Meet Lord Vetinari - the Patrician or ruler of Ankh Morpork, largest city on the Discworld. He knows everything and has not been assassinated like all the other previous rulers because he is considered far more useful alive than dead.
9: THE PATRICIAN Vetinari the Patrician of Ankh Morpork slowly sipped his tea from the cup as the ground shook beneath his feet. He watched as several books slid from their shelves followed rapidly by a small pile of unattended paperwork. He eyeballed his tea in the cup as if daring it to try and splash onto his garments as it nervously bubbled and sloshed about the cup.
“Ah, Archchancellor Ridcully,” he said his lips curving into that thin smile he found always managed to make any persons in his company extremely nervous. And he wanted Ridcully to feel nervous…
“You wanted to see me?” Ridcully asked, carefully keep his distance form the Patrician’s desk as more items tumbled carelessly to the floor.
“Why is Ankh Morpork suffering from earthquakes?” Vetinari asked. “I do not recall us ever having earthquakes before.”
“It’s not just us, it’s the entire disc,” Ridcully confessed. “And - ”
“And what?” Vetinari asked, watching as the wizard before him began to squirm in nervousness.
“Well”
“I believe that you have something to do with this?”
“Well yes.”
“Then tell me.”
“Um,”
“I have been informed that the disc is collapsing because of a distortion in the magical field of the disc. When the word ‘magic’ is mentioned the word ‘wizard’ also springs to mind. Why would that be?”
“Er… because wizards perform magic tricks?” Ridcully asked, his brow furrowing into one of deep concentration. It hurt a lot.
“How about because you have something to do with it?”
“Yes… and that.”
Vetinari leaned back in his seat, still carefully sipping his tea from his cup. The room about him suddenly ceased its trembles and the world was still once again. He watched with no amusement as Ridcully was unbalanced from the sudden lack of motion and fell to the tiles floor.
“Let me help you,” Vetinari said. “I believe that this has something to do with some visitors on the disc.”
“Yes?”
“Visitors that you brought here.”
“Oh…”
“Well?”
“How did you know?”
“That is insignificant, but what is important is that I know and that I also know that you are responsible.”
“Well it’s all very complicated…”
“I believe that people have been known to talk after spending time in the scorpion pit of mine. It does wonders for returning those memories of a forgetful person.”
Ridcully gulped and straightened himself as he stood, brushing the dust form his robe with as most dignity as he could manage. “We were trying an experiment and we brought five men from another world.”
Vetinari carefully placed his tea down on the desk and then neatly folded his arms in front of him as he leant forward to Ridcully. “Did it ever occur to you that it might not be the most intelligent idea to bring other dimensional beings to our world?”
Ridcully’s face wrinkled in concentration as he fought to grasp the long words but finally his brain seemed to make enough sense to form an intelligent reply. “No.”
Vetinari sighed slightly. “Why is their presence having such disastrous effects on the disc? Can your brain manage that question?”
Ridcully nodded, having listened to Ponder’s babble for hours and actually managing to tae in a few points that the young ma had repeatedly mentioned. “The magic is destabilising. They don’t belong here and the disc knows that. The magic fields that hold our world together our crumbling and when they disappear, our world will collapse.”
“Can you not send them home?” Vetinari ventured.
“Well we tried…”
“But…?”
“But it went wrong.”
“How wrong?”
“Er, badly wrong.”
“How badly wrong?”
“Very badly wrong.”
“Archchancellor!”
“Er… well they’ve been scattered all over the disc we think.”
“You think?”
“Well… we can’t find them but Ponder managed to locate the main areas where the magic field is collapsing. There are five major points.”
“A coincidence?”
“We don’t think so.”
“Where about?”
“Two in Ankh Morpork, one in Lancre, one in Uberwald and one somewhere else.”
“Somewhere else?”
“We don’t know where… just somewhere.”
“Could your incompetent brain be of any less help?”
Ridcully thought again about the question. “Er… no?”
“Can you be more specific about their locations?”
“We’re trying,” Ridcully lied, hardly daring to believe that something could be so dangerous. “But it will take time.”
“Do we have time?”
“Er, no.”
“Then I think that must be your top priority.”
“Yes.”
“As for the disc, if we cannot send them home then there are other methods one can employ. You may leave. Tell my secretary I wish to see them.”
Vetinari picked up a pile of papers from his desk and began to shuffle through them, clearly indicating to Ridcully that it was over. He breathed a sigh of relief and wiped his brow and yet he had no clue as to why he felt that way. The patrician had a way with making a person nervous.
Vetinari looked at the reports he had already gathered on activities. He had an extensive network of knowledge supplied by various sources and nothing could go on for long without him knowing about it. This little accident must be dealt with and quickly I the disc were to be saved. He doubted if the commander of the city watch could save Ankh Morpork from this one…
He looked up as he heard the creeping footsteps of his secretary. “Ah, I need you to send for Mr Downey of the Assassins Guild. I believe that I have a job for him.”