The Tale of Jedwenfoe of Shroshew

The Tale of
Jedwenfoe of Shroshew
A love poem by Steven Wallace
Written on January 28th, 2003

This is a tale of a man, a man by the name of Jedwenfoe. This tale is a sad one, and many have drown in their own tears after hearing this story. Jedwenfoe was a Shroshewidian. Jedwenfoe lived in the northern region of Shroshew, and worked as a nwos snewer. Jedwenfoe was good at snewing nwoses, too, mind you. He was known throughout the entire land of Shroshew for his quality nwos snewing. There was not a nwos snewer in the land who was better than he. "All this sounds good" you may say. "How is this a sad tale?" you may ask. But I am just getting started.

On the twenty-first day of the month of Nwi, Jedwenfoe was walking down Mhis-Praj Street when thugs from the Fnaow gang approached him. Hroathuf, the highest ranking thug in the group, prompted a frightful Jedwenfoe for all his cash. Being the wise Shroshewidian that he was, Jedwenfoe told them who he was, and offered to snew them as many nwoses as they could provide for him. Now, bear in mind that in Shroshew, it is illegal to snew for those without a license to possess nwoses. The Fnaows, who most definitely didn't have licenses, agreed to his proposition, and took down his information, so that they could rough him up if he didn't uphold his agreement of snewing.

This is where the story gets complex. See, Jedwenfoe is a well-known nwos snewer, but the subject of our story is not. Instead, this story is about Rohericanistorious, who's been living off welfare for the past five years, committing numerous crimes such as insurance fraud, credit card fraud and identity theft. Now Rohericanistorious was able to trick the Fnaows into thinking that he was Jedwenfoe because Jedwenfoe, though being a well-known name, is not a well-known face in the land of Shroshow, due to the excessive arglinque waves in the area, which prevent any photographic images from being taken. When Rohericanistorious gave the Fnaows his information, he gave them Jedwenfoe's information, which was half true, because he was claiming to be Jedwenfoe.

This is where our story takes a slight detour. The Fnaows, wishing to get their nwoses snewed, went to Jedwenfoe's house, in northern Shroshew. Poor, innocent Jedwenfoe. The Fnaows asked Jedwenfoe where Jedwenfoe was, to which he replied that he was Jedwenfoe. Hroathuf (the highest ranking thug) was no moron. This man clearly was NOT the Jedwenfoe who they had run into previously, on Mhis-Praj Street. "This man is trying to be a pest," said Hroathuf, and some thugs rushed into Jedwenfoe's house and sacked it, destroying all the nwoses that he was snewing inside it. Following this event, they fleed, never to be heard from again.

Or maybe they were heard from again. See, Jedwenfoe was no fool himself. He immediately contacted the local authorities, and had composite sketches drawn up of each and every one of the perps who sacked his home. Being that he was a nwos snewer by trade, he remembered every fine detail of each of their faces (a snewer must be able to remember these things, after all, if he wishes to work on nwoses.) Five hours later each and every member of the Fnaow gang had been arrested, and taken to jail. Now, remembering that all these crimes occured in Shroshew, we must also remember how their legal system works. According to Shroshew law, all gang members are sentenced to five hundred thousand hours of community service, and are forbidden from anwontargoning for the rest of their lives. Needless to say, the Fnaows were all prosecuted and became public servants for the rest of their lives.

Rohericanistorious lived happily ever after, committing fraud and ripping off the government, and never got caught. The end.