tell me you didn't feel anything?"

He nodded his head.

"But I heard you," I was referring to his moan. He had to remember that, what it felt like...

He shook his head. The tears blinded my eyes, "I did..." I whispered. I looked down, but not before I caught his obvious arousal. "Nick... your body seems to be telling me otherwise," my words were so bold, my heart was breaking inside.

His eyes followed mine, "I-I...well I...haven't been with anyone in a long while. So...I got turned on."

Turned on? My heart skipped a beat, I tried to fight the hope that crawled up, but I couldn't help it.

"You don't get turned on from the same sex unless you truly want it," I replied placing a hand on his chest. He jumped. We both watched wordlessly as it trailed down his torso.

"Don't...please..." he begged, but I ignored him. I heard the straining of his wrists as he pulled. I was determined. My hand brushed ever so lightly against the fabric of his pants. He tried to stifle a moan that escaped his throat. That simple noise made my entire body heat up. I looked up to his face, his eyes were closed.

It was like a rush of adrenaline, but I felt bold and I decided to tease, "Are you sure you don't want me to..." I trailed off, squeezing him slightly. He whimpered, but nodded his head.

So my finger went lower, and traced circles against his balls. I heard his hoarse voice cry out. I smiled. "Are you sure you're sure?"

He didn't respond. My fingers continued to trace patterns. I knew I was evil. But I also knew he wanted me. I felt him almost quivering beneath me. I guess I found one of his hot spots. He shook his head desperately. "So you want me to continue?"

He moaned his response, so my hand cupped him tighter. In deliberately slow strokes, I teased him.

His eyes, completely glazed over in lust, tried to focus on mine, "Wait...no. Stop. I don't...fuck," he hissed when I slid my hand down his pants. He began to pull on his restraints not knowing what the fuck he wanted.

"Nick, just feel," I whispered against his ear. His hands fell to his sides as he shuddered and threw his head back. My finger brushed against the tip of his cock, and he moaned lightly. His lips were partly opened, his eyes fluttering close, his head thrown back, his hair messy and damp from the sweat that covered his entire body, his cheeks flushed. Just how I pictured him. He was simply gorgeous.

His hips started moving with my strokes. "Fuck Brian..." he moaned against my ear. His breath was hot and ragged, tickling my ear. I was breathing hard with him, trying to concentrate, watching him was getting to be too much.

His words suddenly hit him, and his head shot up, "No...no, Brian please..." his hoarse voice cried. He tried to shy away again. I would have stopped, but I didn't want to, and neither did he, so I ignored him, and began to suck on his neck, light kisses over his Adam's apple. He groaned again, "Please...stop, fuck Bri..." he licked his lips as an attempt to control himself. "I'm...I can't...I can't be gay. I'm not," he blurted out between gasps.

Can't be gay? What? I pulled away from him confused and hurt. Was that what was wrong? Everything was just falling into place and panic began to rise up in my throat. He wasn't gay. He didn't want to be. He didn't want to be with me.

"Nick?" My voice betrayed me.

Nick glanced up at me, and burst into tears. I hugged him tightly. I didn't want to let go, maybe I scared him away, maybe I went too fast...Dammit. My tears fell against his shirt, making my very own spot. Nick's arms were tied so I knew his arms wouldn't wrap around me, but my heart grew warm when he nuzzled his chin in the crook of my neck. I missed his touch so much it hurt.

"Nick...I don't...I'm not gay either," he snorted at my attempt to calm him down. I smiled, "that's not what I mean. I don't...I guess...I mean...I don't look at myself like that, you know?" I rested my forehead against his so I could look him in the eyes. He frowned, confused. I tried desperately to search for words to explain, make him understand.

I was thanking God at the moment that Nick was even listening.

"You're...You..." I began to stutter nervously. I had to get this out. "You're the only person I've ever imagined being with. No other girl, no other guy does anything for me. It's just you, and that used to petrify me, because I knew I couldn't have you. But now...I don't know. I'm so confused."

He looked at me, squinting in uncertainty, "really?" he whispered. My heart raced. I nodded.

"You don't need to understand your heart, it's usually impossible. All you need to do is go with it."

He was silent. What did that mean? I was so afraid to look in his eyes. What would I find there? Disgust? Fear? Hurt? Maybe, just maybe...he was thinking it over. My heart slammed against my chest in anticipation while my hands shook. Maybe all I was put through would be good in the end?

"Brian," he whispered, barely audible. Shaking my thoughts away, I focused on him. His eyes were worried, concern, hurt, uncertain...and something else. I wasn't sure.

"Hmm?" I answered, still trying to decipher what it was.

"I don't...I...my...Bri, I don't know what my heart is saying," he whispered. My heart skipped a beat. Nick never liked to talk about his feelings, it stopped a long time ago, when the other guys thought he was too much of a baby. He was confiding in me. I could hardly breathe. But I didn't say anything, I knew better. "I don't know what to do," his head dropped so his chin hit his chest.

I took a step cautiously to him, I didn't want to do anything too quickly. I'd scare him away. I placed my hand on his heart, it was beating so fast. I was completely floored. It was all so overwhelming. "I think," my voice cracked. Shit. Still, one of the corners of his mouth lifted. "I think it's trying to tell you something." I dipped my head and rested it against Nick's chest. It felt so comforting and perfect at that moment, it almost scared me. That's where I always knew I'd belong.

I could hear his heart perfectly, if I wasn't mistaken, it had sped up in the last couple of seconds. "It's asking you why you're so stupid and levelheaded," I smiled against his chest, hoping he would take it the right way.

He laughed. I felt my own pulse begin to race. His whole body shook with the movement. "If you want, I could...we could...figure this out together. Just please, don't...don't leave me. I won't be able to take anything more." I choked on a random sob as I held him tighter determined not to let him go.

I felt him pull on his restraints. I looked up, but he moved his chin so it was on top of my head. "Brian," his voice was still hoarse. He was allowing me to cling to his chest. "I'm s...Bri...I'm so sorry. I-I can't...I can't tell you how sorry I am. I don't know why or what I put you through. I just...I di...I didn't..."

He stuttered for the words, but for some reason, always like Frick and Frack, I understood. "Shh...it's okay. I know you and I know you didn't mean it." I felt him nod his head.

"I didn't, I swear, I didn't understand..."

"I know Nicky,"

"No. I mean, didn't understand my own...I...think...I don't...I-I," he sighed, frustrated. If his hands were free he'd have run his hand through his hair to try and collect his thoughts. "I think...I feel something for you too,"

My heart stopped beating. I broke his embrace, my eyes wide. "W-what?"

"I... I just. I don't know..."

"You feel something for me?" I repeated, not quite sure what I was hearing. My voice was so small. Complete shock almost blocked my entire airway.

He nodded and looked away.

"Oh my God," my hand went to my mouth. "Then why?..." My mind began to race...thinking back on this past month.

"I don't know... I wasn't...I didn't think...it's...I just...it's not right."

"Not right?"

He nodded again.

"What do you mean?" Even though I knew perfectly well what he was trying to say.

"Us. It's not...so many things...it just won't work."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, but I couldn't help the panic rising. He wasn't...he couldn't be saying what I think...

"I don't...it's not..."

"Please..." I said, backing away, one hand was up protecting me from him. From hurting me again. I had just completely opened myself to him, and he closed the book and handed it back. I tried, for so many months to push away the slight hope that he might want me back, but I couldn't this time. And it hurt, it hurt bad.

"No Brian...listen..." he tried. But I couldn't. I continued to back away until I tripped over a bench. I turned and fled for the door. "Brian! I listened to you, please...listen." He struggled against his restraints.

I stopped, but didn't turn around. I was facing the door. A part of me wanted to run away, to run away from all the pain he made me go through, but the other part of me wanted to turn around, run back into his arms and take him back.

"Brian...look at me. Come here," his voice was sturdier, calm almost. I glanced at him, and with one look I was weak. I walked mechanically back to face him. Whatever he had to say, I couldn't hurt anymore.

"Brian...untie me."

I shook me head. He sighed loudly. "Bri, I just...I mean...it's not. It can't be right. I'm not right. You aren't right. And we aren't meant for each other."

I stepped closer to him, he jumped, I could almost see his hands shaking. I was affecting him. "Nick, can you honestly...honestly tell me that when I'm near you, everything feels wrong?"

He looked away, not able to meet my eyes. "Nick...I swear to God...if you lie to-"

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"So what is it?"

"When you're near me, everything's right."

"And that's wrong?"

He nodded.

Fuck him. "Coward."

He looked back at me in shock. "What?"

"You heard what I said. " My voice was eerily calm.

"Yes. I did. You said I was a coward. Now I would like an explanation," his voice wavered slightly, despite his efforts to keep it as level as mine.

"You are scared. You don't want to do anything about your feelings because you're scared. You're fucking scared. You coward. Stop running away from everything." I spat, anger filling my veins. I had enough of this.

"I'm not a coward," he whispered.

"Then prove it,"

"Untie me,"

"Prove it,"

He glared at me for a second, then sighed in defeat. His head dropped, "Brian...no one will understand...I don't...I..."

"Who cares what other people think?"

"I do. I was taught to. They made me what I am, and I don't...I don't wanna be what..." Nick looked up, tears brimming his eyes. "They say I'm a fag. I'm not."

My resolve broke, along with my heart...I had never though what Nick must be going through. H e always could see the worst parts in things and new just how to blow it out of proportion. "Aw Nick," I stepped to him and grabbed him in a tight hug. His shoulders shook. Shh Nicky, don't cry baby. I love you. Everything's gonna be alright. "Nick, you don't have to do anything about this right now, but I swear to God Nick, if you deny who you are, I'm gonna fucking killing you," I smiled slightly, trying to lighten the mood.

He smirked, small, but it was there. "Nick, promise me. No matter what anyone says, just be you."

Nick looked away. "Nick, I'm serious. Someone once told me something really smart. 'No one should let you be you. You just be you and see what happens then.' It's true you know,"

He nodded.

"Promise me. Look at me."

He looked up, and smiled. The first real smile I saw in forever. Tears tracing paths down his cheeks, " I promise."

"Good."

"Now untie me."

"You know what? I don't..."

"Brian," he warned.

"Nicky," I answered back in the same tone.

"Don't call me that,"

"Call you what?" I asked innocently.

"Nicky,"

"Why are you talking to yourself?"

He smiled. "God I missed you," he whispered, again pulling at his restraints. I understood, I leaned in and gave him a tight hug.

"I missed you too," I whispered, trying hard to not let my tears fall again.

"Now untie me, or I swear to God, you're dead when someone comes around."

"No one works down here dumbass,"

"The guys'll save me,"

"They put you here,"

"I still think that was you,"

"Would I have been that smart?"

"No,"

"Then there's your answer, huh?" I smiled. He was back. He was fucking back.


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