Why I'm Majoring In Algae

Why I'm Majoring In Algae
A love poem by Steven Wallace
Written on December 18, 2002

'Tis my best friend, of life it be my love.
'Tis green and tasty and fits in my glove.

What more can I say of this lovely treasure?
'Tis mine, all mine! My major! My pleasure!

Of all the things in life I can think of nothing better
than to be majoring in algae. Algae. Algae.

Oh green life giving plant of my desire.
The apple of my eye, the fruit of my vine.

Yes! You are my wonderfully soft plant!
Yes! You are the fuzziest of them all!
Yes! You like to grow on things. How cute you are!

If I could do things over again, I would only make there be more of you.
I wish to spend my life with you. Forever and ever and ever more.

Never shall we part, you own my heart.
You love me too, and I know it's true.

This then is the reason I am devoting my liberal
arts education to studying your grace and beauty.

You are for me, and me for you.
Grow with me on my arms! Let us be apart no longer!

I cannot take this!
I cannot live without you!
I need you to live -- to breathe!
I must be with you at once!

Let us go and be wed!
Man and algae, in holy matrimony!
'Tis a beautiful thing, to see the love
between a devoted man and his algae.

This then is why I must major in algae.
This is why I must be with her forever.