Sites that i'm too lazy to remember
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"Never underestimate stupid people in large numbers." - Unknown
"Without the darkness, one would never be aware that the stars exist." - Palin Majere
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message. - Unknown
I am having a blonde moment...it has lasted for 6 years.
Is it not enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies living at the bottom of it?
Let everyone think you're an idiot, just don't open your mouth and prove it.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Amateurs built the ark .... Professionals built the Titanic.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet at once.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
You sound reasonable...time to up my medication.
Don't waste your time on a woman who isn't willing to waste her time on you.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
Telephone poles only hit cars in self defence.
Stress is when you wake up screaming only to realise that you haven't fallen asleep yet.
Some days you are the bug but some days you are the windshield.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
No matter how you look at it, "life is wasted on the living." - Marvin the Robot
How can patience be a virtue, when he who hesitates is lost?
No woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
Fear can act as a spur to courage, while despair drains the heart of hope.
I have delusions of adequacy.
To create an island of conviction in an ocean of uncertainty is a lifetimes work.
The bandage was wound around the wound while the farm was used to produce produce
It is easy to be flexible when one is spineless.
"Maybe this world is another planet's hell." - Aldous Huxley
I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke. - Mustang
Since there is no time like the present, I thought it was time to present the present.
Maybe I'm not acting stupid. It might be the real thing.
"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight." - George Gobel
Trouble's always been a good shot, and in my case it has a laser sight.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
When one is at home, he dreams of adventure. When one is on an adventure, he dreams of home.
"Too often, in this world, it is the meek who seem to lose the battle" - Father Ron Rolheiser, OMI
"How can I be a hypocondriac when i'm sick all the time!"
"Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper." - Mark Twain
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
"The beauty of simplicity is the complexity it attracts" - Tim Robbins
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
"One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries." - A.A. Milne
Each generation belittles the one before and then repeats its mistakes.
"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often." - Oliver Herford
"Nostalgia isn't what it used to be." - Peter De Vries
A dream is called a dream because it doesn't come true.
Who me? I just wander from room to room.
Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
"Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing." - Oscar Wilde
"The streets are safe. It's only the people who make them unsafe." - Frank Rizzo
Of all the things I've loved and lost, I miss my mind the most.
They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
I have an open mind - it's just closed for repairs.
"The art of progress is to preserve order amid change and to preserve change amid order." - Alfred North Whitehead
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
You can't think if you can't feel.
"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength." - Corrie TenBoom
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
"Three people can keep a secret as long as two of them are dead." - G. Gordon Liddy
I have reached rock bottom and have started to dig.
My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves me completely.
I hope the ambitious realise that they are more likely to succeed with success as opposed to failure.
No matter what comes in the box, it is totally irrevelant if it comes wrapped in bubblewrap. - gamigirl2003
I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me send money.
"Truth is stranger than fiction because fiction has to make sense."
"Wishful thinking only makes the truth more painful" - Meryl Stryfe
A sheet of sandpaper makes a cheap and effective substitute for costly maps when visiting the Sahara desert.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
When a man thinks everyone else is a fool, he is leaving someone out.
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
Does killing time damage eternity?
"Cold is God's way of telling us to burn more Catholics." - Mrs WhiteAdder (Black Adder)
Did you ever realise that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of our human population.
You are more likely to get attacked by a cow than a shark.
"It's a bad habit of mine. When I concentrate on one thing, I forget other important things." - Tsukushi (Hana Yori Dango)
"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever." - Napoleon Bonaparte
I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
The fires of dawn! The twin suns of Soulianis and Rahm.
Don't take life too seriously . . . no one gets out alive.
"Even without clocks, the sun will still rise." - Captain (King of Bandits Jing)
"Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish." - Euripides
"Is there a need for a reason to kill someone?" - Mugen (Samurai Champloo)
Donated my brain to science before I was done using it.
"What we see mainly depends on what we look for." - John Lubbock
If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
"Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers." - Voltaire
"All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous." - CuRZeD
"Silence is its own kind of answer." - Yoriko Yunoki
"Every choice is the death of all other possibilities."
If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn white.
There's no meaning to a flower unless it blooms - Yamanaka Ino
There's no point in working hard if you don't believe in yourself. - Gai Sensei
"I'm watching a dream I'll never wake up from." - Spike Spiegel (Cowboy Bebop)
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again
If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?
Any ship can be a minesweeper... once.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. - Mustang
I wasn't sleeping...I was just testing the keyboard for drool resistance.
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
Why is it the third hand on a watch is called the second hand?
If it kills me, I'll never do it again.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
There are 10 types of people...those who can read binary, and those who can't.
All deadlines are unreasonable...regardless of the amount of time given.
Do pilots take crash courses?
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
The sum of one's life can be halved and halved again and halved again after that, and one is, in the end, a fraction.
The IPU must have loved stupid people, He made so many.
If your parents didn't have any children, chances are, you won't either.
You would argue with a signpost.
If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.
Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because it's much safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?
I am depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
"The wheels of justice are going to leave tread marks on your face." - Irvine
"Even the darkest nights must eventually give way to the dawn." - Lauranalanthalas of the House of Solostaran
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. - Mustang
I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you. - Mustang
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. - Mustang
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. - Gypsy
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. - Mustang
Save a tree, eat a beaver. - Gypsy
I can see your point, but I still think you're full of ****.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a ****.
How about "never"? Is "never" good for you?
It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose. - Mustang
I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me.
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
Normal people worry me. Scientists say 1 out of every 4 people is crazy, check 3 friends, if they are ok, you're it.
I tried to contain myself but...I ESCAPED!
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tyre.
Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. - Mustang
"Love pierces the mind as well as the heart." - Stupid Quacker
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. - Mustang
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
We are born naked, wet, hungry, and get slapped on our ass ... then things get worse.
Some friends are like slinkys ... useless. But it's still funny to watch them tumble down stairs.
"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography." - Paul Rodriguez
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
"The difference between intelligence and stupidity is that intelligence has its limits." - Unknown
Our own painful struggle for existence destroys our feeling for the misery of those who have remained behind.
"Aim towards the sun and the shadows fall behind you" - Spotistops
My love for certain people is like diarrhoea ... it just keeps pouring out.
Until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore, you will never know the terror of being forever lost at sea.
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his." - Thantos
"Cynicism is knowing the price of everything and the value of nothing." - Oscar Wilde
Generals win and soldiers fall.
Many things are said, only a few are true.
In the face of love, even the greatest hero is powerless.
I feel I must be vocal in the need for silence.
"Every question possesses a power that does not lie in the answer." - Moche the Beadle
Insanity is repeating the same behaviour over and over again, expecting different results.
A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
Some people are alive only because its illegal to kill them.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts of me are missing.
I would be out of my depth in a parking lot puddle.
I set low personal standards and then consistently fail to achieve them.
You should go far, and the sooner you start, the better.
A gross ignoramus is 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
I hate you so much, I would like to go hunting with you sometime.
You've been working with glue too much.
When your IQ reaches 50, you should sell.
If I see two people talking and one looks bored, I know you're the other one.
I have a photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
I've got two brains, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
If you gave me a penny for my thoughts, you'd get change.
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
One neuron short of a synapse.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you only gargled.
Takes me 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
I was working smarter, not harder.
Sleeping is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!
Wasn't sleeping. Was trying to pick up contact lens without hands.
If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight?
Why is it that cargo is transported by ship while a shipment is transported by car?
Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterward it doesn't work any more?
Why is it that when a person tells you there's over a million stars in the universe you believe them, but if someone tells you there's wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
The early bird catches the worm but the second mouse gets the peanut butter.
Only by counting can we demonstrate our independence of computers.
If your sibling hits you, don't hit them back. They always catch the second person.
Humans are only the third most intelligent species in the world.
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
Never argue with an idiot. They will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
"What a society we live in today. We require mechanical devices to derive pleasure and self-fulfilment." - Stupid Quacker
I'm one day older than I was yesterday and a year older than I was this time last year.
"Life - loath it or ignore it...you can't like it!" - Marvin the Robot
Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway, and store our junk in the garage.
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
The Guide is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate.
Anyone who is capable of being made in charge should on no account be allowed to be in charge.
A man who thinks he knows everything, does not know what it means to know.
Only by forgiving do we find compassion.
If you had another brain, it would be lonely.
It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
"Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence." - Badlad
Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Daylight savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the joy.
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?
Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
It is easier to obtain forgiveness than permission.
A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away a week before you need it.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Beauty is only a light switch away.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
"Running is an unnatural act, except from the enemy or to the bathroom." - Mandi
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
"Save water. Shower with your girlfriend." - Mandi
"Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children." - Mandi
A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn, we messed up!"
Aside from my injuries, I'm in perfect health.
"We become the makers of our fate when we cease to pose as its prophet." - Karl Popper
Che sera, sera (What must be, must be)
"The most interesting thing about space is how dull it is." - Slartibartfast
"Flying is just the art of throwing oneself upon the ground and completely missing."
"It is for future generations to question the actions of today." - Stupid Quacker
"I live vicariously through other people." - Stupid Quacker
I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
Don't cry because it is over; smile because it happened.
Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
Don't try so hard because the best things come when you least expect them to.
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you will not be needing them again.
"A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works." - Raggy
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
It takes years to build up trust but it only takes suspicion to destroy it.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Ex's are like fungus - they keep coming back.
Money talks - but chocolate sings.
Marriage changes passion ... suddenly you are in bed with a relative.
Everyday, I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I have stayed alive.
People are always available for work in the past tense.
The first myth of management is that it exists.
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.
When you do things right, people will not be sure that you have done anything at all.
New technologies, like advanced robotics and genetic engineering, threaten not only human survival, but also human identity.
We do not exactly know how to define the word "human" anymore.
Consciousness depends on the ability to reflect upon and evaluate oneself.
You needn't be a human being to be a person.
It is not inconceivably to imagine that you could build a person.
Robots are really the mechanical stand-ins for our own desires and fears.
Robots' seeming perfection throws our shortcomings into high relief.
Angels do not age, but they still have birthdays.
Love is the only game where two can play and both win.
Love is the only virtue that can be divided endlessly and not be diminished.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
Your father must've been a theif, beccause he stole the stars out of the sky and put them in your eyes.
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people deliriously happy?
"There is no such thing as a stupid question, only stupid people." - Illiad
Look left and you will notice a beautiful view of absolutely nothing.
"I was in a no-win situation, so I�m glad that I won rather than lost" - Frank Bruno
"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again" - Terry Venables
Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
Do they ever shut up on your planet?
"CPR is a killer." - Stupid Quacker
Everyone brings joy to my home...some when they enter, and others when they leave!
"If two wrongs don't make a right, try three." - Raggy
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
A budget is something I go without to stay within.
If you can't get thin, make your friends fat.
Never talk about feelings, if they aren�t there.
Never touch a life, if you mean to break a heart.
If you don't take control of your life, don't complain when others do.
The great thing about life is that it�s never so bad that it can�t get worse.
I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.
I will decide not to decide - unless of course I decide to change my mind.
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the butt.
A bin is a magic portal; I put my work in there and by morning, it's gone!
You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
Eat one live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
They say hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?
There may be no 'I' in 'TEAM' but there is a 'ME' if you look hard enough.
Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency.
You have to be 100% behind someone before you can stab them in the back.
Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.
Make good use of your cylindrical filing unit, the one you mainly keep under your desk.
Quitters never win. Winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots.
Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.
"If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." - Brooke Shields
"It is better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for who you are not." - Andre Gide
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
Bombs from a B52 bomber are very accurate...they're guaranteed to always hit the ground.
If the enemy is in range, so are you.
Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. No one ever gets out of it alive anyway.
Get the last word in: Apologize
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.
Don't settle for the one you can live with, wait for the one you can't live without
"A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults." - Louis Nizer
"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop
"He has sat on the fence so long that the iron has entered his soul." - David Lloyd George
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." --Jack E. Leonard
"You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it." - Groucho Marx
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
"She is a peacock in everything but beauty." - Oscar Wilde
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder
"What is the fun of being the wisest if you have to live among the foolish?" - Issy Loke
Friendship is like weeing in ur pants, everyone can see it but only u can feel its true warmth.
"Always and never are two words one should always remember never to use." - Wendell Johnson
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