Dead Like Me
Episode 1.02: "Dead Girl Walking"
Written by Bryan Fuller
Directed by Kevin Dowling
Transcribed by Kevin Z. for TWIZ TV.com
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DISCLAIMER:
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"Dead Like Me" and other related entities are owned, (TM) and (c) by
Bryan Fuller and Showtime Television. All Rights Reserved. This transcript
was made without their permission, approval, authorization or endorsement.
Any reproduction, duplication or distribution of this material in any form
is expressly prohibited. It is absolutely forbidden to use it for
commercial gain.
Episode opens with George standing at the door to her apartment,
messing with the lock to the door, becoming irritated.
GEORGE (VO): My name is George Lass, and I've been dead for seven
days. Okay, that's a little dramatic. I'm actually Un-Dead. A
modern day grim reaper… I can take the souls of people about to
die.
GEORGE: Fucking nightmare!
After being unable to open the door, George begins to bang on the
door furiously.
GEORGE (VO): But I can't open my front door. It would probably help
to have a key, but when you're squatting in some dead guy's
apartment, you can't expect a mint on your pillow. Even with this
seemingly designed power I have, I don't get paid a cent, I can't
disappear or fly or walk through walls…
Once inside the apartment, George is temporarily relieved, but is
quickly irritated once again by the messiness of the interior.
GEORGE: What a shit hole.
GEORGE (VO): …and I had to live in this guy's apartment that was
really messy. Kind of like his death… (Flashback to Brandon's
death, from Episode 1.) Every night I laid in bed, and went over
the facts again and again. I think I lived a pretty normal life.
(Flashback to George's mother waking her up in Episode 1.) And then
I was killed. (Flashback to George's death from Episode 1.) I
became a reaper, lifting the souls I was told to take. (Flashback
to George learning she is a reaper, from Episode 1.) Its fucking
weird. (Flashback to Rube explaining the Gravelings to George in
Episode 1.) Sleep… Maybe next week I'll get used to it.
At the Lass residence, George climbs out of the back
seat of her parent's car.
GEORGE (VO): Maybe next week it'll make more sense. Maybe next week
I won't come home and sleep in the back seat of my parent's car.
George steals a container of milk, and returns to the apartment she
is living in.
GEORGE (VO): My name is George Lass. I died when I was 18 years
old. I collect souls for a living. And these are the days of my
afterlife.
George downs the bottle of milk. George sprays disinfectant all
through the bathroom, before sitting on the toilet. An orange toad
leaps through the open window, as George sits reading a magazine. A
man and a woman enter, peering curiously around, and see George
sitting on the toilet.
WOMAN: Good Christ! Who are you?
The woman is startled as is George, who uses the magazine to cover
herself.
GEORGE: I… live here.
WOMAN: Were you Brandon's girlfriend?
GEORGE (hesitant): Yes.
GEORGE (VO): Friends and family generally want a piece of you after
you die. After all, who you are is what you left behind.
The Man and Woman search among Brandon's belongings, and the man
picks up George's Franken-Fruity doll. George snaps it out of his
hands.
GEORGE: Actually, that's mine.
MAN: Oh.
GEORGE: That, and um, the TV.
WOMAN (suspicious): We gave him that TV. Do you even know Brandon?
GEORGE: A little bit- but not really though. I moved in the day we
met.
WOMAN (hostile): Was this before or after he died?
GEORGE (pleading): Same day. Please don't take the TV.
(Transition to the doorstep of the Lass residence, where
a woman stands.)
GEORGE (VO): But for me, it wasn't what I left behind. It was who.
Joy opens the door.
JOY: Hello, Claire.
CLAIRE: Hi… um…
JOY: What is it Claire?
CLAIRE: Well this is difficult for me. I mean its difficult for me
to be telling you this. Its about your daughter, Reggie.
JOY: What about her?
CLAIRE: I just think that what you're doing could be considered a
form of abuse.
Joy makes a confused expression. Transition to the Lass residence
living room, where Reggie is sitting before Joy.
JOY: Why did you tell Claire that I don't let you go to the
bathroom? Did you tell anyone else that I don't let you go to the
bathroom?
Reggie nods.
JOY: Who?
REGGIE: The Gibsons and the McMinns. And the Lees.
JOY: Jesus Christ, Reggie! You know I could be arrested for this!
Is that what you want? Do you want me to go to jail? Why? Why
would you tell them that?
REGGIE: So they'd let me use their bathroom.
JOY: What is wrong with our bathroom?
REGGIE: Nothing.
JOY: Reggie, you are freaking me out.
GEORGE (VO): Reapers don't get a free ride. Roxy works for the
city.
Roxy and Mason stand by a car, Mason examining a near by parking
meter while Roxy prepares a ticket.
MASON: There's like a minute left, write the ticket and let's go!
ROXY: Let me do my job, man!
MASON: Where do all the coins go anyway? Doesn't seem big enough.
ROXY: There's this network of pressurized vacuum tubes underneath
the sidewalk. The meters drop off their reservoir every three or
four hours- it sucks through the tubes, and dumps back into the
basement of the seventh street parking lot.
MASON: Oh my God, Really?
ROXY: You got shit for brains, man. I got the keys, and these bad
boys hold more than you think.
MASON: Roxy, come on, a couple of seconds, just call it.
A man is running down the street, just at the meter pops up as
"Exprired".
MAN: Woah, Wait. Wait, I'm coming.
ROXY: Not fast enough.
Roxy places the ticket under the windshield-wiper on the car.
MAN: No, its okay, I'm here.
ROXY: Its done, sir.
MAN: Well, I got change, look.
ROXY: Its done, sir.
MAN: Come on, but I'm here. I mean, I'm right here.
ROXY: Its done.
MAN: Look, lady, you saw me coming over here. You knew I was going
to put the change in.
ROXY: You need to step off, sir.
Roxy turns to walk away.
MAN: Fucking robot.
ROXY: You don't know me.
MAN: Oh, Oh. (mocking Roxy.) "Look at me, I'm so powerful. I can
write a ticket on a fancy little sports car. Yeah, just so you can
go home at night and eat your fucking TV dinner, and feel better
about your lonely, lousy life.
ROXY: You know what your problem is? You wake up every morning
wondering what the world's gonna do for you, wondering who's gonna
bend over backwards, kiss your ass and make you happy when you
should just thank God for another day and leave it the fuck at that.
MAN: Take this ticket back.
Man picks up the ticket from his car.
ROXY: No.
MAN: Take it back.
ROXY: No.
Mason touches the man from behind in attempt to intervene, starling
him.
MASON: Hey, my friend. Hey, come on. Wait, hey, hey, hey.
Mason maneuvers himself behind Roxy, who shields him from the Man.
MAN: I am not your friend, my friend.
ROXY: Hey, hey, cool it. Sir, I'm going to say this as politely as
possible. I will fuck you up.
Roxy opens up her vest, revealing a holstered gun.
MAN: Are you kidding me?
ROXY: You don't know me.
MAN: I'm gonna report you.
ROXY: Then you really don't know my boss. Have a nice day.
The man walks off, shaking his head.
MASON: What's with the piece?
ROXY (annoyed): These things can just drag on and on.
MASON: Okay.
Transition to an elevator opening and a Mysterious Person getting
off. We can only see this figure's shadow. The person goes down a
hall.
GEORGE (VO): People say the Lord works in mysterious ways. As if
that makes all the shitty things in life any sweeter.
Transition to the interior of an apartment with rows of heavily worn
shoes and stacks of papers. An envelope slides under the crack
beneath the door to the apartment. Rube passes by, picking the
envelope up and examining the paper contents.
GEORGE (VO): Death is also mysterious. But there's no sugarcoating
that turd. Be it divine intervention or natural selection-
everyone's got and appointment. You may not know the time and you
may not know the place… but we do.
Rube makes notes in a book, which he takes with him. Transition to
the group sitting in their booth at the Waffle Haus. Rube prepares
post-its for the crew.
BETTY: He was slumped over the dining room table with a vacuum
cleaner. I think he was having sex with it.
ROXY: Upright?
BETTY: Slumped over.
ROXY: The vacuum cleaner.
BETTY: Oh, no. The other kind. The kind with the hose.
ROXY (disappointed): Oh, I need a vacuum cleaner, but I want an
upright.
RUBE: Our friends down at county general are looking for a few
volunteers to help with appointment overflow. Any takers?
GEORGE: What do you get?
RUBE: What do you mean what do you get?
GEORGE: Well, why should I do it?
RUBE: How about a good deed for good deed's sake?
MASON (bitter): Yeah, how bout that?
GEORGE: No, seriously, though. Do you get anything?
RUBE: You get a coupon, peanut, from me. That coupon is redeemable
for one favor. Right now, you don't have any coupons, and that
means you don't have any favors. Do you see how that works?
ROXY: Coupons don't pay my rent.
BETTY: I countied once. Everybody was sad. This one lady was so
upset, she had a snot-bubble. She got so mad when I told her.
GEORGE: I think I'd like to pass.
RUBE: All I can do is ask.
BETTY: I didn't get a post-it.
RUBE: You're riding shot-gun.
BETTY (annoyed): Beg pardon?
RUBE: Saint Georgia thinks its her call whether people live or die
and until she straightens up and flies right, she's gonna have a
chaperone. Today you're it. Let's go.
Transition to George and Betty walking down a dark country road.
GEORGE: Why couldn't we have taken a cab?
BETTY: Do you have money for a taxi? …Cause I don't.
GEORGE: Aren't there any commuter buses?
BETTY: I don't see any.
A car stops beside the two, and the reaches over, opening the
passenger door.
GARSON: Hi there.
BETTY: Hi.
GEORGE: Hi.
BETTY: Thank you so much for stopping.
GARSON: You ladies are going to catch your death of cold. Hop on
in!
GEORGE (hesitant): I don't mean to piss all over this, but- um…
BETTY: We are on the flirting edge of nowhere with 10 miles to go,
and I am wearing my Blahniks. Do you know how many people had to
die for me to get these?
GEORGE: No.
BETTY: Five. Five people had to. And that would makes these
special even if they weren't Blahniks. Now I am really trying to
respect you toliet-seat, I am. But its hard sometimes. But I know
we'll work it out. We both just have to be more tolerant. But in
the meantime, I think you should get in the god-dammed car.
Transition to Mason, standing in front of a parking meter, examining
it. A woman passes by, and he tries to act normal. He produces a
baseball bat from within a bag he holds, and takes a single swing to
the meter, breaking off the top of it. Another woman passes by, and
Mason holds up two fingers indicating a peace sign. Mason then
takes the meter, and continues to bash the baseball bat into it.
Transition back to Betty and George, within the car.
GEORGE (VO): There was a gentle sweetness to Betty, an ease with
which she got the job done.
Betty examines the post-it the victim's name is on. The last name
is "Garson."
BETTY: Say, are you one of them Garson boys?
GARSON: I am.
BETTY: I know your daddy.
GARSON: You know daddy?
BETTY: Mmm-hmm. I sure do.
GARSON: Well she's just fine. So nice of you to ask after her like
that.
BETTY: Your beautiful mother used to make the most darling quilts I
ever laid eyes on.
GARSON: Mama made quilts?
BETTY: Mmm, hmm and she named them, too. One of em was named
"Autumn Leaves In Moonlight," and one of them was called
"Serendipity".
GARSON: Well, I can't believe my ears.
Betty produces a Polaroid camera.
BETTY: Can I take your picture?
GARSON: Well, hell yeah!
GEORGE (VO): Betty liked being a reaper. It was painless for her.
BETTY: Happy thoughts.
GEORGE (VO): And I hated her for that.
GARSON: Happy thoughts.
Betty snaps the photo, causing Garson to swerve on the road. Betty
reaches over, and helps him to adjust his steering.
GEORGE (VO): But I couldn’t get past the killing part. It didn't
matter if I could put a smile on a dead man's lips. I still felt
like an accomplice to murder.
Betty signals for George to act, and George reaches to the front
seat, taking the man's soul. He laughs.
GEORGE: Maybe we should get out here.
GARSON: You sure you ladies don't want to hold out until you get
your next ride?
BETTY: You are the sweetest.
George and Betty are now out of the car.
GEORGE (VO): I wonder if she wanted to save him… if she wanted to be
bad.
BETTY: What would you be doing right now if you hadn't picked us up?
GARSON: Why, I guess I'd be driving.
BETTY: Then I think that's what you should do. You have a wonderful
evening.
Garson drives off, as the two stand watching him go.
BETTY: What a nice man.
One of Garson's tires suddenly blow out, and he swerves on the road,
going off the edge of the road and into the ravine below. A large
explosion illuminates the wreckage.
GEORGE (VO): There was no sign post for me, at least not one that I
wanted to follow. I was rudderless. I didn't belong. Was I the
only bad person? Didn't anyone else want to be bad?
Transition to Mason, Roxy, and George sitting in the Waffle Haus.
One of Mason's hands busily pries at the gum stuck to the bottom of
the table, while the other lifts a key off of Roxy's belt.
MASON: There's a ridiculous amount of gum under this table.
Mason frees one of the pieces of gum, showing it to Roxy and George.
ROXY: Don't touch it. Wash your hands.
MASON: Its gum.
ROXY: And its been in someone's mouth with germs and shit.
MASON: Germs are everywhere. Its the viruses you need to watch out
about.
GEORGE: I think there are probably viruses on there, too.
MASON: No, viruses need a biologically active environment to
survive. Synthetic rubbers and artificial flavorings are not
biologically active.
Mason takes the gum and begins to chew it.
ROXY: That is sick.
GEORGE: Isn't saliva biologically active?
The waitress arrives with Mason and Roxy's orders.
WAITRESS: Uber-waffle…
ROXY: Thank you.
WAITRESS: And Das Mexi-Fest.
ROXY: You ordered Mexican food in a German waffle house?
MASON: It was on the menu… It has all the flavors of the world.
GEORGE: I used to think that Soul Food meant it came from Korea.
You know, because Seoul is a city in Korea. (to Waitress) Excuse
me, do you have any crackers?
ROXY: You mean besides you?
WAITRESS: They come with the soup. You want soup?
GEORGE: No. Thank you.
ROXY: Get a job if you're hungry.
MASON: Would you like fries?
GEORGE: Yeah!
Mason stands up, and goes to the table behind them, picking up a
plate of half-eaten fries. George's enthusiastic expression quickly
fades.
GEORGE: Thank you…
Mason offers Roxy some beans off of his plate.
ROXY: Oh, no, no, no, no. I don't do beans. I've got consistency
problems. Lima beans, black beans, pinto beans. I don't do none of
that shit.
MASON: I feel the same about custardy foods. Custardy and lumpy
particularly nasty. Tapioca's like hell to me.
GEORGE: I can have yogurt, but it has to have cereal in it.
GEORGE (VO): I was un-dead and kicking- but at a loss on how to
live. And frankly, carving my own path seemed like way too much
work.
Transition to Reggie's school, where we see several toilets missing
toilet seats.
JOY: How do you know it was her?
One of the men accompanying Joy produce Reggie's backpack, and pull
a toilet seat from within it. Transition to dinner at the Lass
residence.
JOY: I had an interesting day, today.
CLANCY: Oh?
JOY: Took the afternoon off and went shopping.
CLANCY: Good for you.
JOY: Went to three different Home Depots to buy toilet seats for
Reggie's school. You'll never guess why.
REGGIE: I only took one. Jason Murray and Steven Schultz took all
the rest.
JOY: I called Jason Murray and Steven Schultz and they said you're
an "F-ing liar." And don't ever let me catch you using that word.
Yeah, she even got the one in the teacher's lounge.
REGGIE: No, I didn't! I didn't!
JOY: Reggie… Go to your room.
JOY: I got a couple of referrals for a child psychologist. I'll be
interviewing people on Monday.
CLANCY: She doesn’t need therapy.
JOY: Well, she needs something!
Transition to a mixer running, preparing waffle mix. The mix is
then poured onto waffle irons, and the waffles are cooked and placed
into boxes.
RUBE: Life if like an assembly line. First you have a great idea, a
master plan. You make a proto-type. Then you start mass producing.
Billions and billions. They don't last forever. Nothing does.
Its your job to take them off the shelf. You're helping to restock
life, peanut.
GEORGE (VO): This pill wasn't going down any easier.
MONTY: Two family packs of mini-waffles.
Rube and George sit at the bar in the Waffle Haus.
RUBE: But I do know, if this were supposed to last, it would, so
don't let that be a bad thing anymore than it already is.
GEORGE: That's some sage advice, but don't you think its pretty
stupid to put me in this position? I could have a nervous
breakdown. Just so you know, I'm very prone to anxiety attacks.
RUBE: Big deal.
GEORGE: I don't think I'm supposed to be doing this.
RUBE: Well, if somebody else were supposed to be doing this, I'd be
sitting here talking to somebody else.
GEORGE: But I don't know anything… about anything!
RUBE: Think I do? Most of the time I'm talking out of my ass. I
don't know shit. When I'm supposed to know something- I'll know,
and when you're supposed to know something, you'll know. Now I lost
my train of thought, what was I saying? Oh, yes. Be patient, for
Christ sake! You're learning. Now, just smell some fucking roses
already. You know, I'll never understand the instinct to
miniaturize food.
GEORGE: Its bite-size.
RUBE: That's not bite size. I can't fit this in my mouth. (to
Monty) You got a little doggie box?
MONTY: You got it.
RUBE: Now my fingers are sticky. Can I have a napkin?
GEORGE: You ate three of them.
RUBE: I didn't eat three of them.
GEORGE: You ate three of them.
RUBE: You want to get my wallet out of my pocket, please? Back
pocket, right. Thank you very much. (Handing George some money)
Here, you do the honors. (Handing her a post-it as well.) Oh, and
pick this up, will you? I'm going to get some air.
George looks down at the post-it, and glances at the clock,
realizing the death is moments away. The last name on the post-it
is "Roth."
MONTY: Can I help you?
GEORGE: Say, aren't you one of those Roth boys?
MONTY: Yep.
GEORGE (VO): As I stood there, staring at the soon to be dead man, I
began to think of him as a box of waffles, and his expiration date
had come up.
GEORGE: Can I get my bill?
MONTY: Sure.
GEORGE (VO): I wonder how mister waffle is gonna bite it… and then
there were the monkeys in the works.
George turns to see two young boys entering the bathroom. She looks
up to the ceiling and sees a Graveling crawling near the Waffle Haus
sign.
GEORGE (VO): Monkey see- monkey do.
Inside the bathroom, the boys light an industrial firework, and
flush it down the toilet. It explodes inside the piping, and causes
a sudden bulge in the floor at George's feet. Inside the bathroom,
water erupts from the toilet, covering the boys. The sign begins to
flicker, shooting sparks, and falls, crashing into Monty. George
stands, reflecting on the situation, when she suddenly notices a
piece of the sign sticking into her ribs.
RUBE: Hold still. You okay?
GEORGE: You fucker!
Rube turns to see Monty's soul walking around in confusion.
RUBE: Hey! How you doing, dead guy?
Transition to George laying in bed watching TV.
GEORGE (VO): Reapers heal way too fast. I wanted to be damaged
beyond repair- incapacitated. If I couldn't do it, they couldn't
make me do it… could they? I mean, maybe if death could take a
holiday…
George begins to cough constantly. She coughs up a piece of the
sign that had impaled her into her hand.
GEORGE: That's not right. That's not right.
GEORGE (VO): Maybe I can quit.
Transition to the Waffle Haus, where the entire gang sits, minus
George.
MASON: Do you guys smell urinal cake?
ROXY: I smell strawberries.
BETTY: Does it smell like strawberries?
MASON: Well, strawberries and urine.
Waitress walks up, just having arrived.
WAITRESS: What happened to the sign?
ROXY: Fell down and killed somebody.
WAITRESS: No shit? Who?
RUBE: Monty.
WAITRESS: Who?
RUBE: Nice fellow with the miniature food. He stood behind the
counter.
WAITRESS: I didn't know him. Must have been new.
ROXY: Is there a reason I'm still waiting here?
RUBE: No. Seven and two bits each. That includes tip.
Everyone begins to produce money, while Mason hauls out a bag of
change, pouring it onto the table. Roxy looks curiously at Mason,
who pays entirely in change.
RUBE: That's for you. Hold on, buddy. There you go.
Rube sits alone, waiting for George for quite some time.
GEORGE (VO): I was a deserter. And there wasn't much he could do
about it. I didn't sign anything, didn't agree to anything. And I
sure as shit didn't shake anyone's hand.
At George's apartment, George hides under her bed while Rube pounds
of the door.
RUBE: Come on, George, open the fucking door!
Rube slides the post-it under the door, and it has an ETD of "8:11
pm" on it.
GEORGE (VO): I took no responsibility. That didn't stop him from
trying to force it on me. I convinced myself that if I didn't touch
it, I wasn't obligated. If I wasn't obligated, I had no
responsibility. But what happens if someone has an appointment with
death, and death doesn't show up?
George sits watching TV, and 8:11 comes and goes.
GEORGE (VO): Is there a reprieve? Does that somebody's name go back
in the hat?
The post it sticks to the spring which popped on her bed in Episode
1. George wakes up in the night and sees a Graveling crawling on
her TV. It ruins the set, pulling the power.
GEORGE (VO): Or does death get penalized? Maybe someone was trying
to send me a message.
Transition to Reggie in the bathroom, with an Ouja board sitting on
the toilet seat. Joy knocks on the door.
JOY: Reggie? Reggie, open the door!
REGGIE: Go away! I have diarrhea!
Reggie flushes the toilet. Transition to Reggie laying in bed.
CLANCY: Can you tell me? You want some more Pepto-Bismol?
REGGIE: Do I have to go to therapy?
CLANCY: Not if you don't want to.
JOY: Way to enable.
Clancy kisses Joy on the forehead and exits.
JOY: You know, you can talk to us, about stuff if you want to. All
right, well… Good night.
REGGIE: Good night.
Joy begins to walk away.
JOY: Don't think that I've forgotten about the toliet seats.
George sits outside her former house, staring blankly.
GEORGE (VO): It was like an alternate universe where I didn't exist.
There were no goatees or gold lame sashes. Just a hole where I
used to be. And everyone was making sure to step around it.
George returns to her apartment to find an envelope on the door.
GEORGE: I've got to pay rent? Fuck.
Transition to George standing with Mason, who is using Roxy's keys
to clean out several parking meters. George carries two bags for
Mason.
MASON: Consciousness depends on how much blood you've got in your
brain.
GEORGE: Does it?
MASON: Yes. The more blood flow through your brain, the better it
works. Its all about stimulation.
GEORGE: How does putting a hole in your skull get more blood to your
brain? I mean, I would think it would have the opposite effect.
MASON: Yeah, I asked the same question. They gave me an answer, I'm
fairly certain it made sense. Now I just can't bloody remember what
it was.
GEORGE: Okay. Well, um, what does this have to do with getting a
day job?
MASON: Stimulation. Monotiny is the mind killer. You're not going
to get that blood pumping sitting behind a desk.
GEORGE: Stimulation don't pay my rent.
MASON: Then learn to live off the wild.
GEORGE (VO): It all sounded very glamorous, but I had to consider
the source. After all, he drilled a hole in his head chasing a
permanent high.
Flash back to 1966. A drill falls to the floor, followed by Mason.
Blood spills out across the floor.
GEORGE (VO): Too bad, it got away from him.
Present again.
MASON: How much do you need?
GEORGE: Six hundred and fifty dollars.
MASON: That's a lot of money to pay for a shit-hole.
GEORGE: Yeah, huh?
MASON: Have you spoken to Rube?
GEORGE: No. Is he mad at me?
MASON: Well, you missed an appointment. I can't imagine he's
tickled. All right, all right. You can have this one if you carry
it.
GEORGE: My arms are already asleep. Can't I just take one of these?
MASON: All right, you can take the lighter one-
Roxy's vehicle suddenly flies down the street, striking Mason and
thrusting him several feet away, where he lays crumpled on the
ground.
MASON: That fucking hurt.
Roxy pulls up beside George, and locks the meter back.
ROXY: Rube wants to see you, at the morgue.
Transition to the morgue, where Rube, Roxy, and George enter.
RUBE: Hi. We're looking for J. P. Davis.
CORONER: You're all relations?
RUBE: Yeah.
GEORGE (VO): As fate would have it, J. P. Davis was gonna to die
with or without me. There was no forfeit, and his name didn't go
back in the hat.
The coroner pulls out the box that J. P.'s body has been placed in.
RUBE: May we have a moment, please?
CORONER: Oh, of course.
RUBE: Well, you really fucked the dog, peanut.
GEORGE: What?
RUBE: "What?" You had an appointment.
GEORGE: I didn't make an appointment.
ROXY: Beat her.
RUBE: Doesn't matter who made the appointment. You had an
appointment.
GEORGE: Correct me if I'm wrong but- mission accomplished.
RUBE: You're wrong. That was me correcting you.
GEORGE: I'm confused.
ROXY: He's still in there, you silly bitch.
Flashback to the dead man's autopsy. His soul screams out in terror
as he watches the coroner take a saw to his body, and several other
tools.
GEORGE: Holy shit. Is he in pain?
RUBE: Physically, no. He's dead. But emotionally, I imagine this
sort of thing is pretty traumatic.
GEORGE: Holy shit, why didn't somebody do something?
RUBE: Its not somebody's job- its yours.
GEORGE: Oh that's… That's stupid. This isn't my fault.
RUBE: Its not my fault. Its not Roxy's fault.
GEORGE: That's such bullshit. This is life and death.
ROXY: Oh, she's finally figuring that out?
GEORGE: Fuck you!
RUBE: Life and death can be real simple. You just have to do what I
tell you. Cop a feel before this guy unspools.
George takes his soul. And the man's soul rises from his body, in
great distress.
JP: Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Thank you, thank you.
RUBE: Cause and effect, peanut. Butterfly wings, ripple in a pond,
however you want to put it. What you do now matters. What you
don't do matters. Now say you're sorry.
GEORGE: I'm sorry. It wasn't my fault.
RUBE: This lovely lady is gonna show you some very pretty lights.
JP: What kind of lights?
ROXY: He said pretty didn’t he?
Roxy walks off with him, leading him.
GEORGE: I can't do this.
RUBE: Sure you can. You have to.
GEORGE: I don't have to do shit.
RUBE: You like spaghetti, George? I like spaghetti. I like board
games. I like grabbing a trifecta with that long shot on top. That
ozone smell you get from air purifiers. And I like knowing the
space between my ears is immeasurable. Mahler's first, Bernstein
conducting. You've got to think about all the things you like and
decide whether they're sticking around for. And if they are, you'll
find a way to do this.
GEORGE: And what if I don’t?
RUBE: Then you go away… and you don't get to like anything anymore.
Transition to the doorstep of the Lass household, where it is night.
CLANCY: Hello, Claire.
CLAIRE: Hi. Um- I had another visit from you're daughter today, and
uh… well, uh, she took something.
JOY: Reggie! Get your ass down here right now!
CLANCY: Thanks, Claire. We'll get it back to you as soon as we find
it.
CLAIRE: Okay. Any chance you might know when that would be?
CLANCY: Nope.
CLAIRE: Okay.
George stands outside her house again, watching the scene.
GEORGE (VO): I stood there thinking about all the things I liked and
all the things I didn’t like. And I realized, you can like
something and not like it at the same time. Not like loving
unconditionally- that's an act of desperation. This was different.
Like respecting somebody for being a mess- because you're a mess,
too.
George sees Reggie climbing out of her window and running back into
the backyard, carrying a bright red toilet seat. She follows after
her.
GEORGE (VO): It was reassuring to finally find someone else who
wanted to be bad. And it was horrifying to know that it wasn't just
what I do now that matters.
George is shocked to find a tree that is decorated with numerous
toilet seats. Reggie adds the red one to her collection.
GEORGE: Jesus Christ.
GEORGE (VO): It was what I did then. I wasn't done liking things.
I wasn't done not liking things. I wasn't done.
Back at Happy Time, George waits in a seat, patiently.
DELORES: Mildred Hagen? Hi, I'm Delores Herbig, as in-
GEORGE: Her big brown eyes.
DELORES: Well you must know a Herbig or two.
GEORGE: Yeah, I know uh… Barbara- Barbara Herbig. I think she made
quilts or something.
DELORES: Hmm. How… queer. Why don't you come with me?
GEORGE (VO): So I forged ahead. I found a way.
George follows after Delores.
DELORES (personally): Can I call you Millie?
GEORGE: Yeah, okay.
George climbs up into Reggie's toilet seat tree, and grabs the red
toilet seat, then jumps down.
GEORGE (VO): And I'm trying to let that be a good thing, as deviant
as that may sound. After all, its hard to piss and moan about not
having a purpose in life, when death handed it to me on a platter.
-END CREDITS-