Olfactory Factory
By: Twitch.


What can I say about this job? Whenever I get off work here I’m always in a bad mood. The fast food place I work at has been my only job for about a year now. I swore up and down that if I ever got another job, it wouldn’t be a fast food place. Look at me now. It’s not like the place is physically demanding, it’s the mental labor that really gets at me. It’s knowing that you mean nothing to anyone, the fact that your job requires no skill coupled with the fact that if you’re old enough to serve alcohol (the place I work at serves beer), then you’re probably a manager. If you’re not a manager, being over 21 sucks, seeing as you pretty much have to do what the managers (who’ll most likely be younger than you) tell you to do.

That’s why I swore I’d never work another fast food job. Fast food "restaurants" are the lowest form of legal (taxable!) jobs you can get, especially when dealing with managers. These people are a special breed. It seems that they are the lowest form of life on the planet. Mostly of a younger generation, these "people" love nothing more than barking orders at everyone "lower" than them, telling all to perform remedial tasks easily taught to a monkey (or worse yet... a P.E. teacher) there by giving themselves a sense of power never before obtained from a pitiful life dominated by low self esteem.

I’m in indecision on which days I hate worse, the busy or slow days. Most people would pick the busy days as the worst for obvious reasons (I think anyone with the misfortune of having worked in a fast food place know what I’m talking about ). As a cook, I bust my ass making re-hydrated food product after rehydrated food product as fast as I can, while trying to keep up with the infernal machine that spits the orders out at me. In the midst of all this, I am told to train new people (the employee turn over rate is high there, for obvious reasons) when I barely know the stuff myself, meanwhile managers bitch and complain that I’m not fast enough as they stand idle, hands on hips, not offering a single finger to help. After voicing the opinion of what I think about these people (quite colorfully) straight to their greedy, pig-eyed faces, I’m surprised I still have my job.

Slow days are a bit different. I know from experience that even though you’re not busy, It’s of the utmost importance that you give the impression that you are, otherwise "the overlords" will give you some remedial task to do, half the time comprising of something that they’re supposed to do. The best ways to look busy that I’ve found is just cleaning shit. Easy enough. you don’t even have to clean real fast, just put on the act that it’s real tough, and in some cases really grotesque, that’ll be enough to satisfy any manager. All it takes is a big piece of dingy metal (easily found in any food-related establishment) and a determined (even brainless) look of concentration on ones face. These people are actually particularly easy to fool. All it takes to be a manager in any fast food restaurant is the ability to work full time (gasp!), to be able to count (the most minuscule knowledge of numerals would suffice), a low or non-existent conscience (lack of self esteem, and a sense of power -no matter how minuscule- do a evil person make), and the powerful lungs it takes to have as many cigarettes that only a manager has time to make for. (The willingness and absence of dignity to stick ones nose straight down the back of a higher position manager’s trousers is better described numerous times a day than just commonly. A truly vile and sickening thing to witness).

Not only is it the people in so called "control" that puts a crease in my brow. Its the fact that every red blooded

American think that it is their duty to make the life of every fast food wage slave a living hell. It’s as if the average American isn’t happy unless they get to complain about something, usually envisioning an evil plot dealt to them by the devious people behind the counter. Some of the more experienced complainers find that if they complain enough, they get a free prize!

If this, at any time in your life, sounded like a satisfactory employment opportunity, think again. If you’re lucky enough to make a whole $5.75 an hour, you may be surprised that you actually took home about $3.50 - $4 an hour (after the government has it’s way with you). I’ve found it odd that the federal minimum wage has raised only $1.50 or so in the last two decades. whereas the salary for a high political office holder has more than tripled in the same amount of time.

My advice to you out there seeking employment: Avoid at all cost, applying at restaurants at which the only menu is placed behind the cashier’s head.



Back to Twitch's