Tightrope Walker-man & Stilt-Boy
in
The Bush Academy

(A Public Service Announcement with Special Guest... Chuck Norris)

 

TIGHTROPE WALKER-MAN (TWM)
We’d like to introduce you to a new way to learn what is necessary for the survival of our species … the Bush Academy. Take it away Chuck…

CHUCK NORRIS (CN)
Thanks Tightrope Walker-man. You know, a lot of people are down on Bush at the moment.
Here at the Bush Academy we have a saying; ‘Go Bush, because the alternative ain’t too pleasant!’
Hey… what the hell are you doing? Quit tugging at my beard, Stilt-boy!

STILT-BOY (SB)
Sorry, Chuck. Just checking you’re not Dr. Innuendo.

CN
Who?

SB
Never mind. If you’d read the last episode you’d know.

CN
Whatever.
Come to the Bush Academy for your re-education. Tell ‘em about it Tightrope Walker-man.

TWM
When you graduate from the Bush Academy, you can begin to live your life the way they want you to… the Bush way.

CN
That’s right Tightrope Walker-man…

TWM
Hey, Stilty, I got it right.

SB
Holy dumbass, Tightrope Walker-Texas-Ranger-man, when did you become such a loser? Oh, wait, you’ve always been a loser.

TWM
Shut up! You’re the loser… you hurt my feelings, you should apologise.

SB
Apologise? I’m going to punch your damn feelings in the underpants!

CN
Now, now boys… If you two don’t stop fighting, I’m going to step in and begin a bombing campaign on both your asses. That’s just one of the philosophies we employ here at the Bush Academy. We believe that a declaration of war will lead to a peaceful resolution of the opposing side kissing our butts.

TWM
At the Bush Academy you will learn the art of:
Election fraud
Vote tampering
Bombing the country of your choice
Making your fathers friends rich
And how to open your arse up wide enough to accommodate the arm of the puppeteer.

SB
That’s right, you don’t even have to know proper English. Hell, you don’t even have to know how to read. Who gives a shit if Spot runs or not, he’s a fictional character, you can’t bomb him.

CN
So come on down to Bush Academy. Go God’s way… go Bush!

GEORGE W, BUSH (GWB)
Ok, excellent job there Chuck. Real believable. That should bring my public support up to around 7%.

CN
Yeah, great. Now can you put that fucking gun away?!

GWB
Whoa there Chuck! You’re getting a bit agro. You don’t wanna mess with me, I’m nuts. Don’t fuck Bush… that’s not like you Chuck.

 

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