1.Your favorite beer company cannot afford to
advertise.
2.You have more carpet on your toilet than on your floors.
3.Your dad walks you to school because your in the same grade.
4.Your front yard looks like Toys R Us after a tornado.
5.You've ever been too drunk to fish.
6.You hear a siren and your first instinct is to hide.
7.Every day somebody comes to your door mistakenly thinking that you're having a
yard sale.
8.The UFO hotline limits you to one call per day.
9.You prefer to walk on the excess length of your jeans rather than hem them.
10.You smoked during your wedding.
11.People ask to hunt in your front yard.
12.Your two-year-old has more teeth than you do.
13.Your checks feature pictures of dogs fighting.
14.Your mother has ever come out of the bathroom and said, "Ya'll come look
at this before I flush it.
15.Your satellite dish is bigger than your house.
16.Your tires on your truck are bigger than your wife.
17.You've ever driven a tractor to school.
18.Your high school prom had a day care center.
19.You wear a tank top to your mother's funeral.
20.There is a shrine to the Dukes of Hazard somewhere in your home.
21.Your dad has ever been married so many times that U-haul gives him Christmas
cards.
22.You had a necklace made from a beer tab.
23.Your grandma got in a fist-fight over a handicap parking space.
24.You think the Indy 500 is 500 Indians running down a hill.
25.If your life long dream is to get the autograph of the General Lee from the
TV show Dukes of Hazard.
26.If you apologize to your car repeatedly just to get it started.
27.If you pet someone else's dog and your wife thinks you're flirting.
28.If your idea of a night on the town is ordering two Big Macs and a large fry.
29.If the couch in your living room was found beside the curb.
30.If the furniture on your front lawn is in better condition then the furniture
in your living room.
31.If your idea of home improvement is rearranging the cars in your front yard.
32.If your "I Love...." tattoo has more than one name crossed out on
it.
33.If you met your first and present wife at the Dairy Queen.
34.If your idea of a divorce settlement is splitting the bills equally.
35.If you have at least one of those clapper devices controlling the appliances
in your house.
36.If you've ever thought about trying to install a clapper device on your car
as a remote starter.
37.If you refuse to live in a house because there isn't enough room for all of
your cars.
38.If you memorize redneck jokes so you can be the life of the party.
39.If more than one of your friends shows up at your Halloween party wearing a
lampshade asking "Know what I am?"
40.If your girlfriends idea of safe sex is to lock the car door.
41.If the entire police force of your town knows you on a first name basis.
42.If you have a 'reserved' cell at the police station.
43.If you've ever tried to marry a judge just to get out of paying a traffic
ticket.
44.If you think a blood alcohol test is used to make sure there isn't any blood
in your case of beer.
45.Your brother is your father, and your sister is your mother.
46.Your name is Cletus.
47.If you prefer to kill what you eat rather than buying what you eat.
48.If the Home Shopping channel is the most watched program in your house.
49.You think going formal is wearing your good overalls
50. You were your underpants overtop of your pants.
51.You think another name for a pay toilet is
Johnny Cash.
52.Your dad and your tires are both bald.
53.Your wife has only one bra and you have 10 fishing poles.
54.You think another name for a pay toilet is
Johnny Cash.
55.Your dad and your tires are both bald.
56.Your wife has only one bra and you have 10 fishing poles.
57.You proposed in a Denny's.
58.You can't visit relatives without getting
mud on your tires
59.You think another name for a pay toilet is
Johnny Cash.
60.Your dad and your tires are both bald.
61.Your wife has only one bra and you have 10 fishing poles.
62.The passengers enter your vehicle through the driver's-side door.
63.You had to hitchhike on your honeymoon.
64.You think "Chablis" is the name of last months Playboy centerfold.
65.You save cooking grease in a coffee can.
66.You inherited a Styrofoam cooler.
67.There's no cutoff age for sleeping with your parents.
68.Your doghouse and your living room both have the same shag carpet.
69.You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
70.You've ever had to move a car seat to make love.
71.You think a stock tip is advice on worming' your hogs.
72.Your favorite restaurant has a gas pump in front of it.
73.You don't have a home phone.
74.You think "Ross Perot" is how your cousin Ross got out of jail
early.
75.You think "trash TV" is something in your back yard.
76.Stealing road signs is a family outing.
77.You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different
night.
78.You've ever changed the numbers on your house so the police can't find you.
79.Your bathroom deodorizer is a box of kitchen matches.
80.An expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.
81.You think "megabytes" means a good day fishing.
82.You've ever picked up a woman in a convenience store.
83.Your deer stand has an address.
84.You have more things with Hank Williams Jr.'s name on them than your own.
85.You think a lavatory is a breed of dog.
86.You've ever taken a date flowers you stole from a cemetery.
87.You've ever relieved yourself from a moving vehicle.
88.You use old auto parts as a boat anchor.
89.Your pickup truck and wife are the same age.
90.Your favorite cologne is Deep Woods Off.
91.You've ever given livestock as a wedding present.
92.You think safe sex means putting on the emergency brake.
93.People hear your car a long time before they see it.
94.Your 23-channel CB radio is used to communicate with your family.
95.Your bridal veil was made of window screen.
96.You call your boss, "dude."
97.You repaint your pink flamingo every spring... but not your house.
98.You have ever carried leftovers home in your handbag.
99.You shoot stuffed animals with a shotgun off the side of your truck.
100.You whistle to get the attention of your waiter or waitress.
101.You clean your nails with a stick.
102.You prefer car keys to a Q-tip.
103.People are scared to touch your wife's bathrobe.
104.Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on
the lube rack.
105.You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
106.You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
107.Your home has more miles on it than your car.
108.Your Christmas tree is still up in March.
109.You've ever been arrested for loitering.
110.There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
111.You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look
nice.
112.You've ever shot anyone for looking at you. You own a homemade fur coat.
113.Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
114.Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
115.You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
116.There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your
car.
117.Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.
118.There is a wasp nest in your living room.
119.The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes you voice.
120.You give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.
121.There has ever been crime scene tape on your front door.
122.You burn your front yard rather than mow it.
123.You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
124.Fewer than half of your cars run.
125.You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
126.The taillight covers of your car are made of tape.
127.Your car has never had a full tank of gas.
128.Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.
129.Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.
130.You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
131.You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
132.Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
133.You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin
Sue-Ellen to walk by.
134.Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
135.You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
136.You're an expert on worm beds.
137.The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.
138.Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a
bath!"
139.Your family tree does not fork.
140.The flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.
141.You haul more than U-Haul.
142.Your momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is
back on!"
143.There is a gun rack on your bicycle.
144.Your wedding was held in the delivery room.
145.Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
146.Your wife's hairdo attracts bees.
147.Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers."
148.The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.
149.Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
150.You spend 3 days in line for Reba tickets.