One starry fourth of July
I got really drunk, why oh why
Went to Indiana by the by
Bought some fireworks, oh my!
Sucking down the peach schnops,
I listened as fireworks popped,
Felt a peculiar drop,
And for a second my heart stopped.
I looked down upon my stump
in my throat there was a lump
on the ground my hand was humped
with my foot I have it a gentle thump
I put in my cooler with the beer
Took it to the hospital and said "here,
reattach my hand doctor dear!"
and he said "look, it's been gnawed by a deer."
So the moral of my tale is clear to see
Do not get drunk and set off fireworks by a tree
Because a dear could eat your hand silly
and then all your friends will call you Lefty.