|
I stopped in my tracks when she said my name. It was like nothing I had ever heard. I looked at her and it felt like she had thrown fuel on the fire that was already raging inside me, and in the roaring of the flames everything else disappeared. I noticed her skin glowed warmly under the lights, and then her mouth was under mine and we were sinking down into oblivion, tangled around each other. There was something cool under my burning palms and we were desperate and uncontrollable and her tongue was in my mouth and her hands slid down my body and I groaned out loud. Michael's voice cut through us both like a knife. I looked up as the haze cleared from my eyes, and I felt sick as I realized where I was, and what we had done. Isabel sat up and pulled her shirt closed in front of her breasts and looked down at her hands, and Michael just stared at us in absolute horror. In a daze, I rose unsteadily to my feet and walked out into the darkness. *** A cold rain had started to fall, and I wandered, blindly, not caring where I was going. I turned down an alley, staring at the oily reflections of the streetlights on the pavement. Isabel had fled from the Crashdown and I had stopped Michael from following her, and we had faced each other, and I remember him asking what's happening to us and I didn't know, I didn't know, and then she came back and I forgot where I was and everything just got out of control. But the look in her eyes is what made me leave. I remember staring at her, afraid to look at Michael, and then I couldn't help it, I suddenly realized I could smell her, I could tell what she wanted even as her fear rose up high enough to choke her, I watched her eyes change and felt the need vibrate out from her body and collide with mine. And I knew if I didn't leave, it would start all over again. I rubbed my hand wearily across my eyes, pushed my fingers through my hair, and wished I didn't know what I was. A small, insistent voice inside me said that I wouldn't be able to stay away for long. I didn't listen. Maybe I should have. But maybe it wouldn't have made a difference. Because she found me. *** He spun around when I said his name, and for a moment, he looked relieved, but then he froze, and his eyes widened and he took a quick step backwards, his hands coming up in front of him, guarded. I spoke again, and it was like the words were coming from far away, my voice distant, soft, pleading. Please, Max. Stop fighting this. From far away I listened to myself. I shifted slightly from one foot to the other, balancing lightly, ready to move in either direction. He looked at me, stricken, and then shook his head violently and pushed the heels of his hands against his temples as he stared at the ground, sucking the breath in between his teeth as though he were in pain. I took a hesitant step toward him, beckoning gently with my fingertips, murmuring softly, but his head snapped up and he backed away, his eyes full of pain. He looked past me, toward the mouth of the alley, and made a sudden movement as if to step around me. I moved swiftly into his path, and caught his gaze with mine. Max. You're hurting yourself. You're hurting me. Just let me touch you and it will be alright. I promise. We stared at each other, and then his mouth closed and his lips pressed together, and I saw his nostrils flare, I heard his breath surge sharply into his body. My gaze dropped and I watched as his chest rose and fell, and then I looked up again into his eyes, and for a moment I saw him inside, struggling, trapped, trying to escape. Not like me. I had stopped struggling. His gaze slowly drifted downward and as I stepped closer I saw his eyes darken, his pupils expand, obscuring the tawny gold surrounding them, and his breath became slow and long and deep and his hands lowered down to his sides. The rain continued to fall and the air was soft and damp and I could smell him, warm and complex and irresistible, his body mingling the sharp scent of fear, the warmth of lust. I watched his mouth in fascination as he took a sudden, deep breath, and then a soft moan escaped him as he exhaled and walked swiftly toward me. Surprised, I stumbled backward, and he turned us sharply into the wall and leaned his weight hard and full length against me, his mouth open and pressing deep into mine. I gasped, startled and wincing in pain as the edges of the rough mortar drove into my skin, and then the cold stones against the back of my head and his hot mouth against my throat made a sound rise in me, and he answered, covering my mouth with his, his breath warm and sweet. I suddenly felt a soft ache in my heart, and I imagined for an instant that everything was different, that we weren't brother and sister, that this was right and good and fine and we could make it something beautiful. Max. But he shuddered, and pulled back for a moment, and icy fear knifed through me as I saw someone in his eyes I did not know. I fought him then, but it was no use. He effortlessly pinned my hands above my head against the wall and then reached down abruptly between my legs and I gasped and flung my head back and bruised myself against the bricks. I felt the vibrations in his throat as he responded to the heat he found, and he moved swiftly then, insistent, his mouth leaving mine abruptly as he tore our clothes out of the way, and then his teeth found my shoulder as he pressed his body full length against mine and then he was deep inside me and we both stopped breathing. He let my hands go and instead of pushing him away I tangled them in his hair, and he moved then in a slow, hard rhythm, with pauses in between that left me gasping and trembling and weak. He reached down under my hips and lifted me up and held me tightly against him as he pushed into me, and I could feel the bricks against my back, scraping my spine and the pain felt so good. I could hear the sounds coming out of me, and they weren't human. He muffled my cries with his mouth, his tongue, and I could taste blood and didn't know if it was his or mine. And then, with one hand sliding into my hair and holding it by the handful, anchoring my head and turning it to meet his mouth, he twisted sideways, instinctively seeking a different angle with his body inside mine, and the feeling was oh please* unbearable *oh dear god please and I could feel him oh please don't stop pulsing and impossibly deep inside me. And then his cries drowned against my throat and his body arched hard against mine, and I couldn't feel the wall behind me anymore, or the rain falling on my skin, and all I could hear above my cries echoing in the alley was the sound of his heart, and mine. And then it was over. We gasped together for a few moments, the aftershocks shivering through us both, rhythmic and trembling and fading like echoes. His head dropped wearily to my shoulder. My legs slid shaking to the pavement and for a long moment we were still, our bodies cooling against each other, against the damp alley wall. And then without warning he started to cry. He was crying and I was shaking and sick and feeling empty and scared as his body slipped out of mine. I suddenly couldn't take him touching me and I pushed him away, and turned to find my underwear, no longer white, lying in a puddle. I felt faint, dizzy, confused. I stepped hesitantly toward him, and he flinched, leaning against the wall with both hands, his head hanging down between his shoulders. I froze, my hand still raised to touch him, and then he spoke in a ragged whisper. Go away. Please, just go away. Please. *** Her face is so beautiful when she sleeps. I like to watch her sleep. It's the only time when she looks peaceful. Our naked bodies are tangled in the sheets of my bed. When the instincts take over we just let them, now. Neither one of us can fight it any more. I think our parents know, it must be upsetting for them, but I guess I don't really care. It doesn't matter now. This has to end. I don't know who I am anymore. I thought I did, once, but that person is gone. We are too dangerous now, too dangerous for each other, too dangerous for this planet. It's not surprising, is it? They, the ones who made us, had no opportunity to find out that human emotions and alien instincts just don't work together. Slowly, as we have changed, the gap between both sides has widened. We are slowly tearing ourselves apart. What's the scientific term for it? Liz told me once. Nonviable. We are nonviable. That is our fate. That is our destiny. If only we had known. But what would we have done? Would we have done anything different? Probably not. But we know what we have to do now. We are alone. Michael and Tess left Roswell and I don't know where they are. Maybe things aren't the same for them. Or maybe it just hasn't happened to them yet, but it will. I can't do anything to help them. And without them, we aren't strong enough to defend ourselves against what's coming. It's over. It won't be easy, I suppose, to do this, but I'm really not afraid. It's happening to us slowly anyway. No reason to prolong it, is there? But the alien in us will fight to live, so we will need to be clever. We need to be careful and not leave anything to chance. We have to outsmart ourselves. I have a plan. It should work. We'll make it work. And then we'll be able to rest. I reach out to touch her skin lightly, amazed at its softness. I wince slightly as the movement tests damaged muscles, cracks the blood drying in the scratches and wounds on my back and shoulders. I don't bother to heal myself anymore, it takes too much energy. I don't have much left. Besides, I guess in a way I like the pain. I do like to watch her sleep, but lately I've been so tired, I can't stay awake, after. I touch her hand, and her eyes flutter open and she looks at me, and she laces her fingers with mine. She smiles slightly, gently. She knows. I move my hand up to her face and cup her cheek lightly, sliding the tips of my fingers into her hair, just behind her ear. It's just a caress, but her eyes change, and I feel my body respond, I can't help it, and slowly, sluggishly, exhausted, I turn to her again. Our hands start to move, trembling, over each other's bodies. She whispers her need, and I answer, and the words mean everything, everything we have become, everything that will happen, everything that will end. Please. It will all be over soon. I promise. Yes. Please. END |