|
|
love
love. amor. amore. whatever. yeah. so another year without a valentine. ha. my last relationship started on a friday the 13th...actually the day before v-day. that should have told me something...geez, that was a couple of years ago, eh? love. have i ever loved someone? in a romantic sense, i think so. it was one of those relationships where everything was right until summer came. it was funny, he said "i love you" first before i felt that i loved him. yes, i have been "in love" where stuff was apparently mutual...and then there are the times where i've loved, but haven't really felt the same from the other person. ah, yes, unrequited love...been there many times...ha. gives me inspiration for painting...that's all i'm thankful for. i guess i don't get out there much to actually be in the dating game. i'm pretty into hanging with friends, and geez, i think i meet prospective significant others through them. anyhoo, i think i've been burned so many times it just created this callous around my heart...i'm pretty careful when i let people in. sometimes i'm pretty positive about being single...and then there are times when i'm just cynical. there were times when i knew i wanted to be in a relationship because i like the feeling of feeling in love. i don't know if i make sense or whatever. it seemed that rather than really falling for the person, i was falling for the feelings that came with it. because after the relationship, i thought about all about the things that i "let go" or "tolerated" or "compromised". i mean, maybe that's just how you look at things after a relationship...especially if you were the one dumped. yes, i've been the dumped in my relationships. maybe this is telling me something...i'm just a doormat for them to wipe their feet on!!! blah! ok, that was my pessimism talking there. i'm crazy. my friends say i won't be single for long. well, i don't think so. well, it depends. you meet people out of nowhere sometimes. anyhoo, lately i've been struggling with things in my head, and i know things won't happen if i sit on my ass. ha. yes, quite a revelation. i certainly won't start up anything online, because there are weirdos out there...and hell, you can be anything when you're online...it's a whole new story in rl. i'm certainly not the same person i display when i'm online. i'm more open here compared to rl. and i'm probably more interesting online than in rl. i am very comparably shy when it comes to meeting new people in rl. but, since this page is up for ANYBODY to see, heck, you guys to see sides of me some people don't get to see...lucky u!
ha. well, i'll change my mind about the unforeseeable love-life when i find someone...or when someone finds me. ha. anyhoo...off to my single life...
|
