Rants

As you probably know, I am a proud member of Her Royal Majesties Army Of Steve. However, if you have never met a Steve you probably didn't know that one of our favorite pastimes is ranting. Ranting serves many fun purposes, for one, you can't argue with a ranter, so, if you want to control a situation for a period of time, ranting can be quite effective. Also, the four goals of the Army are: 1.The nonviolent, nonsensical overthrow of reality, which is achieved mostly by changing peoples personal reality. 2. To make people laugh. 3. To make people think. 4. To have a good time doing items one through three, All of these goals can be achieved to some extent through ranting. Ranting can change realities because normal people in most peoples realities don't go around shouting "Show me the power of your orifice!" Placing someone in a situation with a person whom they had taken to be normal at first, who is now yelling such things will often force them to reevaluate their personal outlook... in other words, they lighten up a little. Laughing is also easily achieved through ranting because most of the phrases are meant to be quite comical. Many of the phrases, which sound silly at first have a deeper meaning to them, if people want to hear this meaning they will have to think about what is said for a moment. Finally, ranting is damn fun when you get into it. (note: it's more fun to do it in pairs or large groups, that way people are less likely to pass you off as a lunatic. It's also just nice to have someone to work off of.)

VIVA DON KNOTTS!!! -The Army of Steve's motto SPOON!!! -My personal war cry (Also the Ticks War Cry) DAMN ELVES!!!- Me Dear God Man! Your grandmother is on fire!!! -Steve Simian Show me the power of your orifice! - Ben Mandall, local creepy guy Tell me brother! Have you seen the anti-christ today? - Also Ben, he's really creepy AHHHHH!!! DEATH!!! -Grandpa Simpson SPORK!!! (or sometimes fork!!!)-The wise-asses response to my battle cry We are Liveing in a world where Lemmonade is made from artificial chemicals and furniture polish is made from real lemmons. -Alfred E. Newman "MONGOOSE!"-Steve Simian HULK SMASH!!!- Steve Belvedere and uh... The Hulk too... I guess. I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!!!- Steve Belvedere Damn Nazis.- Steve Belvedere Bam!- Steve Belvedere Poop Smells- Keith Wilson, my friend and one of the nameless members of The Army of Steve I'm Super Freaky, yow.- The Artist formerly known as Prince. They call me doctor worm, good morniing, how are you? I'm doctor worm. - They Might Be Giants Hey there boy-o- That shopkeeper guy from The Simpsons. Cake or Death?! - Eddie Izzard Crackers you people are stupid!- Steve Salisbury

Want me to add one of your rants? E-mail me.

Look Away! Look Away!