For ********

I used to think that I could be good

could give of myself... could give fully of myself to you

I used to think that I could be strong

that I could be a man when all I really am

                is one scared little boy

And all I did... I expected joy

all I gave... did not ask for more

all I wanted... well...

                I don't know what I want anymore

All I can say is you taught me to weep

and I'd like to thank you... for you taught me to hope

All I remember was how full you made my life seem

                and now... all I feel is an emptiness that I could not understand

What seems to be the cause of all this?

What seems to be the cause of all this apathy?

I could not understand... could not comprehend the misery

                of how I wanted you... and now that you're mine

                all I want to do is just fly apart.

The Same in the End

Was it perhaps divine intervention that served its purpose

And led me to believe that you would just walk on in and desire to become part of my life?

I don't want to save myself for a lie

But still... I find myself believing that our different worlds will stop being led apart

Or was it perhaps the machinations of a more devious being

Someone who knew my weaknesses and exploited my faith

Who would want me to stray from the path of redemption?

Or perhaps it is just me.

I made my choice.

Come hell or high water... I chose to be with you now.

So what happens next?

I don't know.  All that's certain is

I can't let you go

Not here, not now... you are my choice

I have found my own destiny... I have found my own voice

But the funny thing is I don't think you care

That you are where I want to be

And that I am not there.

Tower of Strength 

How can you find sense in all the madness?
as you live this mundane life day by day
somehow I believe that you have found the secret...
that miraculous technique of letting go
releasing all the fears that eat you deep inside

I believe you have discovered the way
finding peace in the chaos that breeds intolerance
as you cross each day, each week, each time unit
believing in yourself... finding the strength
knowing that you do know what's best

I turn to you, half-pondering
what secret it is that makes you strong inside
Just how it is you release all that pent-up fear and anger
standing... the tower of strength in the face of imminent doom

Dissonance

Tell me, am I too much for you?

Do these stares go past your eyes, peering down your soul

seeing you as you are,

not as you purport to be?

Tell me why you shift your gaze so,

eyes refusing to meet my eyes

body turned against mine

and yet when I am at the edge of periphery,

you sneak a quick look.

Tell me, do you know that I am before you now?

Were you around to notice

my eyes refusing to meet your eyes

my body turned against yours

rushing to avoid that soulful gaze

of eyes peering down my soul

not deceived by what I purport to be

afraid.

because

you know

that I am.