The Justin Files

"A hundred and dollar twenty"	"The 'C' looks like a bracket"
Justin admitted he doesn't have any friends 10/11/00
Justin has an alien in his head	Justin has ring worm
"Shutup Justin, you're embarrassing yourself" 24/10/00
"Ants have two brains"	Justin doesn't get presents
"Why can't we do it on men?" (Justin remarked that he wants to do his work in Geography on men)
"Are geese male ducks?"	Justin thinks Kerin is leaving
Justin admitted he's a dumb arse and doesn't know anything 28/10/00
"Albeture" instead of "Algebra"	Justin is 100% sure that Kerin left
"Is the airport in Townsville or Thuringowa?" 13/02/01
"Malt is dried milk"	"Inefficient minded little twits!"
Justin keeps thinking he's saying other things but he's not
Justin saw the hast laugh of a paralympics race	Justin's getting a hair cut and a real job
"I did not!" (The last words before Justin fell off his chair)
Justin thinks about himself	"A $20 voucher costs $20"
"I'm not copying - I'm just reading other people's work!"
Justin has a bus pass	Justin thinks it's hilarious to throw guinea pig food
Justin believes that he can put on his hat without touching it
Justin plays basketball (because he dribbles a lot!)	I'm not saying "Justin," I'm saying that it's "Just In!"
"Graham is a gay little fucking shit and likes male ducks"
Justin & James: Flower-pot men	"Compare the differences"
"How many bee's has sharp got?" 19/02/01
Justin is a homonym for Shit	Justin has big balls
"Can I borrow a piece of pen and some paper?"
"A tape measure is like a train"	"Cloudy during the day and sunny at night"
"Is 300 millimetres 30 centimetres?" 09/03/01
Justin admitted his hand was sore	"I'm not smart!" 09/03/01
Justin spelt mate "mait," therefore: Justin has ate fingers, Justin goes rollerskaiting, Justin is overwate, Justin loves his staik, Justin's antics send me irait, Justin is a traiter, Justin's fait is doomed, Justin should weight before he talks, Justin is lait for class, Justin is gay - he is not strait, (It is because of this that he will never score a dait) Justin goes fishing with bate, Justin ait some food, Justin lives in a mentally disabled stait, I hait Justin!
"Houses are built on land"	"I'm an idiot!" 24/04/01
"How many knuckles do you have?" 08/05/01
OWS: Overweight Syndrome	Justin gets thrills out of throwing bits of rubber
(Teacher spends 15 minutes explaining why an exam must be re-taken) "So, do we have to redo the exam?"
"You can't have a shower in the city" 02/04/01	"Today's the 26th" 24/04/01
Justin: "Who's that guy who was reading the notices on assembly this morning?" Reply: The deputy principal!
"Grot - es - cue" instead of "Grotesque"	Justin's house is worth 2 and a half grand
"Justin, you're gay." "Thank you."
"Peer Clarth" 09/10/01	"Is that smoke?"
"The ozone layer is 78.9 kilometres above the Earth" 16/10/01
"Ethastic" instead of "Aesthetic" 02/11/01	"90 to 4:30? That's eight o'clock!" 09/10/01
"I can't remember whether it actually happened or if I dreamt it."
"What's your jame, Nason?"	"Oh, you're beautiful, Daimo!"
"Don't worry Joe, if I was Petra I would've picked you over Paul."
"Mark, if you shave off all your hair, will it grow back brown?"	"Is Gilbertfest one word?" 08/11/01
(Justin breaks his thong) "I guess I'll have to walk around footless for the rest of the day then" 16/11/01
"Cade's War" instead of "Wade's Car"	"I kneed my knee"
"Doriesented" instead of "Disoriented" 29/11/01
"I'm a fat imbecile!" 31/12/01	"He's using all his homeboy technology"
"Hey, if you fell into that hole... you wouldn't hurt yourself because it's not deep. But you'd hurt yourself if you fell into the hole in my head."
Justin said "Analyss" instead of "Analysis"	Justin watches the radio
"Anyway, sp..." 28/02/02	"Around 1000 of JCU's 9000 or so students live on campus" Justin: "So, that's around one percent then" 28/02/02
Daniel, Chris and Justin were stuck in traffic coming out of the Uni one afternoon. Chris began a new line of conversation by simply stating the word "Marvelous." Starting a game of Word Tennis, Daniel replied by saying "Wonderful." Other words stated in the pattern included "Fantastic," "Awesome" and "Exhilarating" - that is, until Justin decided to input with his choice word, "Simplicity." 28/02/02
"You shouldn't jog. It makes you lose too much fat." 03/03/02	"My nostril's not that deep" 03/03/02
FOLLOW-UP: Daniel, Chris and Justin were driving through town one night when talk somehow got to the Justin Files. Chris and Daniel were having a bit of a chuckle about one of his previous quotes, when Justin himself said, "I don't know why you guys found that so funny - Simplicity is actually a real word!"
"I have a piece of pizza in my hand, I will not be harmed to throw it."	Justin said he wanted his initials, "K.G.B." engraved on his knives at work. We assume that the "G" stands for either "Gustin" or "Guinea".
"I have a very good sense of hearing" "Justin's a poofter!" "Yeah, sometimes I can hear stuff really far away" 18/04/02
"Vonia On Kurtz"	"Wade is big and slanky"
"Gilbert, stick your crutch out the window"
"It got down to minus one degree last night!" 03/06/02	"You hairy little whore" 29/06/02
"They write down everything I say! Half of it's not true and they think that I'm serious when I do say something stupid!" 29/06/02
Justin dries his car with a Shimmy.	"Leeches have 37 brains"
(After driving about 100 metres down a busy street) "Justin, are you going to get onto the right side of the road?" 08/08/02
"That dog led us on a goose chase"	"...and then I realised I was flashing a policeman!" 23/07/02
"Her boyfriend is at uni studying Doctor" 19/08/02
"Car staff park" instead of "Staff car park" 19/08/02	"I look like a fucking poofter with this hair" 19/08/02
Justin: "Can I have that with a side of fries?" Waitress: "That already comes with fries" 19/08/02
"There's 3 different 2's" 19/08/02	"The amount of cop I shit!" 19/08/02
(Justin was cruising around town and about to tell us a story regarding something that happened while he was driving earlier that day) "Just imagine this was a road..." 19/08/02
"Cactus Jacks is an Irish pub" 19/08/02	"I never think before I talk" 19/08/02
"Mushroom" instead of "Marshmallow" 05/09/02
"He's a pretty quickie" 31/08/02	"Physically disabled in the head" 05/09/02
SMS to Justin: "Justin, I'm home on a 3 hour break, you can come over if you like" SMS Reply: "I would come over but I locked my keys in the car and can't get them out"
"It's pretty dark when the moon's not out" 05/10/02
"Why twat?"	"A man in the shape of a tick"
"Look at all those dead bodies - they're just laying there!"
"Mark is selling his house for $4700"	"That isn't a cell phone - it's a mobile!" 27/11/02
Justin didn't know who Bill Gates was until the 18th of November 2002
"The car wash must have a huge water bill!" 28/11/02	"I'm gonna kill you, Kenny!" Justin's reply: "Thank you" 13/11/02
"I was watching this cop show, I think it was called Cops" 03/01/03
"Sorry I am a little whore" 13/11/02	"Sir Theslie Liess Drive" instead of "Sir Leslie Thiess Drive" 10/01/03
"If the universe was infinite, it would be a long time before you reached the end" 19/12/02
"A rectangle has two long sides and one short side" 19/12/02	"Lenny Kravitz isn't a black guy"
(Said after he was set alight by friends) "You don't try and light people on fire... wankers" 16/01/03
"You two make a good trio" 28/01/03	"Her tits are fat now, they aren't as luscious as they used to be" 26/01/03
"When I finish my apprenticeship I want to be a marine biologist" 24/01/03
"I have an ingrown toenail. It hurts but I like it" 27/01/03	"It's fully cloudy but the sun is out" 12/02/03
"When I become qualified I'm moving away from Australia. Fuck this place" 08/05/03
"I don't like voting" (Justin has only recently turned 18 and has never voted before)	"The true meaning of the word 'she' is a female cat" 08/05/03
While hanging around the house with Brendan and Wade, Justin looked outside and remarked, "That bird has been sitting there for the past 10 minutes." It was a plastic bird. 19/07/03
"I like hitting Chris cause he's always in my face"	"I am a very futile person"
"I don't breathe when I sleep"
And finally, the cream of the crop: "AND IF YOU WRITE ANYTHING ABOUT ME OR MY FAMILY LIKE THAT AGAIN (Just don't write it, come and say it to my face) AND I'LL SMASH THE FUCK OUT OF YOU, YOU LITTLE GAY POOFTER!!!"