Yankee Doodle Went to Town
I had been haunting the corridor outside of Bill's cubicle--only habit. There was nothing particularly amiss and to hear Bill tell it, he had stitched up worse on his own. No, I hovered by the curtain surrounding his bed because I knew where he was.
Doctor: You have some serious bruises on your neck, Mr. Strannix, and on your back. What have you been up to?
Bill: Need to know basis, boy.
I poked my head through the curtain. He was lying on his side while the doctor stitched his thigh. He watched me with glittering eyes.
Deb: And you don't. You about done, there, Albert Scheweitzer?
Bill: Out.
I removed my head.
Bill: Don't mind 'er. She's worse'n an old mama cat. Y'doin fine, son.
Doctor: Are you sure you don't want any Novocain?
Bill: No, boy, just get 'er done. If th'Punk hadn't made me come here, I'd'a done it m'self.
Doctor: The Punk?
Bill: My woman. Get on with it, now.
I heard the peeping of a cellular--oops--digital phone. Christ! Shit! I burst into the cubicle, heedless of the nurse or the doctor. Bill had the phone to his ear already.
Bill: Strannix--
Deb: Bullshit! Gimme that.
I snatched the tiny instrument from his hand, and realized that I had stunned him past response. He recovered rapidly. Bill stretched out the same hand, looked impatient.
Bill: Girl.
I backed away, put the phone to my own ear.
Deb: No.
Voice: Who is this?
It was the same voice as before, when they'd tried to send him out with cracked ribs, so it was plain what was coming.
Deb: Never mind who I am. No. You can't have him.
The phone went dead in my hands.
Bill: Shit!
I stuffed the thing into my jacket pocket.
Deb: You listen to me. You're not going. Not this time. You're tired, you're hurt, and you're getting sloppy. Look at you.
Bill: Goddamn…
I was enraged by this point.
Deb: You don't owe me anything, you jackass, but you owe your son a father and you're not fucking going out!
Son… yeah. I was only guessing, but I had a pretty solid track record.
Doctor: Mrs. Strannix…
Deb: I'm not Mrs. Anybody, Doogie Howser, now shut the goddamn hell up!
Doctor: I'll have you removed, Ma'am…
Deb: You do that, Twinkie. So long as Matt Helm, here, sits on his ass like a good boy and doesn't make any phone calls.
Bill: Punk. Quiet. Doc, you about done?
Doctor: I will be, if there aren't any further outbursts…
Deb: Outbursts, my--
Bill: Deb!
I closed my mouth. His tone was acid, and I figured I didn't need to push it anymore. A few slow, agonizing minutes in silence passed, then the doctor was finished. He applied a bandage, and Bill got to his feet. When he turned, I glimpsed his back. Dark, ominous bruises across his shoulder blades and neck were starting to turn purple. There was no way he was getting access to that phone anytime soon. I turned on my heel and stalked out of the treatment area.
Bill: Punk.
There was nothing tentative about his tone.
Deb: Don't talk to me.
Bill: I'll talk to you any damn time I want.
I whipped around and nearly knocked him on his ass.
Deb: Talk at me, more like. It's what you always do. But guess what? No more "Yes, Bills" and "no, Bills". You'll stay off your feet, and I'll goddamn see to it!
He stared down at me. I waited for him to tear my head off. He could have done it quite easily.
Deb: And you're not getting that fucking phone back.
Bill hobbled past me, his face as impassive as marble. He didn't say ten things to me for an entire week. A bad leg was nothing to him up against wounded pride, but I knew he'd come around. He always did, eventually.
I came in from an extremely raucous night at the Corner to find him on the phone. He waved me out but I refused to move. If it were someone trying to get him to go out I'd tie him down.
Bill punched the disconnect button, sighed heavily, stared into the middle distance. At length, and slowly, he folded the cellphone and slipped it into its place in his pocket.
Deb: Bill?
No answer, no reaction, no nothing. I studied his back, as I had been, noting that the palette of blues and purples was fading to yellows and greens. It looked like a prairie sunset.
Deb: Billy?
I was vaguely frightened, as I always was when it seemed he was leaving me.
Bill: Goin' t'Washington, girl. Pack me up that goddamn suit.
Deb: What suit? I didn't know you had one.
Bill: 'S in the closet. I don't fuck with it much. Get it out, willya? And pack y'self somethin', you're comin' with.
I found my legs unwilling to support me, so I continued to sit, utterly mystified. Suit? Washington? Me? What in hell was he on about?
Bill: C'mon, ain't got time t'waste. Gotta little pissant t'set straight.
Deb: What are you talking about?
Bill smiled coldly.
Bill: Never done this before, but I'm gonna go see if the Bad Boy Protocol works.
Whatever that was. Finally I was able to rise, to pack extra jeans and underthings in a conventional suitcase as opposed to his mangled seabag, to add some of my own belongings. His suit, which bore an Armani label, was so unused as to still have the sales receipt stuffed into the jacket pocket. There was no need to try to have it pressed.
He went to sleep immediately upon getting aboard the airplane. God knew where he was used to flying, but his comfort level on an aircraft was undeniable. I fought down the same shapeless dread I'd been feeling all along, tried and failed to read a book, tried and failed to sleep, and I ended up watching him sleep. I drew a funny measure of comfort from his relaxation and his nearness.
Staring at him, I came to the alarming realization that he had no shoes. Boots, yes. But they were dirty, worn Red Wings, work boots, hardly suitable to wear with a suit. I nudged him.
Deb: Bill!
He never opened his eyes, nor even gave the impression of waking up.
Bill: What?
Deb: You don't have any shoes.
Bill: Yeah, I do. I got m'boots.
Deb: No, you ape, shoes. To go with your suit.
He shrugged and I sighed in frustration.
It took some prodding and cajoling, but I finally dragged him to a shoe shop when we hit D.C. I conned him into a sharp pair of black Italian loafers and black socks before he hauled me out. Although he hated it, it was great fun dressing him.
The Armani was black, double breasted, and when he put it on, he looked like an ambassador. I didn't dare say so. He would probably have taken it off immediately. He had managed to come up with a white on white silk shirt, from someplace, I had no idea where. For some reason I found myself comparing his to the ugly-ass red power ties Tom always wore. This tie was black silk, shot through with silver accents. He took a white silk handkerchief and it looked for a moment like he wanted to arrange it in the breast pocket of the jacket. Then he made a face and stuffed it in the pocket of his pants. He had apparently reached his limit. I took a look at this and had to sit down. I felt like a resident of an appliance box over a heating vent by comparison.
Deb: You need a haircut.
Bill: What?!?
Deb: A haircut. You look like a madman.
He grinned wolfishly and I passed a hand over his chin.
Deb: And a shave, too.
Bill: Damnit, woman, my hair's fine, and I can shave myself. Beginning t'think I shoulda left you at home.
I punched him lightly in the shoulder.
Deb: You still need a haircut.
Bill flashed me an evil look and I knew that I'd have to settle for one small victory.
I sat uneasily in the outer office of someone, I presumed Casey Ryback. A plank-faced secretary worked impassively at a computer terminal, seemingly deaf to the ruckus going on behind the door. Bill and Ryback were having a very loud and acrimonious discussion.
Ryback: We pay you to do field work.
Bill: You don't pay me enough, little man. Not anymore. I have a… a family to consider.
He stumbled over the phrase and I smiled at my hands despite my general disquiet. Poor Bill.
Ryback: We told you about the woman. If you can't make the break, Strannix, we can do it for you. I've half a mind to, considering the amount of interference she's been responsible for.
There was an agonizing stretch where nothing was said, and then, just when I was going to ask for the ladies' room to break the silence, several soberly-suited, Ray-banned individuals burst through the outer door. The secretary glanced up, then went back to her typing. I nearly fainted.
Four sets of eyes locked on me and hands went to concealed holsters.
Secretary: She's with the Bad Boy.
One of the suits thumbed a walkie talkie.
Suit: Outer office is secure. Cheeseburger is clear.
Cheeseburger?
The inner office door opened and Bill stuck his head out, black eyes sweeping the collection.
Bill: Oh, shit. C'mon in here, Punk…
He sounded bored, annoyed.
My hand was engulfed and I was pulled through the door. Now I wouldn't be finding out who Cheeseburger was and, at the moment, I was more interested in that. I had no fear of Ryback. Bill would deal with Ryback.
Bill: One move against this girl and all bets are off.
Bill's voice was flat and Ryback's was equally so.
Ryback: You won't be allowed to, Bill. You know that. You know too much.
Bill: What I know is that something is in this room with me that I didn't think I had, and I'll be damned if I'll allow a little chickenshit to take it away from me.
Ryback was derisive.
Ryback: What's that, Bill? A woman you knocked up. We'll send her to Kansas, that's easy enough… then into the witness protection program. Clean break. You'll never know.
Deb: Bill, is he saying what I think he is?
Bill: He is, baby. I won't let it happen.
Fierce protectiveness. The man who hadn't wanted a family was now ready to do battle to keep it.
Secretary: Admiral Ryback, stand by for the Bad Boy Protocol.
The secretary might have been reporting the arrival of a pizza.
Ryback: Oh, you didn't.
Bill: Damn straight, you little freak.
The door opened, suits and Ray-bans tumbled in.
Suit: Inner office is clear.
The radio crackled.
Voice on radio: Cheeseburger is leaving the elevator…
Deb: Billy? Who's Cheeseburger?
Bill: Quiet, girl. You'll see.
A tall man with neatly razor-cut grey hair, a folksy grin and an instantly familiar voice came through the door.
Cheeseburger: Well, well… Bill Strannix. It's a pleasure, boy. At ease, Admiral… what seems to be the problem here?
I shrank behind Bill. Was I to be part of a larger disagreement refereed by The President himself? This was too much.
Deb: I think I need to leave.
Bill's voice was absent.
Bill: Shut up. Stay put.
Ryback: Mr. President, there is no problem here.
Prez: Admiral, the reason this man has been given access to a protocol is so that he can use it. I'd advise you to be quiet until you're spoken to.
Ryback shut his stunned mouth with an audible click.
Bill: Mr. President, I merely request your permission to… retire from active field duty.
He stumbled again. It was obviously hard for him to make such a decision, and he looked halfway like he was ready to call off all bets, but he forged on. I didn't envy him.
The president was nonplused.
Prez: I don't see why not, Bill. Admiral, what seems to be the problem?
Ryback forced his mouth open.
Ryback: Ah… um… he knows too much. It's dangerous, a high-level breach of security. I can't allow it, sir.
Prez: I've seen the files. You can, and you will, Admiral. I'll have my secretary put it in writing.
He looked around the room, from Ryback, to me, to Bill.
Prez: Is that it?
Bill: Yes--
Ryback: Not exactly.
Every eye in the room fell on Ryback.
Prez: Admiral?
Ryback: Sir, I have one last assignment. Operative Strannix is the only man I have at my disposal with the knowledge base required to carry it out.
Prez: Is it imperative?
Ryback: Highly.
I winced. Ryback seemed a little too quick to the jump with his answer.
Prez: Bill?
Bill sounded tired, frustrated, and above all, perturbed.
Bill: Yeah, whatever. If it gets this shit over with, I'll do it. But I'm out of the loop after that, you understand me, Ryback?
Ryback nodded curtly.
Ryback: I'll need you ASAP.
Bill: Now? I'm not really prepared…
Ryback: It is of the utmost importance, Operative. I can brief you as soon as we're alone.
Ryback's eyes slid to me. Did this mean what I thought, I'd be going home without Bill???
Deb: Bill… I need to talk to you. Alone.
Bill glared at Ryback, then took me by the arm and led me out into the hallway.
Bill: What?
Deb: I don't like this. At all.
Bill: Neither do I, but I don't care for the whole goddamn situation.
Deb: You can't do this.
Bill's eyes softened, and his voice lowered a notch.
Bill: I have to.
Deb: I--
We were interrupted by the door to Ryback's office opening. Out spilled Secret Service goons spouting "all clear for Cheeseburger," and then the man himself appeared.
Prez: I wish you the best, Bill. And this is…?
Bill stopped in mid-handshake and grinned.
Bill: This is Deb, my girl and…
He nearly choked.
Bill: … mother of my child.
Prez: Congratulations, Bill. Nice to meet you, ma'am. Lucky man.
I was stunned. Bill elbowed me, and I managed,
Deb: An honor, sir.
Jesus Christ!
Bill: Girl, you behave. I want ya to get home. I'll be along in a few days.
Fucker! Landing this on me in front of the President, when I'm tongue tied. I could have strangled him.
Deb: I can't let you leave.
Bill: Punk, don't argue with me.
Prez: Go on, Bill. I'll take care of her.
Bill covered both of my hands with one of his for the briefest of moments, then slipped into Ryback's office. I was left alone with the President of the United States, a queasy stomach, and one of the worst cases of "I have a bad feeling about this" that I'd ever had.
The president handed me a slim, black cellphone, exactly like the one that Bill always carried. He had me unfold it, and I did, with shaking hands.
Prez: If you need anything, anything at all, use speed dial 50. The Bad Boy Protocol has been extended to you.
He raised an eyebrow when I didn't respond.
Prez: What are you going to do if you need help?
Deb: Call… call 911.
He smiled.
Prez: And then?
I was stuttering badly, barely holding it together. I felt a warmth on my shoulder and looked up to find a presidential hand resting there.
I took a deep breath. There was more to this than there seemed to be.
Deb: Sp-speed dial 50.
TO BE CONTINUED…