SOUTH PARK
The Rival With a Bladder Problem
by Steve Sutton

Rated PC-MA

(The guys are riding to school on the bus.)
Kyle: Hey, Stan, what was in that big box your dad took out of the back of his car, yesterday?
Stan: It's his new computer. He bought it so he could work at home.
Kyle: Sweet! Any games on it?
Stan: I don't know, dude. He was still hooking up all the wires when I went to bed last night.
Cartman: Why the hell did your dad buy a computer, Stan?
Stan: I told you, dude. So he could work at home.
Cartman: Yeah, but computers suck ass!
Kyle: Shut up, Cartman. You don't know what the hell you're talking about.
Stan: Dude, computers are cool. You can put all kinds of stuff on them and play really cool games and get on the Internet and look at pictures of naked girls.
Kenny: {Teenagers?}
Stan: Yeah, probably.
Kyle: That's sick, dude.
Cartman: Yeah, who wants to do that? They always cover up all the good parts, anyway.
Stan: No, I heard they're totally naked.
Cartman: Shyeah, right.
Kyle: Dude, why the hell do you want to look at pictures of naked girls?
Stan: Dude, I don't know! It's probably just a phase I'm going through, or something.
(Crabtree yells and slams down on the brakes. The bus screeches to a halt in front of the school. Later, Garrison calls the class to order.)
Garrison: Okay, class, settle down. We've got a new student that's joining us, today, so let's all try to make him feel welcomed. Petey, why don't you come on out from behind the desk now and say hi to your fellow students.
(Petey pokes his head out from behind Garrison's desk.)
Petey: Are they gonna laugh at me?
Garrison: No, Petey.
(Petey stares at everybody for a few seconds, then comes out.)
Garrison: Class, this is Petey Hertz. His family just moved here from Florida, so...
(Everybody laughs. Petey hides behind Garrison.)
Garrison: Okay, okay, now, what's so funny?
Kyle: His name, dude.
Garrison: Yeah? What about it?
(Silence fills the room, then Garrison starts laughing.)
Garrison: Oh, I get it! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
(Petey looks down at the floor.)
Garrison: But, anyway, class. It's not nice to laugh at someone just because they have a funny name...even if it is Petey Hertz!
(Garrison and the class start laughing again. Petey goes back behind the desk.)
Garrison: Oh, we're sorry, Petey. Why don't you take a seat? We won't laugh, anymore.
Petey: Yes, you will.
Garrison: No, no, Petey, I promise.
(Petey hesitates, then takes a seat in the back.)
Garrison: Now, class, Petey has a bladder problem, so let's all be extra nice to him, or else he might wet his pants, and we wouldn't want that to happen, now, would we?
Stan (smiling): Of course not.
Cartman: That would be truly tragic, if Petey Hertz were to wet his pants.
(Petey looks at Cartman.)
Garrison: Good, I'm glad we all agree. Now, class, yesterday, we learned that Jeri Ryan is a fine piece of ass, even if she is married. Today, we're going to discuss Lucy Lawless and the role she plays in turning every man into wood...
Kyle: Hey, Petey Hertz, does your petey hurt?
Stan: Yeah, I bet it does, doesn't it, Petey Hertz?
Petey: No, does yours?
Kyle: My petey's fine, dude. I'm not the one who can't hold his water.
Stan: Yeah, it must be a real drag, having to pee all the time.
Petey: You guys don't know the half of it.
Cartman: I bet your mom makes you wear those special diapers, right, Petey?
Petey: No, does yours?
Cartman (pausing): Ay!
Kenny: {His mom probably just licks it up.}
Kyle: Yeah.
Cartman: That's telling him, Kenny!
Kenny: {I meant your mom, fatass!}
Cartman: What?! Kenny, I will beat the crap out of you if you don't shut up about my mom!
Garrison: Class, are you paying attention?
Stan: No...
Garrison: I didn't think so. Now, listen, kids. You really do need to...
(Garrison notices a puddle on the floor.)
Garrison: Oh, God! Petey, did you go to the bathroom behind my desk?
Petey: Yes.
Garrison: Well, why the hell didn't you tell me you had to go?
Petey: Because you suck dick.
Garrison: What?!
Stan: Whoa!
(Wendy and Bebe look at Petey and smile.)
Garrison: Petey, since this is your first day, I'll let that remark slide, but you better get with the [bleep]ing program, mister, or you're going to have some serious consequences to face!
Petey: I don't care.
Garrison: Fine, you just march your little self to the principal's office, then.
Petey: No.
Garrison: What the hell do you mean, "no"?
Petey: I mean no. What are you? Deaf and stupid?
Garrison (sighing): Petey, let's just step into the ol' way-back machine for a minute, okay?
Petey: The what?
Mr. Hat: What Mister Garrison means, Petey, is you really do need to do what he tells you to do or he's going to saw off your head with a chainsaw and use it as a centerpiece on his dining room table.
Petey: Oh.
(Petey gets up, walks over to Garrison and looks up at him. He, then, pulls Mr. Hat off his hand, throws him on the floor and jumps up and down on him.)
Garrison: Mister Hat!!! No!!!
Petey: I don't like threats, Mister Garrison!
(Petey kicks Garrison in the leg and returns to his seat. Garrison grabs his leg and hops around on one foot, eventually falling to the floor, next to Mr. Hat.)
Garrison: Petey Hertz, you go to hell! You go to hell and you die!!!
Kyle: Cool, dude.
(Petey grins. At the Marsh house, Randy is sitting at his computer, watching the seismograph on the monitor. He looks really bored.)
Randy: Sharon?
Sharon: Yes, dear?
Randy: How about getting me another cup of coffee, will you?
Sharon: Okay, but haven't you already had five this morning?
Randy: Your point being?
Sharon: Never mind, Randy. Here's your coffee.
Randy: Thanks.
(Randy sips the coffee and continues to stare at the monitor. Later, the guys walk up to the lunch counter at school. Chef is there, holding a large fork with some meat on it.)
Chef: Hello, children!
Guys: Hey, Chef.
Chef: Would you children care to try some of my spicy meatloaf? I found the recipe on a box of freeze-dried tomatoes and it's mmm-mmmmm de-licious.
Stan: But isn't this Salisbury steak day?
Chef: Yeah, but this is better.
Kenny: {Better than Salisbury steak?}
Chef: Much better, children! In fact, I'm thinking of petitioning the school board to do away with Salisbury steak and replace it with this.
(Silence.)
Kyle: Chef, what the hell is wrong with you? You love Salisbury steak.
Stan: Yeah.
Chef: Ooooh, children! That was before I found spicy meatloaf. From the moment I put this in my mouth, I knew that ol' raunchy-tastin' Salisbury steak was outta here!
Kyle (pausing): 'Kay...
(Chef gives them their trays of spicy meatloaf and they leave.)
Chef: Enjoy it, children!
Stan: Is it just me, or is Chef acting really weird?
Kyle: No, it's just you, dude. Chef is really weird.
Stan: Oh.
(They sit down at a table. Kyle looks down at his meatloaf.)
Kyle: What the hell am I doing? Is this stuff kosher?
Cartman: Who cares, Kyle? Live a little. It's not like you've never eaten anything that wasn't kosher, before.
Kyle: I guess.
(Kyle starts eating. Petey comes up to them.)
Petey: Hey, guys. Can I sit here?
Stan: Yeah, dude. Have a seat.
(Petey sits down next to Cartman.)
Petey: Why is it so cold here? It wasn't like this in Cocoa Beach.
Stan: This is Colorado, dude. It's always cold here.
Kyle: Yeah. You're from Cocoa Beach?
Petey: Yeah.
Cartman: Well, why the hell did you move here, then? If I lived somewhere warm like that, man, I'd never leave!
Stan: Cartman, if you lived in Florida, they'd have to declare a state of emergency because your fat ass would affect the tide and the whole state would be underwater!
(Kyle and Kenny laugh.)
Cartman: Ay! I will not have you making fun...of my fat ass...with Petey here! He's too freaking cool for that sort of thing!
Petey: Uh...thanks.
Cartman: No problem, Petey.
Kyle: So, why did you move here, dude?
Petey: My dad got transferred here.
Kyle: Really? What does he do?
Petey: He's a park ranger at Pike National Forest.
Cartman: God, dude. He's not a lame-ass, tree-loving hippie, is he?
Stan: Cartman, shut up!
(Kenny punches Cartman.)
Cartman: Ow! I was just asking, you guys!
Kyle: So, anyway, what about your mom? Does she work?
Petey: My mom's dead.
Stan (pausing): Jesus, dude!
Kyle: Yeah, that sucks!
Cartman: Let me guess. She was attacked by a squirrel.
(Kenny punches Cartman, again.)
Cartman: Ow!
Petey: No, you moron! Lightning struck her while she was giving birth to me!
(Silence fills the air.)
Stan & Kyle: Whoa!
Stan: God damn, wasn't she in a hospital?
Petey: No, the golf course.
Kyle (pausing): What the hell was she doing playing golf while she was giving birth?!
Petey: My dad was playing golf, she was just sitting under a tree.
Kyle: Oh. Well, that makes sense.
Cartman: Geeze, can't you guys see he's making it all up? If his mom was struck by lightning, like he says, he'd be dead, too!
Stan: Hey, yeah!
Kyle: You're not dead, are you, Petey?
Petey: Do I LOOK dead?
Kyle (checking): Well, no...
Stan: So you were lying to us, then.
Petey: No, dude. It happened, no matter what this [bleep]ed-up tub of chicken grease says!
Cartman: Ay! Petey, I'll kick you in the nuts!
(Silence echoes through the cafeteria.)
Petey: Was that a threat?
Cartman: Well, yeah, uh, no...I mean...God dammit!
Petey: Because it sounded like a threat to me.
Cartman: Listen, dude, I lost my temper. Just chill, all right? I do it all the time, ask these guys.
Kyle: It's true.
Stan: Yeah, it really is.
Kenny: {Uh-huh.}
Petey: Threats make me want to hurt people.
Kyle: We know, dude. Just calm down.
Petey: I'm trying...but I don't know how.
(Wendy and Bebe come over.)
Wendy: Hi, Stan.
Stan: Oh, hi, We--
Wendy: Hi, Petey!!!
Petey: Hi.
Wendy: Petey, I'm Wendy and this is my friend, Bebe, and we were wondering if you wanted to come sit with us for awhile.
Petey: Sure.
(Several seconds of nothing happening go by.)
Petey: Okay, I'm ready.
(Petey gets up and leaves with the girls.)
Cartman: God, I'm really starting to hate that guy!
Stan: Well, at least Wendy's keeping him busy for awhile. Come on, let's hurry up and eat, so we can get out of here.
(They start shoveling food into their mouths.)
Cartman: Is it just me, or does this meatloaf smell like piss?
Stan: No, it's not the meatloaf, dude.
Kyle: Yeah, I smell it, too. It must be you, Cartman.
(Kenny laughs.)
Cartman: Ha, ha, very funny, you guys.
(Cartman checks himself, then looks over at Petey's seat. It's covered with urine.)
Cartman: Ah, God dammit! Petey peed all over his God damn seat!
(Stan and Kyle look at each other.)
Stan: Dude, I think we're gonna find another table.
Kyle: Yeah, eating with pee around just seems wrong.
Cartman: Well, I'm coming, too! Stupid, tree-hugging little pisser.
(They walk away, leaving Kenny behind. Kenny continues to eat. Later, at the Marsh house, Randy is still staring at the computer monitor.)
Randy: Sharon! More coffee, now! Get a move-on, winch!
(Sharon comes up to him and slaps him.)
Randy: Ow!
Sharon: You're not getting any more damn coffee, Randy! Seventeen cups is enough! Now, I've been patient and have put up with you barking orders at me all day, but if this is how it's going to be, Randy, then either get rid of that [bleep]ing computer and go back to work, or I'm taking the kids and going to mother's!
Randy: Oh.
Sharon: So, what's it going to be, Randy? Me, or the computer?
(Randy thinks it over.)
Sharon: Well?!?!
Randy: All right, all right. I'll get rid of the damn thing, sheesh!
Sharon: Good!
(Randy resumes staring at the monitor. Sharon comes to a proper boil behind him.)
Sharon: RANDY!!!
Randy (startled): What? You mean NOW?
Sharon: Yes, Randy! Now!
Randy: Okay, but if we have a big quake, or something, and everyone dies, it's on your head.
Sharon: I'll risk it.
(Later, the bus pulls away from the bus stop, after dropping the guys off. They start walking home.)
Cartman: Man, I don't feel so good!
Stan: Yeah, me either.
Kenny (eyes half-open): {I feel like my fucking penis is being torn out and the person who's doing it is squishing it into a ball and pulling really hard and it hurts!}
Stan: Yeah, that's about how I feel.
Kyle: Maybe, it was that [bleep]ing meatloaf we had for lunch.
Cartman: All I know is I would've beat the crap out of that hippie Petey pisser, but my stomach felt like it was throwing a party and I wasn't invited.
Stan: I don't know WHAT we were thinking when we were talking Petey out of clobbering your ass, Cartman. That meatloaf must've had us pretty [bleep]ed-up.
Kyle: Yeah.
Cartman: You guys, I really don't feel like getting into all of this, right now, so just shut the hell up about it, all right?
Kyle: Fine. I think I'm going straight to bed when I get home. I don't really feel much like doing anything.
Stan: Yeah, me, too. I'm really tired. What about you, Kenny?
Kenny: {Yeah, after I puke and shit my guts out.}
Cartman: I heard that.
Stan: I think we should all probably do that, first.
(They continue walking. Elsewhere, at Mr. Garrison's house, Garrison is tucking Mr. Hat into bed.)
Garrison: Do you need anything, Mister Hat? Why don't I make you a nice toddy to help you sleep, would you like that?
(Garrison fluffs the pillow.)
Garrison: I swear, Mister Hat, that little bastard had no business doing what he did to you. I'm just going to have to report him to Principal Victoria tomorrow, that's all there is to it!
Mr. Hat: Don't you want revenge?
Garrison: Revenge? Mister Hat, he's just an eight year-old brat who doesn't know any better.
Mr. Hat: You do want revenge, don't you?
Garrison (thinking): Well, I suppose there's a part of me that does, but...
Mr. Hat: Then TAKE IT!!!
Garrison: Mister Hat, you're not suppose to interrupt me while I'm...
Mr. Hat: TAKE IT!!!
Garrison: No, Mister Hat.
Mr. Hat: TAKE IT, GOD DAMN YOU, TAKE IT!!!
Garrison: No, Mister Hat! Now, if you don't stop acting like a maniac, you're going in the sock drawer, again!
(Mr. Hat says nothing.)
Garrison: Now, I'll be back in a few minutes with your toddy.
(Garrison leaves. Later, after midnight, Cartman is in his bed, asleep. A banging sound outside his window wakes him up. He gets up and goes to the window and the banging sound stops. Looking down, into the street, he sees Petey standing in the middle of it, looking up at him. He rubs his eyes and looks again. Petey is gone.)
Cartman: Great, now I'm starting to dream about the asshole.
(He goes back to bed. A few minutes later, a rattling sound wakes him up. He opens his eyes and sees a cobra posturing on his chest.)
Cartman (quietly, to himself): Holy crap!
(He reaches down, beside the bed, picks up a convenient stick and hits the cobra with it. The cobra gets a stupid look on its face and collapses. He looks at it for a few seconds, then throws back the covers and it along with them. He, then, jumps out of bed and rushes out of the room.)
Cartman: Ma! There's a [bleep]ing snake in my God damn bed!!!
(Dawn comes. Ranger Dick Hertz is on the scene and picks the cobra up with a pair of tongs and examines it.)
Dick: Yep, definitely poisonous. If this snake had bitten your son, he would've died almost instantly.
Mrs. Cartman: Oh, my!
Dick: But, first, he would've twitched uncontrollably, like a hamster does before it dies, when you inject it with human blood. Then, his eyes would've swollen, turned reddish-purple and popped, like a wolf's balls, when the animal has had its penis sewn shut. He would've been in such agony, Mrs. Cartman, that he would've gladly welcomed death when it came.
Mrs. Cartman: Oh, dear! Well, I'd just like to thank you for coming over on such short notice, Ranger Hertz.
Dick: My pleasure, but you really should've called your local animal control department, and not the park service. This isn't normally my job.
Mrs. Cartman: I'll remember that.
(Dick puts the cobra in a container and closes it.)
Dick: Well, I guess I best be off, then.
Mrs. Cartman: Thanks, again, Ranger Hertz!
(Dick leaves.)
Mrs. Cartman: So, how are you feeling, hon'? Did that nasty snakey-wakey give momma's boy a big scare?
Cartman: No, ma, I'm fine. Can I go to school, now?
Mrs. Cartman: Hon', I really think you should stay home, today, and give yourself...
Cartman: Ma! I really want to go to school, today!
Mrs. Cartman: Oh...well, if you're sure you're up to it.
Cartman: Good! Now, get out of here so I can get dressed.
Mrs. Cartman: Whatever you say, dear.
(Mrs. Cartman leaves and Cartman starts getting dressed. Later, the guys are sitting in their seats, at school, waiting for the first bell to ring. Cartman is watching the door like a hawk, waiting for Petey to show up so he can whip his ass.)
Stan: Boy! It sure is amazing what a good night's rest can do.
Kyle: Yeah, I don't feel half as bad as I did, yesterday.
Cartman: He's dead, you guys. I hope you know that.
Kyle: Who? Petey?
Stan: Dude, it was probably just a dream. Just forget about it.
Cartman: It was not a dream, God dammit! That son of a bitch put a God damn snake in my room last night and it almost bit me!
Kyle: Cartman, it probably just crawled up from the sewer, or something.
Stan: Yeah, get a grip, dude.
Cartman: I'm going to get a grip...around Petey's [bleep]ing neck, the second he comes through that door!
(The bell rings, and everybody takes their seat.)
Stan: Looks like he's not coming through that door, today, Cartman. I guess you'll have to wait 'til tomorrow to kill him.
(Kenny laughs. Cartman's face turns red and he, eventually, nukes out. He jumps out of his seat and starts beating the crap out of Kenny. After a few minutes, he stops. Kenny doesn't move.)
Cartman: Oh, my god! I killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastard!
(The rats come and start to drag Kenny off. Kenny suddenly sits up and brushes them off. They scurry away.)
Stan: Oh. Well, that's a relief.
Garrison: Class, can I have your attention, please? I've got some sad news about the school cafeteria worker, Chef.
Clyde: Is he dead?
Garrison: No, he's not dead. He just overdosed on some of that spicy meatloaf of his last night. He's in the hospital, if any of you want to go visit him.
Kyle: Can we go now?
Garrison: After school would probably be better, Kyle.
Stan: Mister Garrison, are they gonna replace Salisbury steak with that crappy meatloaf, like Chef wanted to do?
Garrison: Probably not, Stan. Any food that sends people to the hospital in violent spasms doesn't belong in an elementary school cafeteria.
Stan: That's good. That stuff made us sick.
Kenny: {Yeah.}
Garrison: Anyway, do any of you know if Wendy or Petey are here, today?
Stan: Wendy's not here?
(Bebe raises her hand.)
Garrison: Yes, Bebe?
Bebe: They're not here, Mister Garrison. They're spending the day together...
(She looks at Stan.)
Bebe: ...at his house.
(Silence.)
Stan: They're WHAT?!
Cartman: Well, it looks like I'm not the only one that little pisser's screwing around with, doesn't it, Stan?
Garrison: Oh, well, I guess they both get "F"s for the day, then.
Stan (getting up): Mister Garrison, can I leave now? I have to go kick someone's ass.
Garrison: Is it that little Petey bastard's?
Stan: Yeah.
Garrison: Go ahead, Stanley.
Kyle: Dude, do you even know where he lives?
Stan: No. Damn, I didn't even think about that!
Bebe: Miss Crabtree probably does.
Garrison: I'll tell you what, Stan. I'll just lie to her and say it's a field trip and she'll take us there. We can all go.
Stan: Fine, let's just go.
Garrison: Okay, everybody, single-file, now...
(Everyone leaves the classroom in a single-file. Time passes. The bus pulls up in front of Petey's house and stops. Crabtree opens the door and the kids start to exit.)
Crabtree: Now, you're sure this trip is authorized? I don't want to get in trouble.
Garrison: Yes, Miss Crabtree.
Crabtree: I wouldn't say anything, except it just seems a little strange taking a field trip to someone's house.
Garrison: Well, if anyone says anything, you just tell them it was my idea.
Crabtree (pausing): All righty, then.
(Stan walks up to the front door and starts banging on it.)
Stan: Open up, you son of a bitch! I know you're in there!
(A woman opens the door. Stan just glares at her for a few seconds.)
Mrs. Hertz: Can I help you?!
Stan: Yeah, who the hell are you?
Mrs. Hertz: I beg your pardon.
Stan: I said, who the hell are you? You're his mom, aren't you? You're suppose to be DEAD!!!
Mrs. Hertz: WHAT?!
Kyle: You'll have to forgive him, ma'am. He's really pissed, right now. Is Petey home?
Mrs. Hertz: Why, yes, he is...but he's playing with a friend, right now.
Stan: Oh, I'll BET he is!
Kyle: Well, could you tell him that we're here? It's important.
Mrs. Hertz (huffing): Just a minute!
(Mrs. Hertz shuffles off. Stan follows her. Kyle waits a few seconds, then does the same.)
Mrs. Hertz (opening his bedroom door): Petey, you've got visitors...
(Her mouth drops when she sees Petey and Wendy next to each other, on their backs, in his bed.)
Mrs. Hertz (gasping): PETER TIBERIUS HERTZ, WHAT IN THE HOLY, [bleep]ING MOTHER OF PEARL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!?!
Petey: Basking in the afterglow?
Stan (losing it): That's it...
(Stan goes over to him, yanks him out of the bed and throws him to the ground. He gets on top of him and starts beating the living crap out of him.)
Stan: YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY WOMAN, YOU [bleep]ING DICK!!! IF I EVER CATCH YOU NEAR HER AGAIN, YOU'RE GONNA WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN!!!
Petey: Owie!
Mrs. Hertz: MY BABY!!!
Garrison: Revenge is sweet, isn't it, Mister Hat?
Mr. Hat: It sure is, Mister Garrison!
(Bebe goes over to Wendy.)
Wendy: It worked, Bebe! Stan's actually fighting over me! I've never felt so alive, Bebe!
(Dick pokes his head in the door.)
Dick: What's going on in here? Oh, good God!
(He rushes over and pulls Stan off of Petey. Stan elbows him hard in the gut, making Dick drop him, and goes back and starts pounding on Petey, again.)
Dick: So, you wanna play rough, huh?
(Dick unholsters his tranquilizer gun, loads it and shoots Stan.)
Stan: Ow!
(Stan looks at the dart sticking out of him.)
Stan: God dammit, that's not fair!
(Stan passes out. Mrs. Hertz goes over to check on Petey.)
Petey: Mommy, it hurts! It really, really hurts!
Cartman: God, what a little wuss.
Dick: Vagina, call the police!
(Mrs. Hertz stands up and goes over to Mr. Garrison.)
Mrs. Hertz: You're an awful, awful man! You'll pay for this, you asshole!
(She stomps on Garrison's foot, then goes to call the cops. Garrison hops around on one leg, until he falls to the floor. He, slowly, stands back up.)
Garrison: Come on, kids! We're getting out of here!
(Dick points the tranquilizer gun at him.)
Dick: Go ahead, buddy, give me an excuse!
Garrison: What? You're going to keep us here with an unloaded gun?
(Dick looks at the gun, then puts another dart in it and points it at him, again.)
Garrison: When am I going to learn to keep my big mouth shut?!
(Much later, the guys are visiting Chef in the hospital.)
Kyle: And that's pretty much the whole story, Chef.
Chef: Damn, children! I'm sorry I missed that! Now, what about the lightning? Was that true, or did he just make that up, too?
Stan: He made up that whole thing, Chef.
Cartman: I tried to tell you guys it wasn't true, now, didn't I? But you wouldn't listen.
Kyle: Shut up, Cartman. So, you were right, big deal.
Stan: So, anyway, Chef, are you going to start serving Salisbury steak, again?
Chef: Yes, children. I've learned my lesson. I'm not gonna serve that spicy meatloaf, any more.
Guys: Hooray!
(Kenny looks at something that resembles a candy bar on the little table next to Chef's bed.)
Kenny (picking it up): {Ooh, candy!}
(He eats it.)
Chef: No, children! Don't!
Kenny (looking at Chef): {Huh?}
Chef: That wasn't no frigging candy, children! That was the extra-strength suppository they had to use to get all the spices out of my system!
(Stan, Kyle and Cartman laugh.)
Kyle: Dude! You just ate something that's been up Chef's ass!
Kenny (pausing): {Fuck!}
(Kenny's stomach starts gurgling.)
Kenny: {Uh-oh! You guys, I think...}
(Suddenly, Kenny's ass starts spraying little balls of feces all over the room. Kenny runs around, screaming, until his butt explodes and he falls to the floor.)
Stan: Oh, my god! They killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards!
(A few seconds go by.)
Stan: Come on, guys. Let's go, it stinks in here.
Kyle: Yeah. See ya, Chef!
Chef: Bye, children. How about sending someone in here to clean all this up? It's hard for me to breathe with all this crap all over everything.
Stan: Okay, Chef. See ya!
(They leave.)

THE END