CHAPTER NINETEEN - SHARED FEELINGS
“Memory loss?” Brian repeated faintly. His head was suddenly spinning at Bri’s desperate words. Memory loss…
“I wonder if the little one will even recognise you anymore…”
B might not even know him the next time he saw him… He stared at Bri and tried to open his mouth, but suddenly it was so dry that he could not even swallow, let alone speak.
Bri was not even listening anymore. He looked as if he might throw up any moment. He lowered his head and placed a hand to his eyes which were now glistening with tears. “Oh God…”
“What do you mean?” Brian gabbled frantically. “You’re saying that B will forget everything because of the virus? That’s not possible!” His voice was shouting, screaming for it not to be true. Somehow he had to be able to change this.
Bri seemed to be about to speak until Nick slipped his good arm about the older man’s shoulders. “Brian,” Nick said softly. “It’s true. We ran several simulations based on the viral formula and we now the symptoms. One of them is that it recesses the patient’s memories. I’m not sure if it would be permanent or not. We couldn’t tell without trying it out on somebody, which we obviously wouldn’t do.”
Brian shook his head again and placed his hands to his head. He suddenly remembered B when he had been staying with him. He remembered B staring about the kitchen like it was another world. He had not even recognised who Brian was…
“Represses!” Brian cried desperately. “So the memories won’t be gone completely! They’re only repressed!”
Nick sighed. “We don’t know, Brian. We just don’t know.”
The world turned and spun about his head like some sickening fairground ride that refused to let him off. Brian’s fingernails were digging into the palms of his hands and he could feel stinging pain as he drew blood.
“We have to get to him,” Bri muttered suddenly. “There’s isn’t any time! We have to get to him now!” he picked up a backpack from the ground and slung it over his shoulder before setting off down a rough slope.
“Bri!” Nick called. “We can’t take Brian with us, it’s too dangerous!”
Brian rubbed his eyes, which were sore from the mud and slowly pulled himself to his feet, trying to appear stronger than he felt. The handcuffs did not help this image though. He gulped slightly as he stared into Nick’s face. “You don’t have a choice. There’s isn’t enough time. Darren and the others are in danger because the Gerai are using Sammy, and probably Kevin, against us. We have to get to them and I’m going with you. The Gerai won’t hurt me. They know they can’t hurt me.”
Nick stared at him but seemed unable to come back with another argument. He turned his head to stare at Bri over his shoulder. “Bri, he can’t come with us! Darren made t clear he was to stay at the base.”
Bri froze for a moment and then turned back to face them. Brian desperately drew himself up to his full height and refused to look away from his twin’s blue eyes. He had not noticed when the hostile look had vanished but now there was no menacing glint of loathing or hatred. Bri shrugged slightly. “I’m not taking him back. I don’t have time.”
Nick’s mouth fell open and his eyes rolled from one Brian to the other. “When did you two start getting along? Bri, you’re supposed to be sensible and say that we have to go back!”
When had they started to get along? There was certainly no love between them, but at least some of the hatred was gone. When he had first seen Bri, Brian had wanted nothing more than to hurt him or do anything to get him away from him. They had hated each other and Bri had been furious when he had found out that Darren was not going to send him home. Now though he didn’t seem to care that Brian was going to tag along on his rescue mission.
Finally he wouldn’t be sitting around doing nothing but worrying and feeling hopeless.
Bri shrugged again and continued walking. “Are you two coming?” he called eventually.
Brian looked at Nick. “Well?” he asked.
“This isn’t a good idea. The Gerai wouldn’t knowingly kill you, but you could get hurt accidentally or something. It’s too dangerous. Bri almost shot you on the hill and next time someone might not miss you.”
On one level Nick was right and Brian could not deny that there was a lump in his stomach that told him he was afraid. He had come close to death so many times in his life and he had learned to fear the dark stalker who watched from the shadows, but he couldn’t back down. He had a chance to help Sammy and B and he could not let that go. It did not matter if he was afraid or if it was dangerous, he had to help him. They were his life and the ones he was dedicated to protect and now the stakes were higher. The Gerai could use Sammy to destroy Darren’s base and as for B… If they didn’t get to him soon there was no telling what state he would be in.
“We don’t have a choice Nick and I’ll be careful, I promise I will,” Brian said softly. “But B and Sammy need us and we have to hurry. We can’t go back now.”
“You won’t change your mind will you?” Nick replied softly. “I always knew that somehow you’d end up coming with us.”
Brian smiled weakly. “Nick - ”
“Are you two coming or am I going alone?” Bri suddenly snapped from the other side of a rough track that headed down a hill. He folded his arms and stared defiantly at them both.
Brian knew he would go alone if they did turn back. Brian would as well.
Nick pulled his own backpack from the ground and slid it awkwardly onto his back using his one hand. Brian stared down at the makeshift sling. “What happened?” he asked as he clumsily tried to help him.
“We had one run in with the Gerai a few hours after we left and I fell and sprained it. It’s not broken but it’s not good either. Bri hurt himself as well in that last laser fight.”
“I know,” Brian said vacantly as they began to hurry after Bri. “I felt it.” He had felt that Bri was hurt while lying in that ditch. He had felt something strike his arm and rip into his flesh and he had seen he wound in Bri’s arm, the exact place where Brian had felt it hit him.
Nick turned to him suddenly. “What do you mean you ‘felt it’?” he asked. “You two can feel each other’s pain?”
“Uh…” Brian closed his eyes for a brief second as he felt Nick’s eyes burning into him. It was no sue lying. “Yes,” he replied. “We… share each other’s pain sometimes.”
Nick paused in his step for a moment. “You need a doctor,” he said simply.
Brian frowned slightly in puzzlement. Doctor? He wasn’t crazy. What he felt was real, not a part of his imagination. He felt Bri’s pain over B and he shared his physical pain as well. “I’m fine,” he said, keeping his voice down in case Bri should overhear them talking about him.
“No you’re not. Brian, this could be a sign of temporal remembrance. Remember, the only reason you’ve been okay is because of the drugs I injected you with just after you arrived. They won’t last forever though. You could be becoming sick, Bri too if he feels this.”
Brian opened his mouth to protest and then stopped. Did Bri feel what he did? The older man had said nothing about the strange sensations between them and there was no saying that he even felt them. Brian had never managed to find the time to talk to him about it.
“I’ll be okay until this is over,” he said as he began to walk quicker towards Bri who was still walking away from them. “Afterwards we’ll see how bad this is. I’m not going back,” he said firmly. “I did this before when I was sick and I’ll do it again.”
His heart rippled and shook slightly inside of him, sending a cold shudder throughout his limbs. He knew what it was. It was the fear of the pain he would feel after this was over. No matter what the outcome was, he would have to say goodbye to Sammy and B again. He glanced at Bri for a moment. Somehow seeing him wasn’t much comfort.
‘That can’t be what I’ll become,’ he thought miserably. ‘It can’t be.’
“Brian,” Nick hissed. “This could damage you permanently!”
“Hey you!” Bri called suddenly.
Brian glanced up sharply and saw that his twin had stopped and was now waiting for them by a group old dying heather, eyeing them suspiciously as he caught the expressions upon their faces. He had pulled a small laser shaped device out of his bag. “Come here,” he ordered.
Brian rolled his eyes slightly. Brian was determined not to believe that Bri was him and his twin also seemed unwillingly to acknowledge his relation to Brian.
Brian awkwardly hurried towards him, his legs still aching after his assault from the Gerai Captain. Most of the pains had now dissolved into dull aches and he prayed that there was no serious damage to him. Nick was already unconvinced and if he thought Brian was ill or injured then he would probably drag him back and Bri would go alone to meet up with Howie.
Bri eyeballed him in much the same way as someone stares at some moth eaten cat that is slowly sidling up to them. It seemed evident that the tension between them would never disappear completely, even if it had already levelled off slightly. Like Brian, Bri had managed to at least repress some of the loathing. There had been no more violence between them, but Brian suspected that their first fight had only been caused by the shock at coming face to face with one another.
“Give me your hands,” Bri said as he grimaced slightly at all the mud on Brian’s clothes which were practically a few inches thick with the grime by now. Bri and Nick may have been grubby as well, but they were nothing compared to Brian.
“What are you doing?” Brian asked as he obediently held his arms out.
Bri sighed for a moment. “You are a mess and you must be freezing as well. Did the Gerai hurt you?” He took Brian’s handcuffed hands and inserted the nib of the strange gun into the lock and pressed a few buttons on the handle of the gun.
“I’m fine,” Brian replied but he was aware that Bri had already cleaned the mud off of his face which showed the bruises that covered his jaw. He could feel them throbbing and there was the gash that was beginning to crust over with dried blood.
Bri peered over his shoulder and Brian followed his gaze to see that Nick had seated himself on a bank and was busy pulling his water bottle out.
“I know you’re not,” Bri said simply.
“What do you mean?” Brian asked, trying to appear casual as Bri fiddled about with the lock.
Bri sighed in irritation. “I feel it. You feel my pain, I feel yours,” he said. “And I know you’re hurt.”
So Bri did feel it. Brian wondered if he’d overheard his conversation with Nick. “It’s just bruises,” he whispered, trying to convince his tight stomach of that.
“Okay here’s the deal,” Bri said still talking in a clam voice. “It’s a few days till we get to the Gerai base and meet up with Howie’s team, but between here and there is a village we can stop at.” He paused while he wriggled the lock picker gun. “Nick is hurt. His leg got hit as well and I’m going to leave him there.”
Brian cast a look at Nick who had leaned back against the grass. “He doesn’t look good.”
“I’m leaving you there as well.”
Brian snapped his head back to Bri. “What?” he asked quietly. They couldn’t leave him behind. Brian wouldn’t let Bri leave him at the side again. B and Sammy were his as well. He wasn’t going to be pushed out of their lives so easily.
“No way in hell!” Brian snapped. “You’re not pushing me out! It was hell sitting back at that base and now I’m here, I’m coming with you!”
“It’s too dangerous!” Bri said. “For you and Nick. There isn’t time to take you back, but you’ll be fine at the village and we can send a message to Darren. I have to go help B and Sammy. I can’t wait for either of you.”
Brian gritted his teeth slightly and his fingers began to clutch into his palms again, ripping at already sore skin. He was okay. The Gerai Captain had not hurt him badly because he would never have dared.
“I won’t lag behind if that’s what you’re thinking. I’m not hurt bad and you know it.”
The lock picker gave a slight click and Bri suddenly pulled the handcuffs clear from Brian’s hands and shoved them and the gun back into his bag. “It’s dangerous for you, for me, for B, for Sammy… if you get hurt badly…”
Brian rubbed his wrists where the metal had chaffed the skin, grateful that they were finally gone. He looked back up at Bri. “I won’t. You might need me and you can’t go alone! Bri, let me go with you!”
“I can’t!” Bri snapped. “You’re not even supposed to be out here and then you get yourself captured!”
Brian wanted to scream in frustration. Every time he thought he was beginning to get to know Bri and even begin to slightly understand him, the odle rman threw it all back at him. Brian could not have stopped himself getting captured. It seemed almost as if fate had dragged him out here so that he could help Sammy and B.
“I didn’t mean to get captured okay? Despite what you think, I am not out to get myself killed. I just want to help Sammy and B. We don’t have time to argue anymore and I’m involved whether you like it or not. Like it or not, I care about them.”
Bri folded his arms and his eyes suddenly flickered slightly.
Brian gasped slightly and despite himself he found himself laughing. B and Sammy. That’s what this was about.
“You’re still jealous aren’t you? You still hate me because B came to me in my time.” He threw his arms up in the air. “When are you going to get over that? B loves you. You’re his father in his time and he could never come and stay with me permanently.”
Bri turned away from him, his face suddenly darkening with cloudy rage. “They’re not yours. I’m their father in this time. There’s only me and not you!”
Brian groaned slightly. “Bri, I don’t like this anymore than you do. I’m jealous as hell because you get to spend so much time with them and yet I live in my time dreading my own death and thinking about them everyday.” His voice caught slightly. “I didn’t even know that I’d see them again and yet you have them all to yourself everyday.” He turned away from him, his eyes closing as tears rolled down his cheeks. He remembered the feelings he’d felt when he’d left them. He remembered returning home and holding his own little Sammy, knowing that he would never see him grow up.
“You think I have them?” Bri cried. “Maybe I have Sammy, but B? No, he doesn’t love me. He did once, but I pushed him away. I couldn’t be what he wanted!” There were suddenly tears springing into his voice.
“Of course he does! I know he does! I could see it in my own time. He missed you so much, but he’s stubborn. He doesn’t admit to things like that. He loves you and you’re too blind and stupid to see it!” Brian snapped, a sob creeping into his voice. This was how it was going to be when he was older…
“How do you think it feels for me?” Bri whispered softly. “I loved him and Sammy more than anything. When I wake up from a coma I’m told that Sammy and Kevin have been captured and that B ran away. My entire family: gone. B ran away to find himself a new father because I wasn’t good enough. How do you think that feels to me!” he said, almost yelling the words.
“He was confused! He didn’t know what to do! He was scared that he would lose you!”
“I…” Bri stopped and placed a hand to his face. “I have to get him back… Even if he does hate me, I have to save him before he forgets… I can’t waste my time with you or Nick.” He sunk down to the ground for a moment and collapsed on the grass, leaning his head back.
Brian cleared his throat for a moment and then slowly sat down beside him. He raised his head to the weak sunlight and slowly wiped the tears from his face. “When B was in my time, he told me that there was someone who he loved like a father. He wanted to go home to them. It was you. He wanted to go home to you and Sammy.”
Bri did not look up at him still and instead he began pulling at the grass beside him. “Then why didn’t he come with me when I asked him?” he said softly. “If he had have come home…”
Brian gulped. Maybe if B had not been as stubborn, he would be safe instead of with the Gerai. He shook his head though. He wouldn’t change him for the world. “He’s stubborn and confused by his own feelings. He didn’t want to admit that he wanted to go home. He was so relived when he found that you were alive though. He was almost crying.”
Bri was silent for a moment and he looked back at Nick who was still resting on the hill while keeping an eye out for Gerai troops. “I want him back. I want B and Sammy both back.”
“So do I,” Brian whispered. He took a deep breath while staring at the few scraggly trees that reared before them. “We have to stop fighting. We both want B and Sammy back so why don’t we go and get them. We’ll battle out who owns them after but first let’s just get them home safe.”
Bri turned his face to him, tears still leaking from his blue eyes. He wiped his face with his hand and smiled slightly. “Okay.”