Humorous Speech
that won me the
1st Prize in the
Division C
Toastmaster
Humorous Speech Contest in 1996.
I was not aware that BIG is also called FAT until when some kids in my neighbourhood started singing a hit song whenever they saw me. It goes like this:
Hey fatty boom boom
Malam curi jagung
Makan sampai kembong
Jalan goyang pung gung.
Over the years, I grow older and certainly BIGGER. I was no longer a passive victim to rude remarks made about me. I would retort my tormentors with the following chant:
"Sticks and stones may break my bones,
But words will never hut me."
Until today, many things have not changed. Many rude and offensive remarks, which are at the same time funny, are made about me as I grow from a fat kid to an oversized woman.
My friends in school gave me nickname like Ms. Porkie. The closer ones called me Roly-Poly. While the nasty ones called me Roasted Pig - instead of Siew Choo - because my name sounded like the Cantonese version of that Chinese delicacy. But the nickname that I hate most came from a cousin. He called me by my weight - which was 1-5-0 lbs when I was in Form 4 - instead of my name.
During a Chinese New Year gathering, he said across the dining table, "Yummy, I would like to have you for dinner, 1-5-0", as he cheekily licked his lips with his tongues. The whole Chua clan found out about my weight then!!!
Then in my teenage years, when most girls started to pay more attention to their appearance, I started to feel in despair. The thought of shopping for new clothes, brought to mind the picture of young, nasty, slim creatures that went by the title of "Sales Girl".
I was a regular victim of these creatures that prowl around departmental stores. The nastiest kind can be found lurking in the Ladies Department.
Whenever they saw me searching throught the clothes racks for something in my size, I always know what is coming from their lips. It will be a variation of "I'm sorry Miss, we dont stock such large size as yours."
Did I deserve that? I am not large. Just generously proportioned. My waistline may be 33 inches but being this size is like being a celebrity. There are not many fat people around because most of them have died of heart attack!
Besides the departmental store, even the wet market is not safe anymore. One day when i was patiently waiting for my turn, I heard the vegetable seller asking the lady behind me , "Ah Soh, what do you want?" After some time and there was no reply, I turned around to see why "Ah Soh" is taking so long to make her choice, I found nobody there! "I was the Ah Soh!!"
Respect certainly comes at a price these days, doesn't it?
Whenever these kind of incidents happened and I felt bothered by it, my boyfriend would say, "Weight is mind over matters....if you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
He doesn't mind having a cuddly bear like me for a girlfriend. Whenever he was teased about his oversized girlfriend, he would just reply, " Why have a bag of bones, when you can have a sack of potaotes?" And when it was my turn to complain about my big tummy, he would cheekily cheer me up with "Why have a washboard tummy, when you can have a tub?"
The incident that truly made me proud of him was when he retorted the nasty comment made by his colleague about me. It was when I overheard the comment that went like this: "If Jenny goes on top of you, she will break all your bones!" Like a hero to the rescue of a damsel in distress, my boyfriend shut his nasty colleagues up by saying, "She is so soft and comfortable. I would choose to be the one on top any day!"
Till today, things have not changed. Through the scenario of my life, many offensive remarks had been made about my weight. However, I am happy with my life. It is better to be healthy, happy, positive and a few pounds heavier than to be thin, sickly and depressed. For your information, the world is not full of Roseanne Barr trying to look like Cindy Crawford.
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