Carrie dried the last dish, placing it into the full rack. Taking a last look around the small, but now very clean kitchen, she turned the light off and went into the living room.
"Austin," she called out, taking a seat on the couch and picking up the remote control. They had just finished a nice, quiet dinner and were about to simply spend some time together as husband and wife, something that seemed to happen less often with each passing day.
"I'm coming," he called back from within their room. She guessed that he was finishing up his nightly workout. She abstently flipped through the channels, not really stopping at any, not really even watching.
Moments later, Austin walked into the room, taking the seat next to her.
"What are we watching," he asked as he pulled her closer to him for kiss.
Carrie shrugged, "I don't really know," she told him. Pressing the mute button on the tv, she pulled away from his hug to turn and face him. "I thought that maybe we could talk," she told him, looking into his eyes.
"If this is about Will and Sami, then I don't want to go there. Not tonight, Carrie. We've had a great time so far. Why ruin a good thing." he finished off.
"Do you call dinner with very little conversation a good thing?"
"Hey, I had a lot to talk about," Austin defended.
"Yeah, and it was all about Will. Will this, or Sami that. You don't even talk about work anymore. I 'm not sure you even go. And any other topic of conversation is out of the question since it's not as important as what you taught Will today or what you did with Sami and Will. We used to have so much in common, Austin. We used to talk for hours about everything and nothing and now we can barely complete two sentences with each other without the topic of Will popping up."
Austin shook his head. "Will is a big part of my life Carrie. From the day he was born up until a couple of months ago, I thought he was my son--"
"But he's not Austin," Carrie emphaticly cut in.
"I know that. But it's not easy to just turn my back on him, Carrie. He's so little, he barely understands it. I don't want to push him too fast. He still needs me and I'm going to be there for him."
Carrie tried to hold back the tears that were about to spill. "What about me Austin. I'm your wife. I need you." She quickly wiped away the stray tear, but Austin had already seen it.
"Carrie, don't cry. I love you Carrie. I love you and you have to believe in that. I know you need me and I'll be there for you whenever you do. But you have to understand my relationship with Will. It kills me to know that he's not mine and it kills me even more when I have to explain to him that I can't stay with him, read him a story, or kiss him goodnight. That's why I'm spending so much time with him. I want him to understand that I'll always be there for him, even though I'm not his father."
Austin paused, seeing the distressed look still etched on Carrie's face. He pulled her to him for a tight hug. "Please understand Carrie," he whispered into her ear. "I need to do this for him but I also need to do it for myself."
Carrie knew where Austin was coming from. Though his and his sister Billie's lives had moved on, the memories of their father still haunted them in many ways. Austin's abandonment issues had surfaced with great intensity after finding out Will's true paternity. Now, it seemed he was out to prove to the world that he was nothing like his father. But at what cost, she wondered silently. Did there marriage have to suffer because of the reign his father's torment still held over him?
Carrie slowly pulled back, looking into the eyes of the man she had married, the man she loved. "It's hard Austin. I won't lie to you and say I can understand, but I'll try." She placed her head on his shoulder, tightening her arms around him. "I'll try because more than anything, I want us to work. I want us to stay together." Even as the words left her lips, she felt she had just told a half truth. She did want her marriage to work, more than anything. Problem was, with each passing day, she felt herself being drawn less closer to her husband and more closer to...to Mike.
Carrie pulled back suddenly, banishing her traiterous thoughts to the back of her mind. "How about we pick a movie," she told Austin, picking up the discarded remote.
Austin took the small device away from her, using it to shut the tv off then tossing it onto the centerpiece table. "How about I take you into our room and show you just how much I love you," he whispered, already gathering her up in his arms.
Carrie gave an outward smile while on the inside, her heart gave a few nervous palpatations. How could she be nervous about being with her husband, she wondered as Austin carried her into their room. And though she already knew the answer, she put any and all thoughts of him aside for tonight.
Tonight would be for just her and Austin.