Scenes from a University campus
by Subhajit Ghosh


It proved to be a rather unusual day. When I set off from my
quarter, I bumped into Prof. Satyamurthy. It was early morning
hours, and I wasn't prepared for what followed immediately.
I found him walking towards his quarter in this driving rain,
but his umbrella was neatly tucked between his arms.

"Murthy-ji, why're you getting wet?," I asked. "What aren't
you opening your umbrella?"

When I went near him, I found he was drunk. Said he, "Do
you think I am a fool?."

"Certainly not, Sir" I told him. "But why're getting wet in
this rain when you're carrying an umbrella along."

"You see," Prof. Satyamurthy said. "The reason is simple. If
I get wet in this rain and become ill, the University is going
to pay for my medical bills. But if I use this umbrella in this
torrential rain, and it gets damaged, who is going to pay for
this loss?," he asked.

I was flabbergasted. "Sure, sir. I get your logic." I told him.
Feeling quite uneasy, I quickly took his leave.

I managed to catch the University bus. "What a rotten day to go
to work!!" I said to myself.

There were a few vacant seats in the bus. I saw Mr Mohapatra at
the rear end, and went to sit besides him. Mr Mohapatra was a
Maths teacher. After discussing for a while on some topics, all
of a sudden, Mr Mohapatra said,
"These days students're so fearless.
Moreover, they hardly has any respect for their teacher."

"Why, what happened?," I inquired.

Mr Mohapatra said, "I was taking a maths class yesterday. I asked
them to solve a problem. When I went to check the paper of one of
the students, he began his solution using the following
words -- Let one of the variables be sex."

I started laughing. "We never had the guts to do these things
during our school-days," Mr Mohapatra said.

I said, "a similar thing happened in my class a few months ago.
I was teaching a group of female Ph.D students. I was teaching them
about file naming limitations that day. I asked one of the students
to demonstrate the file creation/naming technique. She began showing
me the methods, and when it was required to save the file
using some name, she named the file "ass" in my presence and
several of her friends'."

Mr Mohapatra didn't appear much amused. Soon, we reached our
destination and went separate ways.

I still had an hour before my class. I went to the seminar hall
where there was an on-going debate. The topic was "Watching regular
television programme -- its merits and demerits." Of the speakers who spoke 'Against'
the topic highlighting the negative point of tube addiction, the first
speaker stressed that TV watching was harmful for the eyes. The second
speaker who spoke 'Against' the topic stressed that TV watching was harmful
for the legs. When the judge asked him to elaborate, he said that once TV
fell over the legs of his brother and obviously damaged his brother's legs.

After that I went to my class. When I came out of the class, I
bumped into Patla-da. Patla-da requested me to accompany him.
He has some work in the Transport Department of the
University. When we reached the section, the concerned person was
absent. Patla-da asked a staff in that section "What time does he
generally come everyday? I will come tomorrow around that time."
The staff replied, "Usually he doesn't come. At times
he makes an entry after 1 p.m." Stupefied, we left.
I found it difficult to conceal my laughter though. But Patla-da was fuming
"I think we should privatize everything. These Govt. departments are a white
elephant. None of the staff works."

When we reached the Teacher's room, I met Mr. Gobind. Seeing me,
he blurted out "What a nation of illetrates we have become!." I
asked him "why?," and "what happened?." Mr Gobind said, "I was correcting some
answer scripts now of M. Phil students. One of the objective questions
asked was -- Name any four great Indians. According to the student,
the four great Indians are Mahatma Gandhi, Bertrand Russell,
Elvis Presley and Harshad Mehta."

I had another class to take before I could leave. I took the same,
and bid adieu from the University for the day. The spate of incidents
over the past few hours had taken its toll, and as soon as I reached
home, I ate something and jumped into my bed. Only my wife's nagging
coersion could lift me up for my dinner, but not until the clock chimed
'twelve' times, and my better half was threatening me with a separation.

---------------- o ------------------