So what does all this mean? I have no idea.There is another part to this of course. It's never as simple as it seems. I have been feeling this urge to say them, but I can't bring myself to spit them out. I just can't. I guess I have issues. Ok ok so I KNOW I have issues. Think about it this way, if every time you pet a dog you got bit, sooner or later you'd stop petting the damn dog. That's how this is for me. Every time I have ever, in my whole life, said these words, the person I said them to turned into Satan. Ok not literally, but close. Maybe a slightly lesser demon. The person, turned evil. The person was mean to me or hurt me or betrayed me or something else just as diabolical.
So what do I do? Any advice? It's not as simple as just saying "Fuck It I'm Saying It!" I can't do it. I have tried. I get close. My mouth opens but nothing comes out. My stomach clenches and I get this ill feeling. My head starts to pound and my eyes burn and all this vile stuff happens. That's an attractive picture isn't it? But its true. I just can't do it. There doesn't seem to be a way around it either.
So there is the dilema. Can't say it; haven't heard it. Now what. You know maybe I am worrying for nothing. Maybe the words I want to hear aren't felt by anyone other than me. Maybe the mouth I want to hear them come out of doesn't belong to a person that wants to say them. Just a thought.
