CHAPTER TWO - MISSING YOU
“I miss you!”
“You’ve only been gone one night!”
“Still miss you!”
“You having fun?”
“Yeah, I built a sandcastle!”
“Really? And what are you doing tomorrow?”
“Swimming! Then we’re having burgeries!”
“You have a great time, baby. I’ll see you at the end of the week.”
“Miss you!”
“I miss you… Better go now. Bye baby.”
“Bye bye daddy!”
Brian held the phone to his ear and waited until the tone indicated that Sammy had hung up. Slowly he replaced the receiver and leaned back in the armchair.
It was so strange not having Sammy around. The house was silent and the abandoned toys in the lounge were already beginning to gather dust. The big house was so lonely without him…
Brian missed him. He missed Sammy’s childish chatter, his silly jokes, the way he trailed Brian about the house when he was bored. Now Brian had no one to take to the park, no one to take out and spoil.
It was too quiet without him.
He loved to hear that Sammy was having fun, but he couldn’t help but feel a few pangs of jealousy. He was the one who should be taking Sammy swimming.
He couldn’t not have let the boy go. Sammy had been overjoyed and bursting with excitement when his best friend Jacob asked him to go on holiday with them for a wee to the coast. Brian knew the parents well and was happy to entrust them with his little son.
So Sammy’s bags had been packed, arrangements made with Jacob’s parents and they had left on the train early yesterday morning.
He glanced at the clock and wondered how he would spend another day without him. Nick had said that he might drop in to say hello, but Brian didn’t hold him to that. Nick was so busy promoting his solo career and it was only a flying visit to the town for a concert he was performing in, a concert Brian had missed because he was busy helping Sammy to pack.
Nick was staying at a hotel near the centre of town so his mind was bound to be distracted by the number of clubs around. Brian had offered him a room at his house, but management had already gone ahead and made the bookings for Nick and security. It was probably better that he stayed there anyway. He hadn’t told Nick that he really didn’t approve of Sammy listening to his album. No six year old should be listening to songs about sex on the beach, blowing minds or being a rebel. Sammy was a little too young for that music and lyrics had a big influence on him already. Sammy already went around singing I Want It That Way and Brian didn’t want him to learn the words to Scandalicious any time soon.
Brian sighed as his hands found one of Sammy’s toy soldiers. He’d only had Sammy for ten months, but already Brian loved him like his own son…
The words seemed to freeze solid inside of his mind and his eyes flickered closed for a moment as another face swam into his mind. He remembered the eyes, the smile, the hair…
But with the image came the pain and the tears. He couldn’t stop it. He never could when it surfaced.
Sammy wasn’t his only little boy. In a few years, he’d have another, but by the time he was born Brian would be dead.
He knew because he had seen it all. He had seen the future and the horrifying events it would bring. He had been there and changed events to make sure that the future was a place where people could be happy… where his family could be happy.
The whole experience felt like a dream to him almost now and the evens were already faded and fuzzy as if his mind knew that it shouldn’t be remembering the future. It seemed so unreal and Brian could barely believe that it had happened to him.
But he knew it was all real. He knew that the events to come were written in stone and he couldn’t change them now. He was going to die and leave his family alone in the world. He only had a limited amount of time left with little Sammy and he was determined to make every moment count.
It was hard to do that though when Sammy was in a different state.
Brian breathed deeply for a moment to try and ease some of the pain out of his heart. It was a permanent ache, but one he was proud to live with. As long as it was there, he knew that he was thinking of his family… including the one little boy he would never, ever see again.
He wiped his eyes and started down at the toy soldier in his hands. Slowly he stood up and made himself busy with tidying the room up. He gathered all of Sammy’s toys and placed them carefully in a drawer to prevent him from losing them… and to prevent Tyke from eating them.
Slowly his eyes fell to another drawer and his hands reached out of their own accord to open it up. Inside he delicately moved the paper bills and letters until he found the photograph and notebook buried at the bottom.
Everyday he promised himself that he wouldn’t look, yet everyday he managed to break that promise. Whenever he looked at them he would always cry. He would cry for what he knew he was going to miss and for what he could never have.
Slowly he turned the photo over so that he could see their smiling faces. There was himself, Sammy and then there was another boy with them; a teenager. Sammy looked so different to the little boy that ran round his house playing with his toy trucks because in this photo Sammy was older. He had grown up… or rather he would grow up…
It was the third member of the group that made Brian so melancholy. Here was the son he would never know… the one who was going to experience the worst nightmare anyone could imagine befalling a child.
And there was nothing Brian could do. He wouldn’t be there to protect him because he would be dead when he was born, but if he changed his death then Sammy would die.
He couldn’t choose between them… so all he could do was sit back and watch as time had it’s way.
Brian ran a hand over the photograph, as if he could somehow reach through time and touch them. It wouldn’t be long now… he only had a few short years left with Sammy and every moment with him was so precious, which was why he was so miserable that Sammy was away now.
He placed his hand upon the notebook, but he didn’t open it. The pages were already becoming smudged because of the numerous tears that had dripped upon their fragile pictures. He was already crying… he didn’t want to make it any worse.
He slowly replaced the two precious items back into their hiding place and looked down to see Tyke staring at him. He smiled and scooped the little dog up into his arms, grateful that he wasn’t completely alone. Tyke stretched his head up and began to lick away the tears that covered his face.
He could cry all he wanted, but he would never see them again. There was nothing he could but accept it.
But he couldn’t even do that…