Title: I Am the Darkness, You Are My Light: Chapter 3

Author: Storm Bringer

Rating: R

E-mail: the_storm_bringer@hotmail.com

Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters in Sailor Moon and am therefore using them illegally. I’m a bad, bad man.

* * * * * *

"Free!" exclaimed Usagi as she dashed out the front doors of the school and raised her arms to the pale blue sky. "It’s over at last! I’m free!"

"It’s only Monday, Usagi," said Ami in a pragmatic voice as she calmly exited the school along with Makoto, Minako, and several other students, all of whom gave Usagi a wide birth as they headed for home. The three girls gathered around the blonde. "You still have to come back tomorrow."

The rapture that had filled Usagi’s face was chased away by Ami’s simple statement. An anguished wail broke from her throat as she sank to her knees. No one except her friends paid Usagi’s melodramatics much heed, having seen the blonde break down into a fit of tears for things as silly as being kept from lunch for longer than two minutes. The most attention she received was the occasional look of sympathy or the annoyed shake of a head.

"It’s not fair!" she wailed. "My youth is passing me by while I rot in this stupid school!"

"Grow up!" snapped Makoto, frowning down at Usagi.

Ami and Minako regarded the brunette with surprise. She was rarely harsh with Usagi, even when the immature girl was at her worst. She always tried to spare all of her friends the sharp bite of her temper. Of course, there were those few times when even Rei stepped carefully around the brunette, afraid of triggering the release of a furious storm. Generally, Makoto’s temper was only dangerous when something was really bothering her, though.

"You don’t have to be so harsh, Mako-chan," chided Minako. "You know how Usagi is about school."

Usagi started to wail about how mean her friends were to her, and Minako gave her a comforting pat on the back and said something that Ami didn’t catch. She was too busy studying Makoto.

The brunette’s frown had softened a little, but there was still an angry set to her features. She had been in a pleasant mood that morning, but it had gradually deteriorated over the course of the day. Ami felt that she was somehow the one causing Makoto’s temper to flare.

Twice that day she’d caught Makoto studying her with a small frown, and both times the brunette had hastily turned away when she realized Ami had spotted her. Did Makoto suspect that she had feelings for her? Was she angry? Ami hadn’t been able to look at Makoto without feeling her friend’s electric touch on her cheek, and she hadn’t said more than two words to her all day for fear that something foolish would tumble from her lips. Even now, as she watched her friend, she felt a slight tingle on her cheek.

Ami fervently hoped that Makoto wasn’t angry with her because of the feelings she harbored. If Makoto didn’t return her feelings than that was one thing, but to lose her as a friend… Ami wasn’t sure she would be able to handle that. The thought of losing any of her friends was a horrible one. She cared for them all so much, and now more for Makoto than she ever would have imagined.

Suddenly she realized that she was staring at Makoto and the brunette was returning her gaze with an intense, studying look of her own. A cloud passed across the sun and the world darkened. Emerald and sapphire orbs met, locked, and seemed to flash in the sudden gloom, and the world around them ceased to exist. Ami saw Makoto more clearly than she ever had before.

She saw the way the shadows played across her face, saw her bangs shift slightly at the insistence of a light breeze. She saw her lips, parted slightly to draw breath, moist and inviting. If Makoto’s touch were enough to draw sparks, what would it be like to be kissed by those lips? She saw the inner fire that burned within Makoto’s eyes, watched as it danced and twirled like some wild beast. There was pain in those eyes as well, a deep, soul twisting pain that even those mighty flames could not consume completely. There was something else there as well, something concealed by the fire and the pain, something Ami couldn’t quite figure out. She knew if she watched long enough, paid enough attention, she’d discover what it was. She felt it was important that she knew. It was…it was…

"Ice cream!"

Usagi’s delighted squeal broke through Ami’s reverie. Overhead the cloud passed and sunlight flooded her world once again.

A deep crimson stain suffused her face and she hurriedly turned away from Makoto and the others. Her heart was threatening to break right through her ribcage and she placed her hand over it as though to still its pounding. What had she been doing!? How could she have just stood there staring at Makoto like… like a lover!? She had even been imagining what it would be like to kiss her!

What had Makoto seen in that moment? Too much, Ami was sure. She was afraid that all of her emotions had been painted clearly on her face, showing Makoto the depths of her feelings. If that were the case and Makoto had been angry with her before, than now she must be absolutely livid.

Turning back around slowly, afraid that she might find an enraged Makoto standing there ready to scream at her and curse her to oblivion, Ami faced the brunette. At least, she would have faced Makoto if her friend hadn’t been turned away from her watching something in the distance. She didn’t appear to be angry, but Ami couldn’t really tell from behind.

"Did you hear, Ami-chan?" asked Usagi suddenly as she latched excitedly onto Ami’s arm, nearly pulling her over. "Minako said she’d buy me some ice cream!"

Regaining her balance, Ami forced a quick smile onto her lips. "That’s, um, nice of her."

Some of Usagi’s exuberance faded. "Are you okay? Your face is all red."

"I’m fine, just a little hot. That’s all. You know how stuffy the school can be." She laughed nervously and fanned herself with her hand.

Makoto still hadn’t turned around. Was she so angry that she couldn’t stand the sight of her anymore?

"Great!" exclaimed Usagi. "That means we can all go get ice cream together. It will help cool you down, Ami-chan."

"I can’t go," said Makoto without turning around. Her voice had a decidedly neutral tone to it. "I have to…practice my karate this afternoon," she explained.

"Aaahhh," moaned Usagi. "That’s boring. Can’t you do that after ice cream?"

Makoto hesitated a moment before replying, "No. I need to go now. I’ll see you tomorrow."

Ami watched as the brunette walked quickly away, like she was in a hurry to get somewhere. Or away from someone, Ami thought sadly. Makoto hadn’t glanced at her once after she had caught her staring, and Ami had a sinking feeling that too much of what she felt had been painted on her face. She almost called after her, shouted for her to come back so she could apologize, or admit her feelings, or, or…something. Ami didn’t know. She didn’t call out, though. Fear held her back.

Usagi tugged on her arm. "C’mon, Ami, let’s go get my ice cream!"

Reluctantly, the blue haired girl allowed her friend to drag her in the opposite direction Makoto had gone. Ami followed along with the blonde, but her footsteps dragged. She felt miserable.

There was a good chance that Makoto’s ire had nothing at all to do with her, that she was just having a bad day. After all, Ami had yet to actually say anything about how she felt, or even hint at it. There was no reason for Makoto to be unhappy with her. Still she couldn’t completely convince herself of that.

Ami was unable to enjoy her ice cream. It just didn’t taste good to her. She took a few bites and then absently stirred the rest around in her dish while watching the people passing by outside. Her thoughts drifted aimlessly from school and a test she had tomorrow, to the fact that her mom would be home for dinner that evening, to what Usagi and Minako were talking about—boys, of course. She tried not to think about Makoto, but like a butterfly drawn to a colorful flower her thoughts settled on the brunette with annoying frequency.

"Ami?" Usagi’s concerned voice broke through the emerald haze that had fallen across Ami’s mind.

She looked up and found both Usagi and Minako regarding her from across the table with worried eyes. "What’s wrong?" she asked, wondering if maybe something important had been said while she was daydreaming.

"That’s our line," replied Minako in a voice that was oddly serious for the usually bubbly girl. "We’ve been watching you for the last five minutes and all you’ve done is stare out the window looking worried and sad."

"Did you get a bad grade on a test?" asked Usagi. "Maybe a B or something? I wish I could get a B," she muttered.

"No, school’s fine," she said, keeping as much of her feelings as she could out of her voice so she wouldn’t give anything away. Her answer came out colder than she had intended and she smiled to soften it. "I’m fine."

"No you’re not," said Minako, leaning across the table until her face was almost directly in front of Ami’s. She tilted her head this way and that, peering into Ami’s eyes and studying her features. Suddenly a wide smile spread across her face and she sat back down with an excited giggle. "I’ve got it!" she exclaimed. "Ami’s got a crush on someone!"

Ami’s eyes widened in surprise and heat blossomed in her cheeks. "No…no, that’s not…" she stammered, unable to make a proper protest.

"Really?" Usagi stared across the table at her blushing friend. "Do you really think so, Minako?"

Nodding sagely, Minako said, "I’m positive. I’ve seen eyes like hers staring back at me from the mirror enough times to recognize what that distant gaze means. She’s been acting strange all day too, absent minded like something or someone is taking up all her thoughts. It’s just like how you are when you think about Mamoru."

Usagi was grinning broadly now. "Look at how red she is. It must be true."

"It’s not!" shouted Ami a lot louder than she had meant to. The heads of several people sitting at other tables swiveled to look at her, causing her face to grow even redder. Closing her eyes she let out a soft groan and laid her forehead on the table.

"So who is it?" asked Minako, completely ignoring Ami’s denial. "Is it someone at school? You have a class with Satoshi, don’t you? He’s cute and I’ve seen you look his way a couple of times. Is it him? Or maybe it’s Takahiro."

Usagi was wearing a pensive, thoughtful expression that rarely found its way onto her face and never when school was concerned. "What about Yosuke? He’s almost as good looking as my Mamo-chan. He doesn’t really seem like your type though." Her fist smacked into her palm. "I know! It’s Wataru!"

Minako and Usagi went back and forth like that, spewing forth the names of various boys they knew from school. Both of them pretty much ignored Ami, only looking at her now and then to see if they’d managed to illicit some type of reaction that would show them they had guessed correctly. Ami just sat across from them with her head resting on the table trying desperately to come up with some way to keep her two prying friends from finding out the truth.

If they found out they’d no doubt run and tell Makoto, and then it would all be over. Her secret would be out. Everyone would know. Makoto would hate her. She didn’t know what she’d do if that happened, but she did know it would be the end of everything she held dear. A few tears trickled down her face, brought on by the stress of dealing with emotions she had little experience dealing with.

"Well, are you going to tell us who it is?" asked Usagi with excitement and impatience in her voice. "Ami?" she prompted when her friend didn’t raise her head from the table. There was still no response from the blue-haired girl, and Usagi and Minako exchanged worried glances.

"Are you okay, Ami?" asked Minako, tentatively reaching a hand out across the table.

Finally Ami lifted her head up off of the table and dried her eyes on her sleeve. "I’m okay," she replied in a weak voice.

Minako frowned. "No, no I don’t think you are. What’s wrong? Does the guy you like already have a girlfriend or something?"

Ami shook her head. "It’s not that. It’s nothing, really. I’m fine."

Usagi placed a hand over one of Ami’s. "We’re your friends, Ami. You can tell us what’s bothering you."

Looking across the table at the concerned faces of Usagi and Minako, she knew that what Usagi had said was true. She could tell them anything and they would not judge her or belittle her. They would do anything they could to help her. It was how they were, kind, caring, and gentle. They were her friends.

She knew all of this and yet she still had to build up her courage before she could speak. Mentally, she chided herself for being foolish.

"I think…" she began, but had to take a deep breath before she could continue. "I think I’m in…love," that word was hard to say, "with M—" her courage floundered and failed, but she managed to salvage a bit of it. She couldn’t say it all, though. Not yet. "I think I’m in love with another girl," she finally managed to say in one breathless rush. She felt as though her face was going to burn away from embarrassment.

Fear built up inside of Ami as she watched her friends and waited for their reaction. At first she thought maybe they hadn’t heard her since they continued to just look at her. The worry in their faces was gone now, replaced by what she thought was… curiosity?

Usagi was the first to speak. "You still haven’t told us who it is," she stated in a voice that held a hint of reproach. "How are we supposed to get all excited about you falling for someone if you won’t tell us her name?"

"Yeah," piped up Minako. "You gotta tell us who it is. Is it Mitsuko? She’s pretty, and didn’t you help her out with her math homework a little while back?" As before, Minako started to list the names of people from school she thought Ami might like, this time running through the girls instead of the boys. Usagi joined her and they once again threw names back and forth, trying to sort out who it was who had received Ami’s affections.

Ami just sat there feeling stunned. They acted like she hadn’t done anything more than give them a some little specific that would help them figure out who it was she liked. It wasn’t quite the reaction she had expected. In fact, it wasn’t really a reaction at all.

Finally, the two girls exhausted their list of possibilities and turned their interrogative gazes on Ami once again.

"So, you gonna spill or what?" asked Minako.

"Tell us, tell us!" demanded Usagi excitedly.

"Ah…well…" Ami realized that having cleared one hurdle she now faced a much larger problem. The fact that she had feelings for another girl might not have elicited much of a reaction from them, but the revelation that it was Makoto surely would. She didn’t want to deal with that right then. "I don’t really want to say right now."

"That’s not fair," pouted Usagi. "Telling us you like someone then not telling us who it is! That’s like torture!"

"Can you at least tell us what she’s like?" asked Minako. "It’s rare when our little Ami falls for someone and we want to know everything we can about her."

Ami wasn’t sure what she thought about that last comment, but she decided that answering Minako’s question couldn’t hurt anything. She thought about it for a moment, then said, "She’s really strong and I think that sometimes she believes that she can use her strength to solve all of her problems. It makes her seem violent and mean to some, but she’s really very gentle." She smiled, remembering the night Makoto had asked her to stay over. "She’s fragile too, though she tries not to ever let other’s see that she is. She’s had a hard life."

Ami sighed and her eyes became distant as she imagined how she could make all the hardships Makoto had suffered melt away just by holding her. She would hold her tight and whisper sweetly in her ear, telling her that everything would be okay. And everything would be okay. For both of them.

"My, she does have it bad doesn’t she?" Minako’s voice cut through Ami’s daydream. She snapped back to the real world and found both Minako and Usagi grinning at her. She blushed furiously.

"Yep," agreed Usagi. "She fell hard."

Ami realized with sudden clarity that her friends were right. She had known she had feelings for Makoto that stretched beyond friendship, but now she knew how deep they ran. Very deep, too deep, deep enough to drown her.

With a groan, Ami laid her head back down on the table. "What am I going to do?" she moaned.

"Ask her out?" offered Usagi helpfully.

Ami’s head snapped back up. "I can’t do that!" she exclaimed. "She’s a…a…she! I can’t just go ask her out."

Minako and Usagi exchanged confused looks. "Why not?" they asked in unison.

Couldn’t they understand? Did she have to spell it out for them? "What happens if she doesn’t feel the same way about me? What if she hates me for telling her how I feel? What if she thinks I’m implying that she’s a lesbian and gets angry? What if she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore?" The last came out as a whisper. It was such a horrible thought.

Why did things have to be so complicated? Why couldn’t she have fallen in love with a nice boy? Why did she have to fall in love at all?

"Ami," began Usagi softly, "you love this girl, right?" Ami nodded slowly. "You’ve known her for a while now?" Again, Ami nodded. "And do you trust her?"

"Huh? Of course I do."

"Then why are you worried?" asked Minako. "It’s true she may not return your feelings, but if you love and trust her than how can you believe that she would ever do anything to hurt you."

Would Makoto ever do anything to hurt her? No, never. Not intentionally, anyway. She was just like Minako and Usagi, kind and caring, just a little rougher and harder on the outside. In an instant she saw how foolish her fears were. They didn’t vanish right away, but she felt much better all of a sudden.

A large smile split her face. "Thank you," she said, standing up.

"Where are you going?" asked Minako.

"For a walk. Both of you have helped me a great deal, but I still have a lot to think about. Thank you again."

Waving to her friends, Ami picked up her school bag and left the ice cream parlor. Minako and Usagi watched her go with wide smiles of their own. Then they went back to trying to figure out who Ami’s mystery love was.

* * * * * *

Makoto’s fists slammed into the punching bag. They struck with the force of thunderclaps, hammering away as though the thing was a youma she was trying desperately to destroy. Sweat matted her hair and ran down her face in small rivers. She’d been at this for nearly an hour and she still couldn’t beat the demon’s that plagued her.

Those eyes were lodged deep in the back of her mind. Endless pools of blue; quiet and still like a mountain lake. They floated just over her shoulder watching her every move, mocking her efforts to dislodge them, taunting her with the knowledge of how foolish she was. No matter how hard she tried she couldn’t silence them.

Exhaustion finally caused Makoto to halt her furious assault on the innocent punching bag. She was having difficulty raising her limbs high enough to strike the bag. Breathing heavily, she sank to the floor.

"I don’t think it’s dead yet," commented an amused voice from behind her. "Maybe you should beat on it some more."

"Huh?" she mumbled, throwing a glance over her shoulder.

Haruka came to stand next to her, placing one hand on the punching bag. "I’ve been watching you beat on this thing for twenty minutes and some of the students here said you’ve been at it for the better part of an hour. From the look on your face while you were beating the crap out of the bag, one would think it had done you a personal wrong."

Makoto grunted and stood back up. Her legs felt rubbery and weak, but they supported her fine. She made her way over to where a towel and her water bottle were waiting for her next to a wall. The water wasn’t cold, but it was refreshing and she felt stronger after taking a long drink. She sat down again, resting her head against the wall. Picking up the towel she wiped the sweat from her face and settled it around her shoulders.

Haruka followed her over and stood next to her leaning nonchalantly against the wall. Both girls came to this particular dojo to train and work out, although their different schedules generally prevented them from being there at the same time. Both were usually pleased when they got the chance to train together, but today Makoto didn’t want any company.

Silence stretched between them.

"Do you want to talk about it?" asked Haruka after several minutes.

Makoto frowned. "Talk about what?" She continued to stare out across the dojo floor, watching a group of kids who were learning how to kick properly. One of them lost his balance and fell.

"Whatever’s bothering you."

The brunette waved her hand in a dismissive gesture.id

"Nothing’s bothering me," she said in a neutral voice. "I’m fine." The kid picked himself up off the ground and tried the kick again. It was a wobbly and inelegant kick, but he didn’t fall this time. He seemed proud of his progress.

Haruka smiled slightly. "Is that why you were trying to kill the punching bag?"

Makoto didn’t answer. She stopped watching the kids and turned her attention to the pair of sapphire eyes drifting through her head. There was no malice in their depths, no anger or animosity. They seemed…warm.

So why had Ami avoided her all day? Why had she seemed so cold and distant at school, hardly speaking to her at all? And why had it bothered her so much?

Was it something she had said? Or maybe it was something she had done that had unsettled her friend. When she had touched Ami’s cheek yesterday it had felt…nice. That was the only word she could come up with the describe it and she didn’t like it. Not one bit. She didn’t like any of this. It made her uncomfortable.

She shook her head to try and clear it. "Why won’t her eyes just leave me alone?" she muttered.

"What was that?" asked Haruka. "Something about eyes."

Makoto gave herself a mental slap. She had forgotten that her friend was standing next to her. "Nothin’," she replied, hoping that Haruka hadn’t heard too much. "Just talking to myself."

"I noticed." Haruka pushed herself away from the wall and turned to face Makoto. "Maybe it’s not yourself that you should be talking to, though." Turning away, she walked over and began her own assault on the bag Makoto had ceased tormenting a short time ago.

Makoto watched her for a short time, trying to figure out what her words had meant. She couldn’t come to any conclusions though, and finally stood up and walked to the locker room. She showered, changed, and then headed back out into the world. She didn’t really feel like going home, though. Instead she decided that it might be nice to take a walk.