So what did you expect? A serious case of heart-rendering psychobabble with
a touch of sarcasm from yours truly? Ha! I knew you'd ask for it! In this
age of Jenny Jones and Springer spats, my bitchin' tendencies may seem a little
medieval in comparison. For those of you who know me (the real me
whoever that is), I could just imagine you shaking your sorry little heads
muttering to yourselves, "Sheesh, she's finally lost whatever sense she had
to start with." Well, DAMN YOU too! Bleh! Like I could care less about what
you think. FYI, I stopped doing that eons ago so why should I start now?
And why the hell are you still reading this anyway? Haven't you got like a root
canal to go through? To all the people out there who are as lost as I am
(technically crazy due to an unhappy childhood, that's what those frustrated
Freud-wannabes out there might describe us, though personally I prefer the
term complicated and I had the time of my life when I was a kid -- thank you
very much!) here are a few steps to take towards the complex world of insanity.
Care to join me? Deal with the simple-minded, semi-moronic ring-dings who
are to blame for racism, bigotry and plain stupidity with vicious ease and maybe
they'd start taking hints from you, repent and preach the good news. Ready to
dive into my complex universe?
a. Share what you have. Greed
is such a no-no and so out of style. What little stuff you have, take brains as
an example, "give it away!" Listen to Anthony Kiedis
singing it gazillion times and you'd get it. Got a thing for Footlocker? Go
un-Imelda-like and leave your shoes out on the street. Don't worry about the
snow-
earthworms-rain-brokenglassfromthosedrunkardslastnight-pebbles, your blisters
will feel like hickies when you realize the magnitude of your action. Got the
rage for your
folks or the runs from that burrito? Be generous and sprinkle it all for the
universe to bask in. Believe me, that's exactly why I'm writing this in the
first place, I'm purging my system of all this shit.
b.
Open your eyes. Go use your five senses! Try it and you'll probably call
me after a week to thank me for the results (the number is toll-free so splurge
1-877-893-4008 ext.8609). What I'm saying is never and never (forget Peter Pan)
chicken out from exploring new things. Of course, if this primo product you're
willing to play guinea pig for turns out to be any form of illegal
drug, good luck to you. Personally, I won't allow myself to be put to a test
like that (not that I'd cave in) coz it's MY body, dammit! And I'm not gonna let
anyone violate me that way. But it's your choice, it's your life, it's your
call. Which brings me to the last on .
Don't ever give a * place the special profanity of your choice here * about what
other people say. Most of the time anyway. Though on a few occasions, you have
to. That's what makes us complicated. And I do know that those prejudiced horses
better take the blinders off, ones that make them believe the crap they hear in
their heads and stop them from listening to other people's hearts. But on the
same breath, I must say that for those people on the other extreme side, it all
can't be what others say either. Conformists, that's what they are, have got to
be the saddest excuses for modern people around this time. Jeez, to think they
dare brand themselves Homo Sapien Sapiens along with the rest of us! The new
millenium be doomed with the likes of them!
Now for my so-called intense conclusion, I unveil my potential oxymoronic side.
(And hell no, you don't need tissues for this) Look, we don't have all the
answers. I don't. We can't pretend it's all good `coz it's not. That's why we
need to share our dreams and fears as we're swallowing the jagged pill of pride.
We must muster up enough balls to try out the best possibilities the world can
provide us. And much as I'm a notorious cynic, I'm a romantic idealist as well.
(Sarcasm? Maybe, but have faith.) Thing is, we all have our weep-stories so do
yourselves a favor and give it a happy ending, will you? Do it for the love of
your own complex universe.
p.s. Proceed back
to your planet with extreme caution!!