One Liners
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(submitted by Tim H.):

Really these are only one liners and proverbs that I have heard throughout my life. Some are for moments when you need a good laugh will others are intended to get you thinking. This page will contain only the best one-liners and proverbs.

I intend to live for ever - so far so good.
When everything is coming your way, your in the wrong lane.
Excuses are like asses, everyone's got one and they all stink.
So many cats, so few recipes.
If we weren't meant to eat animals why are they made of meat?
What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free.
Learn from your parents mistakes and use birth control.
They call it 'PMS' because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian.
If you love something, set it free - If it don't come back then hunt it down and kill it.
I like kids.........but I don't think I could eat a whole one.
People in the dark make mistakes. Mistakes in the dark make people.

Some of these will make you think

Why is it that we drive on parkways yet park in driveways?

Why is that when we send something by land it is called a 'shipment', but when we send it by ship it is called 'cargo'?

Why is abbreviation such a long word.

What is another word for thesaurus?

If you plan to fail and succeed, which have you done?

Practice makes perfect, but knowbody is perfect so why practice?

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Time may be a great healer, but its a lousy beautician.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the
ark, professionals built the Titanic.

Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just
sit there.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both
be changed regularly and for the same reason.

An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist
fears that this is true.

There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get
worse every year.

In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

I am not fat, I am a nutritional overachiever.

If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.

It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers
to ask you the questions.

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

Life not only begins at forty, it also begins to show.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because
you stopped laughing.

Well that is all for the time being. The page will be updated as I hear more really good one-liners. And so remember - If the chances of the sun rising tomorrow is 100% and if it doesn't will anybody really care?