February, 2002

Nature Songs ~~~~

February 10, 2002 - Reality check: facing the forbidding but absolute certainty of existence as it happens to be. Not all things are as they first seem. Just because I am excited about the ability to expand on my horizons doesn’t mean that others have the same view. A closer look at reactions, leads me to believe that others in the family could be feeling a dread that perhaps they will be expected to load up and haul me and my chair around to do those things now out of reach. No one has come around to see it - or me. Of course there are plenty of legitimate excuses for being busy elsewhere.

The new horizons may be outdoors and around the yard. There is much to be done and I would be able to move around and do some of the work. Neighbors might look out the window and see the green electric chair with me scootaputing down the path toward their house. Surely, the path in back of the house is still clear enough to negotiate under the canopy of tree limbs through the woods. Whether or not moi could load and unload the chair on my own is yet to be determined.

Reality check number two is my lack of close friends. There is absolutely no one that would be available to go out and do some things with me. Ms. Jay is the only one that has any contact with me here at the house. But, she has a husband to occupy her time as well as baby sitting her grand-baby and doing the water classes at Quest. Her time is limited.

There is the season ticket for the affairs at the Civic Center, but Allie has lots of other commitments as well as her new puppy to occupy her. She furthermore has an adverse reaction to details of illness, pain or injuries. My finger problem is difficult for her to deal with and any discussion with her about this upcoming stomach check would be totally taboo with her. No, I’m not being overly sensitive to the issue; that’s just the way she is. Topics of health problems and injuries upset her to the point she has to turn away.

Most people in my life are only friendly acquaintances. We speak and smile as we wish each other well. Then we move on in opposite directions. It’s easier to smile and watch I guess, but it is lots more lonesome.

Working on the computer yesterday, the sound of a robin singing just outside the window caught my attention. That’s the first one I’ve heard around here. In fact, I’ve not seen one in the yard, but I heard it announcing to all other birds and robins his arrival and possession of his area. Wonder how long it will be until a nest is built and the first of the baby robins hatch from those tiny blue eggs? Maybe I’ll be able to see the nest and watch through the Spring and Summer to count how many new robins are raised.

Sir-Charlie-Master-Of-Mischievous-Deeds is up to one of his old pranks. Getting attention is the name of his game. How he ever caught on to such a simple trick at such an early age when HE was not even the one being taught, I’ll never completely understand.. Cotton was teaching her Basenji, Strider, the trick to show a group of school children and voila! Charlie must have been the star student of the moment and we were not even aware he picked up on the trick! It’s a game for him and any opportunity he can do so, he is pulling the tissues out of a box. He likes to add one little feature to the trick, which is to tear up the tissues into bits and pieces. He was caught in the act last night as he sneaked over to the box of Kleenex brand tissue on the bed beside me in easy reach for that next sneeze. I thought I nipped his prank in the beginning. Lo! And Behold! This morning as I walked through the den, a dozen or so fluffy white tattered tissues greeted me scattered along the couch and floor. Charlie had been hard at work at another time, unawares to me. It must have been while I was having my own struggles with trying to figure out the problem with the computer.

Reality check number three: money speaks as the universal language. Several have been asked if they would come and see if they can figure out what to do to straighten out this strange machine referred to as the computer. Its bugs are beginning to bug me, causing frustration and realization of how little I actually know about its technology. Three problems have been resolved, but that one .DLL I cannot figure out and I have traced it down to a connection between the e-mail system and proper workings of the AntiVirus program.. It won’t resolve for me. To get it working, it will take a trip to someone outside of the computer room at a cost of money which I do not have at this time. (Mother’s money has not been adjusted -yet-to take care of her bill at the drugstore...) (I have higher amounts to achieve on my insurance co-pay for both medicines and office visits this year and they are not met yet. Friday’s Same Day Surgery will have yet another co-pay for me to meet.)

There are other concerns and considerations ... some are best if not brought up from the hidden stash carried around within that secret compartment of the gray matter.

It’s that time when the term, :Let go and let God,” comes into focus. Perhaps all will be saner, clearer, and resolved as I go to church this morning and turn it all over to Him.

February 11, 2002 - Plans changed what with all the coughing and stuff going on within. Church was via television. I did reach out and make an effort to be sociable through an e-mail:

Hello MY Dear,

Are you doing okay? It has been ages since I have heard from you or seen you.
Hope all is well and you are just busy.

Have you been to Quest any? I missed all of last week for first one
reason and than another. Got a sinus problem now and on Friday,
I have an appointment to see what is going on in the stomach...
I'll have to play this week by ear and see how each day goes as to
whether I get to workout this week in the water.

How's your foot doing? Have you been back to the doctor with it?
And Robbie? Are you doing the obedience classes with him still?
He's such a strong puppy,
surely by now he is beginning to tame down a tad.

Know you have been busy. Just wanted you to also know that
I've not forgotten about you. Do take care and maybe we can get
together and catch up on things over lunch one day.

Love You,
Stormy

I'll save the information about the doctor okaying the electric chair for more mobility until another time. She is no more able to do things to help out with it than I.

When All Goes Awry? Of course! Reach for that which is close. This morning that happened to be a box. Just a very plain, unassuming looking box. One that had been pushed over into a corner over the holidays when all were here amid much activity. Thoughts were, “Hummm, that can be tossed in the trash and make room for something else.” But wait! It’s not empty. Something is inside, so open it up, I must.

More boxes; two small ones, one larger, as well as a package of fancy crackers. The words, “flavored” on the outside of the crackers tell me that it may not be as good as some others may be. The tiniest box is already empty, and I’ll never know what may have been contained within. The other box held no super-duper “let’s get excited” surprise. It was only a piece of shortbread packed in the box so as not to be broken. Perhaps it would be good along with some cinnamon or vanilla bean coffee. The coffee could help the flavor of the coated crackers, likewise, if one was of a mind to try consuming them.

AH! The largest box was the champion eye-catcher. Every lonesome being needs a comfort at times and this was one of the world’s most recognized pacifiers. A box of chocolates. Not a large box as in tremendous, but just large enough. Strangely, I noticed that the box had an allergy alert on it - stating that traces of milk, egg and nuts could be contained in the ingredients. Yes, indeed it has nuts since it is a box of Peanut Carmel Clusters. Only pecans to replace the peanuts could make it any better.

Opening the end of the box, the crinkling sound of that papery plastic announces the emergence of the tray as I pull it into view. The clusters resemble those “turtles” that are so yummy, but as I bite into the first one, the consistency is not as gooey. Good, rich and satisfying for the moment is all I ask for and receive. Supposedly, 2.5 servings are in the box. Who’s to say for real how much a serving may be for any one person over another?

Chocolate lives up to it reputation and the euphoria it calls forth. Ones cares not if there is anyone around to have to share a piece with him/her. Savoring one cluster only begs for yet another. Three pieces seems to be what is recommended as a serving and so the box is closed and laid aside. That deep urging from within is calling for more. Not sated by the three pieces, one hand reaches for the box and there is that crinkling sound once more.

Joy, joy, joy, and all sense of sane reasoning floats off with no regrets. Friend peanut clusters has come to call and whets the appetite for more and more. Before noon, there are eight empty indention’s left on the crinkly plastic tray, as the clusters disappear one by one. Six hundred calories have passed these lips of mine by noon; so what is half that amount came from fat? That amount can be worked off with a little extra water exercising. That is, if I get myself back into the water .....

February 12, 2002 - He is a peewee pellet of energy and all too often goes in search of some new activity to wile away his pastime. I learned from reading books and checking websites on all the different types of smaller canines, that suggestions were given to always keep some new toys to help hold the Yorkshire Terrier’s aggressive curiosities. That has been done to the extent that at least a half bushel of assorted toys are somewhere, throughout the house. Charlie has this thing about hiding them from Oreo and the grandchildren. Every once in awhile he will not so patiently sit with his nose pointed toward the dresser, couch, china cabinet, or other piece of furniture he can no longer crawl under. Some prized possession of his is there and he will make a very soft plea, “Please, get it out for me. I want it now!” He doesn’t give up until it is retrieved.

Living with a dog that wants a toy to play with is one thing, but this evening he went a little too far. There is no doubt whatsoever that he knew exactly what he was doing and quite proud of his accomplishment. This will not be the only time he steps out of bounds. After all he is a Yorkie and he owns the world. He is determined to do just as he wants. The doctor had instructed me to take the splint off my finger some each day and let it “air.” While sitting at the computer getting myself into trouble with it, I took off the splint and laid it on the desk. Whether I knocked the splint off, or if Charlie happened to get in the chair and reach for it is of little matter. He got hold of it once during the night and chewed on it enough that I had to take a fingernail file and work on it to get some sharp edges rounded. I’m not sure that night whether I was holding it in my hand and off the finger; but that’s probably what happened then.

While talking on the phone, it dawned on me that the sound Charlie was making was not the sound of him chewing on one of his bones. Suddenly, I remember the splint and looked for it. No splint! “Charlie, what do you have?” He gave me one of those “This is mine and you can’t have it!” and protectively turned his back to me. Not a good sign ... I told my daughter-in-law on the other end of the phone that Charlie had something he wasn’t supposed to have. When he heard me say that he grabbed his prize and took off under the table to make sure I wouldn’t get it. As I hung up the phone, he made another move.

One of the dog carrying crates has been taken apart so it takes up less room. BusyKid was playing with it and put the two pieces back together with the nuts, bolts and wire door on the top. Charlie was pushing the door around in it. Again, “Charlie, what in the world are you up to this time?” He nonchalantly looked up at me and walked over to his favorite spot to lie on the rug. “Charlie, what did you do with my splint?” He looks up at me, “ME? I didn’t do anything.” He goes to sleep and I ponder what to try next with my machine.

Giving up on any attempt to remedy the fix I got myself into with the computer, I shut it down and decide its bedtime. What should I eye, but my splint! None the better for its confrontation with Charlie; it was evident the canine won this round. The splint was bent all out of shape and where better to stash a no-no? Charlie had nosed it under the wire door of the crate in an attempt to hide it from me. All the toys and bones his heart could ever desire and he chooses my finger splint to exercise his jaws and teeth as he bided his time as I worked.

Thankfully, I saw some of them at the place where I ordered the electric chair. A new splint will have to be bought tomorrow - and Charlie will not get hold of the new one.

Now, the computer is a different story. I was calling on the phone to find someone else to work on it for me. I’m ashamed to say what I did with it ...

February 13, 2002 - One has to take the initiative and step out on the sheer faith that all will work out for the best. That is exactly what happened with the computer last evening. After trying all that seemed possible to investigate, it was time to reach for the recover disk for the computer. Being fed up with how things was going may have been the final step across the line from playing it safe to taking that daring step. I did It! All on my own, I used the recovery disk and chose the lesser of the two evils. Erasing the whole disk and starting over seemed a bit too much and I opted for the recovery only. As the first disk kept swirling and clicking through the list and the minutes ticked by, some doubts attacked, but what was done, was done. After what seemed an eternity, the message box appeared requesting that disk two be inserted. After changing the disks, and clicking “okay”, all the swirling and clicking began again except this time it was so much faster.

It wasn’t long until the real scary part began. That was getting the computer out of DOS and back to Windows. Thankfully that was part of the set up and the only mistake made was no placing the Windows disk in the first time. However, when the computer was stopped and restarted, it found the drivers and installed them without my help. Guess that was supposed to have happened the first time around. The biggest problem appears to be the fact that the installation disk for the camera is missing. If it could be located, a driver problem would be corrected.

OOPS! NO INTERNET!! What could it be? I’ve been through the email program and done all that it tells me to do. The Microsoft program says that it will find and install the service for me. Nothing happens. My old provider is back on the computer. Nowhere can the new one be located. Reaching for the phone, it seems a good time to call the company and ask for advice. Some good that do!!! Yes, he did sound like a too young boy on the other end of the line, but surely he was older than he sounded on the phone. He informed me that the system is getting to my computer, but the computer isn’t accepting the service. He informs me I need to call the computer company and have them tell me what to do because apparently the sound card is not performing right. That doesn’t sound right to me... I went to bed...

This morning, it was time to butt heads with the machine and win the battle. There had to be a more simple explanation of what happened. The computer company should not have to be contacted in order to get online, unless they are the one providing it. The men that came to install the new pipeline did everything sitting at the computer. It was time to call out the BIG BOYS. Yes, when in doubt and all else fails pull out the manual and read the directions. Surprising how many times the answer is found in the pages of the manual.

I was directed to a page for “Self-Installation.” That sounded like what I had been doing during the past eighteen hours, and voila! Directions and samples were there between the pages of the manual for me to follow. Following steps one through five, it took little time to connect to the pipeline and be acknowledged as a customer. The email came zipping right on in to the box. For now I’m back in business. Oh! Some stuff is lost, such as all addresses and some programs, but the really important stuff is up and running - except the pesky pop-up telling me the cam is not installed! Other things can be done as it’s needed. Besides, I’ve already asked someone to check out everything for me over the weekend. If he does, it could all be lost once more.

NO, the backup system is not one that works well for me....
02/14/02 Thurs. Valentine’s Day with all the flowers and sweets presented to loved ones with that very special card full of endearments has come and nearly gone. None of the thoughts or things came my way this year. Ms. Jay talked with me this morning as we do on an average morning. Having given Mother a card a few days ago so she could enjoy it longer, there were no gifts which seemed to yell out, “Buy me! I’m the one!” Thinking long and hard over the options, all those of candy, teddy bears, cupcake, cookie, clothes, flowers, bric-a-brac none of which said the word, ”Mother.” Or, “I’m the one.” There seemed to be only one thing to be done, so I got ready and left the house earlier in the afternoon heading over to the nursing center.

There she sat in her wheelchair. She was dressed up in her bright red pants suit for a change and looked cheerier than usual. Seems they had a Valentine’s Party for the residents and she allowed them to wheel her down to the dining room for it, and also played bingo this morning. She has to be feeling much better with the antibiotics she has been taking for the urinary tract infection of late. As I announced to her that I had come to work on her fingernails for her Valentine gift from me, her eyes lit up even more, “Oh good. They really do need something done to them.” No other thought or gift could have meant more. The chosen color was her very favorite; bright, shiny red.

Once back home, there was a quick call to Allan and remind him what time to be here in the morning for the trip to the Same Day Surgery Unit. Not that it is a trip awaited for excitedly. Quite the other way. All will be better once all is done in the morning and I’m back home. It’s just the thoughts of eating supper and then nothing to eat until in the morning and no fluids after midnight. What happens when coughing occurs and nothing can be done to ease or take the edge off? Guess I’ll find out tonight. Least ways, the appointment is for 8:15 a.m.

Changes come and go through out life and so does my journal. It is time to be switching more to becoming aware of objects and situations around here and there. In other words, I’m tired of having to think about me so much. There are many exciting or interesting things that take place in the world and at some point in their lives, my grandchildren and their children may like to know a little something “first hand” about some of them. We all have different views on life and happenings and my own family never ceases to remind me how differently I may look at some things. “Yeah, only Momma would think of something like that!” Or, “Do you remember what Momma did when that happened?” “I just knew she was going to ...” Their favorite topic at times is the outrageous attitude and visions - and actions - of there Mom!

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