It'll be obvious about ten words into this rant that I was very angry at the time I wrote it, but I think it's very funny so I've kept it.
And here's another damn good question for ya: Why the hell do I waste time trying to get a girl's attention? It never works. Apparently, unless they need to bum a cigarette or need something, I'm freaking invisible. There isn't even a number high enough for the amount of time I've wasted doing everything in my power to get a girl... and then I find out that I'm a great friend... but she'd rather hook up with a guy who looks like a marble statue... and is about as smart as one too.
Apparently I've got a history of falling for girls who are extremely shallow... or at least extremely from the shallow end of the gene pool... you know, over where the filter is that catches all the scum and crap. I know I'm not the best looking guy on Earth, but I ain't that damn bad either. But apparently all the girls I am interested in want one end of the spectrum or the other... either a hunk... or a hunk of crap...
Now, ordinarily, I'm very picky. There aren't many women out there who I'm really into. But you know what? To hell with that! The next single woman who wants me gets me... that's just the way it's gonna be. I don't care if she makes the bearded lady look like a fashion model... I'm tired of being alone and wasting time on girls who can't pull their heads out of the asses and realize what they're missing.
And to the next stuck up bitch who even starts to say I'm not good enough for her, I'm gonna smile and say "Ordinarily, I'd say kiss my ass... but considering your status, I will say "Slurp my butt!" How freaking stupid are these girls who think they're God's gift to mankind... although from the number of guys who've caught STDs from these skanks apparently they are God's gift to condom manufacturers...
If you don't think I'm good enough for you, then think about this... the next time you find out that you've caught the STD of the week from your boyfriend who caught it from your sister who caught it from your dad who caught it from your mom who caught it from some homeless guy who gave her 37 cents... just picture me laughing about poetic justice!
I'm serious. I may not be the best guy on earth, but I've never cheated on my girlfriend (or my wife when I had one), I'm not abusive, I'm funny, smart, an above average singer... but since I don't look like a greek god or a greek monster, I can't seem to find a girl...
And if anyone even thinks about saying I should go gay instead of bitching about women, I'm gonna staple your butthole shut and force feed you about 60 pounds of horse laxatives... and wait!
To anyone I've offended in my ranting these last couple days... GO TO HELL!
I'm Jacen, this is MY world, and I'm about to burn the fucking thing down!
How's that for dictatorship, bitch?