HERE IS ONE OF THE MANY EMAILS THAT I COME ACROSS
Subject: I wish I had said that...
(On going to war over religion) "You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend."
- Yasser Arrafat (PLO leader)
"I found my wife in bed naked one day next to a Vietnamese guy
and a black guy. I took a picture and sent it to Benetton.
You never know."
- Robin Williams
"I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms."
- Michael Flatley (lead Riverdancer)
(On the difference between men and women:) "On the one hand,
we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we
can open all our own jars."
- Bruce Willis
"And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame
everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't
blame everything on Satan.'"
- George Burns
"What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men
everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'"
- Sandra Bullock
"The Web brings people together because no matter what kind
of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got
millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have
sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will ask,
'Specify type of goat.'"
- Jason Alexander (from Seinfeld)
"Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die."
- Carmen Boyle (Olympic Luge Gold Medal winner 1996)
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake
whole relationships."
- Sharon Stone
"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an
airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to
meet people who do."
- Henry Kissenger (former US Secretary of State)
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what
she's reading."
- Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where
he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad
it is."
- Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)
"My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker."
- Dan Rather (News anchorman)
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,
'Thyroid problem?'"
- Arnold Schwarzenegger
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that,
you're in."
- Courtney Cox (Monica on "Friends")
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for
black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black
pimps."
- Tiger Woods
"Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what an attractive
scrotum!'"
- Patricia Arquette
"I read somewhere that 77% of all the mentally ill live
in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23% who
are apparently doing quite well for themselves."
- Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead)
"I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be
devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my
foot."
- Axel Rose (Guns'n'Roses)
"Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But
imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master."
- Rev. Jesse Jackson
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
- Jack Nicholson
BACK TO INDEX