45: NEW FAMILY
Brian sat with his hands pressed against the smooth, wooden table. His fingers slowly traced the grooves that had developed over the years. He stared at the parcel he had just wrapped up in the bright red paper with a silver bow on top. Beside it was the blue envelope for the card.
46: HOME Brian fiddled with Rocky as Kevin drove them through their home town. He looked out across at the fields and trees… he could even see the park where his mother used to take him as a child. Sammy would have loved it here. He wished that he could’ve taken him to visit this place…
He looked down at the card in front of him with the huge green, smiling monster on it holding a big number six. Slowly, he opened the card and stared at the inside of it. Happy Birthday was already written inside of it, he had to write the rest. But what should he write? To Sammy, love daddy. Was he his daddy anymore? Or was Sammy calling someone else that at this moment in time.
He picked up the pen and stared at the card again. He wasn’t sure if he could do this…
He’d been at home for two days with Kevin and the others checking up on him. They had forced him to eat, even though Brian felt permanently sick. He was also banned from Sammy’s room. Kevin had locked it and confiscated the key after he had arrived one morning and found Brian asleep, with red blotchy eyes from crying, on Sammy’s rug. Brian had begged him not to take the keys; it was the only link he had left to Sammy.
“You can’t do this to yourself, Brian,” Kevin had said.
Brian had spent the next night crying downstairs instead of in Sammy’s room.
Kevin would not even take him to visit Sammy. He was convinced that Brian would try and kidnap him. As tempting as that was, Brian knew it wasn’t possible. Kevin thought it was best to give it some time before he saw Sammy again. Brian knew he was right. He knew that if he saw him now he would only cry. What if he went to see him and Sammy didn’t want to speak to him? It was his fault he’d been kidnapped…
Brian stared at the parcel again. He didn’t have any choice about today. He had to go. He had to show Sammy that he still cared about him, no matter what. Sammy would hate him forever if he didn’t come and visit him today.
Kevin hadn’t been in when he’d called so it’d been Nick who Brian had spent the last hour on the phone with, begging him to give him the address.
“Nick, I have to see him today. Please, tell me where he is. I won’t do anything stupid.”
“Brian, are you sure you’re ready for this?”
“It’s his sixth birthday! I have to go and se him. Nick, please! If you’re that worried, then you can come with me! But I have to go and see him today! He’ll think that I don’t love him!”
“All right, all right, I’ll take you to see him. Kevin told me the address, just promise me that you won’t cry. I can’t stand seeing you cry, Brian.”
“Thank you,” Brian had whispered, the tears already leaking into his voice.
He’d bought the art set for Sammy’s birthday before they had been kidnapped. He knew of the boy’s love for making colourful pictures, so it had seemed like a perfect present. Now it was wrapped up on his table and Brian wasn’t sure if he could give it to him anymore. He wanted to see him so badly but was afraid of how much it would hurt him.
There was the sound of a car horn outside. Nick was here. Brian bit his lip and looked down at the card. He went to sign it ‘Brian’ but his hand wrote ‘daddy’ without him noticing. He stared at it one last time as he heard Nick pap the car horn again. He sealed it in the envelope and grabbed the parcel and Rocky. Then he rushed to the car.
“Okay?” Nick asked, as he clambered in.
Brian nodded silently as he fumbled with the seatbelt. He felt ill. His whole body shook.
“Brian, you don’t have to do this if you’re not ready,” Nick said gently.
“Yes I do,” Brian replied, looking at the parcel.
******************************
Brian looked nervously up at the door. He had hardly been out of his house since the kidnapping. He preferred to stay inside where he could bolt the doors. But he had to get back on his feet for Sammy.
Gently he pushed the doorbell and waited. This was it…
A tall, dark haired man with a beard opened the door and stared at Brian in distaste. Brian felt himself cringe under the piercing look. The man sneered slightly as his gaze drifted towards the bruises that adorned his face.
Brian took a deep breath. “C – can I see Sammy?”
“Who are you?” the man asked in disgust. “Wait, I recognise you. You’re in one of those boy bands. Saw you on T.V the other day.”
“My name’s Brian Littrell. I was Sammy’s last carer,” he said quietly.
“You did a fine job, didn’t you? Look at the state of you! No wonder Sammy’s turned out the way he has!”
Ouch. There was another slow rip in his heart.
“W - what do you mean?”
“Would barely speak a word to anyone and wouldn’t do anything we told him to.”
“Please can I see him. I brought him a birthday present.”
“He’s not here anymore. The home took him back. Apparently he’s with a new family now.”
Brian felt his legs beginning to buckle. He had worked himself so much over this and now Sammy wasn’t even here. Where was he? What had they done with his baby?
“Where is he now?” he asked in a faint voice.
“I don’t know. Hilary found him a new family.”
Brian tried to speak again but he felt himself choke on the words. Tears were forming again and he couldn’t stop them. He backed away from the door and then turned and ran. He couldn’t cope with this…
“Brian!”
Nick caught him by the shoulders before he could run down the street. Brian struggled through the tears to focus upon his friend’s face. Brian felt an awful spasm of pain inside of him. it was so intense that he cried out and then sunk to the ground with a sob. His baby was gone and he didn’t know where he was anymore…
“Brian, what’s wrong? Won’t they let you see him?” Nick asked urgently.
“H – h – he’s gone!” Brian wailed. “T – they took him to a new family! Where is he Nick? I’m his daddy and I should be with him on his birthday!”
Nick sat down beside him on the pavement and caught him in a tight embrace. Brian felt the his whole body aching with the effort of the sobs as he held his friend close for support.
“We’ll find him,” Nick said. “Don’t worry.”
“Why can’t I keep him? He’s my baby!”
“Let’s get you home, come on.”
Carefully, Nick helped a trembling Brian into the car and picked the present and card up from where Brian had dropped them.
Brian saw everything through a blur of tears. He was aware of half the street staring at him in curiosity. Nick climbed in beside him and rubbed Brian’s arm comfortingly. Brian barely noticed the gesture. He was only aware of his own internal pain as his heart was torn apart.
*************************
Kevin was sat in his own car when they returned. He leapt out as soon as Nick had stopped.
“Brian, where the hell have you been? I’ve been worried sick about” He suddenly noticed Brian’s tearful face.
Brian felt another sob hit him at the sight of his cousin. He reached out for a hug and Kevin returned it as he sobbed onto his shoulder.
“What happened?” Kevin asked.
“H – he’s not there!” Brian said.
“I took him to see Sammy, Kevin. I know you didn’t want me to, but it’s the kid’s birthday.”
“He isn’t there anymore,” Kevin said.
“I know,” Nick replied.
Brian pulled away from Kevin. “Do you know where he is? Kevin, please tell me!”
“Brian, listen - ”
“No! where is he!” Brian tried to push around his cousin. He had to call Hilary and get her to tell him where his baby was…
“Brian!” Kevin said, pushing him back into the seat. “Brian listen, Sammy is with anew family and I know where he is - ”
“Where! Tell me, please!”
“Brian, stop it. Look at you, you look terrible. You can’t see Sammy in your state! You need time to calm down.”
“But it’s his birthday - ”
“I know, but imagine how he’s going to feel if he sees you like this. It’ll ruin his day.”
Brian gave another sob and rubbed his stinging eyes.
“Look, I think it would be best if you went and stayed with your parents,” Kevin said gently.
“But - ”
“They called and you’re mom suggested it. You need a break from your house Brian. The memories are killing you. Now, you can go and stay with your family and get your head cleared.”
“But Sammy - ”
“You can call him when you get there and tell him you love him. You’ll see him soon I promise.”
Brian was still trembling. He wanted to see him now. It was his birthday, his special day…
Kevin held out a bag to him. “I’ve got some of your things and I booked us a flight home. Come on.”
Brian slowly tried to stand, but Kevin had to help his shaking body to support itself. He could barely walk as he was led to the car. He kept stumbling and tripping.
He felt numb as Kevin made him sit in the car, his bag and present tightly clutched in his arms. He saw Kevin talking to Nick and then his cousin was beside him.
“Nick’s going to sort Tyke out for you and then he’ll meet us at the airport, okay?”
Brian nodded, feeling too ill to ask why Nick was coming along. He wanted as many friends as he could with him to take his mind off of Sammy’s bright smile which kept invading his thoughts.
The tears slowly trickled down his cheeks.
“When will I get to see him, Kev?” he murmured.
“Soon,” Kevin promised. “You feeling a little better now, Brian?”
He nodded slowly. His eyes had finally stopped stinging after all of his tears. His fear of heights had deserted him upon the plane. It had been quite peaceful looking at all of the clouds outside of the plane. He had imagined what it would be like to float away with them and forget about his troubles… forget about living. It wasn’t as if he had a life anymore.
Nick sat in the back seat, unusually quiet. He had met them at the airport with his rucksack and embraced Brian tightly as soon as he saw him. Since though, he had barely said a word but Brian was too wrapped up with his own melancholy to wander about his best friend’s unusual silence and behaviour.
Brian closed his eyes. Soon he would be home and in the arms of his mother. He really needed her now. He felt like a little boy again the way he kept crying. But it wasn’t his mother who he really wanted, it was his own little boy.
Brian looked out of the window, vaguely taking in his surroundings. He could hear people laughing. A child as well. He banished the tears from his eyes as he imagined that it was Sammy’s voice he could hear… but it wasn’t. He could see the dark haired young boy laughing with his father. Brian turned away from the happy family.
Kevin parked them in front of Brian’s parents’ home and then turned to stare at his vacant cousin. Brian still stared out of the window. He could see a line of trees behind some houses… the wood where him and his brother had played. He’d told Sammy about that wood. He’d promised to take him there. He would never get the chance now. There was so much on Sammy’s life he was going to miss out on…
“Brian?” Kevin said.
Brian turned around and forced himself to smile.
“Come on,” Kevin said. He reached out and grabbed Brian’s bag.
Slowly, Brian climbed out of the car and felt a slight summer breeze blowing on his face. He could smell the pollen from the flowers growing in the garden. He’d forgotten how much he loved this place.
He stood by the road, looking around at the place he knew so well. Home…He usually felt better when he came home. Now, it felt awful Sammy could be thousands of miles away and he didn’t know where he was… Would he hate him for not coming to see him on his birthday?
“Why don’t you go and look round the back, Brian?” Kevin said.
Brian looked about. Kevin and Nick were standing on the doorstep. No one had come to greet them. Brian nodded. The sun was burning brightly, so his parents were probably outside enjoying the clement weather.
He pushed the gate open and walked up the winding, cobbled path, counting each slab as he always had done since he was a child.
There were voices laughing. They were coming from the garden. Brian gulped. He wasn’t sure if he could join in with the laughs and the smiles that undoubtedly went with them. How could he? There was only one thing that would make him smile again and he didn’t know where he was anymore.
He slipped into the garden quietly. He didn’t want to disturb everyone’s fun. His mother and father were laughing and talking at the far end of the yard by a big tree. Brian remembered that tree. His father had made him and his brother a swing to play on.
To his surprise, he found that his brother, Harry was sat on a bench chatting amiably with AJ and Howie. He stopped in shock.
“Hey Rok!” AJ called, holding up a glass of fruit juice. “Join the party!”
“What?” Brian asked. He wasn’t in the mood for AJ’s jokes. He wanted to greet his parents and then crawl away to his room where he could be alone with his misery.
“Hi little bro!” Harry yelled, also holding up a drink. “You’re a little late, though! We expected you to arrive earlier! Mom and dad are over there.” He gestured to the huge tree.
Howie smiled from his own seat and helped himself to a sandwich from a table, which had been carried outside. He gave a cheerful wave to Brian.
Brian felt like screaming. How could they be so happy? How could they be acting like this when he had just had his little baby snatched so cruelly away from him?
He turned and saw Kevin and Nick just entering.
“Everything okay?” Kevin asked. “It’s a lovely day, isn’t it?”
Brian was about to tell him what he really thought of his day so far when he stopped. The swing… there was a child on the swing…
“DADDY!”
Sammy jumped from the swing and dashed over to him with a bright, happy smile.
Brian felt the small cry come up in his throat, but it was muffled by a sob. Sammy bounded up to him laughing. Brian felt his legs melt from beneath him and he sunk to the floor just as Sammy hurled himself into his arms.
“Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!” Sammy said, burying himself in Brian’s arms.
Brian clutched him, hardly daring to believe that he wasn’t dreaming. This had to be a dream… It was so perfect. He ran his fingers through Sammy’s blond hair to reassure him that this was truly reality. It was him… he was here with him now.
Sammy gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek and smiled at him.
“They told me you were coming, daddy.”
Brian rubbed the tears from his joy filled eyes and smiled at him, his little baby. “H – Happy birthday,” he stammered.
Sammy gave him another hug and clambered onto Brian’s lap. AJ came over and watched them both embrace. His parents were coming to join them now. Brian couldn’t believe it. He was so happy…
“H – how?” he asked, turning to Harry, AJ and the others. “Are Sammy’s new family here?”
AJ grinned. “Yep.”
“I told you you’d see him soon,” Kevin said.
“You knew?” Brian said, rubbing Sammy’s back.
“I wanted to surprise you.”
Nick knelt down beside Brian and Sammy and tapped the boy on the shoulder. “So Sammy, do you like the birthday present me and Kevin got you?”
Sammy looked up at Brian and smiled. “Yes.” He gave Brian another tight hug.
Brian held him back and wondered if he could ever love somebody more than this. It was such a different feeling to experience the love a child. It was so different to being in love with another adult. Different… but just as wonderful.
“Brian, you haven’t met Sammy’s new family yet,” Howie said.
Brian nodded slightly. He felt more comfortable with meeting Sammy’s new parents now that he knew that Sammy still loved him and that he was still his daddy.
“Okay.” Carefully, he stood up with Sammy in his arms and looked around for them.
“What do you think of them?” Harold asked.
“Who? Where are they?”
“Your daddy can be a real idiot at times, can’t he Sammy?” Nick said, rolling his eyes.
Brian rounded on his parents, tears shining in his eyes. “Y – you?” He gulped slightly, begging for it to be true.
Jackie smiled and Brian felt the tears slowly slide down his cheeks.
“What do you think? Do you trust us enough to look after your son for you?” Harold asked, his eyes twinkling.
Brian felt the sobs take him over. He placed Sammy down and ran to give his own father a hug.
“Thank you,” he whispered. “Thank you so much.”
“I know it’s not ideal,” Jackie said. “But Sammy can stay with you whenever you’re not on tour and he can come and visit you during your concerts.”
Brian broke away from his father and embraced his mother instead. Did anybody else’s parents love their child as much as this? Yes, they must do because Brian knew he loved Sammy as much as his parents loved him.
“How did you get him?” he whispered.
“Hilary asked us if we wanted to adopt him. It seemed the best thing she could do. This way, you still get to see him as often as you like and it gets around the board because Sammy has been adopted by two parents, but of course he’ll always be yours,” Harold said.
“So, this time he’s staying? They won’t take him away again?”
“No.”
Brian kissed his mother on the cheek and gave her another loving embrace.
“I – I don’t know what to say. Thank you. I love you both so much.”
Harold ruffled his hair. “I think your son wants some attention. He has a pile of presents to open! He refused to touch a single one until you arrived, but I think he’s getting a little impatient now!”
Brian laughed and turned to Sammy who was bouncing up and down beside him. He scooped him up into his arms and kissed him on the head. He felt the tears trickling down his face. He couldn’t stop them, not with all of the emotions inside of him.
“I bet you’re dying to open all of those presents, hey?” he said.
Sammy smiled and pressed his face up against Brian’s.
“You’re crying,” Sammy said, tracing one of Brian’s tears with a tiny hand. “Are you sad?”
“No,” Brian whispered. “Not anymore.”
He carried his son in his arms over to the swing. He could play with him now, play with him until dark. He would never have to let him go again.
If you want to see the ending I first envisioned for the story when I began it, read my Original Ending
Or read the science fiction spin off with an older Sammy Time's Enemy Or the short story Christmas Time
Thanks to everyone who read this and helped it win so many awards! I had no idea it would be so popular! If you want to send me feedback, Click Here