SUJI: A life that was MNR

Bid Adieu

I should have been prepared, at least apprehensive about my future days in college. One evening when all of us were together, doing the usual round of coffees and loose talk in the canteen, the enormity of it all struck me. To me, they were the rocks of Gibralter but unfortunately time got the better of them and they weathered and crumbled like a house of cards. My friends in the final year started to feel strange sort of vacuum in their lives – an emptiness that could never be filled. Suffering the pangs of the worthlessness syndrome, they could not help thinking hat they had done their bit, they had done what was expected of them and suddenly – bang the fairy tale seemed to have ended and they had nothing else to do.

Just a few days earlier, I mused, these guys were so busy, at the helm of it all, conducting events, organizing functions and now it was all over. Only a year ago these very were so vibrant, so energetic, so full of life and I used to run to them for everything. They were my role models and never did they let me down. I shoulder to think as to what will happen once they leave. I won’t have anyone to hold on to and moreover, someone might hold on to me. Am I really that dependent? Am I capable of lending my support to someone else as they did?

They started reminiscising about their glory days in college. They started having fond memories of every hostel room they stayed in a bout every classroom, every pillar of the college. To my consternation, they were so vivid-it all seemed clear now! While I held on to them, they held on to the college, waiting to take back as much of MNR with themselves as possible, to cherish them as their last days of Pompeii.

They began saying they would never come back alone after passing out. Their contention was that I would be just as busy as they had been and would consider the prospect of spending times wit them passé. They did not want to sit all alone in the canteen, amidst a sea of new faces, doing the same things they had, schmoozing as they had. Nothing would hurt them more than not being able to be part of the new gang then.

As their countdown advances, or should I say accelerates, I start to feel older by the minute. I start to feel older helpless, wanting to slow down time. This is it I guess. The umbilical chord has been severed. I’m out in the open. I hate being given such a rude awakening to the harsh realities of life. The sad part is, I have no one to pour my heart to, to break down. But no, I will. I know I will ….