CHAPTER TWENTY ONE Air. I needed air. I needed to breathe and be able to think straight. I decided to take a walk down the hall. Maybe I’ll go get some ice or something. Then again, I don’t exactly need ice…or have a bucket…you know, now that I think of it, I could put it in a plastic bag. That’ll work. Wow. And to think sometimes I actually have intellectual thoughts. “Brian?” My body froze in mid step. That voice. It was so soft. So vulnerable…so sexy. I didn’t want to turn around. I wasn’t. I couldn’t. My breathing increased. I had to keep walking. I had to get away. My steps were quicker, I was determined to get to the icemaker at the end of the hall. “Brian?” The voice was a little louder. But not enough to sound harsh. Simply determined …sexy…I shook my head. No. “Please Brian,” and that was it. That was all it took. I gave in. I stopped. I turned around. I was determined not to be affected by her. I couldn’t be. I had Nick…well…I think I had Nick. And he was all I needed. Yet I gasped. As much as I knew it was going to affect me, I wasn’t expecting her to look that good. She looked gorgeous. Stunning. God… “Hey,” she smiled a small cute little smile and walked timidly towards me. I had a sudden urge to step back, keep the distance between us, but I didn’t. I let her come close. “It’s been a while,” I nodded. I couldn’t speak. My heart was in my throat. My mind was still in shock. Was it possible she got any hotter? “You look good,” she looked me over. Fuck, so do you. “You too,” wow. I could speak. She smiled, more full, such a beautiful sexy smile…especially when it reached her eyes. I shook my head. Again. God, this is bad. “How’ve you been?” She asked. So sweetly. Her strap fell off her shoulder and I tried to will my eyes not to look. But I did. I watched how she brushed her soft, creamy shoulder with her well-manicured nails and brought the white cloth back where it belonged. I swallowed. Was I getting hard? Fuck. “Fine, you?” “I’m…I’m okay,” she nodded, “But I miss you,” she spoke hopefully. Her eyebrows would raise slightly and she’d shift her weight from one foot to the other. She was nervous. She was being hopefully. Nervous. I shouldn’t know. It wasn’t my place to be able to read her. Dammit. “Has Kevin spoken with you lately?” I shook my head. He hadn’t. AJ had. “So you have no idea why I’m here?” She laughed lightly. It sent a shiver down my spine. I shook my head once more. That seemed to be working out fine. “Oh my gosh, I’m so embarrassed. I feel so stupid,” she covered her mouth with her delicate hand. The hand that could work me until I screamed… “It’s okay,” it wasn’t. It really wasn’t. Shit. “No no, this must look absurd. After everything…I’m sorry, I’m gonna…go,” she turned, her blonde hair flipped over her shoulder with the motion. I tried to stop myself. But I felt my hand reach out to stop her. I touched her shoulder lightly and felt a shock run through me. “Don’t go, it’s okay,” my voice sounded inviting. I didn’t want it to. That’s not what I meant! She turned and smiled. “Really? You sure?” NO. No. Absolutely not. Get out of my life now! “Yeah, sure. We’ll get you a room and everything. Don’t worry about it,” at least I made it clear she wasn’t staying with me. She nodded, catching my drift, “sure. Thank you,” “No problem,” “I really missed you,” her eyes were mesmerizing “I missed you too,” I heard myself say. Shit! She smiled. I couldn’t help but mirror it. This was going to be bad. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I practically ran to my room and locked the door behind me. I took a deep breath and let my head hit the door as I relaxed. Or at least tried to. I needed Nick. I needed Nick now. He’d help me out. He’d help me forget her. But he wasn’t here. My stomach knotted. How could this get any worse? The dull ache in my pit of my stomach reminded me. No. It couldn’t get any worse. I promised Nick I’d be there for him. That I’d wait for him. He trusted me. I couldn’t betray his trust. Leighanne. Even thinking her name got me even harder. I couldn’t betray Nick’s trust. I wouldn’t. Would I? I needed to get rid of my problem. It wasn’t letting me think clearly. I walked to my bed and shed my clothing along the way. I slipped into the covers and wrapped my hand around my cock. I moaned loudly. God that felt good. An image of Leighanne fucking me with her mouth flashed in front of my eyes, making me moan again. My eyes flew open. Shit! Nick. Nick. I closed my eyes again and saw Nick doing the same. My hand moved quicker and my heart began to slam against my chest. Fuck Nick, yes. It didn’t take long. Watching images of Nick always got me quickly. I was almost there. Almost. God I needed this. So badly. Mmmm, fuck. I opened my eyes to see Leighanne instead of Nick. “Leighanne,” I moaned. So close. But once I realized the name I said, I stopped. I was so close, but I stopped. I couldn’t believe I had the strength too, I was practically shaking. I felt like I was going to cry. I needed my release so badly my vision was blurry. But I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. Not with Leighanne. With Nick. Images of Nick! Only Nick. I closed my eyes but Leighanne remained in the same position. “Fuck,” I cursed in frustration. I felt my heart beat in my head. I was breathing so hard it hurt. I needed to come. Fuck, I was torturing myself. I got up quickly and ran to the shower. Cold, freezing water. It was cold, but not cold enough. I was still so hard. I couldn’t get rid of it. I closed my eyes, pictures of Leighanne blurred my vision. I couldn’t. My hand reached for my hardon once more. I can’t. I held it tightly, moaning. I won’t. My hand began to move slowly. Not with Leighanne. I stroked myself harder, in need of release. She hurt me. I moaned. She’ll hurt me again. I moved faster. I was so close. I don’t want to be hurt. I was there. I don’t want to hurt Nick. “Oh God!” I hit my impending orgasm with a strangled cry. I don’t want to hurt Nick. CHAPTER TWENTY TWO “Can’t you just send her home or somethin’?” “I’m not the one who invited her,” “She can’t be here,” “Why? You love Nick. There’s nothing to worry about,” AJ concluded. Yeah, it’s that easy. Sure. Whatever. “AJ-” “She’s just here as…as a friend,” “AJ, she thinks I wanna get back together with her,” I could tell he was suppressing his laughter. “Are you serious? Well, set her straight,” “I can’t just set her straight,” “Yes you can,” “It’s not that simple,” “Yes it is,” “AJ,” “Brian…” Man is this guy stubborn. “I can’t-” “You are such a pessimist,” I rolled my eyes and began to walk away. Realizing I was now annoyed he jogged up beside me, “okay, so maybe I do understand somewhat, I mean….she’s a huge part of your life….almost seven years of your life…but why can’t you just ignore it or something?” “It’s not that easy,” “You’re right, its not,” he agreed. He rarely agreed. Shit. “What?” “I just realized something,” My stomach formed a tight knot, “ what?” He looked over at me and noticed my stress, “oh no. It’s nothing, it’s fine. Seriously,” he tried to reassure me, and began walking slightly quicker. I caught up with him in a flash. “AJ. You suck shit at lying. Tell me. I’m dead serious.” He stopped walking, and took a dramatically long pause before turning to me, “it’s just…” he stopped. I gave him an annoyed look, “Kevin might have asked her to um…do stuff with us,” “What do you mean?” “In short? She’s gonna be with us…like, twenty-four seven.” I had forgotten Howie and Kevin became really close with her. Shit. At least she wasn’t going to be attending anything business related. I wouldn’t have to think about her then. “And when I said twenty-four seven, I meant it. Press conferences, photo shoots, rehearsals, recordings…Kevin’s making sure she feels welcome.” Welcome. Hah! ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ I sat nervously, pulling at the end of my shirt. He’d be down any minute. How would he react? What would he do? I bent my head down and wiped the end of my shirt against my forehead. I was sweating. The entire rest of the tour relies on how he takes this. The entire rest of my life depends on the way he take this. He stepped out of the elevator and made his way over to us. I felt my heart flutter, God he was gorgeous. His hair was freshly washed, he wore a hooded sweater and jeans that just…hung off his hips so right. I swallowed hard and averted my eyes. No need to be staring. He hasn’t noticed. Maybe he won’t. Yeah. Right. Maybe he won’t notice the tall blonde standing next to me that’s NOT him. His gaze fell over me, I tried to smile. It felt strained. Fake. He frowned. Asking what was wrong. It was only yesterday we decided we should back off, the things he must be thinking. Before I could answer his unspoken question, his eyes averted from mine, even though I tried so hard to keep them there, and moved to my side. The side with the tall blonde. The side with the tall blonde that was not Nick Carter. CHAPTER TWENTY THREE “Leighanne?” “Nick, hi.” Leighanne greeted him warmly. “I’ve missed you,” Nick nodded. The feeling wasn’t mutual. What the hell was she doing here? There was an awkward silence between the two before Leighanne turned to me. “Bri, do you wanna go ahead? We can get a bite to eat before you’ve gotta be at the rehearsal.” Get a bite? Before rehearsal? Was she serious? I felt the panic rise in my throat and I shut my eyes tightly willing my breakfast to stay down. This so did not look good. I glanced at Nick, who was just watching us. I couldn’t read his expression. Please Nick, understand, it’s not what it looks like. “Uh-” “Sure he will, won’t you Brian?” Kevin asked. I think he was glaring at me. Was that a threat? I couldn’t say yes. Nick wouldn’t understand. “Sure,” the words escaped my lips and I felt myself move to the door with Leighanne by my side. My stomach was in knots. It was like I couldn’t control anything I was doing. I knew what Nick must have been thinking. I stole a glance, he was watching us. I had to talk to him. I had to tell him what was going on. “I’ll be right there, I just gotta talk to Nick for a sec,” and before she could protest I was running back to Nick. “Nick, I need to-” “Did you leave Leighanne there?” “Kevin, I told her I was gonna be a minute. Chill,” got I hated when he took that tone with me. “Nick, please…I need to talk to you,” I was begging. His eyes were still unreadable. He nodded. Thank the Lord. We walked to the side of the room. “It’s not what it looks like I just-” “Why are you making excuses?” “Wh-…what?” “Why are you making excuses? It’s fine. Seriously. And you don’t have to, it’s not like we’re anything,” I stared at him in shock. Had Nick just said those words? True, we weren’t technically together, but still. We were something. We had to be. We were less then twelve hours ago. “Bu- I… Nick…we-” he silence me with his hand. “Leighanne’s waiting,” his tone was again unreadable. I didn’t know what to say. What was I supposed to do? In shock I walked back to where Leighanne was waiting and we walked out of the hotel together. I was too dazed to realize she hooked her arm through mine and leaned on me the entire way to the restaurant. What was I getting myself into? ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ “Maybe we should be heading back,” I said glancing at my watch. “Aw Brian, come on! Please?” God she was beautiful. The way her lip pouted just slightly. So innocent. My heart quickened. I shook my head trying to rid it of the nasty thoughts in my head. Leighanne and I were over. I was with Nick…so to speak. “I’ll buy you an ice cream cone,” she taunted. I was going to laugh, but then I realized what she was implying. After she agreed to marry me, we spent the entire night in my hotel room…ice cream…chocolate syrup…strawberries…it was incredible. I found myself getting hard just at the thought and my breath quickened. “We really should get back,” I repeated, my breathing uneven. I felt stupid. Weak. “Brian,” she whispered seductively, grazing her lips with my ear, “lets go back to your hotel room.” My head was spinning, I couldn’t think straight. She couldn’t be doing this to me. I wouldn’t allow her. I didn’t want her…okay that wasn’t true. God I wanted her. I wanted her so much I was starting to scare myself. What would I do? How far would I go? Her breasts were pressed against my chest. I inhaled her intoxicating sent. God I missed her. I needed her. My pants were beginning to become painful. I needed them off. I needed to get off… “No!” I suddenly shouted, scaring her and myself in the process. We both jumped out of each other’s arms. She cocked her head to the side, studying me intently. “You know you want to,” “ I don’t,” I whispered. I never remembered her being so seductive. “You do, your body is telling me you do,” she was against me again, and her hand trailed its way down my chest. I could hardly breathe, my need of release was getting the better of me again. I couldn’t think straight. I felt so helpless. I wanted her so badly. I missed her. I loved her. I pushed her hand away. I didn’t love her. I couldn’t love her, could I? “Please, we need to go, I can’t be late,” I said in a surprisingly stern voice. “We’re already late,” “Leighanne…” this was starting to get annoying. I could so handle avoiding her. She had no control over me. “What’s holding you back? You know you want me. I want you. Baby, I’m sorry for what I did. I was nervous, I was scared…but it’s in the past. You told me you forgave me. Bribaby, I miss you so much.” Her voice was so soft. She could always get through to me. Always. She always managed to convince me or make me do things. I could melt under her gaze if she held in long enough. “Leigh-” “Bri, let’s start over. I know you are just trying to protect your pride. I understand. But Kevin told me you’ve been upset since we broke up, that you’ve changed. Brian, I don’t want you to change.” Kevin thought Leighanne was my problem? I wanted to laugh out loud. She wasn’t my problem…well…maybe she was. I’m so confused I could cry. Was she my problem? Was Nick my problem? Why couldn’t I just…choose? But Nick wasn’t for the taking though. It really wasn’t like anything was holding me back. I didn’t have Nick. I didn’t have Leighanne…I could have Leighanne, but I didn’t. Nothing was holding me back. BACK NEXT |
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