Curiously AJ stared about the circular room the scrawny wizard Ponder had led him to. There was a huge machine in the centre with flashing lights upon the side and the top of the machine tapered up into a point which spun around so fast that it made AJ feel sick just watching it.

“What is this place?” he asked as he noticed several other strange creations and buzzing machines about the room.

Ponder rapidly locked the door behind them and breathed a sigh of relief. “Nobody saw us,” he said.

“Oh good, I dunno why that is good, but it is. Now what is this place?”

“This is the High Energy Magic building. It’s basically where I spend most of my time.”

AJ stared at Ponder through his shades, even though they made the room so dark that he could hardly see anything except for the small flashing lights. “That’s pretty sad you know. I thought you students were into clubs and stuff.”

Ponder looked slightly offended. “What makes you think I’m a student?”

“Er…” AJ could go on forever. There was the dress seen as no normal man (and he did not class students as normal) would be seen in a yellow dress. H knew Ponder and the others in this place said they were robes but they still looked like dresses to AJ. Then there was the face which looked smoother than a baby’s. hell he looked younger than Nick. “You look like one?” he tried.

“Well I’m not,” Ponder corrected. “I’m thirty years old.”

Oops…

“Er well… at least you’re looking good for your age!” AJ said cheerfully as he seated himself in a swivelling chair beside a desk.

“I generally work with the students here on their experiments. This is the Unseen University of Magic,” he explained.

“Why’s it Unseen? I can see it,” AJ said, his brow furrowing in puzzlement.

“It just is,” Ponder replied.

“And you’re a wizard eh?” And if this was what wizards looked like, then AJ was sure as hell glad that he had not even considered that career possibility… well, not since he was six years old anyway.

Ponder nodded. “This is what we call the Discworld. You don’t belong here. You come form a different world.”

“Do I?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah, I guess I do.” He was not surprised by this sudden declaration of Ponder’s. He’d been trapped in a library (okay, so that was normal for any library), chased by a wild thesaurus and attacked by an estrange male student in a dress who had been lost for eight years. He knew that this wasn’t his world. “I kinda already worked that out,” AJ said, nodding intelligently.

“The other wizards and I were trying an experiment using something called an Omniscope and we accidentally transported you and your friends here from your own world.”

AJ looked u at Ponder, tearing his eyes from the mouse running round in a wheel on the desk before him. “They’re here as well?”

Ponder nodded. “We tried to send you back but you were scattered over our world. Now we need to send you back quickly. I did some calculations and discovered that your presence is disrupting the stability of our world. It will be destroyed if you do not return to your original world.”

AJ looked at him, smiled and nodded, even though he had no idea what Ponder had just said. Ponder? What kind of a name was Ponder anyway? His eyes began to wander and he spotted a silvery metal thing that resembled the outline of a car. He picked up and idly spun the wheels around on their axis.

“Are you listening to me?” the young looking wizard asked sharply.

AJ stared back at Ponder and realised that the man had been speaking again. He looked down at the metal car in his hands. “No, sorry.”

Ponder plucked the car from his hands and placed it out of reach of his wandering hands. “I have to get you home. You’re destroying our world!”

“Hey I didn’t do anything!” AJ defended. “It was probably Nick! He does shit all the time like that!”

“You haven’t done anything! It’s our fault for bringing you here. You are not meant to be in this world and the Disc can’t cope with having stranger from another world here. Thje world will fall apart.”

Aj’s eyes creased slightly as he tired to understand Ponder’s words. He understood the words that were used but he had no idea what they meant when strung in a sentence together. “Stop rambling at me!”

Ponder sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m just nervous about the end of the world.”

“I told you it wasn’t me! I was stuck in the library!”

“I’m not blaming you!”

“Good!” This man was beginning to annoy and bore AJ now. He reminded him of a nerd he had once known at school who had always picked on AJ to make him look cool. He didn’t like they way Ponder kept sighing whenever he saw that AJ was not listening to him.

“Look, we have to get you home and I want to help you. There has been an order released today by the Patrician for your capture and destruction. If necessary he will kill you and your friends to stop our world from being destroyed.”

“Why are we such a problem here?” AJ asked. “What have we done?”

“You haven’t done anything. You see, our world is held together by magic. Somehow when you arrived from your world, it destabilised our world and caused it to begin to fall apart. The two worlds are incompatible. I suspect that there would be a similar effect upon your world if people from the Disc were to arrive there.”

“Okay, I get it,” AJ said slowly. Actually, he didn’t get it at all, but he just didn’t want Ponder to ramble on anymore. One thing however was very clear. “You said your Patrician wanted to destroy me and my friends?”

Ponder nodded. “If you die, this whole problem will be solved. He has a assassins out to get you.”

“Okay, okay, so I guess it would be pretty smart for me to get outta here fast right?”

“Right,” Ponder replied. “I have fixed the Omniscope and I intend to use it to send you and your friends home.”

“Really?” AJ said. His eyes suddenly spotted a strange ant farm and keyboard on the desk in front of him. “Hey what does this do?” he asked excitedly as he gave it a poke.

Ponder smacked his hand. “That’s part of Hex. Leave him – er it – alone.”

“It’s got a fluffy bear by the keyboard,” Aj said. He reached out and picked up the brown, furry bear. “Cute.”

“Don’t touch that!” Ponder yelled.

Suddenly the ants froze and the keyboard, which had been alight, dimmed abruptly. A quill that had been attached to a strange machine and wires linked it to the keyboard, mouse (complete with its own wheel and slice of cheese) and ants to power it beside the machine began to whir and write a message upon a roll of parchment.

+++ Mine! Waaaah! +++

Ponder plucked the bear from AJ’s hands and placed it delicately back beside the keyboard. Immediately the ants began to trot about again and the wires illuminated with life.

“It stops working without the FTB,” Ponder explained.

“FTB? It needs Fluffy Teddy Bear to make it work?”

“Hex likes its FTB,” ponder shrugged.

“You talk about it like it’s a real person,” AJ said as he gave the machine another experimental prod.

“It’s a machine that I made,” Ponder said. “It uses data and calculations and compresses them to give you answers to any question you want.”

“Uh?” AJ asked. “I was with you up until ‘it uses’.”

Ponder shook his head. “Never mind. It’s an extremely complex procedure.”

“Hey, are you saying I’m not smart enough to understand?” AJ asked suspiciously.

“What? No, of course not!”

“Then why won’t you explain it to me?”

“I just did and you didn’t understand!”

“I’m not stupid you know! It’s not my fault you don’t speak properly!”

“I do speak properly! At least I don’t have a weird accent!”

“What’s that supposed to mean you British bastard?”

“This isn’t getting us anywhere!” Ponder snapped. “Look, this is Hex!” He pointed to the machine. “You can ask it any question and it will give you an answer, okay?”

“See, I understand it now!” AJ said as he folded his arms proudly. He eyes the machine and it’s teddy and reached out to pick it up again. “But why does it stop working when you-”

“Don’t touch the FTB!”

“Geez okay!”

“Or the mouse!” Ponder added as he saw AJ trying to poke the white mouse as it trundled happily in its squeaky wheel.

AJ sighed in boredom. “The decoration in here really sucks you know?” he commented as he stared about the dark walls.

Ponder pressed a few keys upon Hex’s keyboard. “I think we should get you home as soon as possible.”

“Trying to get rid of me now are you?” AJ accused as his head snapped up.

“I just think it would be best if you joined your friends. Here is what I am going to do,” he said, cutting off the insult that AJ was about to make. “I will locate your friends and send you to them. That will hopefully get all five of you back together. Once that happens, stay put! It will take a lot of energy to locate and get the five of you to the same location. I will need to charge the Omniscope up again to have enough energy to send you back to your own world. That will take a tremendous amount of energy and it may take a while to charge it up. Just stay where you are! If you get separated again then I’ll have a right mess to get you back together.”

“All right. I get it.”

“Are you sure? It’s important that once I have managed to use the Omniscope to transport you all to the same location, that you stay there until I have powered the Omniscope up again. It may take a while. Just don’t go wandering!”

“Would I?” AJ asked as his hands began to creep towards the metal car like object that Ponder had snatched from him before.

Ponder eyeballed him as he snatched the car away from him. “Let’s get started,” Ponder said. “As I said before, this is Hex.” He pointed to the bizarre collection of wires, keyboard, mouse, quill and teddy. “I can ask it any question and it will answer.”

“Any question?”

“Yes.”

“Do I have to type it in?”

Ponder shook his head. “Not anymore.” He moved a small tube to face them both. “This speaking tube means that Hex can ‘hear’ you.”

“Cool, hey Hex, what colour are my boxers?” AJ asked.

The ants began to move faster inside of Hex and then the quill began to frantically scratch upon the parchment.

+++ Black. Calvein Klein +++

AJ Pulled the waistband of his pants down for a brief second and nodded in admiration. “Correct.” He turned back to Hex. “What colour are Nick’s boxers?”

+++ He is not wearing any +++

“Aww man, that’s gross!”

“Let’s get back to our job,” Ponder said. “Hex, are AJ’s friends safe?”

+++ Yes +++

“Good. Where are they?”

+++ Nick Is In Lancre. Brian Is In The Circle Sea. Howie Is In Ank Morpork. Kevin Is Somewhere. Quesry. Divide By Cucumber Error +++

“What?” AJ asked. “What’s a cucumber error?”

“I don’t know, it does that sometimes,” Ponder replied. “At least your friends are safe.”

“Either that or they’re being attacked by cucumber errors,” AJ mumbled. He picked up the teddy again.

+++ WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! MINE! GIVE IT! +++

“All right, all right!” AJ said replacing the teddy.

+++ Whoops! Here Comes The Cheese! +++ MELON MELON +++

“What the - ?”

+++ MELON +++

“What’s with the melons?” AJ asked, raising an eyebrow at Ponder.

“I think it’s crashed,” Ponder said. “It doesn’t matter. We have what we need. I’m going to start charging the Omniscope.” Ponder turned his back on AJ.

+++ MELON +++

AJ thumped the keyboard.

+++ Ow +++

He stared at the machine. “That’s just plain freaky.”

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