Q: What is self-loathing? What causes it? ::
A: Self-loathing includes feelings of disgust, hate, anger, and repulsion directed towards oneself. Why people hate themselves is generally unknown because of the different cases and situations involved. A part of it could be our culture, which teaches us that in order to be loved and accepted, you have to change the way you are(they tell us this by encouraging us to lose weight, get our noses "fixed", to wear the right make-up and clothes, etc.) Maybe a reason many hate themselves is they feel that they can't measure up to the American standards. Another reason could be that people feel guilty or ashamed about something that they have done. The self-loathing, which most of the time includes verbally abusing oneself, is a type of punishment which can help ease the feeling of guilt.

Q: How are cutting and self-loathing related?::
A: The self-mutilation and self-hate are related because one usually leads to another. A feeling of hatred for oneself, which could be due to any number of factors, leads to a need to ease the bitter emotion. Some turn to writing poetry, or reading. Some like to play music or make art. Some others like to punish themselves by burning, cutting, plucking; basically, by self-mutilating. The punishment eases the self-loathing because the self-abuser feels that they have paid for a part of their wrong-doing.

I personally find that when I cut, it can be because I hate myself. I feel, when this is the reason for it, that I am worthless and a drain on people. Sometimes I feel like I deserve to bleed, to hurt-although I don't know why I feel this way. If I hurt a person and I feel guilty for it, I cut myself to allow "forgiveness" to fall upon me. I feel that I have felt the pain I have caused someone else, and paid my dues to them by bleeding.

Email: i_hate_myself_@hotmail.com