Humour3

                                       Funny Signs

In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.

In a Buchrarest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To more the cabin, push wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going to alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 am daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaids.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried dailly except Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you with nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courageous, efficient self-service.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.

Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.

In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.

In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.

In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:   We take our bags and send them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:   Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

At a Budapest zoo:   Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
                                        -- English well talking.
                                        -- Here speeching American.

From Colombia University

Silly Definitions




         Experience: What you get when you don't get what you want.
         Anxiety: Nature's way of getting you up mornings.
         Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
         Deja Vu: The feeling that somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked in the head like this before.
         Clock: A small mechanical device to wake up people without children.
         Sleep is a poor substitute for caffeine.
         Conclusion is where somebody got tired of thinking.
         Chocolate: the other major food group.
         Capitalism: Man exploiting man. Socialism: The reverse.
         Unilingual (n.): American.
          Cheating: Playing by the rules they teach in business school.
         Success is just a matter of luck. Ask any failure.
         Fundamentalism: Fund (give money) + Amentalism (without brains).
         Now (nou), adv: A moment in time that has already passed.
         Once (wuns), adv: Enough.
         Health: The slowest possible rate of dying.
         Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
         Nervous: Asking which wine goes best with fingernails.
         Poverty: Having too much month left at the end of the money.
         Language: A dialect with an army and navy.
         Pizza *is* the four food groups.
         Boy: A noise with dirt on it.
         Bore: One who, upon being asked how they are, tells you.
         Cynic: Someone who smells the flowers and looks for the casket.
         Floor: The place where you keep your clothes.
         Answer: What everybody is still looking for.
         Antonym: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
         A foot is a device for finding furniture in the dark.
         Lawyer: The larval form of a politician.
         A professor is someone who talks in somebody else's sleep.
         Work is the slow, dragging fingernail on the blackboard of life.
         Cafeteria: An eatery where the "catch of the day" is botulism.
          Adventure is the champagne of life.
         Apartment: A place to store dirty laundy until you can go home to Mom.
         Alma Mater: Latin for 'our mutha'.
         Life is a collection of low-probability events.
         Pessimist: One who complains about the noise when opporuntiy knocks.
         Committee: 12 people doing the work of one.
         Retirement is when you stop living at work and start working at life.
         A hobby is getting exhausted on your own time.
         Abstract Logic: 1. See definition 2. 2. See definition 1.
         Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.
         Nostalgia Buff: One who finds the past perfect and present tense.
         Cash, a poor person's credit card.
         Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans.
         Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
         Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.
         School: Building with four walls and tomorrow inside.

           From Humorspace

BU INGILIZCE METNI ANCAK TÜRKLER ANLAR

Hasan was a very heavy headed boy. His father was a middle situationed man. To make his son read in good schools he did everything coming from his hand. He took everything to eye. His mother was a house woman. Every job used to come from her hand. In making food there was no one on top of her. The taste of the observations(gozleme) she made you eat your fingers. This woman made her hair a brush for her son. When Hasan became sick, she cried her two eyes two fountains. When Hasan finished lycee he wanted to be a tooth doctor, and he entered the university exams and won Tootherness School. In the school he met Jale. Hasan was hit to Jale in first look but Jale was not hit to him in the first look. However her blood boiled to him. A few weeks later they cooked the job. Jale's father was a money-father. He turned the corner many years ago by making dreamy export. But Jale was not like her father. She was a very low hearted girl. Her father was wanting to make her marry to his soldierness friend's son Abdurrahim. Abdurrahim finished first school and didn't read later. He became a rough uncle. He started to turn dirty jobs when he was a crazy blooded man. He was his mother's eye. He said, "HIK" and he fell from his father's nose. So three under, five up he was like his father. When he saw Jale, he put eye to her. His inside went. His mouth got watered. His eyes opened like a fortune stone. To be able to see Jale, Hasan's inside was eating his inside, Finally, together they went to a park. When they were wrinkling in the park, Abdurrahim saw them. First he pulled a deep inside. And then his eyes turned.He couldn't control himself. He wanted to send them to the village with wood, but he collected himself. He decided to leave them head to head. At that moment the devil poked him. He fit to the devil, pulled his gun and fired. However, a man passing stayed under lead rain and poorman went to who hit. He planted the horseshoes. Then the mirrorless' came. They took all of them under eye. Jale's inside was blood crying. The man died eye seeing seeing. And so, this job finished in the black.