What if people bought cars like they buy computers?
General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to
drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers - but imagine
if they did ...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?
Customer: I just got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!
Helpline: Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?
Customer: What's an ignition?
Helpline: It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and
turns over the engine.
Customer: Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of
these technical terms just to use my car?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?
Customer: My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!
Helpline: Is the petrol tank empty?
Customer: Huh? How do I know !?
Helpline: There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and
markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?
Customer: It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?
Helpline: It means that you have to visit a petrol vendor and purchase some
more petrol. You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to install it
for you.
Customer: What!? I paid $29,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to
keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built
in!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?
Customer: Your cars suck!
Helpline: What's wrong?
Customer: It crashed, that's what's wrong!
Helpline: What were you doing?
Customer: I wanted to run faster, so I pressed the accelerator pedal all the
way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed - and now it
won't start!
Helpline: It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you
expect us to do about it?
Customer: I want you to send me one of the latest versions that doesn't
crash anymore!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?
Customer: Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose yours because it has
automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and
power door locks.
Helpline: Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?
Customer: How do I work it?
Helpline: Do you know how to drive?
Customer: Do I know how to what?
Helpline: Do you know how to drive?
Customer: I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my car!
------------------------------------------------------------------------