CHAPTER THIRTY - WRIT IN STONE
Brian’s eyes were thickly coated in sleep as he tried to open them. He murmured slightly as he floated peacefully between the cloudy space that rested between dreams and cold reality. He shivered as he felt the wind brushing against him, as if pushing him to wake up, and groaned slightly. Weakly he wrenched his eyes open and immediately he was aware of the aches that covered his weary body and the fact that he hadn’t slept for nearly as long as he needed to.
He raised his head and blinked while trying to rub away the thick coat that had pasted to his eyelashes. He yawned slightly and stared about him at the dull cave walls. They had stopped at a group of rocky hills that were dotted with various caves and crevices. Bri had led him to this secluded spot and set up the warning perimeter beacon so that an alarm would sound if the Gerai came too close.
He glanced about him and his brow creased slightly as he realised that Bri was not sleeping a few metres away where he had lain down before Brian fell asleep. He turned about him and then spotted his alter ego seated at the entrance to the small cave, his head raised and staring up at the cold sky above him. As he stared at him he was aware of a large emptiness creeping over his stomach that pulled and twisted until he wanted to cry with loneliness and misery.
“Bri?” he whispered softly, his voice trembling.
His twin did not move and his shoulders remained hunched up. Brian slowly crept up behind him and sat himself down silently beside his twin, trying not to stare at the trails of water that had marked Bri’s face.
“We should go soon,” Brian whispered.
Bri nodded. “Another six hours and we’ll be there,” he whispered faintly. He closed his eyes and raised his head again, as if he was savouring the sensation of the cold wind scrubbing at his cheeks.
Brian stared out at the sky. They had a vantage view point from here. It had been hard to walk up the steep, rocky slope a few hours before but Bri assured had assured him that it was much easier going from here, but right now it seemed to feel like they were still miles away.
Brian stayed silent for a moment not wanting to intrude upon Bri’s thoughts just yet. He gulped as he felt the heavy block pressing hard into his stomach and he placed his hands on the ground and then curled them into fists to try and prevent himself from succumbing to misery. They were almost there. This time tomorrow and it might all be over.
“It’s taken so long to get here,” Bri whispered finally. His head still did not turn towards Brian. “And B will have been living in a nightmare. He’ll never forgive me. He probably thinks I’m not coming.” His voice trembles slightly at his last words and his eyes closed again.
“Well, he’ll get a nice surprise then,” Brian replied. “Because you are coming. He hasn’t been alone, he’s had Sammy to take care of him.”
Bri was silent again and Brian felt something cold sliding through his chest before it began to soak his heart with dread. He shuddered at the feeling emanated from his twin. He didn’t want to hear Bri say another word about what he’d thought had happened to Sammy. He didn’t want to hear it, but even so Bri’s mouth still opened to reply, “You don’t know that. We don’t know what’s happened to him at all.”
“Well I can hope,” Brian whispered. “Sometimes that’s all there is left to do. And I won’t give up hoping for either of them until I know for certain.”
Bri smiled regretfully. “That’s a dangerous way to live. You get disappointed easily when you hope for the best in everything.”
“I’ll live,” Brian said. “And I’m not giving up. The Gerai wanted them alive and I think they still are.”
The Gerai could have murdered Sammy and Kevin on the plains but instead they had captured them. Darren had told Brian that the Gerai had been kidnapping people for months now to create their own workforce. Brian could only hope that Sammy and Kevin were smart enough not to put themselves in any danger. They knew that help had to be coming. They had to get B out of there because of what was inside of him, so they knew a rescue operation would be taking place.
“What do you define as ‘life’?” Bri whispered. He words were barely audible and Brian wondered if he had heard them in his mind from his twin. Even though they were hardly spoken aloud, they still made Brian feel sick.
“What do you mean?” he asked softly.
Bri dampened his lips slightly and took a deep breath. “B is a lab rat, we know that. Do you think he feels alive with what they’re doing to him? I didn’t see the state he was in last time, but Sammy told me all about it.”
Brian gulped. He remembered the looks of terror that passed over B’s face whenever he thought about what had happened to him. He remembered hearing him have nightmares. “Go on,” he whispered.
Bri spoke slowly next and each word seemed heavy and painful, hitting Brian like someone was pelting him with stones. “Sammy rescued him and carried him out of that base while he was screaming. When they got him to Darren’s base B refused to see any doctors unless they sedated him. He screamed every time he was in the med centre. He screamed whenever a stranger came near him. He screamed but he never said a word to anybody. When he wasn’t screaming he was silent. They thought he was going to die.”
Brian’s eyes closed and he felt tear trying to drip from his watery eyes. Sammy had only ever told him that B wouldn’t speak, but he had not made it sound as hellish as Bri described.
“Sammy looked after him. He was the only person B would let near him. He spent all day with the boy. When he started working for Darren, he took B to the computer rooms with him. He was terrified at what would happen if he left B alone. Eventually B started to calm down a little but it took months before he would speak to Sammy and even longer for him to talk to anybody else. He still hated the med centre until he began to try and blank what had happened to him. He never spoke to anybody about it and now he pretends that he can’t remember. He does though, he remembers everything and he lives it again in his sleep sometimes. He wasn’t even young enough to understand the full extent of what he had experienced in that Gerai base.”
Brian used a hand to wipe away the few tears that had started to gather upon his face. He just had to hope that B was clinging onto something to keep himself sane wherever he was now.
“It’ll be better this time when we save him,” Brian whispered as he turned his head towards Bri. “He’ll have you as well as Sammy.”
Bri lowered his head. “But Sammy might be - ”
“Don’t think like that,” Brian interjected. “You can’t.”
Bri leaned back slightly until he was lying on his back and staring up at the cloudy sky above them. Brian copied him and his eyes were drawn up to the dark clouds. It seemed so peaceful to stay here and watch the stars and the moon filtering through the canopy of the world. He stared at the bright prickles that studded the sky and remembered what B had said about the stars. He’d hardly ever seen them because he lived underground. He gazed up, savouring the beauty of each one. No one ever really took the time to appreciate the beauty of the natural world like B did. It was just something they took for granted.
“We’re gonna find them both,” Brian whispered, the strength in his voice surprising himself. He clasped his fingers together and nodded his head in certainty. They had to find them. They had to end this conflict with the Gerai once and for all.
Bri laughed, but it wasn’t a happy sound but one of grim defeat. “No wonder B likes you more. You’re still so young and positive.”
“We’ve been through this,” Brian said sharply as he sat up. “B cares about you. He loves you to death. I saw his reaction to you and I know he was sick with guilt because he’d left you. He thought you’d died and he was so much in pain.” He closed his eyes. “He said he’d never forgive himself for abandoning you.”
Throughout B’s stay in Brian’s time, Brian had been aware that something other than Sammy had been holding him back. Something terrible had rested upon his shoulders but he had refused to tell Brian about it until he’d spoken of the ‘someone’ who was like a father to him. Of course, Brian hadn’t realised at all or even guessed that B had been talking about Brian’s future self.
“I wish I could believe that. I still remember that last time I saw him properly. He didn’t want to see me because I’d shouted at him.”
“Everybody shouts. Hell, I’ve yelled at Sammy back home for being bad. Kids and parents, it happens. A kid is awkward so you shout. It’s got to be hard with B, he’s a teenager,” Brian replied. B seemed very sweet but Brian had seen his moods before. “I had an argument with him when he was in my time. It’s not just you.”
Bri’s eyes were closed against the celestial light that hung in the night above him. He shook his head. “You wouldn’t have argued like we did. Both shouting, me the worst and then B in tears. I was worried about him. He’d gone missing in a Gerai attack and he didn’t come back until an hour after it was over. Why did he stay away that long? I thought they’d taken him. I was so frightened for his safety and then when he did back, I yelled at him. I was relieved, but angry and anger won out.”
“Everybody yells,” Brian repeated firmly. He could imagine the concern Bri had felt for B, hell he could feel the sensations from his twin himself, and he could remember what it felt like. He’d spent a lot of his time worrying about B.
“Sammy doesn’t,” Bri replied. He smiled sadly. “Sammy’s perfect.”
Brian paused for a moment. He knew it was party true. B loved Sammy to death. If anything ever happened to him then it would tear B apart completely. Sammy was the only one B had ever had to be a proper family to him so it was natural… all the same, Brian still felt the jealousy growing inside of him like a potent and poisonous weed. He couldn’t help but wish that he shared the same relationship with b. He knew that B loved him, but it was still different. Sammy was more like B’s father and Brian the brother.
“B still loves you as well,” Brian said eventually. “Even if you don’t believe that, he does. I know.”
Bri shook his head and then sat up to wrap himself about his knees. “But we argue so much. You’ve never seen anything like it!”
“B argues with Sammy as well. I know he does because it’s natural,” Brian said. He had never heard them speak of an argument but it had to happen. Sammy had once vaguely mentioned that B could direct temper tantrums at him. He’d raised B and they were always conflicts with children and their guardians. It was natural unless that guardian wanted the child spoilt.
Bri covered his face with his hands. “I feel so guilty for being jealous like this. I love Sammy… and I am so scared that something will happen to him after everything I’ve thought. That’s the last thing I want. I just wish I could be closer to B, but that’s not possible.”
Brian sighed slightly and his eyes flickered for a moment. How could Bri be so negative about everything? He as completely blind to the adoration that B possessed for him. He was completely unaware that B looked up to him as well as Sammy. “Bri,” Brian snapped as he reached over and grabbed hold of his twin’s arms. “You’re closer to B than you know it. You have to stop wallowing in self pity!”
“It’s easy for you to say!” Bri snapped as he pushed Brian roughly away. “You haven’t been through what I have!”
“And what’s that?” Brian said, standing up and rounding on his twin. “What is it that is going to change me into you? We’re completely different! Everybody else knows what it is and yet no one will say!”
Slowly Bri stood up and stood directly in front of Brian. “Ignorance is bliss,” he whispered softly.
“Bliss? This is not bliss because I know that something bad is going to happen!” Something terrible was going to change him. Worst of all, it would be the event that kept him away from Sammy and B for seventeen years. That would be enough to send anyone as bitter and as paranoid as Bri. He sighed. “Bri, what happens? I’m trying to understand you so that I can help you see past your own misery. B loves you.”
“Understand me? I’m you. Do you think you can ever truly understand yourself? Where’s the fun if you do that?” Bri laughed slightly.
Brian clenched his fingers into fists, hardly believing how irritating and caged up Bri was being. “Don’t go philosophical on me,” he whispered harshly. He felt tension running through his shoulders and tightening his muscles before he sighed ands tried to relax. “Please, tell me. I have to know.”
Bri stared at him and he felt his reluctance tugging at his own body. He closed his eyes as he felt Bri starting to remember. He saw flashes of pain, flashes of screaming, flashes of misery and weariness beyond recognition. He gasped slightly and opened his eyes to stare at Bri.
“I see parts of your memories when you think about them. I can read your thoughts and I can tell when you’re thinking about what happened. You can try to hide it but I can still see. What happens?” His voice trembled slightly. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to know.
He saw Bri take a deep breath and watched as his eyes slowly closed… and then the images forced their way into Brian’s mind.
He could feel the grime that had embedded into his hands and feel the unpleasant tingle as sweat dribbled down his back to mingle in with the filth on his skin until it formed a thick paste of sludge. His chest heaved as he struggled to draw breath in the dust that clotted the air.
His hands scrabbled at the walls of the narrow, dark tunnel until he was tearing the flesh away from his fingers. He was trapped. Confined. He couldn’t breathe…
“No, no, no!” he begged as he hammered upon the rocks before him, desperate to push them away and fight his way to freedom.
“Bri, it’s no use,” Mikey said from behind as he placed a hand upon his shoulder. “The tunnel has collapsed. We’re trapped.”
He whirled around to stare at the grubby face of Mikey, pale and ghostly in the weak light from the dying flashlight. He shook his head frantically as he stared about the tunnel they had been digging in. A few moments ago there had been six of them. Now there was only two.
“Where are the others?” he gasped frantically. “They can help us to get out!!” his eyes began to roll in his head as he felt the walls closing in about him, pushing and shoving the breath from his bruised body.
Mikey shook his head sadly. “They’re gone Bri. The tunnel collapsed right on top of them. It’s only us and we can’t do anything but wait.”
He shook his head. He couldn’t wait. He couldn’t wait! There was no air! His breath gargled in his throat and the dust stuck to his lips. “There’s no air!” he gasped.
“Bri, it’s okay, breathe. We can stay here for hours if we need to. Don’t freak out on me now buddy.” Soothingly Mikey slipped an arm about his shoulders. “Calm down.”
He found himself whimpering slightly and he clung to Mikey. “The walls are moving!” His body quivered and shook before he began to jerk violently.
“Bri, stop it! It’s okay! Just breathe!”
He dug his fingers into his sore and bleeding hands. He hated this. He hated tunnels. He could still remember being trapped the first time when he thought he’d died. He remembered the rocks as they’d sought to crush and consume his life. Then there was his own breath that slowly heated the air until he’d wanted to scream as it had burnt him. He remembered hearing Sammy screaming and feeling sick as he realised that he couldn’t reach him. Buried alive. He didn’t want to be alive… he wanted to move.
“I have to get out!” he wailed as he flung his body at the wall in a pathetic effort to break it down.
“Bri stop it or you will hurt yourself!” Mikey cried as he tightened his hold on his arms. “Stay calm!”
“I hate tunnels!” he gasped in reply.
“We’ll get out… you’ll see…”
But he felt sick. The dust covered his throat and breathing was hard. His eyes darted about as dust flitted down from the ceiling above. He could hear the screams of the others as the tunnel had collapsed. Were they still alive? Were they buried and mangled beneath debris, begging for death to come and bring their peace?
He buried his head in his hands. The tunnel might collapse here as well and then he would have to wait as he was slowly crushed.
Claustrophobia pressed upon him and made the walls wobble and leer at him as they moved closer. He saw the air being sucked out of the tiny tunnel. He gasped and tried to draw deep breaths, but it’s hard to breathe when you’re in the confines of hell…
Brian gasped and choked as he fell back against the wall of the rock face behind him. He coughed, trying to clear the dust from his lungs. Wildly his eyes darted about and he backed away as he saw the wall. Frantically he turned his head and was met by Bri’s face as his twin seized his arms.
“It’s all right, you’re here, not there,” Bri said softly. “Breathe.”
Brian blinked a few times before realising that what he had seen had only been a memory of Bri’s, not the hellish reality he had mistaken it for. He stared about the hillside where they were and gasped in relief as he saw the open sky smiling benignly at him. He sucked in a deep breath of cool air, feeling it soothe his aching lungs.
He stared at Bri. “What was that?” he asked faintly. His hands were still at his throat as he tried to breathe…
Bri stared up at him, his eyes haunted and dull. “That’s one of the things that happened.”
Trembling Brian placed a hand to his forehead to wipe away the sweat that had gathered there. His entire skin had turned damp and cold with perspiration. “You were in… a mine?”
Bri nodded as he released Brian and slowly sat back down upon the grass. “A Gerai mine. They saved my life. They saved me when everyone thought me to be dead. They saw that I was young and that I could work for them so they nursed me back to help and forced me to work for them.”
Brian shook his head unbelievingly. He could never work for the Gerai! He would rather let them execute him. The images of the tunnel still spun about his head and he felt ill as he remembered the sickening phobia that had stolen his breath. “Why?” Why endure hell and being a slave to monsters?
Bri’s eyes flashed slightly with anger. “Why do you think? Because I’d hoped that some day the nightmare would end and I would be able to have what I want!” Tears had leaked into his voice as he turned away from his twin. He covered his face.
Brian’s eyes closed in realisation. “B and Sammy,” he whispered, his voice calmer and more gentle. He knew it to be true. “You hoped you’d see them again somehow.”
“Or die trying,” Bri added. “I would have done anything, even working for those fucking bastards. I did because if I survived then there was a chance. Sometimes… sometimes I would fall asleep in that mine wishing that I would die.” His voice had become so miserable that it grated on Brian’s heart.
“But you did see them again,” he whispered. “You found them.”
Bri nodded. “They found me. They saved me. Looking into their faces again…” he pressed a hand to his eyes as if trying to recall that perfect memory. “I was a wreck. A filthy, stinking wreck but they still embraced me and loved me.”
“They still do,” Brian whispered. His head still ached with the screams of pain from the memory. He could feel his limbs still crying in protest. He pressed a hand to his face and felt the filth covering it, but it was not from the memory, it was real. He glanced down at his clothes, still caked in harsh mud from their trek.
“How long did you… will I, spend in those mines?” he asked. But he knew that the number was large enough to steal away most of his life.
“It will seem like an eternity,” Bri whispered. He glanced up at Brian. “I’m sorry.”
Brian tried to laugh, but his eyes ached and his head reeled in protest. He was going to be alive while B lived his life and yet he would still be unable to be a part of it. He kicked the ground in frustration as he stood up and then whirled around to face Bri. “It’s not writ in stone yet!” he cried desperately.
Bri shook his head sadly. “You think you can change it? You can’t! You can’t escape what happens unless you let Sammy die! Remember how you wanted to prevent your ‘death’ before? You can’t. It all happens saving his life and I won’t let you change that.” Bri hung his head slightly. “You can’t change it.”
Brian slumped down on the ground again beside his twin. “It’s not fair.”
“Tell me about it.” Bri lie back and closed his eyes and Brian felt his thoughts drifting back to the cramped, claustrophobic tunnel. He trembled and rolled onto his side.
“You got out of the tunnel?” Brian guessed.
Bri nodded. “Oh yah, I got out,” he said bitterly. “After three days another team accidentally dug through the wall. They were shocked to find me alive. I survived though and the nightmare continued.”
Brian gulped slightly. “And Mikey?” he whispered.
Bri’s chest heaved with a deep breath. “Mikey was my best friend. He took care of from day one and encouraged me to stay alive. He told me to think of B and Sammy. I had a photograph of them and he always made me carry it around.” He paused for a moment and Brian waited, his chest feeling oddly cold and empty. “He died in that tunnel about an hour before they dug us out.”
Brian tried to open his mouth to form words of sympathy but nothing came out.
“It’s all right,” Bri whispered. He shrugged. “I got used to it. So many people died in those mines. I’ve been claustrophobic ever since though and I know that I’ll never be the same again.”
Suddenly the last shred of hatred that Brian held for his twin disappeared. He no longer resented him for being old and pessimistic and instead he saw someone brave. He trembled. How could he ever survive the same experience Bri spoke of without falling to pieces?
“You’ll live,” Bri whispered as he read his twin’s mind. “You think you won’t but somehow the days just roll by and with each one you wake up alive, but you won’t feel it.”
Brian hung his head and then covered his face with his hands before moving them back to rake through his muddy hair. It seemed that the path before him had already been chosen. He couldn’t change it.
Bri glanced up at the paling sky. “We should get moving. We’ll be there soon. We’ll know what awaits us.”
Brian nodded weakly, trying not to think about the mines he would be forced to work in or the friends he was fated to lose.
“Now you know why I hate to think of Sammy working for them,” Bri murmured. “I don’t want him to go through what I did. He’s so sweet and bright… I don’t want him to turn out like me.”
Brian’s stomach suddenly seemed to be drenched in cold. Sammy… Sammy was working for the Gerai. He nodded vacantly, not trusting his voice not to break if he tried to speak. He reached out for his backpack.
“We have to hurry,” he whispered. “We have to reach them.”