41: GET BETTER
Sammy slowly opened his eyes and then closed them quickly as he recognised the dreary hospital ward. He squeezed the blanket around him and tried to wriggle back into the dream he had been having. He’d been with Brian. He had been smiling at him and playing with him in the park again. Upon waking up, he had almost believed that it was true. For a few seconds he had thought that he was at home in his lovely beach room… he wanted to go back there.
42: WAKING UP Brian felt a little dizzy as he opened his eyes for the first time in days. The dazzling brightness stung him and he winced as he blinked a few times. His body felt heavy and tired. It wanted to go back to sleep, but Brian was sick of resting and of being unable to wake properly. This time, he wanted to look around.
“Sammy?” a voice asked. “You awake?”
Sammy reluctantly opened his eyes. The stinging brightness hit him and he rubbed his eyes before focusing on the person before him. Nick.
“Heyo,” Sammy said sleepily.
Nick smiled a little sad smile. “Kevin went round to Brian’s and brought some of your stuff here.” He held out a battered toy dog.
“Rocky!” Sammy exclaimed excitedly. He held out his hands and gladly received his friend. Now he just needed Brian back and everything would be fine…
“He brought some of your clothes, too,” Nick said. “How ya feeling?”
“Okay,” Sammy said brightly. He held Rocky close and rubbed his cheek against his furry body. “Is daddy better? Can I see him today?”
“A nurse said you could go and see him later today.”
“Yay!” Sammy said happily.
“You’ll be able to leave this place soon as well. The doctors did some tests on you and say you’ll be fine.”
Sammy grinned. He would be able to go home soon. He frowned slightly as a sudden thought hit him.
“When can daddy go home?”
Nick hesitated a second. “Soon,” he said.
************************
Sammy made sure that he was extra polite to the doctor today when she came to check up on him. He even ate all of the dinner they gave him. He wanted to see Brian.
He constantly had someone sitting with him, one of the boys was always with him and he was glad that he was not alone. This place still scared him, especially the doctors in their long white coats.
It was in the afternoon that Kevin arrived with Nick. AJ had been sitting with him and telling him a story when they entered. Kevin had a bag with him. A doctor followed them into the room. Sammy felt himself tense. Why did they all look unhappy?
“Do you want to go and see Brian now?” Kevin asked.
Sammy was almost bouncing with anticipation. “Can I?”
“Yes, we just cleared it with all of the doctors,” Kevin said. He pulled a blue jersey and pair of jeans from his bag. “Put these on and I’ll take you to see him.”
Sammy nodded excitedly and quickly pulled his blue puppy jersey over his head. Kevin pulled Nick and AJ over to the door and spoke quietly to them. Sammy pulled the jeans on and then scampered over to them smiling.
“Ready!” he said.
Kevin smiled and took his hand. “You’ve got to be quiet when you see him. he’s still sick and needs sleep, okay?”
“I be quiet,” Sammy agreed.
Kevin led Sammy up some steps and down a long corridor. Sammy held the hand tightly as an old man was wheeled past in a wheel chair by a stern looking doctor. He could smell the disinfectant in the air that made his eyes sting.
Howie met them half way along the corridor. He smiled at Sammy but it was an odd smile. It seemed rather feigned.
“Is he still asleep?” Nick asked.
Howie nodded. “He hasn’t woken up at all yet but the doctor’s say he’s stable.”
Sammy looked up expectantly, trying to understand what was being said between the two men.
“Is Jackie still with him?” Nick said.
“Yep, but the doctor said it’s okay for Kevin to take Sammy through.”
Nick lent down and gave Sammy a hug. “I have to go with Howie and AJ. I’ll see you in a little while, okay?”
Sammy nodded. He was bouncing on his toes he was that eager to see Brian. He waved cheerfully as Nick and the others walked away down the corridor. Kevin led him through a door. Sammy recognised Jackie sitting in the chair beside the bed. She turned and smiled when she saw him. Sammy let go of Kevin’s hand and rushed forward to hug her.
“Hi Sammy,” she said, pulling him onto her lap. She stroked his hair. “Don’t wake him now.”
Sammy looked down onto the bed and felt a little flicker in his chest as his heart rate increased with fear. Brian was sleeping on the bed but he looked more troubled than peaceful. His face was slightly paler than usual and there were tubes pushed into his arms. He clutched Jackie’s hand.
“It’s okay,” she said gently. “He’s going to be fine. I know he looks bad but he’s okay.”
Sammy nodded, numbly. He reached out and touched Brian’s hand softly. He rubbed it slightly while Jackie held him close. Kevin stood beside them.
Sammy leaned into Jackie’s arms but continued to stroke Brian’s hand. He felt so lost without him. Since his mother had left him, Brian had been the one who had taken care of him. he needed him.
Slowly, he felt Brian’s fingers entwine around his until Sammy’s hand was clasped in his. Sammy smiled slightly and found that his eyes were beginning to water.
“He’s thinking of you,” Jackie said gently.
Sammy stared at Brian’s pale hand. It felt weaker then usual. “When will daddy wake up?” he asked. He would feel better when those crystal blue eyes were twinkling at him again.
Jackie patted him on the shoulder. “Soon I hope.”
“I miss him.”
“He misses you too. He’s pleased you’re here. That’s why he holds your hand.”
One of Brian’s fingers twitched and Sammy gave a little smile. He sat there for a few minutes in silence, willing for him to wake up. He did not like it how he slept so deeply.
“Sammy,” Kevin said. “We have to go now. The doctors need to take another look at Brian.”
Sammy nodded. The doctors would help him to get better.
Jackie still held him and stood up with him still in her arms. Rocky slipped from Sammy’s hand. She placed Sammy down and knelt down to pick the toy up.
“Who’s this?” she asked.
“Rocky. He looks after me.”
She smiled and handed him back to Sammy. Sammy stared at Rocky and then back up at Brian again. Carefully, he placed Rocky by Brian’s hand.
“He help daddy get better,” he said, giving Brian’s hand one last pat.
“Don’t you want to take him with you?” Kevin asked.
“No. Daddy keep him.,” Sammy said firmly. “I want him to stay and watch daddy.”
“You’re a sweetie,” Jackie said, giving him another hug. She took his hand and led him back out into the corridor, Kevin beside them.
Sammy felt a little better now he had seen Brian. He did not like seeing him so sick, but it was nice to see him again. He had been so worried about him… Just seeing him was some relief.
Hilary met him as he walked back down the corridor with Kevin and Jackie. He scowled at her. What was she doing here?
“Hello Sammy,” she said sweetly.
“Hello,” Sammy said warily. He distrusted that voice. It was the same voice that told him the cabbage he had eaten at the home was nice.
“How are you feeling?”
“Okay.”
“Good,” she replied. “We need to have a little talk.”
Sammy looked up at Kevin. The sadness upon his face made his chest tighten in fear.
“W – what’s going on?” he whispered. He stared up at Jackie and saw tears streaming down her face.
“Sammy,” Kevin said. “There’s something we need to talk about.”
“Brian?”
He forced his eyes to stay open, despite the blinding whiteness that surrounded him. there was a fuzzy blob sat beside him. he rubbed his eyes and tried to sit up, moaning at the pain it caused him.
“It’s okay,” a familiar voice said. “Take your time.”
Brian tried to speak but the only sounds that came out were unintelligible. He tried to push himself up into a sitting position but his body protested by seizing his muscles up. he lie back down again. His eyes had shut themselves and he slowly opened them again. He stared hard at the blob until it began to form a recognisable shape.
“K – Kevin?” he said, his voice sounding weak and little more than a croak in his ear..
“Yeah, it’s me,” Kevin smiled and clasped one of Brian’s hands. “How do you feel?”
“Awful,” Brian replied, feeling the painful twang of every muscle as he tried to move. It hurt to swallow and he could hear a rasping noise every time he breathed. Around him, the colours and shapes slowly swam into their correct places. He was in a hospital room with white walls. A vase of blue flowers was on the table beside him.
“Your mom bought them,” Kevin said, seeing Brian’s eyes alight upon the flowers. “She thought the place looked too bland and that you would like some colour when you woke up.”
Brian put a hand to his head. it ached slightly. “H – how long have I been here?”
“Three days,” Kevin said. “We were getting worried about you. This is the first time you’ve woken up.”
Brian said nothing as he remembered the awful dreams he had experienced as well as the unsettling feelings he’d had when he had known he was almost awake, but been unable to open his eyes and enter the real world.
“Your mom will be here soon. She went down to get a coffee.”
Brian suddenly noticed the brown, fluffy dog on the table. He reached out with weak hands and clasped Rocky in his hands.
“Sammy was here?” he asked.
Kevin paused for a second. “He came to see you yesterday.”
“Is he okay? Can I see him?” Brian asked hopefully. He had to know that Sammy was okay. He had seen him in countless nightmares and he wanted to banish those images from his mind.
“Sammy’s fine. He left yesterday.”
“Where’s he staying?”
Kevin didn’t answer. Brian felt an awful dread rise within him. A cold chill seemed to be running through his veins.
“Kevin?”
Kevin looked at the floor, unable to meet his eyes.
“Where is he?” His voice was beginning to sound more desperate now. He sat up so that he could look his cousin right in the eyes.
“They won’t let you keep him, Brian.”
He felt his whole body seem to freeze. A gaping hole seemed to be opening up in his stomach making him feel sick.
“W – why not? It wasn’t my fault Pete took him!” he said and then stopped as he began to choke on his tears. This could not be happening. He had awoken from one series of nightmares and entered into another. He felt his heart ripping in his chest.
“I know, but - ”
“So what’s the problem?” Brian said desperately. “He loves me and I love him! He’s mine!”
Kevin had tears forming in his eyes. “I tried to talk to the home but Hilary said that there was nothing she could do. The board won’t let you keep him! Hilary tried to change their minds, she really did, but the board decided it would be best to find him two parents.”
Suddenly, Hilary entered with Jackie by her side. His mother smiled joyfully to see him sitting up, but the smile faded when she saw the tears running in little streams down his face.
“Please let me keep him!” Brian sobbed, as Hilary walked over.
“Brian, I’m sorry,” Hilary said. “I did everything I could but they won’t give him to a single parent. Your job put you at a disadvantage as well.”
“Please! I love him! Don’t take him away!”
“They already have done. I had to take him to a new home yesterday. There was nothing I could do! There were already several complaints that you were even allowed to look after Sammy in the first place!"
“It wasn’t my fault! It wasn’t my fault!”
Brian was unable to stop the sobs that shook his body. His mother wrapped her arms about him and Brian felt her own tears on the back of his neck.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
“Brian, you can’t look after a child, not with your job. What will happen when you go back on tour? What about Sammy’s schooling?” Hilary said.
“I could get him a tutor! Please let me keep him! I’ll do anything!”
“He’s not yours, Brian,” Hilary said gently. “I tried to convince them to let you keep him but there’s regulations standing in the way. He’s with a new family – Mr and Mrs. Geralds. They’ll adopt him if he like them. He’ll have a family.”
“But I’m his family! I can look after him!”
“You can’t get custody of him. You’re a single parent in a highly hectic and unreliable job. I’m sorry.”
Brian’s tears were covering his face. They leaked mercilessly from his blue eyes. It felt like a part of him had been torn away. It had.
“I tried to stop Pete from taking us. It wasn’t my fault,” he murmured.
“I know, but that’s not the reason you can’t keep him I’m so sorry Brian,” Hilary said, her eyes full of sadness.
“It’s not fair! Doesn’t Sammy get to choose?”
“Sammy is so young. He doesn’t understand these things.”
Brian could not say anything else. His tears and sobs had over powered him completely. It hurt so much inside of him.
Kevin whispered a few words to Hilary, she nodded and the two of them crossed to the door.. Brian was left alone with his mother.
“Why won’t they let me keep him, mom? Why!”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Brian held onto her. He had been so happy since Sammy had come along. There had always been a hole in his life and Sammy had filled it for him. Now they had been cruelly ripped apart and Sammy seemed to have taken Brian’s heart with him.
“Do I really make that bad a father?” he asked.
“No! You know Sammy loved you and he always will! He’ll never forget about you and you know it! You’ll always be his daddy!”
It had felt as if Sammy were his own son. He had almost believed it. Then Pete had come along and he had ruined everything for them. Brian didn’t care what anyone said, in his eyes Sammy was his baby and right now, he wanted him close to him.
He looked down at his hand where he still clutched Rocky and the sobs escaped his distraught body.