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Featured Poet: Natasha de Guzman

 

sOliTudE

 

once again i sit here lost in thought
though i choose to forget
my mind insists on remembering


i have given up a long time ago
knowing how great the odds were against me
yet still it comes back
like a nightmare it hunts,

 it stalks,

 it frightens me
as clear as a photograph taken in midday
as crisp as the leaves of summer
it brings back a lot of memories


of days gone by, of love once had
it's not easy to forget when the wind whipers your name
how could i erase your image from my mind,
when every sight and sound reminds me of you?


it is not right that i should feel this way
it is not right that i should want you
you were the one who chose to be free
you were the one who chose to leave
and i know i must learn to let you go


yet why do i still long for you?
why does my heart tirelessly beat
in the hope that i might see you again


i am a fool to feel this way
still i sit here lost in thought


in despair i call your name
it seems rather absurd for me to be shouting
when you're too far away....
to hear...

 to feel...

 to know...
that i love you

so i just close my eyes and pray
that someday you'll come 

and 

break my solitude

 

 

 

02-23-1999

  

i hear the trembling of the rivers
as night turns to day
once again you rejoice
you who are such a lover of the night
tend to forget the solitude of my darkness
you embrace the sun with such exuberance
and loathe my moon with such passionate hate

 

still i give you freedom
to shower yourself with the clouds of daytime
and drown your pains in the blinding light
for i who knows how the world turns
shall expect your tears after sunset
i've watched you hide in my velvet shadows
a thousand times beforeyour heart soaked with bitterness
and your eyes filled with sorrow

 

no! you cannot run away from me
you may forget for now but not forever
my solace will lead you back to my embrace
i alone can give you comfort
away from the noise of day

 

yet you fear my coming
you are afraid i see too much
you know you cannot mask your feelings from me
--- that is why you hate me
you prefer sunlight with all its illusions and mirages
where reality is colored with white light
and your pretentious smiles erase their doubts

 

i shall remain..
night will always fall at sunset
and then my friend you shall see,
when you are tired of pretending to be happy..
i shall stay and hold you
and dry your tears away...

 

 

07-13-1998

after tequila shots

 

first light awaking
promising a new dawn,
     a new beginning
while some stars shed off their
     bright gazes,,,
the moon yawns in deep resign..
the skies tremble with my
     heart's longing
dusk has come and gone ...
the sun is dawning
torns wither with the new light
now i know why i live
     i live to cry,
         i live to die
     i live to love...
         and cry again...

 

05-20-1997

  

tonight i looked at you

and the stars stood still

i tried to lay my doubts aside

as i gazed into your eyes

i reached out to touch your hand

to erase my lingering fears

yet like rain it poured on me

the memories i've always hated

i tried to look at you

but my eyes were filled with grief

what happens then if time should come

that a butterfly should take you away from me?

my heart would break, you know it's true..

but to love really,

is to let go of you...

 

6-08-1998

 

i'm not crazy

it's just this feeling that won't let go

now i'm feeling more alone than i've ever felt before

if i try to see

what is there in me

maybe i could make this one a little better

wish i could say

i never really loved you anyway

but then i would be lying

no, i'm not crazy

it's the fault of the clouds that roll by

the sun's coming up soon

i didn't know i could be this lost

where will this road lead me to?

many times i wished you were here

burning lines in the book of our lives

borrowed phrases with no meaning

maybe songs could appease my mind

yes, i must be crazy now..

 

  
lost
in the whirling clouds of emptiness
doubt mingled with fear
like falling into
   the vast nothingness of nowhere
i hear the echoes
of an unsung lullabye
breaking the night's repose
unknowingly i hum it
as empty space fills with dead air
impatiently waiting
i choose to fall,
   not knowing the meaning of it all
hoping somehow
   light begins after this darkness
 

Bones from the Graveyard ™© J.R. Perez 2000

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