© Sweet-Kisses™

~*~

Do you fear what I fear - living properly
Truths to you are lies to me
Do you trust what I trust - me, myself and I
Penetrate the smoke screen, I see through the selfish lie
Independence limited - freedom of choice is made for you, my friend
Freedom of speech - speech is words that they will bend
Freedom no longer frees you

Nick solidly and purposely pressed his hips into Kevin's, pushing him tighter against the wall and simultaneously pushing himself into Kevin, and brushed over Kevin's lips with his tongue when Kevin moaned softly. Kevin responded by tangling his fingers in Nick's hair, his fingers weaving through a mass of blonde, pulling him closer and holding him strongly against his chest. Nick ran his hands up Kevin's shirt, the feeling of Kevin's body against his fingertips sparking memories and reminders of the past, and continued kissing him intensely and passionately, an aura of delight running through his entire body when he heard Kevin whimpering for more and returning the kiss with the same amount of passion and intensity, aggressively taking Nick by the scruff of his shirt to hold him close and tickling the nape of his neck with the warmth of his fingertips.

"Kevin," Nick whispered breathlessly.

"Uh-huh," Kevin murmured, kissing and licking down Nick's neck, smiling softly at the labored moans that left Nick's throat that he could feel against his lips, and licked over his earlobe. A tiny cry escaped from Nick. "Ooohhh, I remember now," he whispered, licking over Nick's earlobe once more, and once more that action being greeted with another tiny cry. "You like that."

Nick's eyes fluttered closed and he toyed and twisted the strands of Kevin's dark hair with his fingers, spiraling themselves like snakes. "Jesus, Kevin," he gasped, reaching down to the band of Kevin's pants and beginning to undo them, beginning with the zipper. "Kevin," he whispered, tugging at the zipper.

"Yes, Nicky," Kevin whispered, licking over a sensitive spot underneath Nick's ear then biting down on it softly to conclude, arching his back slightly when Nick gripped his shoulders and moaned. With one adroit motion, he quickly spun Nick around until he was the one with his back against the wall. He immediately turned his attention to the zipper on Nick's pants and took hold of it, watching with awe at Nick's eyes fluttering closed. He pulled down on Nick's zipper and licked over his chin, Nick's skin feeling like hot velvet against his tongue. "Ooohhh, you need to calm down."

Nick whimpered and all he could manage to do was place his hand over Kevin's as Kevin slowly and agonizingly lowered the zipper on his pants. "Kevin, please," he begged, knowing that soon he was going to lose all control. "Just - I just want - "

"Want what, Nick?" Kevin whispered, grabbing hold of Nick's sensitive area firmly, his eyes brightening as he watched Nick throw his head back against the wall, parting his lips and letting out a loud, tortured moan. "What do you want?" Kevin asked, softly beginning to rub the area that his hand was located at. "What do you want, Nick? You can tell me. You can tell me anything."

Nick was soon panting and about to lose any sort of restraint that he had over his body, so with every amount of strength he had inside himself, he allowed himself to moan one more time before pushing Kevin away from him and turned him on his back, pressing himself up against Kevin and giving the same treatment to Kevin that Kevin had done to him. He watched Kevin's expression intently turn from helplessness to tortured, kissing the lids of Kevin's eyes, and hearing the same strangled moan that he had heard so many times.

"Kevin," he whispered into Kevin's ear, his voice gruff and deep, not at all like his usual tone. "I want you to make love to me."

Kevin pushed Nick off his body and engulfed him in a deep kiss, wrapping his arms firmly around his waist and staggering in the direction of the bed, their legs entwining while they walked, themselves stumbling. They continued to kiss with a ferocious desire that they both knew only too well and Kevin pushed Nick down onto the bed, quickly joining him and stretching out his body on top of Nick's. He took hold of Nick's arms and held them in the air before pulling Nick's shirt up off his body and over his head, throwing it carelessly to the floor and pressing his lips down firmly on Nick's once again.

Nick pulled away when his lungs demanded air and tugged at Kevin's shirt. "Off, now," he ordered in a husky voice, his lips on fire from the searing kiss and watched with wide, glazed eyes as Kevin slowly and carefully pulled it up off his body and over his head, discarding it to the carpet. His fingertips danced down Kevin's chest, watching Kevin's eyes dilate with pleasure.

 "God, you're so sexy," he whispered and ran his tongue along Kevin's jaw bone, smiling softly at the small cry that left Kevin's throat. "Very sexy."

It took every ounce of strength that Kevin had in his body not to completely lose all control over himself and placed himself on top of Nick, sitting carefully on his hips and slowly beginning to pull down his pants. His eyes met Nick's for the first time through all this and both saw the same, unmistakable look in each other's eyes that they so easily remembered. Kevin leaned down and kissed Nick gently while pulling Nick's pants over his hips and down his legs, to join their shirts on the carpet. His eyes traveled over Nick's body, remembering how much he loved Nick's body and would most likely love soon again. He bit down on his lower lip when Nick reached up and began to pull at Kevin's pants. Kevin wrapped his hands around Nick's to help him, wriggling quickly out of them and tossing them to the floor. He pushed Nick down onto his back and nuzzled at his neck.

"Kevin," Nick pleaded softly, pushing himself up against Kevin's body and moaning from the pleasure of it. "Please, make love to me."

Kevin nodded. "Uh-huh," he whispered and placed his head in the crook of Nick's neck, closing his eyes momentarily, kissing at Nick's soft skin. "Okay."

"Please, Kevin," Nick pleaded again, clasping his hands around Kevin's neck. "Please.."

"I won't hurt you, Nicky, ever again," Kevin murmured, running his fingers through Nick's soft hair and kissing him softly. "I won't hurt you."

"Good," Nick whispered, wiggling underneath Kevin and pushing his hips up to meet Kevin's. "So, will you?"

"Yes."

"Yes, you will," Kevin said confidently, reaching down to slide Nick's silky boxer shorts over his hips and down his legs, throwing them to floor and swirling his tongue around Nick's navel. "You'll love it."

Nick bit down on his lower lip to stifle a loud moan and closed his eyes. "Oh, I will, huh?"

"Oh, yeah," Kevin whispered.

"No, Nicky, never," Kevin replied, running his hands over Nick's abdomen and kissed him softly. "Never going to stop."

Nick frowned. "Kevin, are you okay?"

"But you will be, Nicky," Kevin said, pushing Nick down onto his back again and stretching out on him once more. "You'll be very okay."

Kevin suddenly yelped in pain and sat up, his eyes full of hate and anger, his face a mask of fury and rage. "Come on, hit me again! Hit me again! Come on, little boy, hit me!"

Nick's eyes were wide and his mouth fell open in horror. Oh no, not again. "Kevin," he said softly, running his fingers through Kevin's hair. "What's wrong?"

"You're so fucking weak!" Kevin yelled and his fist immediately befriended Nick's solar plexus, hard and strong. "You're so fucking weak, little boy!"

Nick let out a dull moan, pain searing through his entire body, and squeezed his eyes shut. "Please, Kevin, please stop..."

Kevin's eyes were blazing fiery green anger down onto Nick, watching Nick as helpless and as scared as he was, and retaliated with another punch, to Nick's abdomen, and another dull moan escaped Nick's lips, followed by a few loose, silent tears running down his cheeks. "You fucking weak little boy!" he yelled. "Hit me! Come on, hit me!"

Nick, breathing heavily, felt fire beginning to grow in the pit of his stomach and he raised his legs and kicked Kevin away. "You want me to hit you? Is that it? Well, that's fucking fine with me, asshole!" He quickly pounced on Kevin, struggling to pin him down, and raised his fist in the air, his lower lip trembling with furious anger, and stared down into Kevin's taunting eyes. "Fuck you, Kevin," he hissed, holding his clenched fist just inches away from Kevin's face. "I thought you were over this, that you weren't going to hurt me anymore, but you're wrong, you're so full of shit!" He then let his fist do the talking for him, and met the softness of Kevin's cheek with one solid punch.

Nick instantly regretted his action, seeing the look of hurt and pain marking Kevin's face and quickly sat up. He covered his mouth in disbelief. "Jesus, I'm so sorry." He leaned over to touch Kevin's cheek with his palm. "I'm so sorry, Kevin."

Kevin began to cry, wrapping his arms tight around himself, his knees tucked tightly into his chest, soft, quiet sobs leaving his throat, tears spilling down his cheeks. He couldn't explain just what had happened. He didn't even know why he had done that. Just everything was reminding him obviously he wasn't over it, just like Nick had said, and he deserved that from Nick, for what he had done. "I can't - I'm crazy!" he cried, placing his head down on his knees. "I'm so crazy! I'm sick! I need help!"

Nick stared at Kevin with both hands placed over his mouth in horror, speechlessness overcoming him, watching Kevin curled up tightly, crying to no end. His lower lip trembled and he fought back his own tears from seeing Kevin's, reaching down to grab his clothes off the floor and quickly pulled on his shirt and boxer shorts. He scooted over to Kevin and wrapped his arms around him, and strangely enough, Kevin didn't resist, but fell gladly into Nick's embrace, while still sobbing quietly. Nick held Kevin tight against his chest, rubbing the small of his back and kissing his forehead.

"It's okay, Kevin," he crooned softly. "I'm not angry, and I'm not hurt. I won't hurt you."

Several strangled sobs left Kevin's throat, and soon tears wet the sleeve of Nick's white shirt. He sniffed and held onto Nick for dear life, feeling as though his heart was about to break. "Sorry, Nick," he whispered. "Sorry - sorry - sorry."

"Shhhh," Nick murmured, gently rocking Kevin in his arms to try to calm him down. He continued to croon soft and sweet words into Kevin's ear, still rubbing the small of his back, trying desperately to quiet him, trying his best to stop Kevin's sobbing.

Hadn't he cried enough in his lifetime? Nick thought so, and so it was up to him to stop Kevin from hurting and he tried to understand what Kevin was going through, what he was feeling, and it was surprising that they had both gone through the same thing, both being raped, beaten, hurt, and it was Kevin that had broken down, that had lost control, that had weakened, not Nick. And it surprised him that it was Kevin, and not him, for Kevin was usually the strong one, the tough one, that one that had gone through so much and survived. But maybe he just wasn't as tough as most thought when they looked at him. Maybe it was just a facade that he had, to protect himself from more hurt.

"Shhh, Kevin, it's okay," Nick murmured again, still rocking Kevin gently in his arms, and kissing his forehead. "I'm not going to hurt you, just calm down."

"I love you, too, Nick," Kevin whispered and gripped Nick's shoulders tightly. "I love you so much."

"No!" Kevin yelled and shoved Nick away, sending him sailing onto his back, before jumping off the bed and dashing in the direction of the bathroom. He quickly caged himself in the shower and slammed the glass door shut, holding onto it tightly and slinking to the floor, still sobbing.

"Kevin?" Nick called and slowly walked over to the bathroom, taking small and trepidatious steps. As he made his way into the bathroom, Nick felt his heart swell with fear for Kevin, swell and swell impossibly, until the pressure made his heart ache. He took a small breath and pushed the bathroom door open, gasping when he saw Kevin holding onto the shower door frame, slumped to the tiles, breathing heavily and crying. Nick kneeled down next to him on the outside. "Kevin, listen to me."

"No, no, no, no!" Kevin cried hysterically and Nick could see Kevin's face already sufficiently white-faced for a Kabuki stage, now growing even paler. "Get out of here! Go, go, go, go!"

Nick pressed his palm against the glass. "Why are you afraid of me?"

"I'm afraid of me!" Kevin screamed, now sobbing heart-wrenchingly. His sobs echoed through the bathroom and reverberated against the walls, making his cries seem more anguished and louder than what they were. "For God's sake, leave me alone! I'll hurt you! I'll hurt you so much!"

Nick's heart was almost pounding out of his chest. "Kevin!" he cried. "Please, don't - "

"Don't get close to me," Kevin said in a low, deep voice, his tone taking on something sinister, as though he were sounding possessed. "Don't you ever, ever get close to me again. I'm all screwed up, and I'll screw you up if you don't leave me alone."

"Kevin, listen to me," Nick said softly, keeping his hand pressed to the glass and slunk properly to the bathroom floor. "I'm not going anywhere until I know what's happened here, what's wrong."

With a despairing wail, Kevin slammed his hand against the glass, shaking the glass of the shower. "Please," he cried determinedly. "Please, just leave me alone! Go away! Leave me alone!"

"Pills," Nick whispered and jumped up, running in the direction of the living room and searching through his bag for the bottle of medication that the doctor had prescribed. He threw everything out of his bag until he found the small white bottle, quickly grasping it and running back into the bathroom, finding Kevin still slumped on the shower floor. "Kevin, I suggest you let me in or else I'll find a way to shatter this glass, and you'll be back in hospital again." He pushed open the door, but Kevin slammed it shut again and moved himself until his back was against it. "Move."

"No!" Kevin screamed.

"Move!" Nick screamed back and shoved the door open with such a force that Kevin was pushed against the opposite wall, face-first, and the door slammed against the adjoining glass with a loud thud. He stepped in and kneeled in front of Kevin, who was still Kabuki-pale and shaking. He opened the bottle of pills and shook two out into his palm and held them before Kevin. "Take them."

"No."

"Take them!"

"No!"

Nick lunged and grabbed Kevin by the chin and pried his mouth open by clutching his jaw. "Goddamn it, Kevin, just do what I say!" he yelled and struggled with Kevin's strength and almost lost the pills out of his hand from Kevin wrestling with him. He tried desperately to raise the pills to Kevin's lips, but Kevin kept his hand locked around Nick's wrist. Finally, Kevin gave up and Nick quickly dumped the pills into Kevin's mouth and closed it, forcing him to digest. He watched Kevin's throat, to see if had taken them, and then saw the tubes in Kevin's throat move and his eyes closing in disgust.

Nick slumped back against the glass and breathed a shaky sigh of deep relief. "Good."

Kevin laid his head back against the shower wall, his eyes fluttering closed, his face still white, but his expression calm, serene, like a boat floating on calm water, somewhat tranquil, almost. His body began to feel slightly weak. His arms were beginning to feel like lead weights. His legs were beginning to feel wobbly, and a warmness was beginning to fill up his insides in a pleasant kind of way. Kevin's white lips parted once, his tongue flicking out to lick over his bottom lip just a little, and closed again, but not before opening them again slightly and pausing.

"Nick," Kevin whispered.

"Yes?"

A deep, resonant sigh escaped from Kevin's throat, and his whole body was curled up into a fetal position against the shower wall and complete with his shaky voice and pale face, he seemed to resemble a little boy. And it was almost frightening, to see that dramatic change in him. Nick wanted to cry for him. And he would've, if he hadn't have known that Kevin would get strength from him being strong.

"I'm sorry, Nick. I'm sorry for everything. For hurting you. For raping you. For Kristin. Everything."

Nick nodded and placed his head back against the glass, breathing yet another sigh of relief at Kevin's words. "It's okay, I understand."

Kevin's eyes fluttered closed again after opening them slightly, the lids feeling very heavy. "I feel - sleepy - "

"So sleep," Nick advised, breathing softly, his heart regaining its normal pace once more. "I won't leave. Promise."

Kevin nodded and shifted to get comfortable before drifting off into a deep sleep, but not before whispering, "thank you."

~**~

Lyrics: Metallica - Eye of the Beholder