Well, to start off.. I've been pretty shitty lately. Not
really situationwise.. just in the depression department. I
guess I don't really have any reason to be.. whenever things
turn crap, everything suddenly starts to take a turn for me..
kinda like a rock you skip across a pond. Instead of sinking,
it just keeps skipping until it gets to the other side. Problem
is, i have no idea what's on the far shore.

Sometimes I think I'm slowly starting to crack.. in line
at the grocerey, I started laughing at this guy that was
trying to pick up on this girl.. I mean, it wasn't obvious at
all.. it was pretty subtle and smooth. I think it started as
a polite comment. I just looked at the both of them, how
desperate the both of them looked, how their minds must be
swimming in each other's lovelyness. How they would probably
never see each other again. So I laughed. I saw the irony of
life right there, in a brief moment. At least, a brief part
of one of the greater ironies of life. I laughed... the big,
mean, ugly punk rocker laughed at them, and he laughed pretty
damn hard. They both glared at me, and didn't say anything to
each other anymore.. but fuck, that was funny shit.

So what woulda happened if I wasn't there? If I hadn't
been there to interrupt would they have gotten married some
day? Would they have paid the government to have her last
name removed, to become his posession, so that one day they
can dress in different clothes, eat cake, get drunk, fuck,
and have little carbon copies of themselves? I doubt it.
Lonely, but too scared to share their thoughts to each
other.. yet I get some dumb asshole at least once a day
sharing their questions with me.. it's always "did it hurt"
"nice jacket" "metal detector" or some low budget insult. Why
are we so opt to share with each other our most negative
emotions, yet not our positive ones?

I have no idea.. I suffer from it sometimes, but I try not
to. It just goes with trying not to say the first thing that
comes to mind. If you're hiding behind words, then you're
just hiding. Lying, maybe lying to yourself. No good, because
you know it's always right there waiting to bite you in the
ass at the next turn. Maybe wondering if a situation might
have been done different if you said things.. the things you
ment to say to the person you wanted to hear them. But in the
end it's usually always the same. From the point we are born,
the first two words we learn are "No" and "Mine". These are
our building blocks, and we make mountains our whole lives.
People are too scared to break the protocols and traditions
drilled into their heads during their existance, the things taught
from generation to generation.. Passed on and on like a bad
flu. People have started to think it's perfectly normal to
deny their own fealings. Pretty wasteful, really. Few have
their own thoughts, and even fewer voice them.

So.. all in all, we live in a fictitious world manufactured
by our own deceit, a world where we can only
betray ourselves. A world that I find pretty damn funny.

-Twitch


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