Hello friends,
This is Keith with Five Iron Frenzy. I am writing you to let you know about our
new album called "Cheeses of Nazareth." It will be in stores on April 22.
Most of you probably already know this, but this album is a collection of
B-sides and demos, plus some new joke songs. The reason we are putting it out is
for you, the FIF fans. If you never got a copy of "Kamikaze" on the Electric
Youth tour, this is the album to get. If you have a downloaded version of
"Burn," and want to hear it re-mastered, this is the album for you. What
about "Marty," or "Rhubarb Pie?" It's all here. What about the songs
that appeared on our first 7" record which there are only 500 copies of? Yep,
those are here too. What about songs like "Mind For Treason" which we wrote
in 1995, played it live often, but never recorded until now. It's on
"Cheeses." Plus if you like songs like "Kitty-doggie" or "Shut Up"
or "These Are Not My Pants," you will want to pick this up because it's
got tons of stuff like that. "Dog Food," "Mayonnaise Taco Monday,"
"How's About Some Milk," and "Stinky Hippy," just to name a few. In
total there are 33(!!!) tracks on this CD. So if you want to hear everything
from our humble beginnings to our current dementia, this is the CD for you.
Now, April 22 is still several months away, so you are probably wondering why I
am writing you now. The answer is: WE NEED YOUR HELP.
You can help us on April 22, by buying the album, but we can also use your help
NOW. If you are willing to help us out now, keep reading.
As most of you know we need you to help promote our new albums and tours. We
don't have a huge budget, no large corporation funds us, the reason we do as
well as we do is because of you. (Thanks, by the way.)
So here's the deal. We have made "Cheeses of Nazareth" stickers, and we
would like to give them to you for free to help us. Stick them on your car, your
notebook, your backpack, your cat (OK, don't put one on your cat, I was just
kidding), your Spam, your toilet brush handle, on any of your stuff which your
friends, or other people, might see. This way everyone who sees your stuff will
be reminded about our new CD, and when it comes out. (Please only put stickers
on YOUR property, or property you have permission to put stickers on, thanks.)
If you would like to obtain some of these fine sheets of self-adhesive vinyl,
all you have to do is send a self addressed stamped envelope to:
5 Minute Walk
2419 Cherry Hills Dr
Lafayette, CA 94549
You will get as many stickers as your 37 cent stamp will pay to mail to you.
REMEMBER: you must send a self addressed stamped envelope to get stickers.
OK, here's the other thing we could use your help with. Many of you remember
Operation Cookie. That helped us a lot, and we would like to do something
similar to it again. Basically the way this works is we ask you to help us by
getting your local store excited about our new CD. What we would like to ask you
to do is to take a some crackers to the store you are going to buy "Cheeses of
Nazareth" at. Write a little note that says something like:
"Dea employees of Billy Bob's Awesome CDs and X-treme Vacuum Cleaners,
These crackers are a gift for you. They are my way of saying thanks for carrying
music from Five Iron Frenzy in your store. You could eat them now if you wanted,
but they would be better with cheese. If you would like some cheese with your
crackers, I suggest you wait until April 22 when FIF releases their new CD
entitled "Cheeses of Nazareth." I'll be here on April 22 to purchase this
fine quality compact disc recording. Thank you for making it available for me.
Your loyal customer,
Pete Jo Bob Billy Bob Sanchez Johnson III."
You get the idea. Obviously you could put it in your own words, and you should
probably change the names. Unless of course you do shop at a place called
“Billy Bob's Awesome CDs and X-treme Vacuum Cleaners” or your name really
is "Pete Jo Bob Billy Bob Sanchez Johnson III." If that's the case, I've
already done all the work for you. Just hit print.
Ok, in all seriousness, if you choose to do either of these you will be helping
us out a ton. But we need you to do them now, so if you are interested don't
dilly daly.
Ok. Thanks to all of you for your help and support. Like I said, you help us out
far more than you realize, and we thank you very much for it.
Thanks for reading.
-Keith Frenzy