Title: I Am the Darkness, You Are My Light: Chapter 1

Author: Storm Bringer

Rating: R

E-mail: the_storm_bringer@hotmail.com

Author’s Notes: <A few revisions were added on 4/15> This is a short series revolving around a Makoto and Ami relationship. Yes, it’s probably been done to death; yes, there’s no basis for it in the actual anime, but hey, it’s fanfiction and I can do what I want. Besides, I like the coupling. Anyway, it’s rated R for some language and situations of a questionable nature, but no sex. Please do not flame me because you don’t like the pairing or don’t like yuri fics in general (of course, if this is the case you could just click the ‘back’ button). Feel free to flame me if you think I’m a lousy writer, but at least try to do it in a constructive manner.

Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters in this story. I have, however, patented the word "Flazzenbach." This word does not actually show up in this story, but it’s mine anyways and you can’t use it. =P

* * * * * *

The bouquet of flowers lay in the gutter where it had been carelessly tossed by some uncaring hand. The once vibrant flowers were now dried and withered, a collection of grays and browns with the occasional speck of color poking up where it didn’t belong. Heavy clouds obscuring the stars overhead promised rain in the near future. Soon the bouquet would be washed away, the brittle stems and withered petals of the flowers torn asunder by the driving rain that would turn the gutter into a miniature river.

Makoto stared down at that bouquet with eyes that were just as lifeless, wondering what hand had cast it aside. Had it been one of the many hands that had cast her aside over the years? Perhaps the very one that had done so this night. Would she then be left to wither and die in the gutter? To be washed away by the river of time?

Turning away, Makoto wearily headed for home. Home… That was a place where one went for comfort and protection from the harsh realities of the world. Makoto did not return home. She returned to the solitary darkness of her apartment. A place where dark memories walked like ghosts and the air was chill and filled with feelings of pain and loss.

A low peal of thunder seemed to echo the brunette’s sorrow. Makoto could feel the coming storm, sense the charge in the air that portended the coming of a raging beast whose breath was the icy wind, whose teeth were the driving rain, and whose roar was a crack of thunder and a flash of lightning. If Makoto did not hurry she would be caught in the maw of that mighty beast. Makoto did not hurry.

Perhaps the beast felt her pain and sensed the bond that tied girl and storm together. It contained its raging fury until Makoto had reached the protective shelter of her apartment building. The storm broke on her heels though, releasing its pent up rage in the form of a howling wind and spear like rain.

The elevator that took Makoto up to her floor was empty, leaving her alone with the music that was common to all elevators. The soothing sound was discordant to her ears. The elevator reached its destination and the doors opened revealing the words ‘FLOOR 8’ painted on the wall across the way in garish blue letters that a blind man would have had trouble missing. Leaving the stuffy confinement of the elevator, and relishing the distinct lack of music in the hallway, Makoto headed for her apartment, her feat dragging.

There were windows at either end of the hall, and the sounds of the storm raging outside were easily heard in the long corridor. A bolt of lightning lit up the night outside, sending dazzling purples and blues flashing across the walls and drowning out the pale illumination cast by the lamps hanging from the ceiling.

Makoto stopped before the door marked 823, her door. She stared blankly at the smooth wood for several minutes before finally digging her keys out of her pocket and going inside. All the lights in her apartment were off, the only illumination coming from the occasional flash of lightning outside. She was content to leave it that way, to sit alone in the darkness with only her pain and sorrow to keep her company. The heater had been turned off while she was away in order to keep her electric bill low, and the air was cold enough to cause goose bumps to pebble her bare skin. She felt that the cold suited her as well.

Makoto did not find her way to her couch to sit down as she had initially intended. Instead, she stood in the entranceway of her small apartment and stared into the darkness surrounding her. Wraiths of the past walked through that blackness.

Her parents were there. Blurry, indistinct forms pulled from the memories of a young child. They smiled down at her, tickled her chin playfully. Their warmth promised safety and comfort as they held her close to their hearts, vowing never to let go. A ghost of a smile crossed Makoto’s lips.

The images shattered in a fierce explosion of blood and fire.

The sound of a brutal slap resounded through the darkness. A large man stood over a young girl who was sprawled out on the floor with tears streaming down her face and blood trickling from her mouth. Her blouse was ripped, revealing her small, immature breasts. The man reached down and grabbed a handful of dark brown hair, jerking the girl to her feet.

"Stand up ya stupid bitch!"

With a scream born of fear, the girl lashed out with her tiny fists. They bounced off of the man’s seemingly giant frame and he drove his knee into her gut, sending the air bursting from her lungs. She lay curled up on the floor gasping for breath that would not come, blood flecking her lips and pooling on the floor.

The man leaned down next to her, putting his mouth right next to her ear. The smell of alcohol was rank on his breath. "Keep fightin’ and I’ll kill ya girl. And then I’ll still fuck ya!"

A flash of lightning smote the image, sending its fragmented pieces skittering to the far corners of the darkened room.

Faces floated through the darkness, leering, laughing. Makoto cringed as they circled her, mocking her pain and sorrow. Pasty lips kissed her flesh, cold hands caressed her body. A young man appeared before her, tall and handsome with eyes like thunderclouds and hair that was midnight flowing from his scalp.

"I’ll protect you," he said extending his hand. "I’ll keep the darkness at bay."

Makoto reached out and took his hand. His warm smile vanished to be replaced by a mocking grin as his fingers closed around hers in a grip as firm and as cold as iron. His face vanished to be replaced by another, then another, changing over and over again. All of them stared at her with laughter in their eyes and lust in their hearts.

How many times had she trusted? How many times betrayed? How many times had those promises of protection slipped away with the coming of the dawn?

A crack of thunder outside rattled the windows with its force and resonated with Makoto’s soul. She screamed, a primal scream drawn from the depths of her being. Her fist shattered the leering image before her; a flash of lightning pushed back the darkness, pulling her back from the edge of the abyss upon which she teetered.

Makoto stood there in the darkness, her breath coming in ragged gasps as she listened to the storm pounding away outside, melding with the rapid beating of her heart. Slowly she drew her fist out of the wall, plaster flaking off as she brushed the edges of the hole she had made. She was numb in body and mind, and did not feel the pain in her hand, only the pain in her soul. The mask of strength that served her so well in the day crumbled around her, its fragments falling to the ground in the form of tears.

Sinking to the ground, Makoto curled up into as small ball and wept until sleep carried her far away.

* * * * * *

Usagi pounded on the door. "C’mon Mako-chan! Open up!"
"Maybe she’s not home," offered Ami, who was standing next to the blonde.

"Of course she’s home," said Usagi, continuing to hammer away. "She wasn’t at school so that means she must be at home."

Ami blinked, but said nothing. She had learned long ago that Usagi’s logic didn’t fit in well with the rest of the world, and yet it somehow managed to get her friend through life in relatively good shape. Ami had given thought to writing a paper concerning Usagi for her psychology class, but had given the idea up due to the complexity of the subject.

Suddenly the door to Makoto’s apartment was jerked open so fast that Usagi missed her next blow and stumbled forward, falling flat on her face thanks to the fact that one foot absolutely refused to move while the other jauntily stepped inside. While her friend tried dazedly to figure out exactly what had happened to the door, Ami stepped around her and into the apartment.

Makoto was standing halfway behind the door, glaring down at Usagi. Her hair was tousled and she had a haggard look, as though she hadn’t gotten much sleep last night. All she seemed to have on was a pair of gray sweatpants and a green sweater.

"What?" she grunted. Her emerald eyes sparkled with anger kept carefully in check.

Hearing the unfriendly tone in her friend’s voice, Ami became slightly uncomfortable with the situation. It was obvious that Makoto had not wanted company and the only reason she had opened the door was to silence Usagi’s persistent pounding. Now Ami felt as though she had intruded somewhere she wasn’t wanted. Usagi, on the other hand, seemed to notice nothing amiss.

"Hiya, Mako-chan!" greeted Usagi as she picked herself up off the floor, a picture of wide-eyed innocence. "You weren’t at school today so we thought we’d come see if you were sick. Are you? Because, you know, if you are then we’d be glad to help you out with anything you need. Maybe fix you dinner or something."

Some of Makoto’s ire seemed to fade then, and her features softened. "I’m not sick, I just didn’t feel like going to school today."

"I never feel like going to school, but my parents always make me go anyways. It must be nice not having anyone bossing you around like that." Ami winced as she watched Makoto’s face become stone. Usagi seemed to realize she had said something wrong, and made an attempt at changing the subject. "Did you know you have a hole in your wall?" she asked, pointing just past Ami’s shoulder.

"Yes," replied Makoto, her voice tight.

Ami looked where Usagi pointed and saw that, sure enough, there was a hole in the wall. Just about the size of a fist, she noted with a glance at Makoto’s hands. One of them was wrapped in heavy bandages.

There was a moment of silence while everyone just looked at one another. From the look on Makoto’s face, she was waiting for the two of them to take their leave, but Usagi seemed to be waiting for Makoto to invite her in for something to eat. Ami was about to suggest leaving, when Usagi decided she’d just have to invite herself.

"Do you have anything I could snack on, Mako-chan?" asked the blonde. "I’m always really hungry right after school. It must be all the thinking they make you do there."

Ami couldn’t help but smile at the idea of Usagi actually thinking while at school. "From what I saw, you did more sleeping than thinking, Usagi. And with the size of the lunch you had, I would think the last thing you would be is hungry."

"I wasn’t sleeping!" whined Usagi. "I was thinking with my eyes closed!"

"Is that what you told the teacher?"

"Yes! And she didn’t believe me!"

Ami rolled her eyes. "Imagine that."

Usagi’s eyes narrowed. "What do you mean by that? You don’t believe me either!"
"Well, you do have a reputation for falling asleep at inopportune times."

"It’s not my fault school starts so early! I’d be fine if it started at noon! It would be great if that happened. The first class of the day would be lunch!"

This playful banter broke through Makoto’s granite mask and caused her to crack a smile. A small one, barely a turning up of the edges of her mouth, but Ami felt that it was a start. Whatever problems her friend was dealing with at the moment would not be solved so easily, but every little bit helped.

With a soft sigh, Makoto waved Usagi the rest of the way into the apartment and shut the door behind her. "I’ll fix you guys some tea and you can munch on some cookies I made the other day."

"Cookies!" squealed a delighted Usagi. "No one makes cookies better than you do, Mako-chan."
Makoto mumbled something that might have been a "thank-you" and wandered off to the kitchen. Ami and Usagi took seats at the dining room table, the blonde going on and on about food, which somehow led her to talk about clothes, which, in turn, got her started on Mamoru. Everything, it seemed, caused Usagi to bring up her boyfriend.

Ami listened to her friend with only half an ear, making sure to nod at all the right places. The majority of her attention was directed towards trying to think of what might be troubling Makoto. By the time the brunette returned with a pot of tea and a platter of cookies, Ami had decided that more information would be needed if she was to discern the nature of Makoto’s ill temper. Information that would be inadvertently delivered to her by Usagi.

"Oh, yum!" exclaimed Usagi as she stuffed her face with chocolate chip cookies. "Can I take some home with me so that I can give them to Mamo-chan? We’re going on a date tonight."
A brief look of sadness crossed Makoto’s features, but it was gone so fast that Ami almost believed that she had imagined it. "Sure Usagi, take all you want." Ami had no doubt that Usagi would do just that, and that none of them would ever reach Mamoru.

"Thanks, Mako-chan," said Usagi around a mouthful of cookie. She swallowed and then asked in a sly manner, "I don’t suppose you have a date with that guy you’ve been talking about all week, huh? What was his name? Hito…Hitogi?"

"Hitoshi," spat Makoto, speaking the name like a curse. "And no, we’re not going out tonight. He…dumped me." Her voice hinted at tears kept in check.

Ah, thought Ami, so that was the source of Makoto’s foul humor. She should have realized it was something like that.

There were few things in this world that could make Usagi forget about food, youma included, but seeing a friend in pain was one of them. "I’m so sorry, Mako-chan," she said, placing a comforting hand on her friend’s shoulder. "I’m sure you’ll find someone else."

"There’s always someone else, isn’t there?" Makoto’s tone was bitter. "Someone who will sweep me off my feet with promises of love and compassion. But they never mean it… They never mean it…" she repeated in a whisper, tears rolling down her face, her eyes filled with betrayal.

Exchanging worried looks with Usagi, Ami stood up and put her arm around Makoto. "Are you okay?" she asked in a concerned voice.

Makoto scrubbed away her tears, visibly taking back control of her emotions. "I’m fine, just… It hurts." She made a sound then, halfway between laughing and sobbing. "It always hurts. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be burdening you with my stupid problems."

Usagi got up and joined Ami so that they held Makoto between them. "No, no," she said softly. "It’s not a burden and your problems are never stupid. We’re always here for you, whenever you need us."

"Yes," agreed Ami. "Anytime, every time, we’ll stand at your side. No matter what you face, you never have to face it alone."

"I…I…" Whatever Makoto had been about to say was lost as she broke down into body wracking sobs.

Time slipped away as Usagi and Ami held Makoto, whispering soothing things to the brunette as her tears drew the pain out of her heart. She cried for a long time, and Ami felt that her friend’s pain stemmed from something deeper and more complicated than simply being dumped by her boyfriend. Not wanting to cause Makoto any more distress though, Ami said nothing concerning her thoughts on the matter.

When it was over and Makoto’s tears were spent, the three girls moved to the couch in the living room. There they talked of inconsequential things such as an upcoming math test or the latest Sailor V game, giving the brunette a chance to put herself back together. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying and her face was pale and drawn. It looked as though she had been through Hell and back, but Usagi and Ami managed to coax a smile out of her every now and then.

"Thanks a lot guys," said Makoto in a voice that held only a hint of her former sorrow. Outside, the sun was painting the sky in brilliant reds and oranges as it descended towards the horizon. "This really means a lot to me. I don’t know how I could possibly repay you."

"We’ll always be here for you, Mako-chan," said Usagi with a smile. "It’s what friends are for. But if you really want to pay us back, how ‘bout inviting us for dinner?" A hungry light appeared in the blonde’s eyes.

Ami reached over and lightly slapped Usagi on the back of the head. "There’s no need for you to repay us," she said, ignoring Usagi’s indignant squawk over being hit. "Comfort and a shoulder to cry on are always free."

Makoto gave her two friends a warm smile. "Thanks, Ami. I’d like it if you both stayed for dinner, though, but I thought Usagi had a date tonight."

Leaping from the couch as though it were on fire, Usagi exclaimed, "My date with Mamo-chan! I almost forgot! I’ve gotta hurry or I’m gonna be late again!" She started for the door, but stopped abruptly and turned back to Makoto. "If you want me to stay, I’ll call Mamoru and cancel tonight."

Ami’s eyes popped and Makoto’s jaw dropped. An army of youma wouldn’t have been able to stop Usagi from going on a date with her beloved, but here she was, willing to cancel it just to spend the evening with a friend who just had her heart broken.

"Umm, no, Usagi, that’s okay. Thanks for the offer, but I wouldn’t want to ruin your evening with Mamoru."

"Are you sure? It’s no problem if you want me to stay."

Makoto gave the blonde a reassuring smile. "I’m sure. Go and have fun."

"Thanks, Mako-chan! I’ll call you tomorrow!" Then she was gone, rushing from the room at speeds she only used in instances involving food or her boyfriend.

Turning to Ami, Makoto asked, "What about you? Wanna stay for dinner?"
"Of course I’ll stay," replied Ami with a broad smile. "Only a herd of elephants could keep me away from your cooking."

"Or a math test," said Makoto with a wide grin. Both girls laughed and the brunette rose to go begin fixing dinner. Ami followed her into the kitchen, intent on keeping her friend company while simultaneously doing what she could to help out.

For a moment she considered calling home to tell her mother that she wouldn’t be coming home until later that evening, but then she remembered that her mom would be at work until very late tonight and possibly early tomorrow morning. These were the hours often kept by her mother, late and long, leaving her with little in the way of time for herself or her daughter. Such was the life of a full time doctor.

Over the years, Ami had gotten used to being alone most of the time. She accepted the fact that her mother played an important role in society, the saving of human lives. It was the same goal she herself aspired to someday, although she was in essence doing just that now as a Senshi.

Despite having grown accustomed to being alone, however, there were times when Ami would wake up in the middle of the night and know that there was no one else in house. During these times, the loneliness she felt would hover over her like a nightmarish monster just waiting for her to go to sleep so it could devour her. She would fight it off by courageously cowering beneath her blankets, feeling cold and afraid until exhaustion pulled her down into the dark waters of sleep.

But those times were neither here nor now.

They made a vegetable stir-fry for dinner, and the two girls tossed idle banter back and forth as they cooked. After dinner they munched on a cherry pie Makoto had fixed earlier. It was one of her favorite foods and she always gorged herself on it when feeling depressed. The conversation remained light throughout dinner and dessert, and afterwards as well when they retired to the couch once again.

The moon had risen high into the sky when, with a glance at her watch, Makoto said, "It’s awfully late. I’ve kept you here way after the time you should have been heading home. I’m sorry."

"Don’t worry about it." Ami glanced at her own watch. "You’re right though, it is pretty late. Um… do you think I could sleep over?"

"Of course you can." Makoto stood up and Ami followed suit. "You can borrow one of my oversized shirts to sleep in, if that’s okay with you." Ami nodded that it was, and Makoto began to search the apartment for blankets and a futon.

Left alone in the living room, Ami’s eyes roamed around the room as she considered what might have caused her friend to be as distraught as she was earlier. She was sure that there was more to it than just a guy, but her thoughts had taken her nowhere by the time Makoto returned

Ami changed into her sleeping attire while Makoto fixed her up a place to sleep on the floor in the living room, the only place where there was enough room. Makoto changed then, and Ami waited patiently outside her door so she could wish her friend a good night. When the door to Makoto’s room did open to admit Ami though, she found her friend standing there fidgeting nervously and looking for all the world as though she were about to take the most difficult test of her entire life.

"Umm…Ami? I was uh…wondering…" Makoto trailed off, staring down at her feet.

"Go on, Mako-chan. You can ask me anything."

Makoto took a deep breath. "I was wondering if you would sleep with me tonight." The outright shock Ami was feeling at that moment must have shown on her face, because the brunette hastily clarified her request. "I don’t mean like…like that. I just uh…would like it if you would sleep in my…bed… with me." Her face was turning bright red at this point. "I’ll understand if you don’t want to."

Ami considered the strange request. She was a bit uncomfortable with the idea of spending the night in the same bed as her friend, but they were both girls and they wouldn’t be doing anything other than sleeping, so she didn’t see anything really wrong with it. The idea just felt…odd.

"Can I ask why?" she finally said.

The brunette hesitated for a moment, alternating between staring at the floor and glancing out the window. "I just…I don’t know. I guess…I guess, for once in my life, I’d like to wake up knowing the person sharing my bed actually cares about me, even if it is only my best friend. Not to say that your being my best friend doesn’t mean anything," she amended. "It’s just…well, you know."

Ami nodded slowly. She felt she understood a bit of what Makoto was speaking of, but not all. Her friend was feeling lonely and wanted companionship this night, something Ami could sympathize with. But, as with the crying earlier, it was deeper than that. Still, she chose not to press Makoto into revealing whatever it was she kept hidden from the world. She had faith Makoto would tell her in time.

"I’ll spend the night with you, Mako-chan, if you really want me to."

"I do," whispered Makoto, staring down at the ground.

Reaching over, Ami cupped Makoto’s chin and gently raised her head up so that her friend was looking at her. "We’re friends, Mako-chan. As a friend I will freely give you whatever comfort you need. This includes sharing a bed with you. There is nothing to be ashamed of in asking for the comfort of another." Unable to help herself, Ami added with a grin, "But no funny stuff."

Makoto turned bright crimson. "I’m not…! I wouldn’t…!" she spluttered.

Ami giggled. "I was just joking."

"Not funny!" exclaimed Makoto, but a broad smile was plastered across her face.

Glancing down at Makoto’s bed, Ami suddenly felt that it was much too small for two people to share. This, she knew, was just a product of the uneasiness she was feeling over spending the night curled up next to her best friend. Firming her resolve, Ami climbed into the bed first in order to prove to herself that she had truly meant what she had said earlier.

Makoto hesitated for a moment, and then lay down next to her. The bed was indeed big enough to hold the both of them comfortably, but when the occasional foot or arm would stray across the small space separating the two girls, the offending limb would be jerked back with an embarrassed apology.

Ami had thought that it would be difficult to get to sleep in the given conditions. The close proximity of another body comforted her, however, and she found herself drifting off to sleep soon after closing her eyes. The feelings of loneliness that so often followed her down into sleep were banished by the knowledge that this night she was not alone. It was a strangely comforting feeling.

She woke up once sometime late that night or very early the next morning, she wasn’t exactly sure which, but it was still dark outside. Makoto was curled up in a fetal position at the very edge of the bed, whimpering softly in her sleep. Ami reached over and gently laid her hand on the brunette’s shoulder, intent on shaking her from whatever nightmare might have caught her up in its dark net. At her touch, Makoto jerked awake.

"What!?" she cried out in a voice tinged with fear. "Who’s there!? NO! Stay away!"

"Shhhh…" whispered Ami, leaning over so that her mouth was right next to Makoto’s ear. She noted that her friend’s eyes were only half open, indicating that she wasn’t as awake as Ami had first assumed. "It’s me, it’s Ami. You’re dreaming."

"Dreaming… Ami… AMI! Don’t let the darkness get me, Ami! Please!"

Makoto’s words became garbled after that, her mind lost deep within her nightmare once again. Tears leaked out from behind her closed lids. Ami stared down at her friend, at a loss as to what to do. Should she try to wake Makoto again, or let her fight her way out of whatever dark dream had ensnared her?

Unable to bring herself to try and wake her friend again, yet also unwilling to let her face whatever she was fighting alone, Ami decided on a course of action. Easing Makoto back away from the edge of the bed, she positioned herself so that her body cupped the brunette’s, throwing one arm around her friend’s waist and holding her tight. Makoto was so tense she was quivering.

"I’ll protect you," said Ami softly. "I’ll keep the darkness away."

The tension flowed out of Makoto’s body then, and she relaxed. A soft sigh escaped the brunette’s lips and the tears stopped flowing, one hand moving to gently take hold of Ami’s. The blue haired girl’s breath caught then, as she realized exactly what she was doing. She was lying in bed with her friend, wearing nothing more than an oversized shirt and her underwear, and now she was embracing Makoto as a lover might.

A small portion of her mind noted that this would not be a terrible way to spend the rest of the night. This caused Ami to blush, and she almost climbed out of the bed right then and there. The larger, more rationale part of her mind informed her that such an action would undoubtedly send Makoto wheeling back down into whatever abyss she had just been pulled out of, though, and Ami didn’t want to subject her friend to such tortures again.

So Ami spent the remainder of the night holding Makoto close and finding that sleep came easily and was filled with several rather…interesting dreams.