CHAPTER THIRTY NINE About two hours before Brian's scheduled surgery time, Dr. Thomas decided it was time for everyone to go and see Brian. It was decided that AJ and Howie would go first. They slowly walked in and looked at their brother laying in the bed. It was hard for them, but they knew that Brian was going to be going uphill from here. "How you feeling man?" AJ asked, taking a seat in a chair next to the bed. "I'm in a bit of pain, but I know after this surgery that things are going to get better," he replied. Howie and AJ exchanged a very quick glance. Did Brian know that there was a chance that he might not make it through the surgery? Both did not want to diminish his hopes, so they left it at that. "Well, we just wanna wish you good luck Rok. We'll be praying for you." Howie leaned over and gave him a hug. "See you on the other side," AJ whispered as he also pulled Brian in for a quick hug. They both walked into the waiting room letting the tears they had been holding back fall. Jackie and Krista both comforted them as Kevin got up to go visit his cousin. "Kev!" Brian exclaimed. "Did my parents come yet?" "Yeah. They arrived late last night. The only reason why they stopped by the hospital was to give consent for your surgery because we didn't know if you were going to be awake or not to decide for yourself. Your parents wanted you to rest last night. But they'll be in to visit shortly." "I'm glad they're here. So you here to wish me luck too huh?" "Yeah Bri. But you've been down the open heart surgery road before. This is nothing new. You've done it once, so you can do it again. I know that you'll be just fine." "Thanks man," Brian said as they hugged. "It means a lot." "I'll send in the next guest," Kevin smiled and was out the door. Nick and Krista got up as soon as Kevin walked into the waiting room. "Brian I just want to wish you good luck," Krista said. "But I'm gonna leave so Nick can have a minute with you." "Thanks," Brian said and returned her hug. As soon as she left, Nick blurted out," Frick, I love you like a brother; you can't leave me!" "Nick! Calm down! I'm not going anywhere." "You promise?" "Yeah I do Frack. Everything will be just fine." "I know it will be Bri, but everything is just so much harder right now," Nick confessed. "It may be that way now, but it can only go up from here. Just remember that." Nick gave Brian a quick hug and left before Brian could see him cry. He made his way back to the waiting room and sent in Angela. She put on her best face to show that she was being strong for him. She peeked around the corner to see Brian staring at the door, waiting for the next person to walk in. "Come here Princess," he said softly as he patted the bed. Angela almost ran to her boyfriend's side. She sat down next to him. And no sooner did she do that, did he sweep her into his arms. She leaned over and gently kissed him. "How do you feel?" "I'm hurting, but I'm better now that you're here!" He put on a cheesy smile. "You're a dork," she laughed as she snuggled down onto the bed. "But I'm your dork. And this little one's too." He said as rubbed her tummy. "Yes, you are and you're going to come out of that surgery good as new just for our little one." "Well, you too Princess." "Brian, I really want you to think of the baby as you get ready for this more than me. Our little one needs you more than I do." "Angela, don't talk like that," Brian begged "Fine. I won't anymore. But please just think of our little one more." Brian just studied her for a minute. "OK, I will. Do me favor and send my family in? I'm getting kinda sleepy." "Alright." She leaned over and gave him a quick kiss for good luck. "I love you." "I love you too." With that, she left to get his family. "Jackie, he wants to see you guys now." "Alright sweetie." Jackie gave her a hug and Harold squeezed her hand for reassurance. Harry just smiled weakly. Brian heard the footsteps of his family approach the door. Harold was the first to walk through the door. "Hello Brian," he said. "How are you feeling?" "Hi Dad," Brian said returning the hug he received. "I'm in pain, but ready for this surgery." "That's good to hear." "Oh Babyduck," Jackie murmured as she kissed the top of her son's head. "Everything is going to be OK." "I know Mom. I know." "Bri, what's up?" Harry asked after a quick hug. "You couldn't have asked a more obvious question Harry?" Brian laughed, but clutched his chest as soon as he did forgetting about the pain for a minute. "Remind me not to do that again." His family let out a small laugh. "Didn't mean to do that to you bro," Harry apologized. "It's OK," Brian smiled. "I'm gonna make it through this and I know that. OK?" His family nodded at him, wanting so much to believe him. "Dad can you just call everyone back in here for a minute? I just have one thing I want to share with everyone before I have to get prepped for surgery." "Sure." Harold walked back out to the waiting room and motioned for everyone to follow him. Everyone got themselves situated; Jackie and Harold in the chairs, Harry, AJ, Howie, Kevin around the bed, Nick and Krista were next to them all holding hands, and Angela sat on the bed beside Brian. "Well, thank you to everyone for being here for the support. It means a lot to me. I just have one more thing to say before I go into surgery." He sat up and pulled something out from under his pillow. Everyone stared curiously at it until they figured out what it is. "Angela Marie Connors, ever since we were kids, I knew you were the one for me. You make me feel whole and complete. Without you, there is no Brian Thomas Littrell. And now that we have our own little one growing inside you, there is only one more piece to this puzzle to make it complete and that's you. Will you marry me?" He opened the ring box to reveal a simple, but beautiful engagement ring. It was 14k gold with a flawless diamond. "Of course Brian. I love you," she cried. He slipped the ring onto her finger; a perfect fit. "I love you too Princess," he mumbled against her lips as they kissed passionately. Cheers went heard throughout the room and shouts of congratulations were heard as well. But before anyone could ask questions about the baby or what was next in their futures, Dr. Thomas strolled in. "Sorry to interrupt, but it's time for Brian to get prepped now." Everyone gave their final good-byes and promised Brian that they wouldn't ask Angela anything until he got out. With that, everyone was back in the waiting room for a long, tedious, and nerve-wracking wait, and Brian was whisked off to the prep room. *** Dr. Thomas was getting ready to make the first incision when the head nurse said," His BP is dropping fast!" "He's stopped breathing," yelled another. "Get me the crash cart stat!" Dr. Thomas yelled. CHAPTER FORTY "I wonder how things are going. I mean, it's been four hours and we haven't heard anything," AJ commented. "Oh, I hope everything is alright," Jackie said with worry on her face. "I'm sure that everything is just fine," Harold said. "No need to worry." "I'll go to the nurses' station and see if they have any sort of updates if everyone wants," Howie volunteered. Everyone just gave nods as he got up and left. "Can I help you?" the nurse behind the desk asked. "Yeah. I was hoping you could give me some information on how Brian Littrell's surgery is going." "Brian Littrell," she murmured. "He should have been out a couple hours ago. Let me see what I can go find." Howie felt his face go white as she was saying this. "Thanks," he managed to choke out. "Don't worry. I'm sure Dr. Thomas just hasn't given me the papers that say he's back in his room yet," she said with a reassuring smile and then left to investigate on what happened to Brian. Howie walked back into the waiting room where everyone else was and all conversation stopped. "Howie! What's wrong?" Kevin asked. "The nurse at the desk told me that she doesn't know where Brian is right now. He should have been out of surgery a couple hours ago. She left to go see what happened to him." Before Howie could say anything else, Jackie let out a loud sob. "Something's wrong!" she cried. "I can feel it!" Harold put his arms around his wife. "Honey, I'm sure that everything is fine." "Yeah," Howie added. "She did say that it was possible that Dr. Thomas just didn't give her the papers saying that he was out of surgery." Harry sighed loudly. "I think I'm gonna go for a walk." "I think I'll join you," AJ said. Both men got up and left. "Oh my poor Babyduck," Jackie mumbled. Harold just wrapped his arms around his wife tighter. "So now what do we do?" Nick wondered out loud. He tried not to move too much because Krista was asleep in his lap. "We wait patiently," Angela said calmly out of nowhere. "I thought you were asleep," Nick said turning his attention toward her. "You honestly think I can sleep when my fiancee is in there with his life on the line?" Nick just shrugged. "Like I said, we have to be patient. He will pull through and no one should be doubting him." Jackie pulled away suddenly from Harold. "Angela, honey, you're right. I shouldn't be doubting my son at all. He will pull through for all of us." Dr. Thomas then poked his head into the room. "Is it a bad time?" "No!" Everyone said in unison. "What about AJ and Harry?" Kevin asked. "We're right here," Harry said. "Dr. Thomas found us in the hallway and told us that he had news, so we followed him back," AJ added. Nick gently woke Krista up as everyone got situated and waited for Dr. Thomas to tell them the news. "OK, I have news that is good, but bad. So I guess I'll just start at the beginning." Jackie and Angela closed their eyes at the same time. "Well, we lost Brian twice during the surgery; the bullet was farther down than we had anticipated and was grazing his heart. Luckily, no damage was done. The rest of the surgery went well. Right now he's in ICU in a coma. The only thing we aren't sure of yet is how much, if any, brain damage he has due to his heart stopping both of those times. We have to wait until he wakes up to take tests. And as much as I hate to say this, that's if he wakes up." Everyone just sat there stunned, silenced by the words that had come out of Dr. Thomas's mouth. Brian have brain damage? He might not wake up again? It wasn't that long ago that everyone was talking to him and he said that he was going to make it. But at the same time Dr. Thomas did say that there was that chance that Brian may not live. It was slowly becoming a reality for all in the waiting room that their lives might never be the same again. When no one spoke, Dr. Thomas said, "I'm sorry to have brought all of you this news. You'll be able to go see him tomorrow, but for now, I suggest everyone goes to get some rest. If any of you have any questions, you know where you all can reach me." With that, he left. "Well, what else can we do?" Krista asked, breaking the silence. "If we can't see him we might as well go home and try to take our minds off of it for a while." "You're right," Kevin agreed. "It isn't going to do Brian or us, for that matter, any good to be sitting here when we can't do anything." The rest of the group nodded at Krista and Kevin and slowly got up, reluctant to leave Brian here. Harold put his arm around Jackie as they left with Harry following so they could go back to their hotel. "We'll call if we hear anything," Harold said over his shoulder and left. The rest of the Backstreet Boys got up to leave. "Are you going to be alright Angela?" AJ asked. "Yeah," she sighed. "You can stay at one of our houses," Howie offered. "No, I've got Krista," she replied. "But thanks anyway." "Call if you need anything," Kevin said in a fatherly tone. Angela smiled. "I will Kev. I promise." Nick leaned over to give Angela a hug. "Stay strong. He needs it," he whispered in her ear. Angela nodded in his shoulder as she felt a tear slip down her face. He pulled back and smiled at her knowing that as much as he wanted to break down because it was his best friend in there, he had to be stronger for Angela. Nick then turned around to Krista and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I'll talk to you soon. Love you." "Love you too," she mumbled. As Nick turned away, all the guys left. Krista watched her boyfriend leave and then turned to face her best friend. "You ready to go?" Angela stared at her engagement ring and sighed heavily before getting up. CHAPTER FORTY ONE Four days. Slowly, four days had passed in torture for the friends and family of Brian Littrell. No one knew what to do with themselves. They couldn't stop their lives. And yet, they felt that if they kept going, it would be betrayal towards him. So for some of them, life did continue for a while. The rest of the Backstreet Boys kept going to meet-n-greets and interviews. They answered what questions they could about Brian without giving away where he was located and what exactly his condition was. All of their best, optimistic faces were kept on the outside, when inside they didn't know if their brother would make it to the next day. Harold, Jackie, and Harry could do nothing but wait for the phone call that determined their family's fate. They visited Angela a couple times to get out of the hotel and to see how she was doing. But mostly, they hung out, not wanting to miss the phone call. Krista did her best to keep Angela busy. She didn't want to sit around and watch Angela drive herself crazy; it wouldn't be good for her or her baby. So she took her out to dinner, they watched movies, and Krista even had her try to do some homework that was long overdue. It surprised Krista at how well Angela was taking this. But then again, she wasn't talking about it much which could mean one big breakdown later. But for the time being, Krista let Angela use her as a means of support. It was early afternoon when Krista picked up the phone to hear Jackie's voice on the other end. "Hi Jackie! How is Brian?" She was almost afraid to hear the response. "Well, he's good actually." Krista let out a sigh of relief. "But, he's not out of the woods yet. Let me talk to Angela and she can fill you in on the rest." Krista silently understood that Jackie wanted to tell her son's fiancee herself. "Angela!! Jackie is on the phone! She has news about Brian!!" Angela swept up the extension off the hook in the kitchen. "Hello Jackie. Please tell me you have good news?" "Yes, it is good news. Dr. Thomas called me earlier to tell me that they ran a CAT scan on Brian. The results show that he does have brain activity." Angela let out a sigh of relief. "But, this is only a stepping stone. He still has to come out of the coma." "This is great news!" Angela shrieked. "Why don't you sound happier about it?" "Because there is still that chance that he won't come out of this coma. I can't get my hopes up only to find out that my son will never look me in the eyes and tell me that he loves me ever again. That I would never be able to hug him or watch him do all the things that he loves. Of all the things that hurt the most, it's that my grandchild, his child, may never get to meet their father. The baby doesn't deserve that and neither does Brian. You don't deserve to raise this baby on your own, but should do it with Brian at your side. Brian deserves to watch his child grow up. The baby deserves to get to know Brian. And you deserve to spend the rest of your life with him. I've never seen him happier unless he was with you. He was right; you really do complete him Angela. The three of you deserve to live a full and happy life together." Angela felt her high come crashing down as she saw her life without Brian flash before her eyes. It was something that she didn't want to see or accept. Jackie had made her see this in a way that she had never seen it before and it was like a slap in the face. The tears fell from her eyes as if she had never cried before. There was no way she was going to live without Brian again. Once was enough for her. "Jackie, I'm so sorry that I'm acting like this," Angela sobbed. "No, honey, it's OK. Sometimes it's OK to have that breakdown. You've been so strong for everyone else. And now you need to let it all out. What you need is a warm bath and a long nap to make you feel better. And tonight Harold, Harry, and I are going to see him. Why don't you come with us?" "OK. That sounds good. What time?" "We figured around 6." "Alright. Thanks for everything Jackie," she whispered. "No problem. Bye." "Bye." Angela turned around to see Krista sitting at the kitchen table. "Are you going to be OK?" she asked, getting up to give her best friend a hug. "Yeah. I think I'm gonna take a warm bath and then a nap just to relax," Angela replied, taking Jackie's suggestions. "But let me relay to you what Jackie told me about Brian." And so she did before giving some well deserved time to herself. *** Krista drove Angela to the hospital because if Angela was going to be upset again, she didn't want her driving. Nick met Krista there so they could support each other. Before he left though, he called Kevin, Howie, and AJ to let them know that everyone was going. So instead of the Littrell family and Angela, it turned into everyone once again gathered at the hospital. Jackie and Harold were surprised to see everyone walk into the waiting room they had become all too familiar with. "Thank you all for coming to be here at Brian's side constantly," Jackie smiled at them. "It really means alot to us and to Brian," Harold added. "All I know is that I'm not going anywhere until I know that Bri is OK," AJ stated. Everyone else nodded in agreement. "And being here for Brian means more to us than anything else right now," Howie chimed in. "Except for one thing that we have to go to tonight," Kevin interjected. "I hate to be the fatherly figure here, but we have to go to that meeting with management to talk about that official press conference about Brian." The other three guys groaned. "Aunt Jackie and Uncle Harold, I'm sure you both understand." "Of course," Harold said. "It's something that needs to be done. We want your fans to know how Brian is doing. They have every right to know." "In that case, let's all go and see him before we have to leave," Howie suggested. "Well, I'm gonna wait," Nick said, not getting up. "Why?" AJ asked. "I'm going to go in with Angela." Kevin, AJ, and Howie just looked at each other and shrugged. "OK," Kevin said. Then they left to go be with Brian. Krista looked at Nick. "What made you say that?" "I think it might be good if we supported each other like that. I mean, besides his family, the two of us know him the best. It's just something I can't explain." "It's OK Nicky," she reassured him and gave his hand a squeeze as she laid her head on his shoulder. "Angela will come for a short walk with me? I just need to talk to you for a minute," Harry said out of nowhere. "Yeah, sure," she replied, not too sure where this was going. They got up and walked down the hall for a bit in silence. When it seemed like they were far away enough, Harry started," Angela, ever since the day Brian first brought you home, I knew that you were the one for him. You always treated him right and respected him for who he was. And because of that I always thought very highly of you. When he called the house to tell us that he had gotten back together with you, Mom, Dad, and I couldn't have been happier. But now this is happened and we got to see you again; too bad it had to be under these circumstances. What I'm trying to get at is that I'm so happy for you and Brian. I couldn't have asked for a better woman to marry him. But I just want to ask you to take care of him. He's my little brother and needs someone to always be there for him. And I know that no matter where he goes on tour or what he does in his life, you will be there for him. I just want to thank you for making him happy." Angela stopped and looked at Harry. "You have no need to worry about him. I promise that I will do my best for him. It's only what he deserves." Harry swept Angela into a hug as she finished her last sentence. "Thank you," he whispered. She just nodded into his shoulder. As they broke apart, Angela said, "Well I hate to be the one to break up a moment here, but I have to get back because Nick wanted to go see Brian with me." He smiled at her as they turned around to go back to the waiting room. When they got there, they saw that AJ, Howie, and Kevin had returned. "I guess nothing yet?" Harry asked. They all shook their heads in response. "You ready?" Angela asked Nick. "Yeah. We're leaving soon." He got up and escorted Angela to Brian's room down the hall. Right before they stepped into the room, Nick felt Angela grab his hand. "You OK?" "Yeah," she said, barely audible. "You just make me feel better because you know almost exactly what I'm going through. You give me strength." Nick gave her hand a squeeze and they entered the room. Brian lay in the bed looking like he had when he was first brought into the hospital after he was shot. He still had plenty of machines hooked up to him, monitoring his every breath and heartbeat. It was almost as if the machines were saying that he couldn't do anything for himself anymore, They slowly walked over to the bed to be closer to him. Nick gently let go of Angela's hand and just stared at his best friend. He had so much he wanted to say to Brian, but the words got caught in his throat every time he opened his mouth. He took a couple minutes to collect himself. "Brian, before I break down, I just want you to know that I love you like the older brother I never had. You've taught me so much over the last few years and are truly my best friend and brother. And no matter what happens to you, you will always remain that way to me." He choked out the last couple of words as a lump rose in his throat and he silently cried. Angela turned to Nick and embraced him. Her heart broke at the sight in front of her and she began to cry herself. "Nick, he's going to be OK. That's what you have been telling me all along, isn't it? We just have to stay strong." But Angela didn't know if he was going to be OK. For right now though, she had to be strong for Nick as he had done so many times for her. He pulled away from her and forced a small smile. "I know you want to say some things to him before we go, so go ahead." "Thanks," she smiled. Angela turned around to Brian. She took his hand in hers. "Hey sweetie, it's me. The baby is doing fine so far. And so am I. At least I think. Today, your mother called me to tell me that you have brain activity. I hope they told you that so you know that you really and truly can get better. Anyway, she made me realize that there really may be that chance that you may not live and that I may be raising our baby on my own. I really don't want to have to do that. I can't imagine doing it without you." She was sobbing uncontrollably now. "God forbid that does happen, I promise I will do everything in my power to keep the memory of you alive to everyone that has known you. And I will make sure that our baby knows everything about you. I'll make it so it would be like you are right there with us. I just can't imagine my life without you." She couldn't speak anymore and just looked down at the bed. The sight of her fiancee was too much for her. She squeezed his hand and turned to leave. But Angela felt something. Brian squeezed back. She turned around quickly to look straight into his beautiful, blue eyes. "You don't have to imagine Princess. I told you I'm not going anywhere." EPILOGUE "Ladies and gentlemen, may I now present to you for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Brian Thomas Littrell!!" The minister announced for everyone in the church to hear. Cheers and shouts of congratulations were heard from throughout the church as Brian and Angela slowly made their way down the aisle; Angela couldn't move that fast because she was eight months pregnant. They had decided that they wanted to get married before the baby was born. The nursery was all set up in a puppy theme and all it needed was a baby to call the room its home. Angela was only too excited to be a glowing, expecting bride. It was everything she could have ever hoped for. Following them out was Angela's younger sister, Trisha, as the maid of honor escorted by Harry, who was Brian's best man. Nick, AJ, Kevin, and Howie all followed them as ushers with Krista at Nick's side and three of Angela's friends as bridesmaids. As they exited the Lexington church and got into the limo, Angela looked toward her parents. Her mother was crying bittersweet tears because she knew she was losing her oldest baby, but at the same time knew that she was in good hands. Her father stood proud and gave her their secret wave; she would always be "Daddy's Little Girl." When she glanced over to Brian's parents, his mother was also crying. She was crying because Brian had made it; he became a husband and is on his way to see his child being born. His father smiled and held Jackie tightly as the limo started to pull away. Angela snuggled up against Brian and looked up at him. "Well, Mr. Littrell, here we are married and getting ready to have our baby. What do you think of that?" she smiled. "Well, Mrs. Littrell, I couldn't have asked for anything more." He tilted her chin and gave her a loving kiss. Five weeks later... "Come on Angela!! Push!" encouraged her obstetrician, Dr. Chelston. "I'm trying! It hurts!" she moaned. Brian scrunched up his face in pain as Angela squeezed his hand during the contraction. "You're doing just fine Princess. A little bit more and you're done." "I know Brian," she sighed. "I really couldn't have done this without you." "No, you really couldn't have," he laughed, trying to lighten up the mood. Angela smacked him. "You know what I meant!" Brian just kissed her forehead in return. "Ohh, here comes another one!!" Brian braced himself because he had a feeling this one was going to be bigger than the last. "Here we go Angela!! Let's shoot for the head this time!" Dr. Chelston said. Angela took a deep breath and pushed. "I see the head!! OK, take a breather for a minute and then we are going to birth this baby!" "I can't do this anymore," she mumbled. "Yes, you can Angela. Look at me." Angela turned her head to face Brian. He looked into her eyes and farther beyond them. "I pulled through for you and the baby and now it's your turn to pull through for us." She nodded as Dr. Chelston said it was time for the last push. Angela closed her eyes and pushed with everything she had. "Congratulations!! You have a baby boy!" Dr. Chelston exclaimed. "How come the baby isn't crying?" Angela said in alarm. "The biblical cord was slightly tied around his neck. Brian, if you would come cut the cord?" Brian took the surgical scissors and snipped the cord in half. Right after that, their baby's cry rang throughout the delivery room. "Let me just clean him up and you can see him." "How is he?" She asked Brian. "He's beautiful. Just like you." He leaned over and kissed her like he had never done before. A nurse laid the little boy into Angela's arms. "We'll give you a few minutes," she smiled and left the room. "Oh Brian," she breathed. "He is beautiful." She started crying at the sight before her. "He has your eyes," she smiled. "He definitely has your smile," he said, not taking his eyes off the baby. "So are we going with the name we had picked out?" "Yes," she answered. "Jeremy Matthew Littrell. It's perfect." Jeremy smiled and they somehow knew that he liked it as well. "Do you want to hold him?" Brian just nodded. "Hi Jeremy," he whispered to his son. "I'm your Daddy." Angela watched at how Brian was so loving with Jeremy. Here she was married to the only man she had truly loved and together they had created life. She never felt so fortunate and never felt so complete. The End ******** AN: Well guys, this is the end!! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. To all those that have stuck with me through the last year and a half, you'll never know how much I appreciate you. Thank you to everyone for their ideas and feedback. There may be a sequel, but I don't know. Email me with your thoughts on that. And now I'll leave you with a quote that I thought fitted the story: "It was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together...and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home...only to no home I'd ever known...I was just taking her hand to help her out of the car and I knew. It was like...magic." - Sam Baldwin Written by: Nichole Feedback to: Gotto26@aol.com BACK |
| Once And Again |